My phone is dry, i've been crying, its my birthday and arguably the hardest day of the year for me. Every year i dread this moment because its a reminder of how lonely and miserable i am. Its a day made to celebrate my existence and theres not much to celebrate. Do you guys reading could wish me an happy birthday ? It would mean a lot

edit: i can't even respond to you all because i received so many happy birthday messages, but i read them all and will continue to read them all. I'm so thankfull, glad and moved that so many strangers took some time out of their busy days to wish me an happy birthday. Thank you to everyone who said they were with me, who encouraged me to go do something out and who said i was enough and loved. Thank you also to everyone who shared their similar and difficult experiences with birthdays. I'm really sorry you're also going through this but at the same time i'm relieved i'm not alone. I know it may see futile and trivial but i often feel like I barely even exist in this world and reading all your messages made me feel like a person again. Thank you for so much for your kindness, your understanding, your word of encouragment and for acknowledging me, it really means a whole whole lot.

Ever since I was young, I've had a special interest in Aurora Borealis. Unfortunately, where I live they're rarely visible, let alone with the naked eye. Last night my mom called me, nearly screeching that I had to go outside. It did not dissapoint, and I'm not afraid to admit I was crying from joy. Just wanted to share!

The checklist wasn't thoroughness. The morning site walk wasn't discipline. The pre-job briefing ritual my crews thought was excessive wasn't professionalism.

It was my brain solving problems my brain was also creating. I just didn't know that for 25 years.

I managed pipeline construction crews for most of my adult life. Northern Alberta. Extreme conditions. High stakes. I built systems everywhere I went and told myself that was just how serious people operated.

Every morning. Same route. Same checkpoints. Same sequence. Non-negotiable.

Nobody else did it that way. I thought that meant I cared more than they did.

Turns out I needed external structure because my internal structure was unreliable in ways I couldn't see or name. The walk wasn't about the site. It was about my nervous system. It was a regulation ritual disguised as a professional habit.

Diagnosed with ADHD at 47.

The week after my diagnosis I sat down and went back through 25 years of adaptations. The lists. The rituals. The systems. The patterns my colleagues noticed but couldn't explain and neither could I.

Every single one of them made complete sense for the first time.

I hadn't been exceptional. I'd been compensating. And somewhere in that distinction is something I'm still working through honestly.

Because here's the part nobody tells you about a late diagnosis: the reframe isn't just relief. It's grief too. For the version of yourself who carried all of that without knowing why. Who thought the effort was normal. Who never once questioned why everything required so much more.

The systems still work. I still use them. But I know what they actually are now.

What did your diagnosis reframe for you?

My partner and I have been in couples therapy for 5 or so months, yesterday in our session my partner said about everyone being on the spectrum to some extent, the therapist agreed and they both had a chat about it, I was sat there, processing, listening understanding there was good intention but they didn’t realise the harm and invalidation it gives off.

I didn’t say anything there and then because confrontation is hard, I also didn’t feel I had the words ready and couldn’t articulate my point well.

Today I emailed her, and said ‘I thought I would forward you some of the autism resources I have found and put aside for “partners name”, as I think they would help all of us when discussing certain things especially with terminology and general understanding of the spectrum and how some well intentioned comments can actually be harmful and invalidate the autistic persons experiences and difficulties’ I attached some appropriate resources and explanations of how this is harmful and leads to more misunderstanding, and potentially trivialises the autistic persons experience and challenges.

She thanked me for the resources and said she will read through them. This may seem like a small step but for me it’s huge, I don’t often like ‘correcting’ people, she is lovely but struggles to see a neurodivergent perspective and process and often sides with my partner because they have a similar processes as neurotypicals and I feel like I’m misunderstood a lot, by both of them.

I’m hoping this may change the way they both handle things in the future and try to be aware of the impact that particular sentence has on autistic people.

Edit- I have been on the lookout for a new therapist, she has been open to all resources and suggestions so far about neurodivergence so I am hopeful she will apply her new knowledge to all clients. I am seeking a new neurodivergent therapist anyway for individual therapy.

I got my diagnosis late. My first reaction was to laugh at myself.

Not in a dark way. More like an inside joke that finally had a punchline.

I've been a problem solver my whole life. Since I was a kid. Give me something broken, I'll figure it out. That's just how my brain works.

Except apparently my brain couldn't solve itself. Took someone else spelling it out.

For years I'd built systems without knowing why I needed them. One of them was a shower routine I ran every single morning working construction, living out of hotels across northern Alberta. Twelve minutes of hot water. Debrief yesterday, build today, step out already knowing exactly how the day was going to go.

If the hotel didn't have a breakfast area open at 5am I'd build coffee in my room. If the complimentary shampoo was garbage — and it often was — I had my own in my suitcase. I packed a favourite shower head and a pipe wrench for a couple of projects because I knew in advance what I was walking into.

The variables I couldn't control bothered me. The ones I could control, I controlled completely.

Thought everyone operated this way. Genuinely. Who was going to tell me otherwise?

Turns out a lot of people do think like this. Just not everyone.

When the diagnosis landed I just sat there for a second and thought — huh. Thinking back on that one... this makes a lot more sense now.

And then I just laughed. Called myself a dummy. Not mean — just... you know. The kind of shit you say to yourself when the answer was sitting right there the whole fucking time.

A problem solver who spent decades unable to connect the dots on the problem sitting closest to him.

Anyone else's first reaction surprise them?

I matched with a beautiful woman (a little out of my league, honestly) on hinge and we both had AuDHD. Similar interests, similar humor, and she was far less inhibited than I have trained myself to be. I drove over an hour to meet her and I was agonizing over not putting her off.

She gave me the kindest and most enthusiastic greeting I have received in years. She continued on our conversation as smoothly as it had gone over text, and I was able to let my guard down for a few hours. There was no judgement over eye contact, body language, an occasional silence to process and block out noise, dysregulating voice volume, shifting topics, etc. It was effortless. We were literally clumsily bumping into each other and there was no need to acknowledge it with nervous apologies.

She had communicated early on that she was unsure about a long distance relationship with my work schedule, and that she had some baggage from an earlier one. This morning she decided that it would not work for her, but to call if I ever moved closer. I thanked her for the nice time.

I cried (and I don't cry much) not because I felt I had lost a long term relationship, but because it felt incredible to meet someone who had a silent grace, and who I could see so much of myself in. Receiving heartfelt compliments and being able to give heartfelt compliments that are not just niceties is so rare. I felt like a real person talking to a real person and not just an obstacle, and I didn't just feel like background noise to her.

I'm a 26 year old man, I put in great effort to blend in, make others comfortable, and keep them at arm's length before the dreaded puzzled look comes over their faces. It was so validating to be able to shove all that shit away for a while.

Ok, I need to scream into the void about this so here we go. I'm in nursing school, and I just got flagged by Turnitin AGAIN.

I'm already a registered nurse with a bachelor's degree, and I'm just trying to finish my master's online. Last quarter, I was accused of using AI to write a paper. They told me it was 100% AI-generated. I was this close to being expelled from my school, but then, to try to "prove" I used AI, they plugged it into another detector which said it was human. Cool. I sent multiple emails explaining that neurodivergent people are commonly falsely flagged as AI, gave statistics, and gave information from Turnitin themselves where they say don't use it punitively (which is probably why they ran it through another AI checker)… and I ended up being ok.

Well, it just happened again. This time "70% AI," so my teacher is unable to grade it and I have to set up a meeting. This time I came prepared.

• I have the document metadata showing I worked on it for 4 hours and saved 40 times.
• I have my browser history showing me looking up scholarly articles and citing that data in my paper.
• I even plugged it into a different AI checker, which said it was human, and sent that to them.

For context, I'm a professional writer. I'm an investigative journalist for fun, so writing and research is quite literally what I do. And the subject matter of the paper is something I've written on professionally (which I also have a link to if needed later).

I sent lots of proof… but I'm STILL going to have to sit in a meeting and defend myself like I did something wrong, while my actual work, original investigative reporting that has documented real human rights abuses, gets ignored because a probability score said I sounded too clean.

Vanderbilt literally turned Turnitin's AI detector OFF because it was producing too many false positives. There are lawsuits from autistic students because of this.

If you're a student reading this, save EVERYTHING. Version history, browser tabs, drafts, screenshots, your search queries, your file metadata. The burden of proof is on you because the system has decided that's how it works now. If you're a teacher reading this, please for the love of god don't trust these scores. They are guesses used as "proof" meanwhile there was a 54% discrepancy between two different AI checkers.

I am so tired of this. End rant. If anyone has been through this and has tips for the meeting I'd genuinely love to hear them.

I'm in favour of it. I won't be wearing it, but I will be having it on me in my pocket to help me in difficult situations like the police or security guards wrongly accusing me of acting suspicious, I'm excited to get it!

I’d been depressed for years. My frustration tolerance was at an all-time low. I watched myself degrading, with no idea what was actually happening. From the outside, I was at the peak of my career. Inside, I was bitter, resentful, and increasingly withdrawn. I stopped talking to people. I grew indignant and dismissive. I told myself I was just fed up with everyone’s shit.

I blamed my relationships. I blamed chronic pain. I blamed depression. All of them were real, but none of them were the cause. They were symptoms. I consumed self-help like an addict, as if I could think my way out of trouble.

Eventually I tipped over into a breakdown in my 40s. One afternoon I walked out of work and never returned. There was no satisfying “fuck you” to the world. Just months of crying every day, barely functioning, anhedonic, unsure how I’d gone so wrong or why I should keep going.

My therapist recognised what was happening when I tried to explain the conflict between what I felt internally and the person I’d learned to present to the world. I’d built a life that looked coherent from the outside while feeling increasingly unliveable from within.

There was a lot of grief in realising how long I’d lived in ignorance. In seeing how often I’d felt at odds with expectations, without understanding why. I’d been mind-blind to myself.

I’m now living between selves. No longer able to be who I was, and still figuring out who I might become. It’s messy and slow, and there’s no clear end point. But uncovering autism has changed how much damage I do to myself. It helped me see that I wasn’t the failure. The failure was the expectation that I could keep being someone I wasn’t.

Mine is being asked to assist my SIL during her bridal shower in "opening" gifts (aka gently removing tape/exposing a corner to expedite). Cut to me ripping open gifts and handing them to her completely unwrapped and a room full of angry/confused women. I don't know why but this one particularly haunts me... Give me your worst!

I had an intake appointment with a new therapist the other day. About halfway through I mentioned that I am self diagnosed autistic. I was going on about how I didn't take that lightly and did all this reading and such. She said "actually I was going to ask if you were diagnosed with autism. I do autism screenings every week." I somewhat jokingly asked "Was it the lack of eye contact or the fact that I brought a stuffed animal with me?" (The stuffed animal was a white rabbit named Lola) She said "No, actually, it's the fact that you didn't talk until you were 4."

Somehow it never occurred to me that that could have been an autistic thing. According to my mother I could talk. I just wouldn't for the most part. I'd point at things until my older sister (also autistic) would tell our mom what I wanted. I guess since I technically could talk and since I started talking eventually I thought I was just being stubborn or weird or something. Even when I started suspecting that I'm autistic I never thought of that as an indicator. It's funny how hard it can be to see the thing right in front of your nose sometimes.

Anyway, the therapist asked if I'd like a proper assessment and I said no because "I'm afraid they're gonna round up all the autistics and put them in camps". She said that's a valid concern, which horrified me. Existential dread all the way through to my soul. But it was nice to get validation of my neurodivergence.

Does anyone else feel that you have already peaked in your maturity/development level?? Like there is a ceiling and you have hit it. \*spelling edit\*

everyone my age, (31) has peaked in their maturity and development..

they are thriving and prospering, but I’m literally stuck in perpetual adolescence.

I’ve always struggled learning, it takes me 3x longer than most people to learn something. The self awareness is killing me because I know but I can’t control it.

It’s bringing me down. And it’s even worse when your family just thinks you’re purposely being immature or childish. Tantrums, rigidity.

I wrote this for someone who don't have any idea about HF autism (I like to call it silent autism) in adults:

There’s this weird intersection…on one end, high-functioning autism (HF) individuals struggle with all the usual issues: not understanding social cues, difficulty processing emotions, trouble forming attachments, etc. But on the other end, they’re smart enough to act “normal.” And that just creates a truckload of problems.

A few months ago, before my mom even knew about my diagnosis, I asked her if she thought I had any difficulties growing up. Her answer was obvious No. She just said I was a crybaby but never to the point of concern.

Now, my mom isn’t just some random person. She’s been teaching kids for decades, did her master’s research on gifted students, and has an interest in psychology, she’s read multiple studies. She’s educated, observant, smart and loving obviously… yet, she still couldn’t tell I was struggling. Heck, “I” didn’t even realize I was struggling until a few months ago. So it’s not that my mom is to blame it’s something much complex than that… 

And that’s the thing, my suffering wasn’t visible. If I struggled in subjects like languages or history but excelled in math and science, people just assumed, “Oh, this kid needs to work harder on those subjects”. And that’s exactly what happens to so many HF individuals. They grow up believing it’s just a motivation issue, that they’re simply not trying hard enough. But the reality is far more complex.

HF individuals need just as much assistance as any other autistic person. Just because they can read and write well doesn’t mean they’re “normal.” They need human help too. But they rarely get it, because they don’t ask. Because they don’t even realize they should ask.

Like I said, even I didn’t realize I was struggling. Because I never saw it as a problem. I saw it as my problem. I blamed myself for not fitting in, for struggling in certain areas, for not working hard enough. I was oblivious to my own brain, my own emotions.

And this isn’t just me…it’s a common HF experience. I can’t always tell the difference between being hurt and being angry. I’m 27 and still get excited over small things like a kid that sometimes people have to tell me to shut up. I shut down if I have to talk to more than three people at once. I can solve complex math puzzles but can’t read the emotions on someone’s face. I can create entire geographical maps in my head but still hesitate on right vs. left. I can’t play team sports because it’s just “too much information” for me to process at once.

So how did I never notice? Simple, I faked it! More accurately, I masked. Social situations don’t come naturally to me, but with enough trial and error, I’ve learned how not to be weird around people. I’ve taught myself small talk. I’ve drilled right vs. left into my brain. I had to. It wasn’t even intentional, it happened automatically because it was necessary. I was a crybaby but that only meant I was failing more than succeeding at this process initially. 

But the brain is a limited machine. Scientifically, I use significantly more mental energy just to have a normal conversation compared to neurotypical people. This constant masking drains me. Too much social interaction, and I shut down!

Now, imagine me as a kid, knowing nothing about neuroscience, having to learn the entire structure of human interaction on my own…without even realizing my brain was wired differently. Imagine trying to make sense of a world that was never built for you, while constantly being told you just need to “try harder.” That must have been painful. But I don’t even remember it as pain.

And that’s exactly why so many HF individuals slip through the cracks. We don’t fit the stereotype of someone who’s struggling. We don’t look like we need help. So people assume we don’t. Even we assume we don’t. And that’s how years go by, sometimes entire lifetimes, before we realize just how much of our energy has been spent performing instead of existing.

I was lucky. I stumbled into neuroscience, psychology and people who work in this area. I read, I researched, I asked questions, I found professional people, I found my answer. But not everyone does. And that’s the real problem…because you can’t ask for help if you don’t even know you need it! 

I have “high functioning autism”, I don’t know the appropriate term so don’t get too offended plz.

But recently I had ran off from where I live and wandered about 2 miles away. I love my Legos, so I had a Lego car in my hand and started playing with it on people cars and mailboxes. I remember this vividly so it wasn’t a problem with dissociating.

Pretty sure I had digressed during an extremely overstimulating event. The police did show up and since I look like a kid it became a whole ordeal cause I was also nonverbal during it all.

This is a real thing, and I want people to be aware and accepting of it — even in “high functioning” autistic adults.

Temporary regression during extreme overstimulation isn’t childish, dramatic, or attention‑seeking and it happens in all spectrums.

It’s a neurological safety response. Sometimes our brains fall back on familiar, grounding behaviors or objects because that’s what keeps us regulated in the moment.

It can look unusual from the outside, but it’s not dangerous, and it’s not a sign of incompetence. It’s just part of how some autistic adults cope with overload.

We deserve understanding, not judgment, when it happens. And btw, April is autism acceptance/awareness month!

Before I begin- I don’t see being vindictive as inherently bad. The way I see it, if people are so worried about backlash then they shouldn’t give me something to be vindictive about. Rage is something that keeps me going actually. For my entire life there’s been a drive to “get even” (if such a thing is possible) with those who made me feel like shit or hurt my loved ones. Mostly tho, I’ve noticed it’s in defense of other social pariahs and minorities. Especially considering I’m in America in 2026 :/

That rage gives me something to fight for, a piece of myself that will always be mine and never taken away.

I’m not violent lol. I just realized I should probably specify that.

Anyway. One of my catch phrases is “I don’t believe in karma, I believe I am karma”. I have this insatiable obsession with defiance. I won’t be forced back into the same box I was forced out of so to speak. From my appearance, to my activism, to my art, to every interaction with anyone ever, there’s a certain fire to it. Does that make sense?

Also I’m not looking to argue my points. Just wondering who feels similar (I wonder if it could be a comorbid BPD or ADHD thing )

EDIT: heightened senses of justice are not inherently related to autism. For me it is, but it’s not universal.

For my whole life, hobbies/special interests have been the most important thing to me. They ebb and flow but I’ve always come back to the same related topics. Finding a new interest has been rare for me, but they’ve led to some of the happiest moments of my life. Over the years, Minecraft, 3d printing, drawing, disc golf, fantasy football, geometry, and mechanical clocks have all been things that I’ve cycled through and have felt like they’ve taken over my life for long periods of time. Up until recently, I felt like I was in a down period and it was really affecting my mental health. I just feel bored and incredibly frustrated when I try and jump start inspiration in a project and can’t get into it. That was until I got some sourdough starter from a friend. In the past 2 weeks, I’ve made a sandwich loaf, normal and apple fritter focaccia, a normal sourdough loaf, discard brownies, maple frosted cinnamon rolls, pancakes, crackers, and now i have discard chocolate chip banana bread in the oven. It has seriously taken over 90% of my waking hours. I listen to podcasts and watch videos about different recipes and the science of how sourdough works. I ask chat gpt all kinds of questions and have it help me build new recipes I want to try in the future. I can’t stop thinking about it and it gives me a euphoric feeling whenever something comes out how I want it to. The only downside had been to my health but it’s been a good excuse to give stuff away to friends and coworkers.

Hey, today is my birthday, I got 37, I was never alone as today. I just go to work half of the people didn't remember it and even my exgf (we still have contact) forgot. It makes me so dawm sad. I knew, I never fit in, but today it's hitting hard...

So I work at a dog grooming salon and about three weeks ago a woman who taught autistic children came in and said her dog was a little “autistic”. I try to be pretty hard to offend, and this woman was a regular, so I didn’t think much of her joke. I just laughed and said “yeah I can see that” to which she replied “I think people who work with dogs are a little autistic too” and when she left my boss kept joking about it. Then he said “I guess I’m autistic. Are you autistic” to which I told him “yes actually I am.” He laughed in my face and then his face got serious. He said “are you kidding” to which I replied “No, I’m not.” A couple hours later I said something twice. My boss replied “do you have memory problems?” I said “I have autism and adhd so yeah, sometimes I guess. I said something twice didn’t I?” He laughed in my face and got my other coworker “she says she’s AUTISTIC. What Dr. told you that or did tik tok tell you.” So I tell him I’ve had two separate opinions and it’s something I actually struggle with. He laughed in my face again. He continued to ask me questions about me, why I do this and that, the answer obviously being my autism. Now three weeks later he keeps bringing it up, talking about how Dr.s just “ giving people random diagnoses to medicate them and create a victim mentality” that really hurt, because he was the one who pointed out my differences and refuse to accept the answer he demanded I give him. He’ll turn to my coworker and laugh and joke. I don’t have the courage yet to stand up for myself. Yesterday he found out I was Catholic, and started making fun of that too. He asked me out of nowhere if there was a catholic prayer candle for dogs, I said yes and told him there was a saint of dogs, but before I finished my sentence I realized he only asked to make fun of me and didn’t actually want to know. I felt so stupid for not realizing immediately. He again was laughing with my coworker, who wasn’t laughing at all. I think she could tell he was being a jerk and I was feeling uncomfortable. I left early to go to lunch and cry. There is no HR, he owns the business and it’s a very small company. I’ve been searching for another place to work since this happened but I feel like my social awkwardness due to my autism holds me back significantly. I’m really good at what I do, and I don’t have to talk to people much. But I can tell when people start to get uncomfortable, and make jokes to our coworkers or whatever, I’m not stupid, I’m just too afraid to stand up for myself. This ain’t the first time this has happened, but it’s the worst. As a high functioning person it’s so frustrating to be seen as different, but not have your disability respected or even accepted by people.

Today I got scammed by a technician. I realized in the evening and knew I had to go nuclear, and emailed a complaint to their corporate office.

It brought back a memory of a boss yelling at me. And I couldn't understand why he was reacting so extremely. I was perplexed for years over it. Then it just hit now.

My autistic body language (combined with the abuse that comes with being autistic when growing up), creates a "guilty" look. People are literally assuming I'm lying, guilty, a scammer, or that I'm hiding something.

I really wouldn't be surprised if they think I'm a psychopath. I have very limited facial expressions, I don't react "normally", and to their eyes I seem shady and untrustworthy. Despite being the most innocent and gullible in any given room :/

I give them the heebie jeebies basically. Which in social situations is still fine, but in high stakes situations like office, it leads me to being targeted and punished over nothing! Damn! I wish I had known sooner (both about my autism and this) and I would've defended myself better. I literally lost my job as corporate vultures used this to their own advantage to scapegoat me and throw me under the bus for things I couldn't even be responsible for!

Mindbending stuff. It sucks, but I'm glad to put that thought to bed now. It sucks the world treats us like criminals, evil, or insane without even... knowing us.

For the past 5 years I lived alone and, honestly, I had almost no social life at all. No real friendships, no parties, no dating, no sex - basically just existing on autopilot. At the time it felt normal, or at least… survivable. Then one trip to a bigger city happened. And suddenly everything changed. I experienced actual social life, closeness, intimacy, even love. I felt wanted, stable, grounded - like this is how life is supposed to feel. It hit me hard how much I had been missing… and how long I’d been missing it. Now I’m struggling with regret. Why didn’t I push myself earlier? Why did I accept isolation for so long? Why did it take me 5 years to realize this wasn’t “just how life is”? The bittersweet part is that I’ll probably be able to live like this permanently again - but only in about a month (hopefully). So right now I’m stuck in this weird in-between: knowing what’s possible, but not fully there yet. Has anyone else gone through something like this? That moment where you finally taste real connection… and suddenly the past feels painfully empty? Would love to hear your stories or perspectives.

My most recent ex made me feel like shit for being autistic. He made me feel bad for not making constant eye contact, fidgeting, needing headphones, being sensitive, and not always understanding sarcasm or jokes. Now I feel like nobody will want to be with me because of it. He also used to take advantage of my autism by being disrespectful then gaslighting me, saying I didn’t understand he was joking when it clearly was disrespect. I’m afraid of that happening again.

I've always been drawn to autistic characters, or characters that feel autistic-coded, in TV shows and movies. It’s comforting seeing traits you recognize in yourself, even if the character isn’t explicitly autistic.

But one thing that's always frustrated me is that when people think of an autistic character, they usually think of someone like Sheldon Cooper or Shaun Murphy. Whether or not they're officially autistic, they've become a cultural image of autism: socially awkward, blunt, highly analytical, usually male, and often presented as having obvious difficulties with social norms.

While those traits might resonate with some autistic people, they never really reflected my experience as an autistic woman. Being autistic and being a woman is its own experience. A lot of young, autistic girls learn to observe and copy other people in order to fit in. We often get praised for being quiet, shy, mature, or well-behaved, while struggling internally. Many of us become experts at masking without even realizing we're doing it. We may appear socially successful on the surface while constantly feeling confused, exhausted, or like we're performing a role. I feel like autistic women are often invisible both in real life and in media.

When I watch an autistic male character, I can usually relate to some things, but there's still a disconnect. The experiences that shaped me (e.g. masking, being looked over or misdiagnosed, feeling different while managing to blend in, dealing with the expectations placed on girls and women) are rarely shown. It sometimes feels like autism in media is treated as a male experience, and autistic women are either forgotten entirely or written as quirky without exploring what that actually means. I often connect more with autistic-coded female characters than with explicitly autistic characters because there are so few autistic women represented in ways that feel accurate.

I know autism isn't the same for everybody, and I don't think there's one right way to portray an autistic person. I’m grateful for the autistic representation, I just wish there were more autistic women in media so we could see a wider range of experiences instead of the same male archetype over and over again. Does anyone else feel this way? Are there any autistic or autistic-coded female characters that you really relate to? I'd love some recommendations🩷

Depression was simply the comorbidity. It was always autism. It took me until the worst depression of my life, followed by the worst breakup of my life to start therapy and immediately realize I am on the spectrum. That was 4 years ago.

I'm much less depressed now. Things are calmer and I've worked incredibly hard to quiet my brain's negative spirals.

But I simply don't have the desire or passion to do much of anything anymore in regards to pursuing a life. I had the most astronomical ambitions for the majority of my life. Crazy stuff like becoming a world famous artist: touring the world in a band, giving my acceptance speech for Best Actor at the Oscars. Truthfully, I was guilty of exceptionally magical thinking. And more importantly my ego was out of control.

When I was younger, I actively loved the process of simply creating for the sake of creating. Whether it was directing hundreds of short films or playing music or writing a 150-page Legend of Zelda fan fiction. Nowadays the desire is simply not there. The only time I feel inspired to do something like that is occasionally when I'm working my job and I'm already in a working mindset. But then my weekend arrives and I wake up feeling sluggish and uninspired, and it's very easy for me to give up on anything creative.