I’ve been fortunate in many areas of my life, but one thing I increasingly struggle with is feeling intellectually out of sync with a lot of the people around me.

I’m a PhD student, and over the years I’ve met people from very different backgrounds. What I keep noticing is that I seem to process certain things differently, especially abstraction, relational reasoning, and pattern recognition. I often make connections very quickly or jump several steps ahead in an argument, only to realize that the other person hasn’t followed the same path.

That creates a strange communication problem. With many people around my age, I find myself having to unpack my reasoning almost from first principles: why I’m saying something, which assumptions I’m making, how the pieces connect, and how I reached the conclusion. It can make even ordinary conversations feel mentally exhausting.

Interestingly, I experience this much less with older people. Some of the best conversations I have are with people considerably older than me. They often seem to understand what I’m getting at very quickly, even when we disagree.

I don’t mean this as “everyone around me is stupid.” That’s not how I see it. It’s more the feeling of operating on a different wavelength and constantly having to translate your thoughts before they can be understood.

I have intellectual overexcitabilities (hate the term, it sounds pretentious, but i digress) and have a shit load of questions in my head at all times. I typically don't share these thoughts as they are often intense/philosophical and over the years I've learned that most people don't like to engage.

And sometimes, I feel like I have social anxiety because of it as sometimes my intensity slips out. Anybody on a similar boat? And if so, what did you do to tackle this?

So, basically i thought as a little girl "i really admire his personality, maybe I should try to be more like him, happier, because that's what he would've wanted for a fan to be". I knew that he was fictional and i did analyze his personality and came to that conclusion, anyone else?

I'm not gifted (125) but I used to think if solutions to real rpboems and about what to target but I didn't have the equipment nor enough knowledge to tackle them fully but a few years later it would be revealed that they did that I'm sure yall have had this way more than me ​

Freshman year, I had such a fun time and explored so much stuff in the humanities, it seemed endless and so broad. I'm in my sophomore year of undergrad now, and the excitement has somewhat stayed the same if not increased, but along with it has come some sort of intellectual lonliness or social lonliness I can't explain. I'm in two graduate courses but even those don't even seem as challenging or as engaging, unless I'm actively pursuing to write a paper which is basically assigned for the classes, one or two papers a term. I'm also in two undergrad classes to balance things out. I'm also taking a PHD course at a graduate center and I'm hoping the community is more intellectually focused.

Has anyone gone through something similar in college? I feel as if I cannot make any friends my own age, because everyone seems to be on social media brainrot, and exist instead of actually living their lives which is depressing. It's like people chose to go study what they study for some job but don't actually care about their majors OR THEIR FUTURE JOB which confuses me and saddens me because I love what I study (philosophy and humanities in general).

For those of you who have pursued a PHD, what were your experiences like? Were conversations with social circles more interesting or better? I'd appreciate any general life advice here. Most of my friends have become older working people or professors... but some people my age cannot seem to hold a solid conversation that isn't stupid (not trying to be mean or condescending in any way) but genuinely, sometimes I wonder why people don't read or care about the world or are aware about themselves and the world around them. I mean, it's college, so I sort of expected people to be more mature and adults. I love having fun but sometimes with the right people because I am so tired of shallow talk. I love my existential moments and conversations of ideas and the academic community, but don't know how I might incorporate more of that into my life. Otherwise, I hide in solitude and work on painting projects and read and watch lectures...and I have this fear that I might end up like some hermit if I don't go and connect to friends and peers my own age but I don't know how to get interested, I just can't seem to. It's like people go out to eat together, crack some bad jokes, and are satisfied, and I on the other hand find it utterly repulsive.

In my day, “gifted” meant unusually high ability, synonymous with high IQ (greater than 130, which we measured back then) and high performance in a classroom setting. The assessment was specifically related to ability and performance at your age compared to your peers. These kids were identified and placed in higher, more demanding programs.

In California, we called it GATE: Gifted and Talented Education. It was fun, honestly. We went on alot of field trips. Made stop animation movies in first grade. Dissected a cow's heart in second grade. Built rockets.

Acceptance into GATE often came with the recommendation to skip ahead a grade (but parents have to approve).

Note that "gifted" was not a label you gave yourself. It was an assessment by the educational system.

Gifted did not mean neurodivergent nor being on the spectrum. It doesn't rule those out, but if you can't perform exceedingly well in a classroom or a group of your peers (say, due to social anxiety or sensitivity to stimulation), I'm fairly certain that you would not be identified as gifted.

Nowadays, how do you consider yourself gifted? Were you formally diagnosed as such, through testing and program placement? Or do you self-assign the label?

On this forum, I see many people associating being "gifted" with neurodivergence, some level of autism ADHD, etc.. Is that what it means nowadays to people?

I’ve always been the black sheep in a gifted family. My parents were brilliant, my sister was brilliant. I was ok with an IQ of 129. I had learning disabilities and didn’t like school unless it was something I was interested in.

My daughter is 9 she’s already skipped a grade and they’re wanting her to skip ahead again this year into the 6th grade/middle school. She’s always been smart and I was told by her pediatrician she was meeting the markers for kindergarten by 3. I’ve always been proud of her but I’ve never thought she was a young Sheldon type child genius. However since she’s now skipping a 2nd grade I feel I need to reevaluate things. I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know the first thing about raising a gifted child? Is there something I should be doing? Private lessons? Special programs? I don’t want to be responsible for holding her back. She’s clearly got the intellect to handle the complex work I just need to know what to do to support her. Thank you.

anyone here also have an IQ >125 but can’t seem to find the right direction to take? my entire life I’ve been an underachiever. not because I wasn’t smart enough, not because I lacked the faculties, I just didn’t feel compelled enough to if that’s the right word.

the older I get the more it’s apparent to me that I’m a textbook hermit. I have zero interest in conventional jobs. I have zero interest in socialization. I’m energized by time spent by myself, and quite frankly, I have no desire to change that.

I had a subpar childhood. my father was a repulsive alcoholic that abused my mother and I, and eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore so she left me with him and moved on. I have no siblings, I’m estranged from my extended family, and I have zero contact with either of my parents.

I “dropped out” of high school my freshman year, though, dare I say I rather just quit showing up and nobody ever questioned it. after that, I made very little effort to further my education. everything I’ve learned from that point onward was entirely of my own accord.

my point with this is, I’m smart enough to understand that if I exist, others like me exist out there too. and if you’re reading this and we relate, I would greatly appreciate it if you could take a few moments to let me know your story.

I probably sit around 120-130 smarter than most but not some genius I find easy solutions to every day issues and such and find it so easy to evaluate other people but when it comes to myself evidence doesn’t land I constantly judge my self on whether I’m actually smart or not everything runs through a system and yet I have nothing to show for it everything I want is behind a door and that door is starting whether it be the gym School or business I always wait till the last second I just need advice on how to start and stay consistent of those who may go through something similar.

For the last few years, I feel like I’ve become extremely aware of everything around me. I’m constantly thinking about other people, myself, how people behave, how the world works, and even the universe and existence itself. Sometimes it feels like I’m noticing and thinking about things that I can’t stop thinking about, and it’s starting to drive me crazy. Lately, I’ve also been feeling really sad when I think about the situation of everything, the universe, existence, and all of it. I think I might be depressed, but I’m not sure. The sadness is also starting to affect my hygiene and daily habits. Things I would normally do feel harder to keep up with, and I’ve noticed myself caring less about certain things. I also constantly feel like I either need to be completely alone or have my friends around me all the time. There doesn’t seem to be much in between. Has anyone experienced something similar? What could be going on with me?

My kiddo is in 5th grade and 2E.

There is a whole story that Im sure could be relatable in this space, but really what I’m looking for is recommendations for self paced math home instruction. Short Version: He was denied access to accelerated math path that he was promised for 3 years. It’s a mess of a situation and more my fault than his. I told him if school wouldn’t be able to include him, I’d let him do it at home if he wants.

So Im looking for like an online program i can purchase or a class I could put my kiddo (age 10) in to learn whatever math 10 year olds learn? Maybe some homeschool parents can recommend something they use for their 5th, 6th, 7th grade level math?

Math is not my special interest. My interest died in jr high when I found social sciences. I haven’t done any advanced math in 20 years at least. I understand math (I work with statistics, but it’s memorizing formulas in my brain) but I cannot TEACH math.

He has math games, but he yearns for more depth and application. Once my kiddo gets to 7th grade, he can self select to advanced math path. So mostly looking for 5th-8th grade normal math learning stuff.

TIA

By "gifted" I don't necessarily mean creativity or breadth, but raw talent.

I’m not diagnosed or self-diagnosed as gifted, but I feel like I usually outthink people in personal relationships, especially dating. Not necessarily academically, but more when it comes to depth of thought. I’ve attributed it to autism, but I’ve met other autistic people and still experienced the same issues.

I think I just really want to be challenged, and that’s basically my problem. I rarely feel like someone challenges me enough to make me learn a lot, and it’s especially difficult when it comes to dating men.

And it’s hard to accept that. I do learn a lot in relationships, but usually because I’m questioning myself and them, and life, but not because the other person is making me question things I hadn’t thought about before. I think what I really want is someone who makes me think in ways I wouldn’t have on my own. Does that make sense?

I don’t even have friends because of that reason. I used to be a very social person, have lots of friends, but after some time I just decided to give up on relationships overall. It’s so frustrating. I don’t even know what’s the point of dating or having friends.

EDIT: What I meant by “challenged” is that I want to hear different opinions and perspectives on different topics in life, or really anything in general. It doesn’t matter if I don’t agree with them. If I don’t, it can still be so interesting and enriching to hear someone’s perspective, especially if they have good arguments to support their point. And maybe I’ll even change my opinion on something afterward (which is what I want, to learn, to change). Or I might realize that my opinion is also valid, but they have a different perspective or a different reason for seeing things the way they do.

I’m NOT talking about competing, nor necessarily for someone to throw a bunch of studies and “facts” in my face, but rather to have someone who is open minded and curious enough to have challenging, difficult, weird, and sometimes uncomfortable conversations.

I’ve noticed that a lot of gifted people are fascinated with autistic individuals, and I’m just curious as to WHY this is lol? Or is it just a false observation I made.

I have a 8 year old son. . I believe he is an extra ordinary intelligent kid and of course lack in socialization and always scared to do new things , doesnt take risk or never try anything newand also very emotional. He is avery obedient kid always listen but become sad on very little thing , he doesn’t cry screaming but his voice is so low and i can see tears in his eyes . I want him to fight for your right but he always try to stand on back. My brother told me not to push, its his nature dont try to change as i become so strict sometimes and make him do fighting and play sports but he doesn’t like it any ways.

I have 2 questions.
1. How can i make him strong so that he cant get bully km school or in the professional life.

1. He is in American education system (IB curriculum). He is in class 3 but all course is so easy for him . He just sits in the class and do nothing because he already knows all. I feel lile school is watong his time and also his talent but again i send him school to that he socialize with other kids.
   Any ideas what can i do as his current school studies are very basic for him. I also tried brilliant.org but after one month he got bored. ( he is good in maths , extremely good memory, good in puzzles and problem solving things, create different games on paper , create a new language with different letters , started learning chinese but get bored after some time , started chess but again got bored after sometime) . I didnt force him to do anything, he doesn’t whatever he wants but get bored very easily.

Any idea what I should do with him

Being a kid with good pattern recognition, I was convinced I could predict the future and marvel needed to come make a comic about me ASAP… 😔

Soon I’ll be turning 29. If I’ve to put my life into some statistical analysis. I would say 50% of it went into emotionally neglected childhood, another 40% in extreme anxiety about career and relationships and rest 10% is me burning out with trying to fix everything, doing million things. Nothing has worked so far. And this entire process was extremely lonely since beginning. People get lonelier as they get older, not me, I never had true friends and never had real relationship even with my parents.

I see people around me getting married, getting into relationships. I can see they have a hope for future that their future feels much more exciting. They believe they can build a house, have family, have kids, go on vacations, make money, love! And live a life! I can barely dream of those things. I feel I have some kind of fault that I can’t get married and have a family ever. So I know I’ll be staying alone. But I don’t know what I would do with myself.

I’ve some money left, and I’ve few places in my mind I want to visit. I do have some books which I want to read. Beyond that I don’t have many plans from life. It will take me another 2-3 years to complete this checklist and I think I’ll leave as soon as I hit 32-33. Is there anyone who has gone through this? Is there any hope on the other side?

This may not be true of all gifted people, but lately I've realized that one personality trait I'm lacking is motivation. Looking back over the past few decades I've realized that a lot of what I've accomplished has been driven by a fear of not having enough, not a positive pursuit of financial success. In reality I've never cared about money and was quite content during periods of my life when I was poor.

Anyway, I look around now and am noticing that the world isn't run by overly competent people, it's run by motivated people. Those who have a mentality that encourages persistence and drive, who have a positive desire for wealth and status. I know I'll never have those traits.

So what do you consider your limitations? Do you feel similarly?

I'm kind of tired of reading subreddits about polymathy where folks say they do this or that, all under generated random names. This is good if you are just seeking validation, but I want more. I want to meet them, find where our interests overlap, collaborate, support each other in real life.

I've started some initiatives to this effect but I won't talk about them. This is what got me banned from r/Polymath after just two posts (both deleted by mods).

Any ideas?

Two observations first:

- Multiple meta-analyses indicate no correlation between intelligence and the Dark Triad. So, there can be evil geniuses just as much as evil dumbasses, following the general intelligence bell curve.

- There is also no evidence that people with higher IQ are more Machiavellian, however, it may seem so because those who have superior cognitive abilities can put their plans into practice with more intricate strategizing, so there's a visibility bias if caught. The Machs who are dumb will probably fail and go to prison, just another nobody. An evil genius may get away with multiple murders, literally, though Dark Triads also escape justice due to luck or law enforcement's incompetence. Many serial killers aren't intelligent in the least.

That's just to exonerate gifted people from this label, as science says it is not true.

Machiavellian traits bear no relation to intelligence.

That being said, considering your giftedness (may) give you an upper hand in strategizing and (maybe) reading people, have you ever used your smarts for Mach actions?

I'll give a personal example. Only child, shy, empathetic, kind, can't kill a fly to this day. Bleeding-heart liberal. I do charity; I dedicate my professional life to helping others (crisis and disaster relief).

But at 12 and 13, I was fascinated by Sherlock Holmes, Poirot, Miss Marple, and how they resorted to disguises, careful omissions, and emotional manipulation to ultimately reach justice. Most of all I admired SH, as he himself admitted he could have been a criminal mastermind like Moriarty if not for his morals.

So that was my context when I saw my best friend being beaten up by three boys at a church fair (!!!) and getting away with it. The friend would have been beaten up by her father if he knew she was around boys (and we had never even kissed any of them).

Anyway, two of them were in my school. I feigned some irritation, but in the back of my mind I devised plans to expel them both. I lied, I cheated, I fooled teachers, parents, the principal (the model straight-A student wouldn't lie, would she?), and only literal decades later did I confess to my best friends what I had done. I was proud internally, but didn't want to be seen as vengeful to society.

I'm 50 now, and after those two, there were only 3 others (including a cheating, abusive husband) that I set out to trap (made him lose his job). I was successful, and it never came back to bite me. The cheating husband was the only one that I did it for "me", all the others were to avenge good people.

I have a strong sense of justice and believe assholes must pay; otherwise, they'll keep going unchecked for decades, hurting and hurting people along the way. Some might learn a lesson and improve; some will never. But at least I did my part.

Have any of you gifted people done something like this? Would you do it if you feel morally justified? The key here is being Mach to take out the trash, not to gain money, fame, or promotion. So, have you- would you?

ETA: the discussion on the correlations is valid, but I'd like to hear your personal stories. Have you used your IQ to act as a Mach in a specific case you felt was fully justified?

Answer it, or tell them to look it up?

New season. We truly live in the best of all possible worlds.

I am gifted, generally decent at memorization, do well on standardized tests, etc…but I am very bad at recognizing houses and cars, worse than typical at recognizing people, and not very good with directions. I’m not 2E AFAIK.

For example, I went to a friend’s house today and was picked up by a different friend. I neither recognized the car of the friend who picked me up nor the house of the other friend. It was like I was seeing them for the first time despite the fact that I have seen both many times. However, I could remember and recognize the inside of the house and car perfectly fine.

Even now, I struggle to identify my parents’ cars. Usually, I am relatively sure I’ve found the right car, but I need to check the license plate to be certain.

I am not quite this bad at faces, but still worse than typical. There have been times when I have gone to a career fair, had lengthy discussions with the people at the booths, gone back the next year, and been unable to recognize the people I talked to even though they could recognize me.

I also struggle to remember directions. When I was practicing for my road test to get my driver’s license, I drove the route of the test nearly every day for 2-3 weeks…and still could not remember that route by the end of it. The actual route I took during my test was very different, and I could not retrace it afterwards. I am also not great with left/right (I usually identify my left and my right correctly, but anything more complicated than that, and you’ve lost me).

Anyone else? Any strategies for this issue?

I often captivate certain people who are inspired by my ability to get good grades and do random accomplishments. They basically ask for advice about how to learn better or pull off my mental magic tricks. The thing is, the way my brain is designed, it's almost instinctual what I should do. And I just think faster than most people. Sure, they could learn how to do a part of what I do, but they can't do it without a more efficient integrated brain. It's not that I'm not putting effort into it, it's that I have an advantage. So my advice sounds like "Study." I don't know how to share advice. And I don't like disappointing people.