I think I need to hear from other parents who have actually lived this rather than continuing to argue about it in the abstract.

My 6-year-old has been telling us in different ways for a long time that she wants to be a girl. She now consistently wants to use a different name and she/her at home and school. We aren’t making medical decisions, declaring what her identity will be forever, or asking her to understand things she can’t possibly understand at six. We are letting her dress how she wants, calling her what she asks to be called, and leaving room for her understanding of herself to develop however it develops.

Her school has been supportive and, honestly, that part has been much easier than I expected.

Family has been the painful part.

My older sister and mother of my godchild believes we are harming our child by affirming her socially. She thinks this is extreme, believes we’ve allowed something online or ideological to influence our parenting, and feels that expecting extended family to use our child’s chosen name and pronouns is unreasonable.

I can tolerate someone thinking I’m wrong. What I’m struggling with is what happens when their disagreement becomes something my child directly experiences.
For parents whose children were this young when they started asking for another name/pronouns: what happened with your extended family?

I especially want to hear the messy stories. The relatives who initially reacted terribly but eventually became wonderful. The ones who never agreed but learned to be respectful. The relationships where you had to set hard boundaries and how they reacted and what things eventually settled into, good or bad or something inbetween

I think it’d just be really helpful to get more perspective of people who have actually stood where we’re standing.

Hi,

I am a very privileged mother of 3 children : my oldest is 15 (almost 16) second 12 and last is 7.

We are a very loving family from Canada.

A few weeks ago, our oldest told me that they are Trans (MTF) it wasn't a shock 😂 I always felt my child was very special (can't go in detail but this child literally save my life at some point). We knew about the bisexuality for a year and now we know why my child had so much suffering (self harm, depression, hate everything about themself)

We are now navigating everything, I'm trying to find the best possible way to learn as much as I can until our next appointment with the psychiatrist so I can ask question without annoying or hurt feeling.

If you are a trans teenager, can you please tell me how can I be the most supportive mother ? What should I know ? What I should never say ?

If you are a parent, can you tell me what should I ask to the doctors and psychiatrist? How can I help ? Also I am very supportive, doesn't mean there is not pain, I have some grief to go through I feel like ? Is it normal ? Might change her name and it pain me the most... My child has a very rare name and it makes me cry everytime I think about never call out this name out loud... Any advice ?

Thanks in advance !

I’m not sure if this is the appropriate group, if not if someone could guide me that would be amazing. My son is soon to be 13 and he came out as trans about a year ago. He is interested in a binder or trans tape. I’m not really sure what would be best to start out, I’m leaning towards the tape because I am nervous about him forgetting to take the binder off for bed (I work 2nd shift so I’m not always home for bedtime) or him being embarrassed to take it off at school for PE. I know the tape has risk for skin irritation. Thank you for any and all advice!

My child (AMAB, 15yrs) is frustrated with their facial hair. Is there a way to help so they don't have to shave their face every day?

They haven't come out to their dad and we live in FL so puberty blockers or laser hair removal aren't things we can do right now. My child is very private and only told me they are trans very recently. We got into a bit of an argument at Walmart because they wanted to buy something, but they didn't know what to get. I pushed a little to figure out what the problem was. I want to honor their privacy and be helpful. I want communication, but I think they are not ready to be open. I understand, but I don't want them to do something to hurt themselves. This is very new. Any help is appreciated. I don't know if any of that makes sense...

So my kid (12, afab, autistic) has been questioning their gender for quite some time. Puberty came early at age 8, and wasn't as traumatising as expected. They've always been rather tomboyish, from short pixie hair to baggy clothes. Hasn't worn a dress or skirt since about the age of 6.

Well, recently the topic of binders has come up. They want to try them out, and have stated a preference for male pronouns or gender neutral. I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, but honestly, I'm a bit nervous about how to handle it all. For one, they're so young and their autism at times can make them seem younger, especially in relation to their peers. Two, I'm unsure how much of this is an experimenting curiousity thing, and how much is serious. Lastly, I just don't want to make some mistake and making their life that so much more difficult than it is/will be. The world just isn't kind to anyone who is different.

There's also the matter of discussing this with their father. He would be supportive, but he is rather judgemental of others and is very vocal about his opinions. Kid hasn't even mentioned any of the topic with him.

So yeah, I'm unsure what to do. I'm looking at a Dutch website for binders and reading some wiki, but how do you know when they're sure? How do you know when to encourage and when to step back?

hi so i’m a trans kid and i start high school in like four days and as total idiot and audhd procrastination specialist have not come out to my parents yet even though i wanted so bad to be out before starting high school and it’s stressing me out so much idk what to do. i wrote this letter for my parents it’s around 1,000 words (5 pages) but i don’t know if i have the balls to give it to them. i don’t want them to see me differently—i’ve always been so “perfect” from the outside they never saw how i was suffering. i’m so afraid of the unknown of what happens after i give it to them, even though i have no reason to believe it would be exceptionally bad or anything. it’s been two years of my terrified ass trying to work up the courage to come out…and here i still am. i don’t even know why i’m posting i’m just so lost and scared i don’t know how to do this thank you guys for existing though this community is amazing i do plan to point my parents in this direction if/when i get the balls to do this

Hey!! So a bit of background, I’m 17M and my dad is cis, 63m. (He’s old ik lol). So, I’ve been trans for like ever, but I came out I believe when I was like 11? It was like the year after covid I think, but anyway. Fast forward he was supportive (mom not so much, but they’re divorced and she got some other horrible stuff going on so I cut all contact) and Ive just hit my first year on T now. That being said, while he’s supportive, has gotten me all that stuff, I’m gonna be 18 in a couple months. I still catch him misgendering me and saying ‘she’ when he’s on the phone with work friends who ‘don’t know’ or with other family. I don’t think he knows that I know he does that, and he’s gotten much better at using He/him recently but it still happens. I’m never pushy, I don’t really correct anyone on my pronouns like no matter what and yeah. The couple times I’ve brought it up to him he’s been like ‘well I’m still learning’ or like will automatically deny that he’s doing it. I mean i think honestly he’s scared of what other people are gonna think if he says his daughter is now his son. He always says stuff like “and I said he, well, I used she because they know you as a girl” type of stuff which I’m like bro. Like a lot of adults will go along with it and think they remembered wrong if he just used the correct pronouns. He’s better with the name stuff and doesn’t call me my chosen name but I think it’s bc literally it is my deadname -3 letters and they would call me that as a nickname anyway.

Now to the actual reason why I think this, as I mentioned I’m turning 18, and now I’m thinking of top surgery and legally changing my name. I want to change it before I have to apply to colleges because then I can use my real name and not my deadname. I’m worried about telling him about this bc he’s been very like anti surgery, and I think up until this point he genuinely believed I was going to turn back and be like ‘actually I’m a girl I was so wrong I’m sorry forgive me’ and like he kept even at my endo stuff where I was getting T being like “what about if they want to get off it, what about it they wanna go back” type of thing and like the endo literally had to give him a whole talk on the effects and everything lol. I know he’s a lot older than what I assume most of the parents in this sub are, and he grew up in a different time, but like am I going crazy or do I have precedent to think this?

This is kind of an update on my previous post, but since I don't feel like tracking it down, I'll just recap it here.

So pretty much, I didn't know how to come out to my father and was incredibly stressed out about it.

What ended up happening was that my mother told him for me while I was out of the house which was what I asked my mother to do. Didn't want to come out to him in the first place, but I figured I'd get it over with.

He doesn't even call me the right thing. I know I should give him more time but it has been a week now and he hasn't even tried correcting himself once.

My therapist said that my mother thought that coming out to him and actually making him use the right name and pronouns for me were different steps altogether which explains it, I think. I have no idea what my mother told my father though.

My mother doesn't even treat me as a man, she always they/thems me and won't let me legally change my name or anything like that. She sometimes avoids using pronouns in sentences about me all together. She also deadnames me with everyone else, even people who don't even talk to the rest of my family. It feels like she doesn't believe me.

I'm not out to any other family yet except for my amazing cousin who is the best. I wish I could come out to them but I fear that my mother will get mad at me. I want to try to get my father to start calling me the right thing, but I think both parents will get mad at me. I don't know if it's even worth it, my mental health already is awful, and I really don't want to be yelled at more then I already am.

So what should I do? Should I push more for him to call me by the right thing? Or wait until I'm an adult?

I am in my 30s.

This is often ask by close to strangers, like coworker I work with first time (often we have been in same company for a while, can be weeks or years). Or if we have talked bit more, they often ask it first time we talk about trans people / me being trans.

I tried to ask that first in different, not trans related subreddit but got only one answer. After reading your rules, I am not sure is it okay to ask here. Feel free to delete.

I'm 20, a junior in college, and I want to start T this semester. I have everything lined up, I already got blood drawn and I have a video consult with my doctor to discuss the results. After that, hopefully she gives me the green light to start and prescribes me gel.

I have known I was trans since I was 14, and prior to that had experienced a lot of gender dysphoria that at the time I didn't recognize as such. Since 15, I've known that I wanted to medically transition. My social transition at college has gone great and has done wonders for my mental health. I am a binary trans man and really need T to feel happy and present in my body.

But my parents are scared. I am taking 4 classes and have 2 jobs lined up for this semester, which is admittedly a lot - it's more than I have done in previous semesters. They are worried that starting T will make me tired and moody and interfere with my ability to do my work. Last semester, I got Covid and was down for the count for a few weeks, and it really worried them (and worried me, too. I have a history of pretty nasty health anxiety). They are asking if I would be open to waiting until after I graduate to start T.

What should I do? I desperately want to start medical transition, but I also don't want them to be correct about it interfering with my ability to do my job and schoolwork. More than anything, I just want an adult in my life to tell me that I am going to be okay. Any words appreciated.

Hi! so i love my parents but they are quite conservative when it comes to the lgbt community

im ftm (might not even be, havent had the chance to fully explore it) and BEFORE ive come out to my parents, ive come to resent them because i feel like they wont accept me for who i truly am when i do eventually come out to them

im constantly angry and upset and hurt (dont have the money for therapy btw)

I feel like im grieving my parents not being in my life before theyve even left it

is there any way to combat this? or at least some way to cope so im not angry at them all the time? To them im being angry at them seemingly for no reason which makes it worse

like how do you even enjoy life and good things when you feel like youre not truly yourself

Id like to get some financial independence and some stability in my life before i fully come out just in case they cut me off

also i dont live in a western country where lgbt people are supported, i would have to move to one to fully be myself and explore my identity

Thank you so much in advance! had a huge lump in my throat typing this out trying to stop myself from crying so sorry if it didnt make much sense but any advice would be appreciated!

I’m hoping it’s ok to post this here, if not, sorry in advance.

Background:

I have been separated from my child’s father for over 2 years and still working on a separation agreement with regards to our child. I pay the majority of kiddo’s expenses.

My mtf wonder muffin (kiddo) just turned 21 and lives with me full time. She is deeply depressed and has such dysphoria that she rarely goes out unless it’s to walk the dog.

She tried college and couldn’t cope, tried working and couldn’t cope. She has been in counselling for the last year and a half, since she moved in with me. She has been seeing a gender affirming therapist for the past year and started hormones about a month ago. Realistically, she is a year away from getting a job or returning to college. I can’t even get her to apply for income assistance, because she would have to interact with an IA worker.

Question(s):

Has anyone else dealt with a scenario like this? I’m looking for advice in dealing with my ex saying kiddo should be self-sufficient and he shouldn’t have to pay anything for kiddo’s support.

Does anyone have advice on how to get her to apply for IA? That would change things for us, not need much from her father that way.

Thank you if you got this far, I appreciate your patience. TYIA

My child (14 born F) came out as transagender presenting as masculine about a year ago to me. My (cisF) and husband (cisM) are still married, and we all live together. My husband easily adapts to people's life choices. He rarely errs in using a person's chosen pronouns. However, in the privacy of our house, he says that anyone under the age of 25 who claims to be trans is going through a phase. And any adult MTF is a pervert just wanting to get into female change rooms and washrooms. His Instagram algorithm shows him many videos that disparage the LGTBQ+ community, and he listens to those videos at high volume.

Because of this, my child does not want to tell his father about their transition. He currently wears a binder, baggy clothes and layers, short hair, and is working at deepening his voice. With friends, and when Dad is not home, we use his chosen name and pronouns. With Dad, we use the dead-name and female pronouns.

We've been able to get an appointment to a clinic that specializes in teen transitioning. It is, however, a 2.5-hour commute (one way), which means I will have to take a day off work and take my son out of school for the day. Since my husband does not work, there is no way of going to this appointment without his knowledge. So we have to come up with a lie to do this. I really would rather my child come out to Dad, but I'm not going to push him.

I feel that if Dad were told, he would accept our child and switch to the new name and pronouns with more ease than I have been displaying. But my child thinks it would just be lip service and not acceptance. I may be able to tell a lie for this one appointment, but any follow-up appointments will be more difficult to hide or explain away.

Has anyone else dealt with this, and how did you manage?

More information: to everyone who has offered advice, thank you. To the others, I appreciate your passionate intent. My husband is unemployed due to a disability that can leave him bedridden for days at a time. He receives a small pension that allows us to scrape by on my wages. Many of you mentioned violence. In 30+ years of marriage, he has never shown any violent tendencies. My son has friends who are transitioning, and my husband always calls them by their name and chosen pronouns. He never makes fun of them or speaks disparaging about them, even in the privacy of our house, but he does think that, at 14, it is a phase. My son has agreed to let me have a conversation with Dad, not to out him, but to ask, "what if...?" Or "how would you react if...?" His biggest concern is that Dad will stop talking to him or not want to spend time with him anymore. I have spoken to my husband about the media he listens to. He claims that he doesn't agree with everything that is said. But somehow, we will need to change that algorithm!

I will update when I've been able to have the "what if" conversation.

Gidday All,

Kiddo is 16yo and keen to get started on puberty blockers or HRT (supported by family). We've been working through the process and have been approved for blockers, but at the last appointment the doctor discovered she has a heart murmur. An echocardiogram on Friday has confirmed that she has a bicuspid aortic valve (instead of the usual tricuspid valve) that is slightly leaky and causing the murmur.

We'll be getting further imaging etc to fully identify what's going on (thank heavens it's all covered in New Zealand!), but with this very basic information, does anyone have any idea if this might potentially impact being able to take blockers / HRT?

Thanks :-)

We are currently running an online study at Freie Universität Berlin. It looks at which factors help parents, guardians, and caregivers to behave supportively towards their trans, non-binary or genderqueer children. The aim is to better understand the role played by things like family communication, knowledge about gender diversity, the social support parents receive, pride in one's own child, transphobic attitudes, one's own burdens and experiences of stigmatisation. This knowledge should help to develop future counselling and support services in a more targeted way.

For this study, we are looking for parents, guardians or caregivers of trans, non-binary or genderqueer children and adolescents aged 10–25 who would take part in an anonymous online survey. It takes about 10–15 minutes to complete. As a small thank-you, we are raffling off 20 vouchers worth €50 each among all participants (roughly one in ten people).

Feel free to share with others who might want to participate. Thank you very much!

It is also particularly important to us that the findings are not used for academic purposes alone. Together with parents, young people and practitioners, we will work up the results in a participatory process and develop freely available materials from them that will benefit families, practitioners and young people in the long term.

This is the link to the study: https://www.soscisurvey.de/nocd/

The study has been approved by the mods, and a representative of a non-profit support organization in Germany founded by parents and family members of transgender children and youth accompanied its development. If you have any questions, feel free to get in touch here or by email: [philipp.dausmann@fu-berlin.de](mailto:philipp.dausmann@fu-berlin.de).

Many thanks for your support and for the opportunity to post here.

Hi all, considering the speed with transphobia in this country is removing rights for our children left and right, I’m eager to start the legal process of my child’s sex change on their documents, before that option is also taken away.

My child is 15yo and started HRT privately in the beginning of summer. It’s very early days but I’m worried and overwhelmed.

Anyone here knows the steps we need to take? Do we need to wait until they are 18? (I hope not)

So tomorrow my family is having a small gathering with some extended family. Most if not all extended family members have not seen my sister since she transitioned. I can imagine perhaps this might be a nerve wracking experience for her especially since our family is a bit all over the map politically. We are both adults in our 30’s so I’m sure she has the ability to navigate this on her own but I want to be as supportive as possible.

I want to make sure my sister is comfortable without crowding her too much and making her feel like I’m hovering over her like a guard dog. How can I help in a productive way?

My ftm son is turning 6 soon and just started basically the equivalent of kindergarten (we're in EU). He has really never not been in boy-mode and has said he's a boy for about two years now. We got his hair cut back then and he's been in 'boy clothes' for ages now. Just a few months ago he changed pronouns and has started kindergarten with a new name.

Right now (for him at least) it's all pretty easy. His old friends still get confused with the names but they've always seen him as a boy, even with the old name and pronouns. He mostly just gets to be a 'normal' boy, which is all he wants. He has no idea yet that some people might not accept him, and that transphobia exists. My heart hurts when I think about the fact that he will experience it in the future. All we can do right now is love him and try to give him strength and self-confidence.

What was it like for other parents here whose child transitioned very early? I feel like it's a very particular experience because he's so young that we are mostly coming out for him right now (and dealing with the dumb stuff adults say, the kids so far don't care that much...)

As the title says i need help getting my parents to understand, im 16 binary male and have been on hormones for about a year and a half. My parents fear that top surgery is a very permanent decision and just worry that if for some odd reason I decide to untransition or have complications during surgery that i would blame them for signing off on it. My parents are the most supportive people i have ever met and im so thankful for them and their support but when it comes to my chest it is my biggest insecurity ever and i dont understand how to express that to them. My endo offers help with finding surgeons in my state and i just want to atleast get a consult which my mom is fine with a consult but my father isnt too pleased with it. Any advice would be much appreciated and helpful.

🇨🇦 here

Basically, my oldest is FTM (started as NB in grade 8/9, and by end of grade 12 settled on FTM fully. Started T this summer (a year after grad)

Now my youngest (16yo) is saying they feel they are MTF. I had a MTF sister who passed 4 years ago and a coworker is also, but I don’t know anything about how it works for a younger person.

My first instinct is to start by booking an appt with the same doctor my oldest, and go from there. I’m not sure how I feel about starting hormones this early

I’m the proud parent of two 4 year olds who are currently exploring their genders. Both kids are AMAB and both are currently using she/her pronouns. Twin A changes pronouns and presentation fluidly; her gender expression seems so joyful to me, like she’s dressing up and trying out whatever feels right that day. Twin B started saying she was both a boy and a girl about a year ago, then told us she’s just a girl a few months ago. Over the course of the past year, she’s made a few comments about being worried she’ll have to grow up with a boy body, being upset with me that I grew her wrong in my tummy, and other similar things. She seems like she’s starting to experience some unhappiness with her body and some anxiety about her identity. So far, both of my kids have been met with support and acceptance from all of the trusted adults in their lives, we live in a very progressive community where they’re around lots of trans folks, and we’ve just followed their lead with their gender. But my twin B is starting to worry me that our love and support needs to be supplemented with some therapy or other external support. I just don’t know what that looks like for a four year old.
How do you know when your kid’s gender exploration is related to body dysphoria, and how do you know when they’d benefit from support beyond what their family and community can offer?