r/CatAdvice • u/lavender-hair-girl • 13d ago
Adoption Regret/Doubt I got the 2nd kitten. I’m feeling regret
I posted over a week ago about how I have a 4 month old kitten and I wanted to get a second to keep her company. A week ago I got one, and she is the sweetest, most lovey-dovey happy little kitten who is also 4 months old. But my resident kitten hates her. And I think she hates me for getting her.
When I brought kitty home, I went into her room with her and she was already purring, tail held high, walking around investigating the space. Resident Kitty saw I was in the room with the door closed and started crying at the door. New kitty went over to the door and stuck her paws under. They were playing paws at the door. No more crying, no hissing, nothing bad. When I finally had to leave the room, I figured resident kitten would slide through the door so I put new kitty in her carrier on the bed, trying to keep her out of sight. I tried sliding through the door but my girl was too fast and jumped right up on the bed to the carrier. She actually laid down on her back, wiggling around pawing at the carrier. New kitty just sat and watched with curiosity. I let it happen for a few seconds, separated them and that was it.
They were separated for a few days, constantly playing paws under the door, one crying to get in, the other crying to get out. I’d crack the door, they’d play paws and stare. Nothing concerning at all. New kitty saw the vet already and was healthy as can be. Vet said they’d be fine to meet face to face if neither seemed aggressive, and for brief amounts of time.
New kitty was actually perfectly happy being face to face, all she wanted was to play. I literally don’t know how she’s such an angel but she is. They did a stare down, went to play with opposite toys, it seemed fine. Then my resident kitty randomly decided to charge at her and swat. So we separated them again. Now the face to face meetings are: playing separately, playing with each other through a tent BRIEFLY, or resident kitty stalking, charging, swatting, and growling. New kitty only ever lays on her side and hisses back, cowering down. I feel like this is all normal, it’s what resident kitty does when she’s NOT around that stresses me out.
Resident kitten is usually attached to me at the hip, and honestly vice versa. But now she doesn’t even want to be near me. She doesn’t follow me around. She lays on the bathroom floor a lot. Sometimes she growls at me or whines when I pick her up. Moves away when I try to pet her. She completely ignores me. Usually she sleeps on my pillow next to my head, now she sleeps under my bed. Even when new kitty is in her room, resident kitty won’t leave mine. She doesn’t want to eat much, either. She eats, just not enough. She’s acting like the opposite of herself and honestly it’s killing me. I feel like I ruined her. She used to be so sweet and loving. It’s 2am and I can’t sleep, I went to go find her and she was curled up on the floor by where I have my clothes rack. I honestly just laid there on the floor with her and cried because I feel like I ruined her life, she seems so depressed. She actually started purring and licked my nose, and rubbed herself all up and down me. That made me cry more because that’s the only affection she’s shown me in days. Then she walked away again.
I’m so stressed because of this, and I’m so stressed having new kitty in her room alone. I’m struggling with balancing my time. New kitty cries and bangs on the door to be let out. I feel like I don’t get enough time with either of them. I try to be in her room with her as much as I can, but the more time I spend in there the more my resident kitten ignores me. I think she feels replaced, but I try to give her all the love and she doesn’t let me. I feel so bad that new kitten is alone in her room a lot.
I do not know what to do.
Also I am VERY NEW to owning cats. Please be nice. I am so so stressed out.
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u/3littlekittens2012 13d ago
You need to give them time!!!! Time to know each other and come to terms, which they will!! Be patient and don't stress! You did a great thing for both kittens!! You will be so happy in another week or so. Though sometimes it takes full grown cats a month. Be patient!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/lavender-hair-girl 13d ago
I really really hope so. The new girl is already happy and good to go. I just feel horrible that I’ve made my resident kitten feel this way. I keep reading about people whose cats hate each other and I don’t want that to be my future. I just want my resident kitten to be happy 🥲
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u/etherealgamer 13d ago
Your 4 month old has barely adjusted herself even before the new kitten, give them time. Because they’re so young, odds are extremely high. Just keep showering them with love and being the amazing caretaker that you are. Cats are very adaptable
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u/Francie_Nolan1964 13d ago
She'll be happy again, and probably sooner than you think. It's just a hard adjustment for cats, but they will adjust.
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u/PuzzleheadedTale4769 13d ago edited 12d ago
Your " resident kitten" had a great thing with you, and it will take some time before she figures out she can still have a great thing with you, and a great thing also with New Kitty. Cats can play games with each other that would be- way over the heads of us hoomans.
When they are older cats, amusing and comforting each other while you are not home- they will thank you in their own Kitty manner.
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u/LittleRedReadingHood 12d ago
They’re both so young it’s unlikely they’ll hate each other. That mostly happens when incompatible adult cats are put together.
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u/_Blue_Sky_Noise 10d ago
I’d try some cat diffuser you can plug in the outlets. It allegedly helps cats get along, but some say it doesn’t work. And I’d try zesty paws brand “calming treats” which may help them feel more relaxed. It has melatonin and other cat safe ingredients. All of it is sold on amazon. I would give them calming treats while having them separated, then let them be together in the same room as I play gentle piano music, talk softly, offer temptation treats, cat nip toys and just make it “play time/snack time” hour as I pet both a lot before again separating. I would also try to spend time alone with your resident cat if possible. Like just talking gently to her while laying on floor and looking at her under the bed. Maybe offer churus and snacks to her when alone with you. I hope something works out,
I think doctors can even give gabapentin for anxiety if nothing works out.4
u/LittleRedReadingHood 12d ago
Took my full grown cats 4 months, and my friend’s cats 6 months. Just saying that because “oh it’ll be a 3-5 days or maybe 2 weeks or at most a month” is misleading.
But my cats were 1 and my friend’s were over 3 years old. Straight up kittens under 6 months? They’ll be fine.
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u/MultiColoredMullet 13d ago
I think it's time to let out new kitten whenever you are home at least and just let them be kittens. The resident kitten "bullying" the new kitten a bit is not concerning at all and they'll establish their own situation. You're stressing yourself out a little bit too much. If resident kitten is actually hurting new kitten you will know and be able to separate them, but somewhat rough play including lil hisses, growls, and lil yelps is totally common play at this age for them.
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u/LivingMyMediocreLife 12d ago
Truly I feel like 9 out of 10 cat “issues” are solved by just giving them space and time.
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u/choccobird 12d ago
First time I introduced my second kitten to the first, they hated each other's guts. They kept hissing at each other. For the first few days, there was a lot of screaming, scratching, etc. They were both very needy and territorial (boy cats), and I couldn't pet the one without the other throwing tantrums and becoming jealous.
That was 12 years ago. Now, I have two senior cats sunning themselves while licking each other's ears.
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u/Ok_Breath5892 13d ago
I think the kittens just need time to acclimate to one another. They may not ever be the best of friends, but will eventually learn to co-exist.
I have 2 cats, a boy and a girl- my boy constantly pounces on my girl, and pushes her down, but also has never actually hurt her. They get along just fine, my girl isn’t scared of him at all, and they go back to being normal a few minutes after their little “fight”.
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u/Cardinal101 13d ago
If you haven’t already, look up Jackson Galaxy on YouTube. He’s got great videos about caring for cats, including introducing cats to each other.
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u/CulturalCorner5890 12d ago
Hey friend! It’s important in this point in time to remain calm and level headed. Introducing cats is the hardest introduction I’ve ever had to endure, as a lifelong dog-only owner. Cats don’t ever really like each other right away - those stories are more popular but much MUCH rarer than them just kinda hating each other a little. The fact that the new kitten isn’t put off isn’t too surprising either - it’s not her territory yet so she isn’t super aggressive or confrontational about it. When my fiance and I brought our second kitten home, my original cat HATED him and hated me for bringing him home (she already barely tolerated me lmao). It took maybe a month or more for things to look up, let alone go back to normal. Now they’re more or less inseparable, playing and lounging together often. I’m positive you’ll reach that point even faster than me! Have you tried Feli-Way yet?
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u/lavender-hair-girl 12d ago
It has been reassuring knowing so many people have gone through almost the exact same thing and ended with success! I actually did get a feliway pheromone diffuser, I put it in 2 days ago. So far I’m not noticing a difference but I read that it can take up to a week.
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u/CulturalCorner5890 12d ago
From my own personal experience and research from that period of my life, it almost always ends with success unless the pet parents get too stressed/freaked out and end it early by surrendering one of the pets! It just takes some serious patience and dedication:) I believe in you!! And I fully believe your original little girl will get back to her old self eventually. It’s a learning curve for everyone. And yes, the feliway can take quite a while to take effect so don’t stress! It’s hormones so it’s so hard to gauge the success of them. It’s entirely possible the cats just acclimate to each other before any effects even kick in. It’s always been one of those things where you do it for the science behind it and in the HOPES it helps, but sometimes the patience and grace granted by that hope is what gives you a better experience to look back on
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u/tphatmcgee 13d ago
I had a cat, I was away a lot and got her a friend. Cat 1 hated her and was really mean, cat 2 just wanted to play with her. I felt really bad. Then, my schedule changed. Every three weeks I was working nights (theater work). So, I was home during the day.
Cat 1 forgot and played and played with her. And when she saw me, she realized what she had done. Busted! They were great pals after she got caught.
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u/randomchick47 12d ago
You’ll be ok. We have three and they have figured it out over time. The reason your cat has avoided you is you smell like the other cat. Give equal amounts of attention and if it’s not drawing blood or hair flying it’s ok. It will work out
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u/TropicalAbsol 13d ago
Dont worry. My adults were similar. A few spicy back and forths then one day i hear lots of running. They were playing.
I did the gradual intro, the resident cats were mad at me. I could tell bc they didnt come to sleep on me.
Sleeping under the bed is a sign of trust btw. Its not hiding. Also since youre new to having cats you should know all cats have their own individual temperament. When we first got our youngest she was terrified of everything. She's got her butthole on my arm right now. A thing to learn is their body language. A cat moving an ear to you when you call for them is them looking at you basically. Its not ignoring. And sometimes they just dont want to be pet. I always ask permission. Let them sniff my hands then if they go in for the pet i pet. If not i leave them be. Imagine being randomly grabbed all the time. Theyre a lot like us in that way.
Also cats can take a few months to get used to big changes.
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u/StardustGirls 13d ago
Deep breath! You haven’t ruined her, and she doesn't hate you, she’s just overwhelmed and processing a huge change in her territory.
When cats get stressed, they retreat. The fact that she purred, licked your nose, and rubbed against you on the floor proves that the bond between you is still 100% there. Go back a step in the Jackson Galaxy introduction method (feed them on opposite sides of a closed door so they associate each other with good things) and give it time. It’s only been a week!
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u/Important_Love_1174 13d ago
Same thing happened to me. We have a four month old kitty and wanted to get her a friend. Got a second kitten and he was ready to be friends right away, but our resident kitty was much more hesitant. We followed Jackson Galaxy’s recommendations. Start with keeping the new kitty in a bathroom or “base camp” area. Keep introductions slow: feeding on either side of a door, then baby gate, then eventually slow supervised interactions. We went slow and it wasn’t working. We thought we made a huge mistake as our resident kitty growled and hissed at the new kitten. One month later and now they are the best of friends. It can take some time. I’d be patient and stick with it. Good luck 🩷
And if you haven’t checked out Jackson Galaxy on YouTube, I highly recommend!
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u/BoniMarce 13d ago
its only been a few weeks, give them and yourself time to adjust because this isnt even normal life yet! youre still slowly adjusting them to space and smells and routines, and yes everyone’s personality will change, including yours as you all get used to one another.
if you think they want to play with each other, try supervised family together time and only separate if someone starts crying or fur starts flying. the kittens will figure each other out and define their own boundaries through playing and wrasslin’, its what kittens are meant to do with each other! and honestly, you dont want two overly attached children. i have one and a half attached fur babies and its a lot
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u/Luapanofrank 13d ago
Give it time! I went through the same pattern. They are best friends now. I used Feliway friends for a week or so, don’t know if that made the difference, but maybe helped a bit.
The first days I only let them stay together some hours, then more and more.
I bought a tent, so they was separated but could smell and see each other.
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u/_SlyTheSly_ 13d ago
I have fostered a dozen cats, most of them kittens. At the beginning it may appear they hate each other and/or the new situation. After a while (few days/weeks), they will love having one or more companions. They adapt, don't worry, you're doing good.
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u/beepboop670 12d ago
This is completely normal!! I just went through the same thing with my two cats. When we brought our boy kitten home our 2yo female cat was MAAAADDDD at us. I’m saying we had never seen her mad before but she was hissing at US and running (we smelled like him that’s why she was mad!). She was fine if we had just showered and put on new clothes bc then we didn’t smell like him but as soon as we picked him up she could tell. It was like that for a week we kept them separated and she was curious but cautious. Whenever she saw him she was upset but he did so good he’d flip in his back and show her he wasn’t a threat. Another week goes by and no more hissing; she still avoided him by getting up high but she watched him. Finally by week 3 they were interacting; mostly just playing but we kept an eye on them if it seemed to get too intense we stepped in. Now 2 months in they’re inseparable! They sleep together and groom each other. They play all the time and now our first cat is never bored like she used to be! We all love the newest addition to the family. Just remember it takes time and it’s an adjustment having to share for them 🤣 but usually they’ll mellow out and be like oh I have a play buddy now this isn’t so bad.
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u/Dark1Raven3 12d ago
So I have a car allied socks, she’s 1 year 5 months old and has never liked other cats she gets very defensive when she sees any cat outside as she’s an indoor cat.
2 months ago I found an abandoned kitten during the uk heatwave and brought him home. Immediately she hissed and fluffed up and wouldn’t let him out of her sight.
It took about 3 weeks for her to accept him and even started grooming him and sleeping next to him. Now they follow each other round every day, eat together I don’t know if she’s adopted him as her child or just accepted him as another member of the family but they’re both happy and have company when I’m not home.
These things take time, no need to rush.
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u/Ill_Island_2662 12d ago
They’re babies figuring life out. I’m a new cat parent too and have lost so much sleep trying to make sure my girl has the best life and her dog brother is confident and not scared in his own home (he’s a lab mix and a lot larger than her, but he was terrified of her). I did everything I could research on. I had lots of sleepless, tear-filled nights.
Honestly, this sounds like they’re playing. Let them. What helped me is I kept an old Amazon box folded down to block her view if I saw her get into hunting position. I bring it with me in any room we’re in so I can grab it and quickly intervene.
I also clicker trained her and she’s 3 years old. Every positive interaction or if they ignore each other and just pass by each other peacefully, I click and give them a treat for positive reinforcement for behavior we want.
We moved to a different country (us to eu), new house, new everything. Feliway and adaptil diffusers really helped and a ton of patience. It takes at least 3 months for cats to adapt to some changes. Just give it some time. You’re doing great, don’t be too hard on yourself. Cats are very resilient.
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u/Ashheart24556 12d ago
Keep their nails trimmed, and let them play with supervision. I check my cats nails once a week, as sometimes they can get a bit aggressive playing with each other. They've gotta figure out each other's boundaries.
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u/GadgetNiteOwl 12d ago
I second this! Also, feed them treats like a little canned food or the squeeze treats with the kitties side by side. With my two 3 month olds, I used the latter and let them alternate on the same treat. I used two strings at once, too. Now they are best buds!
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u/Hairy-Management-295 12d ago
A week is still really early. Your resident kitten’s whole world just changed and she’s probably stressed, not permanently miserable or suddenly done loving you. I’d slow the introductions way down, keep giving her one-on-one time, and let them progress at her pace. The fact that she came over, purred and loved on you while you were lying there is actually really encouraging.
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u/Mammoth-Minute4830 12d ago
Don’t stress! I had this exact situation and they work it out in the end. It’s horrible seeing the resident cat sad tho :( I’d get some of those calming diffusers and just give it some time, they’ll be in each others pack eventually.
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u/Individual_River_169 10d ago
Oh sweetheart, take the good advice you aregetting from all the other posters. I haven’nt all the comments but I have noticed that no one‘s addressing the fact that you feel terrible that your first kitty isn’t as cuddly. I can totally sympathise with your heartbreak but you’re not doing anything wrong. Once they get used to each other, the chances are that your first cat will go back to being her usual cuddly self.
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u/lavender-hair-girl 10d ago
THANK YOU!!! I am definitely taking all the advice from the others and am following it, it is helping - but yes the biggest concern I had was my first kitty ignoring me. Nothing is helping that. And I’m horribly sad over it. She won’t even let me pet her unless it’s early in the morning and she just woke up.
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u/mrmla 8d ago
This. I was fostering one (foster failing turns out) and all the kitties left me lol. Took a couple weeks, but now foster fail is the first one in the bed with me, not to be outmatched by one from my first duo who is right behind her again like she used to, and the other from my first duo I also back to sleeping in on weekend mornings (weekdays she still goes under the couch, I don’t think she likes getting up to my workday alarms lol)
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u/ifyouloveaakosha 10d ago
Awe lovey! It’s going to be okay! Take a deep breath and rest easy knowing that this isn’t something that’s “damaged. I just got a 4 month old as well and my resident cat was not feeling her for the first few weeks. A playpen helped me acclimate the two of them as well as placing their bowls near each other to mediate any tension. When they are together they get treats and food and love. Give them equal loving but also give your resident cat a little more TLC. Speak with soft words, slow blink at her, and give space when she demands it. Don’t discipline hissing but don’t allow the swatting if it’s unnecessary. We are on one month and the girls are already laying on the couch together and learning each others boundaries. They operate on a different timeframe and a little grace (for yourself too❤️) goes a long way! You’ve got this and it will be okay! She will return to her loving self she just has to adjust to the new normal
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u/ifyouloveaakosha 10d ago
Also the playpen is for the newer one. Only when you’re not home. A large one is perfect for a 4 month old because they can still run around and roam in it. It’s like a little tent. Now the cats use it as a playhouse. Also suggest mixing their scents together so it’s unavoidable
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u/OppaaHajima 13d ago
Give it time. As long as they’re not fighting to the point of them yowling with chunks of fur flying everywhere, they’ll be okay eventually — they may not be cuddly besties, but they’ll learn to tolerate each other and get along at least.
But also you may have to get used to the fact that your first cat won’t be as clingy as before. This can actually be a good thing for your cat, because neediness can turn into over dependence and anxiety when you’re away. But being a little less affectionate doesn’t mean she hates you.
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u/Significant-Nebula64 12d ago
Yeah, mine also love to cuddle with each other, I'm honestly happy they're not just relying on me for company!
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u/Rose-wood21 13d ago
Definitely give them time!
My two were similar although a bit older as they were rescued around 2 and maybe 1
The older one hates changes and new comers lol he’s hissy but my younger one after slow intro and some hissing from the older one gave him no choice but to be friends with him. Now they’re bonded and cuddle and play all day!
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u/Ok_Ad7867 13d ago
Mine are mother and daughter and years later there’s the occasionally hissing and swatting.
What kind of cats are they? Sudanese and massive con are known for king memories and finicky behaviors.
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u/ladyjaina0000 13d ago
Unless they are drawing blood, let them fight. As they get older play fights will likely be silent but that will take time
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u/HeretolearnD 12d ago
This sounds like a good time to spend your time with new kitty if she wants to and shower resident kitty with as much love (but also peace!) as you can. They will work this out and fighting is normal. Resident kitty wants to establish dominance. They will figure it out c:
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u/Positive-Divide-5351 12d ago
Create positive associations between them! Scent mixing, if you’re keeping them separate, sometimes switch out blankets so they can relax with each other’s smell. Also playing with both of them at the same time with a toy, and feeding them together will help them bond with each other, and also you at the same time. Best of luck
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u/SugarCaneBandit 12d ago
If it makes you feel any better I was afraid my cat would murder the new kitten when we first got her. He hated her so much and he was so mad. all I could think was how big of a mistake I made. Now they are the most in love little pair in the world!
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u/Low_Spot9318 12d ago
If it has only been a week; i wouldn’t worry at all. My best advice for you is your cats are just being cats. Cats are territorial. I just adopted a kitten too, my 5th cat after one of mine passed earlier this year. The other 3 have been with me for years. They are super close now but even they had their moments of hating each other when they were first introduced. Its been 2 week for the new kitten now - only one of my adult cats accepted the kitten after an hour. The other two were hissing and slapping and pouting and staring at me like “why mom WHY”. But i let them sort it out. I didn’t coddle the kitten either - I let her try to play with the others and get slapped. I only intervened when it got too heated. That’s the fastest way for them to learn about each other and reestablish their social hierarchy. They need to know over time that “this creature is cool” and “she is playful but she isn’t try to kill me”. Currently, they all accept her despite slapping her nonstop the first week. They also started licking her. The kitten couldn’t care less about the initial interactions, everything is new to her and she probably thinks it’s their way of showing love 🤣. She does respect their personal spaces more tho.
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u/Annual_Berry8043 11d ago edited 11d ago
You got two cats at a really good time imo. It will take time sometimes. Like a lot of time depending on the cats personality.
Keep taking it slow. I know it’s heart breaking. Just make sure you’re rotating the time you spend with each cat so they get used to each others smell.
It took my cat of 2 years about 4 months to fully get used to a kitten (4 months) to get used to each other.
It took about 3 weeks before they could see each other without wanting to kill each other, and could finally share the house together.
Try rotating which rooms they spend time in too. And exchange toys. You’ll be so happy the first time they play with each other.
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u/Alarming-Weekend-226 11d ago
Hey there, sounds like a bit of a kitty clash! Don't fret too much, cats just need time to get used to new things, even new "sibling" kittens. Keep giving love to both and they'll come around. Hang in there!
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u/breeezzziii 11d ago
How long has it been since you took Resident Kitty to the vet? Couldn’t hurt to make sure there’s nothing organic going on with her. If there is, she might be blaming New Kitty (two changes at once). If she’s fine, then I would ignore the swatting and hissing. Let them work it out. It does seem odd that two kittens are having this difficulty, but it should work out eventually. The thing with cats is to ignore such behavior. If you keep running to Resident Kitty’s aid every time there’s a squabble (in her mind), she will learn that attacking New Kitty is the way to get your attention.
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u/lavender-hair-girl 11d ago
You’re right about that. I actually am going to take my resident kitten to the vet on Monday just in case. Because she is being weird and it is hard to know if it’s because of the new kitten or if something unrelated going on, so just in case I made an appointment for Monday :)
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u/Sydantha9799 11d ago
I run a hardware store that has a cat, 10 year veteran employee. Awesome personality, super sweet. She seemed to have quit the mouse chasing job, so I brought in 2 new bonded boys from the local shelter; as was recommended for an older (12 yrs.) female. They terrorized her; wanting to play but she wanted no part of them. She became depressed and only stayed in my office instead of running around the store. I ended up taking her home; the boys love each other and are excellent mousers and super sweet with customers, their children. You just never know with cats.
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u/Lisa_DHstudent 10d ago
Same thing happened to me at the beginning, my boy cat who absolutely adored me was acting distant with me at first but after 2 months he was back to normal and now he adores the new kitten. They are always grooming each other and just adorable, and he still follows me around and he is back to his sweet old self. Just give them time. Mine also play really rough but I only ever get in the way when I see the kitten is actively trying to run away from him but he doesn’t get it. I have never seen any of them like actually physically get hurt. Good luck, just be patient and you’ll have your girl back to normal and loving the new companion in no time. 😊
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u/Historical-Search701 13d ago
I got a white Persian last year when he was just 2 months old. After 4 months I got another ginger kitten to keep him company. Initially, it was tough as the white was always trying to fight with the ginger. Then, I bought 2 3-tier playpen cages and attached them together so that the kitten would have a lot of space to roam in it (food, water and litter box in the playpen) and put one kitten in it on alternating days. Since they were seeing each other everyday, they got familiar stopped fighting after 3 weeks and became fast friends.
And now, there is a third member
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u/Radiant_Vanilla_4710 12d ago
I brought in a stray who was only
3 weeks old. I was told to keep her apart from my other cats who are 3-4 years old for 5 weeks. Little by little I brought out the baby at about 3 weeks. She is now 8 weeks old the cats used to hiss at her all the time. Now they don’t. She loves to pounce and play. The other two arent bothered . But she is always bugging the oldest cat. She goes in for more after I separate them. Sometimes I have to put her in the bathroom to give the older cat a break. They are use to her now. They do act differently with me, and that saddens me, but I am hoping they come around in time I try to give all my attention to all of them.
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u/marianaruvina 12d ago
I brought home another kitten when my first one was 4 months old as well and at first she was scared and would chase the new kitten away to the point where he would hide, but after a week they were the best of friends and the first kitten (a girl) started mothering the new baby (a boy) haha
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u/Striking-Emu-3588 12d ago
The resident kitty is trying to be big and ough and show whos in charge. Once she realises shes still top cat she will drop tge attitude and they will be good mates. Always a good thing the 2nd kitty is laid back too. She just wants a play mate and buddy. It took my top cat, 14 about 6 to 10 months to accept my last rescue. He initially hissed, then ignored and now they say hi and touch noses, but they arent cuddle buddies. Shes buddies with the other younger boy, who is mates with both. Everyone is fine and knows their places. Princess (Ruby), sleeps on my bed, much to the annoyance of the oldest, but hes accepted it 😊
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u/Horror_Turnip9005 12d ago
Yeh cats are strange. My favourite girl cat gave birth to 4 kittens and was the best mom ever and all 4 kittens are now bigger than mum and rule the roost. Meanwhile mum now hates everyone , growls and swats at the kittens if they come near or follow her and dosnt talk and cuddle with me like she used to, and shes especially frosty if any of the kittens are about. Its like shes forgotten their her little babies which for me is what makes the 4 of them special. But hopefully things settle down as time goes by.
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u/Electronic-Stay-2369 12d ago
I've got two sisters acquired at roughly that age, 6 years on they're still not lovey-dovey, some cats are just like that. BUT they still play together sometimes, chasing, rolling around etc. And it's so much better having two.
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u/Brilliant-Potato-218 12d ago
make sure they get fixed
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u/Positive-Divide-5351 12d ago
This!! People really underestimate the role hormones play in cat behaviour, territorial, aggression and spraying!! Not to mention the stenchhh
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u/ahcjewpac 12d ago
Tbh, it all sounds pretty normal. It's a very similar experience to when I introduced a new cat to the house. They get along just fine now. They make these kitty calming things, it's like a glade plug in looking device that releases pheromones that calm cats. I'm not sure they actually do much, but someone I know swore by them so I had those running for the 1st few months. Just look on amazon for "cat calming plug in"... they probably have them at Walmart, petco etc too.
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u/Disirregardlessly 12d ago
I had a very similar experience introducing my 2 cats. My main girl hated the new boy at first and almost became a shell of her former self for a couple weeks. I felt AWFUL. I typed up an email to the shelter about returning the new guy but I never sent it because he was just the best sweetest cat (always happy, never super bothered by her being short fused, easy to train). 6 months later and they are doing fine. They are not cuddly BFFs but she's got her spirit back and he keeps her entertained for sure.
6 months feels like a lifetime when your cat isn't themselves. We tried to give each cat one on one time in our routine. And we still separate them at night because that is when she gets most frustrated with him and its more difficult for us to intervene. Its not perfect but they are both happy and safe.
Give it more time and go easy on yourself. She is adjusting to a new reality and in a few months it'll be like they were always together. Separate them when needed so things dont go to far. She will become more tolerant in time. Im sorry, I know how much of a struggle it is. I was crying every day for a while feeling hopeless. We are planning to start letting him into the bedroom at night this weekend. We're doing baby steps forward because we want them to be accepting of each other long term. The goal is not immediate friendship, it is long term coexistence. They'll get there.
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u/Ays_London 12d ago
I had the exact same situation, with time our first cat learnt to accept the new kitten. It did take a while and it was small progress bit by bit but it eventually happened and now they’re close and look out for each other!
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u/idontknowmtname 12d ago
Relax and calm down, I started with 2 and some how worked up to 4 cats. They will take their time getting used to each other and will always have moments even after where they get on each other nerves.
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u/Demilio55 12d ago
It’s only been a week. They’re both still very young which means it’ll probably be ok.
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u/catsTXn420 12d ago
It sounds like your cats want to explore each other, there is a doorway sized pet gate you could use to open the door so to speak.. They could get used to each other's smells without the risk of a fight, would give you some peace.
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u/Fair_Copy6248 12d ago
Didnt read the whole post but I can tell you It’ll get better. Also owning cats is really hard with a lot of complications. You may even regret getting cats altogether but you’ll be so attached that you won’t be able to do anything about it. Just enjoy the ride and don’t stress out so much, give them time.
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u/catkittykatkatkat 12d ago
Idk if anyone else said this, but I recommend feliway multicat! It’ll take time but if they’re not actually ripping eachother apart, they’ll grow to like eachother
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u/finelynamed 12d ago
The fact that resident kitty is avoiding you is likely due to new kitty smell. If you don't smell right, you aren't one of the herd. Try switching their toys, bedding, etc. to get them used to each other's smells before reintroduced them.
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u/MortgageSpecialist81 12d ago
I promise they will work it out! I had to introduce two adult female cats and had major regret at first.. it took a few months of patience but they now play together and coexist. Introducing two kittens, this should speed up A LOT. Hand in there, and know that adoption regret is super normal!
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u/annamv22 12d ago
I feel your pain. I live in constant anxiety/regret every time I introduce cats. We took in a cat off the streets. I thought he should have a friend. Nope. Cats don't work like that lol. They are civil. Then I was guilted into taking two brothers/doubled my cat count.
Every time, I cried and felt horrible for the cats constantly because what if I ruined everything for them? The dynamics are different, but my cats are at least pretty civil now. The first 2 cats like each other a lot more now.
Now I've just taken in a stray kitten. I feel horrible again constantly because the kitten deserves special attention and my cats are needy.
The introductions always start with a little hissing. They are establishing ground rules and boundaries. It's interesting how some of my cats got past the hiss phase faster than others. They have to get used to this new stranger's smells and mannerisms. The best way to introduce is to keep them separate and gradually scent swap toys. I played with my cats under the door, so everyone ended up accidentally playing together. Then I added sight. They saw each other through the crack of the door in passing. Then I put up a physical see through barrier. (A spare piece of glass.) This way, there was sight without smell or physical touch. Then I switched to a screen. (Also a spare piece.) My area recently experienced a week without power due to storms, so I started casually carrying the kitten to other places in the house out of necessity. The adults watched from a far. They watched her run around like a fool and play with me. They eventually each met, scared each other, hissed, swatted, etc. They seemed to mostly set up ground rules with each other for interactions and now the kitten knows not to clumsily run into their space during zoomies.
Limiting their interactions to a couple of minutes is important so they don't have too much time to get upset. You want to try to end the interactions on a positive note so they learn nothing bad will happen from meeting with the other cat. Mutual but separate playtime (and treats) help them relax and create positive associations.
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u/Icy_Night_5101 12d ago
You did a good job slowly introducing them. At this point, I think you can let them be together. I did a kitten intro recently too. They do need some time to establish boundaries, so hissing and swatting is normal as long as nobody is getting hurt. Its just communication
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u/Beautiful-Ad2254 12d ago
I have a bonded pair of brothers who are the sweetest. An ex boyfriend of mine decided to “surprise me” by gifting me a little orange kitten because I had mentioned once how I always wanted an orange cat. At the time I was pissed because a) pets aren’t gifts, and b) I was not looking to adopt another cat at the time. He brought him into my apartment while I was at work and introduced him to my bonded pair. One of them was over the moon and was so sweet from day one - the other one was pissed and bullied him/hissed at him relentlessly for the first week. I was out of my mind over it lol. I was barely sleeping because keeping them separated left one cat crying and clawing at the door non stop. I felt like a monster and kept debating whether I should find my little orange babe a new home, but was already getting attached to him..
The good news is, after that first week, things settled down and over 3 years later, they’re all best friends who love each other tremendously. Give them a chance to get used to each other. Cats are territorial. Sending you good vibes that things turn out the same way for you!
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u/Artistic-Airport-981 12d ago
I got a new little kitten 4 weeks ago to keep my 7 year old cat company.. at the start it was HORRIBLE! Older cat was a horrid bully however it’s got so much better! Don’t get me wrong there is still the odd hiss/growl with claws but when this happens the kitten goes back into her room! I separate them if I am not in the house and bedtime as well. I no longer supervise the play, I let them lead and only intervene if it sounds nasty
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u/MassConsumer1984 12d ago
Some cats are solo creatures (my current cat is). I think your cat is mad at you for sure, given the behaviors you describe. She’s either going to get over it in time, or not. Your other option, which is not a great one, is to rehire the new kitten since she hasn’t bonded yet.
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u/Altruistic_Year_5303 12d ago edited 12d ago
I've fostered for a long time and it's typical for the new kitten to have a much easier time than the resident. Give them time. I would separate them again and scent share (a blanket or something with the smell of the other cat) for a few days. Then let the resident kitten explore the room of new kitten alone for a little bit and swap them. After that, open the door with a baby gate between them and feed them on each side of the gate. Once you let them interact again, play with them with toys until they tired.
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u/Dangerous_Comb_9853 12d ago
This is very normal and you don't need to interfere. Give them time and space.
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u/Infinite_Ad4729 12d ago
Let them be together and stop separating them. That is not helping. They are little and will soon grow to love each other. Give it time and leave them alone and stop trying to run the situation. Let them be kittens. They are very young and will take a couple of months to get to know each other
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u/BirdNerd20258 12d ago
I would take your resident cat to vet as it sounds more like she may be in pain or sick vs just unhappy.
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u/Scared-Membership-27 12d ago
You’re in the worst part right now! But I promise that one day, they’re just going to love each other. If your resident kitty wasn’t trying to make herself look bigger, there’s a chance she was just play fighting with the new kitty. It’s scary but you have to let them work it out.
Eat, play, love was the best when introducing my two cats. When they first started playing, I always kept a big pillow on hand so if I felt it was turning into something too aggressive I would throw it at him.
Key indicators that helped me:
Fight - stare down, low growling, trying to look bigger and puffing their hair out, hair flying, and it will be LOUD
Play fighting - mostly silent with a few hisses while they learn each others boundaries, swats, taking turns chasing each other
Also, my cats really started loving each other when I would split a churu between the two of them :)
It took about 5 days for my kitties to start loving on each other. But it was 5 days of stress, regret, and tears for sure!
You got this!!!!
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u/Mytweezer 12d ago
It will get better, but there's no guarantee they will become good buddies. They may just tolerate each other. I've had both extremes happen with various cat combos. I even had a mother cat who hissed at her grown daughters for years. Don't think she ever forgave us for keeping them 😂
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u/Background-Might4908 12d ago
All will be OK! We brought our Sarah home as a kitten. 16 year old Ollie and 4 year old Athena hated her guts at first, but they eventually settled down and made the sweetest family. The initial separation can be rough. Jackson Galaxy has lots of good tips.
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u/DecayedMushroom47 12d ago
RK(resident kitty) smells NK(new kitty) on you a lot now. So she's not gonna be the friendliest until they establish their higherarchy. It's gonna be iffy for a little while but that's just how it'll be until they get used to one another. Depending on how long you've had NK, I think it may be time to stop separating them and just let them figure it out. So long as you don't see blood, they'll be fine. It's the same with adult cats as well. There's always going to be an adjustment period when getting a new cat and adding it into the fold will be sketchy, because your whole place smells like the prior established cat. It'll be okay, I promise. You haven't ruined RK's life, she's just adjusting to a new thing in her environment.
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u/shelazyy 12d ago
Didn’t think my two would ever love each other …. Took about a month and they are brothers from another mother and are inseparable!!! They are 4 months apart in age. The bigger cat on the right we got first and second cat was adopted about 4 months later
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u/lunamae0731 12d ago
my resident cat was hella depressed when my bf’s cat moved in. it took her a few months to get back to normal. kitty is just adjusting! it takes time
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u/Calm_Information_952 11d ago
My cats did the same. They are older now and still like to mess with each other. You are overthinking this. They will work it out. Get a dangling stick toy and play with both of them.
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u/Spikeemma 11d ago
Thanks for sharing your experience and asking for support. I think the best thing you can do at this point is accept that this is going to be a stressful transition for everyone. It will take time. I brought how two new kittens and it took months for my resident cats to get back to their normal selves. Also, it does change the dynamic a bit. Give your resident cats extra attention, even if it’s from a distance. Try to keep their routine as normal as possible to what it was before you brought home the new kitty. As long as you’re allowing your resident cat time and space, it really is just a slow process. I highly recommend watching Jackson Galaxy videos on YouTube about cat intros.
A few things that have helped in my home:
1. Multicat feliway throughout the house
2. Separate spaces and very slow intros- start over completely if you need to.
3. Use treats when the cats are around each other. Create positive association. (Jackson Galaxy goes over this in his videos)
I’m happy to be a resource and answer any questions you might have. I went through some pretty intense aggression with my resident when getting new kittens so I feel I have a lot of knowledge and experience to share.
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u/TheCatsTail 11d ago
I just got over a month straight of this except mine were so aggressive that I couldn’t let them be around each other at all. Their first “successful” playtime resulted in blood all over the place from an ear bite. It was incredibly stressful and I almost got rid of both out of sheer frustration. Time management with them felt so horrible since I never could truly give one the care it needed especially since I got the second during the process of moving apartments and starting a new job.
Now 3 weeks after they’ve finally gotten used to each other i couldn’t be happier with them. I know this is so stressful and it feels awful not giving your original kitty the save attention she got before but I promise this is worth doing long term. It’s so worth it once they’re used to each other and back to their confident ways. I wish you the best of luck and stick with it!
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u/Healthy_Lime_8389 11d ago
It will be fine cats are jerks but soon they will be inseparable make sure both are fixed it will be fine
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u/Paudash_ 11d ago
I did the exact same thing, got my first cat and then when he was 5 months old I got a second cat a month younger than him. It was really rough at first and I cried a lot. Some things that helped was feeding them together, playing together, and throwing a towel on when my first cat was a bit too aggressive with his play. They are 5 years old now and still don't really get a long but they tolerate eachother so I count that as a win 😂. Pic from when they were still babies
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u/SuperPoint6669 11d ago
I’m a teacher. For the first 4 years of my cat’s life, he would ice me out when school started back up and I was no longer home all day. Refused to sleep in my bed, wouldn’t cuddle me (and even now at 6 he still seeks out cuddle time fairly frequently), he ignored me when I called to him. He didn’t just treat me like I didn’t exist, he would blatantly favor my roommates (even if they were brand new). It would take a month for him to go back to his normal loving behavior. Again, he didn’t this for YEARS. I was crushed the first time he pulled that stunt. Now I know he was just an asshole and he has grown out of that particular stage. Don’t take it personally if your cat is being a brat.
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u/Tasty_Preparation881 10d ago
Since I’m more or less in the same situation, I’ll leave my question here.
I adopted 3 and a half month old siblings who hadn’t seen each other in a month or so. The boy cat is sweet and so so active. The girl cat is more timid but also sweet. Problem is, I don’t know if she’s enjoying their playfight or angry Because she constantly hisses and growls when he jumps at her. But also sometimes she’s the one I see seeking him out, watching what he’s up to and giving him a discrete swat. Is that normal or she’s really angry?
They’re both eating, sleeping and doing everything normally apart from that.
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u/AirlineEconomy6647 10d ago
Yeah I had to return my second kitten that I got for my cat because she hated it. Best decision ever, I wasn’t having her unhappy for 18+ years.
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u/iCorruptCats 10d ago
Don't worry give them a little more time. I have a old grumpy boy that I've had since he was an itty bitty baby and he has been through 20+ introductions. Hates them and hates me for a bit but within a few months they all sleep together and play. Love my old asshole 🥰
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u/MNKristen 10d ago
This might be unconventional advice, but if you can make it a little cooler in your house, you may find them cuddling before you know it!
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u/lavender-hair-girl 10d ago
I wish I could! Unfortunately I have window units for AC and they don’t cool the whole house :/
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u/GlitteringPurple3248 10d ago
Try Feliway diffusers! Give it time.. in a few months they will be bffs! Trust me.
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u/Logical_Top4445 10d ago
Everyone here has pretty much touched on it, they just need some time! They’re still babies and will figure out a dynamic between themselves. One thing I always suggest that I think really helped build the bond between my cats was keeping the new kitten completely out of my older cat’s space in the beginning so he still felt like his territory was safe and his own. I’d also take my baby girl out into another room and let my older cat go in the room she stayed in to sniff around and get familiar with her scent, but still have his space to retreat to. I’d give her one of his toys with his scent on it as well, but tried to really preserve my older cat’s dominance over his space so he’d be comfortable and more willing to accept her. They absolutely adore each other and are big snuggle bugs (and of course still occasionally beat the shit out of each other as feline siblings will do) - however, my boy cat was already a year old when I brought his sister home so this might be more applicable to introducing kittens to an older cat. Either way - it’ll be okay! Also, if your cat smacks the other one on the noggin and their body language is relaxed, that’s just your cat asking to play!:)
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u/DeliciousTheme3991 9d ago
The cats are young so just give it time and they'll absolutely adjust. Cats are naturally extremely territorial. You have just brought a stranger into resident cats safe space. The reason shes rejecting you is because you smell like the new cat, and not like yourself. In time, probably a few weeks, she'll adjust.
I have 2 male cats, both almost 10 years old. Despite being usually friendly to one another, they do fight and chase each other. They have their own agreee upon hierarchy. Sometimes one wont let me pet him while the other is at my side. Last year one cat had to get some teeth removed and when I brought him home, I couldn't believe the aggression the other cat showed. The antagonism continued for 3 months, no kidding. I thought it would never end. But it did.
Just give your cats time. You didnt ruin your cat, cats aren't people and dont think like people. You have to let them slowly adjust to the change on their own, and it may take a few months. Its completely normal and nothing to worry about.
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u/Best-Meaning-4995 9d ago
Fortunately they are still kittens and will probably get used to each other a lot faster than if they were adults. Just give it some time. They will bond and get into mischief together.
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u/midsummerclassic90 8d ago
I’d give it some more time. We adopted a senior cat 3 months ago. The resident cat, also a senior) is still a little upset about this at times but I can tell they are growing on each other.
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u/Sad-Leek3689 8d ago
Make sure to clip their nails. That way if they swat, no damage will come of it too.
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u/AgravaineNYR 7d ago
We have 8. The lnitial 7 all hissed at Woodpile when we first brought her home. Now a few months in she is besties with the youngest, plays regularly with third youngest, gets along reasonably well with most of the others, and is tolerated by our most sour of cats. As others said let them play and work it out as long as no one hurts each other that is how they do.
Make sure to give individual cuddles periodically to stem off jealousy.
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u/Positive_Wafer_1078 7d ago
I think resident Kitty has something going on and is sick or physically in pain, please take her to the vet and don't give up on her
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u/Fit_Fix_3221 4d ago
Hey, it sounds like you're in a tough spot, but don't stress! Cats are territorial and introducing a new feline can take time. Try giving your resident kitty extra attention to assure her she's not being replaced. Hang in there!
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u/melodic_hops 12d ago
This post is so long and all the 'new kitty', 'resident kitty' doesn't help. Next time just use their names and be more succinct.
That said, it doesn't sound like you've introduced them properly at all. Bonding cats takes weeks or months.
A 4 month old still needs all your attention. They're only just getting to know you. You should have gotten kittens together from the same litter or waited a lot longer. Your lack of research speaks volumes. Please do better. Being a first time cat owner is no excuse for not doing your due diligence and preparing properly. I'm also a first time cat owner and went through a similar situation recently.
That said, you are where you are now. Please go and research introducing cats to each other and follow the proper process. Please makes sure they are getting enough play. Kittens need a lot of attention and play or will get pent up.
Please look at videos of cats playing but also supervise them carefully once bonded. To an untrained eye cats playing can look like they're fighting. They're not and you need to get comfortable with what is okay and what isn't. They can also go to far and get territorial especially before being neutered. So it's crucial you supervise them and know what you're looking at.
Finally, kitten personalities change all the time. It could be reacting to the change and lack of stability. It could be that their personality is still developing. You need to prepare yourself for this. It can be hard but there's no 'right' way for them to be. You comment about missing who they were and worrying about 'ruining them' is likely a reflection they are still developing. Don't get too attached as they don't fully solidify their little quirks and behaviours until they are about 2. No matter how they change they're your fur babies now. It's a responsibility but also a privilege and you should love them no matter what.
Good luck and I hope you dive in, do some research and things settle soon. Having two cats is the best, it can just take a lot of hard work and time at first. You'll feel better the more experienced you get.
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u/lavender-hair-girl 12d ago
I kept their names out because there’s people I know on here and I just wanted myself kept private. I don’t think it matters that much whether their names are on here or not. I posted before in this group about how I wanted to get two but she was the only one in her litter left. I had actually planned on getting her and her brother but when I went to pick her up her brother was gone, and it was a first come first serve type of situation. Please don’t claim I didn’t do research. I’ve spent late nights doing HOURS of research. My next door neighbor is a vet and I got advice from her on my specific situation, she told me to let them see each other so skade (my resident cat) knew who was in the house. We had a long conversation and she told me the length of keeping them separated depends on the cat, and since mine are so young and were so desperate to see each other to just let it happen. That’s why I also got a second one when I did, everyone I talked to and every bit of research I did pointed to it being easier to do it while they’re young instead of waiting.
But yeah it’s hard, I’m seeing a side to Skade I haven’t seen before. I’m giving both of them all my love and attention and truly hoping for the best.
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u/Spirited-Ad847 12d ago
I like this group because people are supportive and nice when requesting/giving advice. Your comment comes off as quite rude. She’s obviously doing the right things and trying to maintain that she continues to do so. You don’t have to put her down about it. It’s obvious from her post that she cares about both her kittens. Your comment is longer than her post…I wasn’t aware there was a length cut off.
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u/SeekingElCamino 13d ago
Honestly, if they’re both kittens, it’s just growing pains. As long as your first kitty isn’t actively harmful towards your new kitty, they’ll work it out. In the meantime, lavish your first cat with love and treats, and if she doesn’t respond, leave her be. She will eventually come to you. It may take weeks or months, but they’ll both settle.