I just really need to clear my head because this whole thing has been bothering me so much. I had a guy friend for about two or three years and we were super close, like literally talked every single day about everything. A while ago he kind of hinted that he might be getting into a relationship, but I didn't really get what he meant at the time so we just kept talking normally for another couple of weeks.

Then one day I woke up to a message from him saying he's in a relationship now and that we can't really talk anymore. He was like, if you want to send reels once in a while that's fine, but other than that we shouldn't talk. Right after that he removed almost every girl off his account except me and maybe one other person.

I completely get it and I respect his girlfriend's boundaries. She has every right to feel comfortable, and I'm definitely not going to message him or cause any drama. It just hurts that a friendship of years can just end like that in a second. Even our long streaks on tiktok and snapchat are completely gone now. I ended up unfollowing his private account just to step away.

The weird part is after weeks of him completely ignoring everything and not liking any posts, he suddenly saved a streak photo I sent. I really don't get why he would do that after cutting me off.

It's been over a month now with zero contact and I'm still keeping my distance, but I just feel so hurt by how easy it was for him to throw away our friendship.

I have a friend group about 10 of us ( all women 18-21) And I recently realized we can’t be friends anymore.

I noticed that many of them has acted mean to me out of envy. And many of them have admitted to being jealous of me when we first met.

I’m worried that I keep attracting deeply insecure people who put me on a pedestal and then hate me afterwards because of envy?

How do I stop this?

Across the board they have all wanted me to read their mind when something isn’t working out. And they’ve projected their insecurities on to me. Two of them also shared that they have had feelings for me which I declined. (One tried to assault me and many people keep excusing their bad behavior so I continued to excuse it)

This is very general description but I can’t stop crying and making me feel like I’m the problem. I keep blaming myself and wanting to tear myself down to make sure I am kinder next time. I keep meeting really insecure awful people and I don’t know what to do?

I am really caring and patient but I never get that back.

I'm gonna be telling the shorter version just to save some time lol, i never usually come to reddit for anything but ive been pretty stuck on this. About 2 years ago my senior year, i was became friends with this girl, almost instantly we were inseperable, practically siblings, her family was my family, we spent almost everyday together, told eachother everything, etc. we were only friends for a year or so, i actually ended up ending our friendship because she was talking shit on someone, but would hangout with them alot, ig it was more jealousy and just me being mad in the moment that played a part on it. but lets just say i didnt end things very well, and ended up telling her family alot of her personal stuff, kind of screwing her over/getting her in trouble. we stopped talking after that, but since then i miss her so much, i think about her pretty frequently even to this day. i tried reaching out about a year ago but no luck, she kind of just brushed me off. i tend to have problems with letting people from my past go, BUT this ones really stuck with me for some reason lol, i think people underestimate friendship heartbreaks compared to relationships, anyways im just looking for any advice on this whole situation.

Friend and I have been close and I even attended her wedding last year.

This year she started being weird and I have accomplished a lot in comparison to her. She’s been weird where she doesn’t give me any support she just views social media or gc messages. I also visited her and she acted like she didn’t want me there at all.

She has been having a hard time since April so I kept reaching out to check on her. I reached out in the spring and now in summer. She hasn’t replied to my messages but still views everything on social media. (It says that she saw the message)

She gets upset at me for very petty reasons like if I didn’t reply fast enough.

Her birthday is next week, should I even text again?

I’m worried that I keep holding on to friendships where the person doesn’t like me anymore. FYI she is very insecure and gets jealous of others lives esp when they make more money than her. I noticed this because she would shit talk our other friends who came from wealthier backgrounds!

I am not from a wealthy background I just have lucked out with meeting the right people. But I feel like she doesn’t want our friendship anymore.

Should I send another message again?

It r makes me sad because I saw our friendship as something for life.

Hello. I don’t have any questions. I’m 31F.

This is all spanning a couple of weeks. A close friend of mine died. She committed suicide a couple of weeks ago. I feel really guilty. She was a beautiful person. I’m attending her funeral next week. I wish I was there for her but I’ve been so down myself. Really down. I don’t know if this is a snowball effect but,

there is so much going on.

My bestfriend of 7 years stopped being my friend this week too. I told her how I was feeling. She said she wishes there was more she could do. There isn’t.

We have supported each other a lot in the last 7 years. I watched her go through uni, and I was there when she graduated. I was there when her boyfriend broke up with her. I was there through it all. She got her dream job and I was I mean am. I really am proud of her. She deserves all the good shit coming to her.

She made from new friends and I kind of got pushed aside. She got a new boyfriend. She seems really happy. I felt guilty telling her how I felt. But I did it anyway. I feel so lonely. There is so much to this. But she’s introduced her new boyfriend to all her new friends and she never once wanted him to meet me or arranged it. I can kind of understand why. I’m not right at the moment. But I was hurt and lonely. She posted a bunch of new photos with her boyfriend and new friends. I got really jealous I guess. I confronted her about it and she ignored me. So I figured, that was that. I deleted her from all my socials. Its been 4 days. She hasn’t reached out. I really miss her but I guess its not mutual and it really hurts.

I wake up every day expecting a message but no. I feel ill. I’ve spoken to my psychologist about it. She recommends breathing. Like I don’t do enough of that already.

I feel so alone. I miss my bestfriend.

This mixed in with everything else happening is making me feel so done with existence. Nothing makes sense.

For context. We became friends when neither of us had anyone. We met through work. I go to all her family gatherings and I’m close to a lot of her family through her. I just feel like I’ve been passed on for better friends. I don’t know.

I was in the Navy from 2015-2020 and during that time I managed to gather a solid friend group of 5 other people, we went through a lot together and saw each other at some of our lowest points. For all intents and purposes I considered those 5 people my family away from my family. There was one guy that came along a bit later but I honestly kind of saw him as a brother, I went to the gender reveal and baby shower for his first child when I got diagnosed with HIV he was one of the only people that I trusted to tell that information to, I even was there to give my limited advice and support when he and his wife were going through a rough patch so I thought that he was going to be a life long friend but apparently I must be really bad at reading people and situations cause I couldn’t be more wrong.

I got out the military in 2020, about a month before I separated and came back home to California one of the other friends in the group had gotten married and everything seemed okay we were all on good terms and had a lot of fun. I separated and came home and a few weeks after that I got the news that the friend who got married had taken his own life, naturally I was devastated and like a good friend I reached out to my so called friend to check in on him since I knew that those two were especially close, he left me on read. I thought nothing of it because I assumed he was just grieving so I gave him some space and tried again to reach out a week or so later. Still nothing. After one more round of this reaching out and getting ignored I just decided to give him time but now going on six years I have yet to hear from him and it’s not from a lack of trying on my end. He’s active on social media he’s posting pictures of him and his family and liking comments congratulating him on his child and such but not interacting with mine at all, at some point he even unfriended me on all socials.

Am I right to be pissed that this guy i once considered a brother just straight up ghosted me out of nowhere? As far as I know I never did anything to wrong him and if I did i wouldn’t know because he just refused to talk to me. I could be vindictive and tell his wife about the things he swore me to secrecy about like how throughout her entire pregnancy he was actively pursuing one of the girls in our friend group but even after this betrayal I still can’t bring myself to do that especially since so much time has passed since then.

I know this is probably just a classic example of “some people are only in your life for a season” but that doesn’t make it hurt any less especially when this is a person you spent some of the toughest years of your life around. Sometimes I want to just message him and tell him how much he hurt me by just dropping me like I was nothing but what would it fix?

I recently lost a friend [ 36 FTM] of about 8-10 years ( according to him) , and I'm struggling to process it. I'm 31, and this person was a significant part of my life.

I want to start by being very clear: I'm not posting this to claim that I was completely right or that I did nothing wrong. I didn't. I take responsibility for my behavior, particularly toward the end of this situation

.

In the final stages of the conflict, I yelled, called him names, said things that were deliberately hurtful, and handled some situations badly. I regret those things. Those actions were mine, and I'm not trying to excuse them.

I also want to make an important distinction about the timeline: those behaviors happened recently. They weren't how I treated him throughout the year.

For much of the preceding year, I actually kept a lot of what I was feeling to myself. I was extremely hesitant to talk about the problems with other people even therapists. I was afraid of making the situation worse, afraid of damaging the friendship, and honestly afraid of how I would be perceived if I talked about what was happening.

I didn't want to go around telling everyone that my friend was a bad person. I also didn't want to betray his trust or turn our private problems into everyone else's business.

I even was hesitant to express my insecurities to my friend. And even though each time I felt i could not trust him.

There were times when I was actually trying to create distance. I considered leaving and stepping away from the friendship. I felt overwhelmed. I felt disrespected. I felt confused. I felt i was going to chase him away.

However each time there were conversations where I was encouraged to work through the problems instead of leaving. Together.

. I was told, in different ways, that leaving could be avoiding conflict and that people shouldn't just give up on each other. That he didnt give up on others when it got difficult.

So I stayed.

Looking back, I realize that I should have been better at enforcing my own boundaries. I shouldn't have continued putting myself in situations that were making me increasingly resentful and overwhelmed. Story of my life.

That's something I take responsibility for.

But I also think staying and holding everything in for so long contributed to how badly I eventually reacted.

By the time I finally started talking more openly about what I was experiencing, I was already extremely emotionally overwhelmed. I wasn't suddenly trying to destroy my friend's reputation. I was finally talking about things I had spent a long time keeping to myself. Everything.

That doesn't mean everything I said was perfectly fair or that everyone needs to agree with my interpretation. Some of the things I said came from anger, frustration, sadness and I recognize that.

At the same time, I'm struggling with the fact that other people had already heard my friend's perspective about me. Some mutual friends knew things about the conflict that I hadn't even realized were being discussed. When I eventually started explaining my side, it felt like I was entering a conversation where people already had an impression of me.

And it was why i felt i kept quiet.

It has been incredibly painful.

I also understand why someone hearing only about my recent behavior could have a very negative impression of me. If all someone knows is that I yelled, insulted him, or became extremely emotional,

I can understand why they might be concerned.

But those recent reactions don't represent the entire year.

I spent a long time questioning myself, trying to figure out whether I was being unfair, trying to manage things privately, and trying not to damage the friendship. I wish I had established stronger boundaries much earlier instead of allowing myself to become increasingly overwhelmed.

And when I finally did rant ti mutuals its used against me. He even recorded me yelling at him. Four days before we went to Germany. I told him twice I wanted to go upstairs becsuse i was getting upset. He kept yelling at me in our kitchen at 9- 10 at night no one around. I stated once itnwas a boundary. I wanted to end it there. For good. And when he said we should do the trip separately... I said ok a d was going to leave... and he kept yelling at me and eventually we were at thjs cycle all over again with a long talk. I felt exhausted.

I also wish I had handled the ending differently.

I don't blame my friend for every reaction I had. I am responsible for my own behavior.

But I'm struggling with the idea that taking responsibility means I have to conclude that everything that happened was my fault. And all I can do is think that is the case...

I can acknowledge:

I hurt someone.

I behaved badly toward someone I cared about.

I crossed boundaries and said things I regret.

I should have stepped away much earlier.

And at the same time:

I was also hurting for a long time.

I kept a lot of it to myself.

I was hesitant to even talk to therapists about it.

I tried to create distance at points before things reached this level.

I grew resentful because how hurtful be could be and he even mentioned this

Everytime I went back on my decsion

I stayed...

I am struggling to think that my recent worst reactions arent the entirety of who I am or how I treated this person.

I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm innocent. I'm also not looking for people to tell me that my friend was entirely wrong.

I'm trying to understand how... did I get here again?

I got from caring about someone and trying to preserve the friendship to reacting in ways I deeply regret. How could i act in ways that were done to me by family or my ex partner?

I the hardest part is that I don't want to use accountability as another way to destroy myself. But its all too much right now. We lived together for a year and some change. I shouldve moved last year.

He didnt even come home last few days i was at the house. He said he never wants to speak to me. I made him feel unsafe.

He said it was too bad I didnt get the text where he stated we were no longer friends. And kept yelling boundary over and over.

I didnt want to go back to the house before this escalated.

Now I am technically homeless again. Im supposed to finally get my bachelors this year. I wanted him to be there for my graduation. Last time I graduated with my associates after my abusive ex ( DV) i was alone by myself.

Im currently at a peer run mental health house unti I can get a new place. And I start last year tomorrow.

And i feel conflicted alot.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. I think I just need somewhere to say everything because I genuinely have nobody right now.
I’m still young, which makes this feel even more overwhelming. I know people might say I have my whole life ahead of me, but that doesn’t make the loneliness feel any less real right now. I’m still young, and I already feel like I’ve lost everyone.
I feel like I’ve lost every single person.
I used to have friends. I had people I talked to every day and people I thought would always be in my life. I had best friends who I trusted with so much and I genuinely thought those friendships meant something. Now I look at my phone and there’s nobody. No one to text when something happens, no one to ask to hang out, no one to tell stupid things to, no one who I can just talk to when I feel lonely.
And what makes it so much worse is watching the people who left me still have everyone.
Some of the people who aren’t friends with me anymore don’t even like each other. They talk shit about each other, they talk about other people, everyone has something to say about everyone, and somehow they all still have friends. Somehow they still have people around them. Somehow they can hurt each other and say things about each other and still have people standing beside them.
I don’t understand why I lost everyone.
I don’t even go around talking about people. I don’t sit there telling everyone other people’s business. I don’t understand how I can try so hard not to hurt anyone and still somehow end up being the person everyone seems to hate.
A lot of people are taking my ex-best friend’s side too. I live in a really small town, so things don’t stay private. Everyone knows everyone, everyone knows what happened, and it feels like everyone already has an opinion about me without even knowing my side.
I can walk somewhere and wonder if people are talking about me. I see people who know what happened and I immediately feel uncomfortable because I feel like they already decided who I am.
It feels like my name became something people talk about.
And the worst part is that I can’t escape it because it’s such a small place. I can’t just go somewhere and start over. I can’t disappear and become a completely different person. It feels like everyone already knows me as whatever version of me they heard about.
I keep seeing the people I used to be friends with together. They have other friends now. They’re laughing, going places, posting each other, making plans, and living their lives like nothing happened.
And I’m just not there anymore.
I don’t know how they can lose me and seem completely fine when losing them has affected me this much.
I miss them even though I know some of those friendships weren’t good for me anymore. I miss the version of my life where I had people. I miss having someone who knew all my little habits and stupid stories. I miss getting random messages. I miss having inside jokes. I miss being invited somewhere. I miss knowing that if I had a bad day, there was somebody I could call.
Now I have all these things I want to say and nobody to say them to.
Sometimes something funny happens and I instinctively think about sending it to someone, then remember I don’t have that person anymore.
Sometimes I just stare at my phone because I want a notification so badly.
And sometimes I wonder if anyone would even notice if I stopped talking to everyone completely.
I know people always say you’ll make new friends and that people come and go, but I don’t want to hear that right now. I know I’m supposed to believe things will get better. I just don’t know how to believe it when I’ve watched basically everyone leave.
I’m going online now, and honestly, a part of me is doing it because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to walk into another school year feeling like this. I’m young, and I don’t want to spend these years feeling like I’m already completely alone. I don’t want to keep seeing everyone together while I’m alone. I don’t want to spend my days watching other people’s lives through their stories because I don’t have one of my own that feels like that anymore.
I feel like I went from having people everywhere to having nobody.
And I keep asking myself what I did to deserve that.
Maybe I did things wrong. Maybe I made mistakes. I know I’m not perfect. But I don’t understand how everything can fall apart at once and how everyone else can still have each other while I’m the one left completely alone.
I don’t even want a huge group anymore.
I just want one person.
One person who actually wants to talk to me. One person who doesn’t already have a reason to dislike me because of something they heard. One person I can trust. One person I don’t have to worry is going to leave or talk about me the second I’m not around.
I don’t know if anyone will even read this, but I think I just needed to say it somewhere.
If you’ve ever lost everyone, not just one friend but genuinely felt like you had nobody left, please tell me what happened after that.
How did you start over when it felt like everyone already knew you and hated you?
How did you make yourself believe that there were still good people out there?
Because right now I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to start over when I’m still young and I feel like I’ve already lost everyone.

I was in tenth grade, and I had a friend who was supposed to be my best friend, but I’d actually moved on from that a long time ago and was just friends with her—and I’d often hang out with her during breaks because I didn’t have anyone else. Of course, I had other friends, but everyone had already formed their own little cliques. It had been that way for several years, and it would’ve been really weird if I’d just suddenly joined the other group of girls. Because I just didn’t fit in. Anyway, at the end of tenth grade, this girl wrote me a two-page letter. It was full of very deep feelings. Now I wonder—maybe she knew that I didn’t want anything to do with her after tenth grade, and was that a kind of “goodbye” letter? Or did she just want to give me a parting gift but didn’t want to spend any money on me? She actually had another best friend whom she would always put before me. She never said so, but it was obvious to everyone. She wrote a letter to her, too, and apparently that one was very emotional as well. I actually thought I’d done a really good job of pretending to be her friend. But sometimes I lied to myself and pushed aside the things she’d done to me. If she said something I didn't agree with, I usually just kept quiet to avoid arguments or fights. Okay, I think that was too much information. In any case, that was a goodbye letter—did she know what I was planning?

I've stopped talking to my friend 2 days ago after an argument. She has me on delivered two days now and our streak ran out so I'm sure she's done contact with me as she's told mutual friends about our argument.

I'm going insane honestly she was 1/3 of my friends and very close to me, she had loads of friends so I doubt I even mean much to her she probably doesn't even care.

How do I cope with this? Is this feeling normal?

I genuinely feel physical pain in my heart thinking of it. At first it was rage and anger but I just miss her now and I'm not willing to apologise or anything because what she did was so wrong.

Sorry this rants all over the place but any advice would really be appreciated

I'm 16M if it matters

It's been 3 years since we last talked. My earlier efforts to make contact with you went unresponsive. I've had to mourn the loss of our friendship. But to me, you were family. I can only speculate to the reason why our friendship ended abruptly, and from that, I don't blame you. I understand your reasoning. It wasn't fair to you that I leaned so much upon you for emotional support, regulation and validation. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you wanted me to be there. Seems like it was a one sided friendship. You deserved more.

A lot has happened since our departure. I can't say that most of it was good. Despite the bad days, I always think of you and the fun times we had.

If you manage to find and read this, just know that I miss you and your family, and that I am so sorry for not being the friend you deserved. Tell (R) and (B) I said hello. You were an important part of my life and I will never forget you. Take care, I love you.

I (24F) recently ended a friendship with a 28-year-old woman, let's call her A. I've called her my best friend for many years, mostly because we've been through some traumatic things together. We used to be extremely close and spent a lot of time together.

Things changed when she moved to a nearby city and started dating a wealthy guy. They eventually moved in together at one of her friend's houses. Despite having wealthy parents who gave him everything, he took out loans in her name, physically abused her, and attempted to have non-consensual s** with her. She only told me about this after they broke up. When she left, he prevented her from getting her belongings, so she took him to court.

Around this time, she also started asking me for money repeatedly. When I questioned her about it, she said it was actually her boyfriend using her phone to ask for money and that if he didn't pay it back, it wasn't her responsibility.

After that relationship ended, she started dating an older friend, P (33M), and we became close again because she was living in my city and going through a very difficult time.

Unfortunately, P was also abusive. He beat her several times, once tried to throw her off a balcony, and they constantly had huge arguments. Their neighbors called the police multiple times, which she always dismissed.

She was in a terrible mental state after her previous relationship. She didn't have a job, was afraid to leave the house, and would have panic attacks in crowded places. Eventually, she went to a domestic abuse shelter, although I only found out afterward. She then went back to P because he apologized.

At the same time, I was struggling with my own issues. I had just come out of a severe depression and d**g abuse and was working in an extremely toxic job that consumed most of my time and energy. I didn't have the mental health or resources to help her in the way she needed, and I still feel guilty about that. But I was always there to listen whenever I could.

Once I left my job and was doing somewhat better, we started spending more time together again. However, almost every time we met, she talked about P or her previous relationship. I listened to the same stories repeatedly, including very intimate details. She constantly sent me screenshots of conversations and audio messages and asked me what she should do because she seemed unable to make decisions without someone else's opinion.

I gave her advice about therapy, getting a part-time job so she could become more financially independent, writing things down, meditation, etc. But she usually did the opposite. And I wasn't the only person telling her the same things.

I also tried to get her out of the house whenever I was mentally able to, because I knew otherwise our entire time together would revolve around her relationship. I put my own problems aside because I knew she was struggling.

Two years have now passed, and she's still with P. Whether we see each other several times a week or once a month, our conversations almost always become hours of talking about P, their latest fight, old arguments, screenshots, messages, and what she should do. Eventually, I became exhausted and my advice basically became, "Leave him."

At this point, she has some money of her own and still has her mother's house available if she wants to leave. I understand that leaving an abusive relationship is complicated, but after years of having the same conversations, I reached my limit.

Then my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. A knows this.

After years of feeling like my life was falling apart, I desperately wanted a few days where I could forget about everything and just have fun.

My birthday was August 30, and I planned a short trip to the capital for a couple of nights. I invited A, she agreed, and we planned everything and booked accommodation together.

Three or four days before the trip, she told me P was asking her for money. I told her to be careful not to overspend because I couldn't afford to pay for her expenses as well.

She became very offended. I understand that P has been controlling about money, and I realize my comment may have been insensitive, so I apologized several times and told her I hadn't meant it that way.

She continued arguing about it. I asked her directly whether she was still going on the trip, but she didn't answer.

Then, on my birthday, she started arguing about the money again and said I should have asked her whether I needed to cancel the accommodation. She also said that she had been there for me when I needed her.

That really bothered me because I don't think the situations are comparable.

The last time I genuinely needed her support was last year, when my boyfriend broke up with me a week before my birthday. I was devastated, so I spent that week going out with her and talking about the breakup constantly. I definitely talked about it a lot, but it lasted about a week. Eventually I stopped talking about it, and I don't even bring it up anymore.

I'm not saying she owes me anything because I supported her. Friendships aren't transactional. But there is a difference between needing your best friend's support during a crisis and making the same problem the focus of almost every interaction for years.

I have listened to her relationship problems countless times, tried to give advice, and tried to get her out of the house so she could have a break from it. Meanwhile, I rarely get the opportunity to talk about my own problems.

Even when my mom got cancer, I wasn't asking her to solve anything for me. I just wanted a couple of days where we could have fun together and not talk about P.

Instead, she turned the trip and my birthday into another argument about her relationship and money. She completely ruined what was supposed to be a special day for me.

Now she's posting on Instagram about how I'm immature and a bad friend.

What hurts most is that I spent years supporting her through two abusive relationships, often putting my own problems aside because I knew she was struggling. Yet she rarely asks how I'm doing. And when I finally needed a few days to forget about my own problems, it somehow became another situation where I was expected to focus on hers.

Last year, my boyfriend broke up with me a week before my birthday. This year, I lost my best friend around the same time.

I'm exhausted and heartbroken. I don't regret supporting her, and I don't blame her for being traumatized by what happened to her. But I don't think I can keep being her emotional support system when there's no room for me in the friendship.

Was I wrong for finally reaching my limit?

Hi. Do you think this situation can be fixed? I need advice. I'm a girl. I lost my female friend of 5 years because we became distant after I confessed my love for her. I regret it so much that I wish I could go back in time and lock my feelings inside me so my they would disappear. I cherished our friendship more than my feelings.

She's straight. I love her in every way. I lacked the sense of perspective and thought she felt the same romantic feelings for me maybe just a lil bit. I felt like they were present. she'd jokingly flirt alooooot and make such obvious lesbian jokes it sometimes felt like a message she was trying to tell.

When I confessed my feelings she laughed it off. she was still nice. She said it's not possible. Nothing. Stayed. The. Same. After. That. Everything we did was awkward. even though we made it clear we don't wanna ruin our friendship after "that", but it still somehow went downhill. I had no idea how to fix things anymore. everything was so jolly before then my world just crashed.

I feel so disgusted with myself. That Convo when I confessed became a topic we can't discuss because it's just so embarrassing for both of us. she laughed at it every single time. "Remember when that happened??? Crazyyyyyy wtffff" and I'd say "yeah I was out of my minddddd lollll".

Every single time we had an argument she'd pull the "you are obsessed with me and we both know that" card. I regret having feelings for HER. I wish it was someone who understood.

That was very hard to type lol I miss her.

we were the best as friends not lovers. I wanna be friends again. good friends. I really want that.

To Milk Chocolate

We never addressed your parents by their last names. We simply called them Mr. Steve and Mrs. Michelle. I can’t even recall the name of the daycare. I remember leaving abruptly, due to a misunderstanding involving the whole “daycare bus fire.” Your parents and I mutually agreed to part ways. I didn’t think it mattered that we didn’t do the same ourselves. I imagine you’d chuckle if you read this.

I realized then that my sexuality was a significant issue, but I didn’t realize yours wasn’t. I wouldn’t say I was crushing on you then, but I liked you. I cherished waking up from our naps, sharing snacks, and playing with the Bratz dolls until it was time for me to leave. We always had options, and we chose to play together, except when the arcade room was open.

I would pick the boys’ Bratz dolls, and you would choose the girls. We would play for hours, creating imaginary lives for them. Their relationships and lives were easier to manage than ours. We would sneak kisses to each other after a long day of “work” or whatever imaginary fight we would imagine.

I wasn’t good at picking up on subtle cues back then, and that hasn’t changed in adulthood. I simply never saw you that way. Even though we were playing together, expressing ourselves in our “Bratz World,” we couldn’t do the same in the “Real” world. I enjoyed those times and many more we had playing together. I wish I had known then, but I’d rather blame the unawareness and scare tactics of your big brother and sister.

If I could go back in time and change our last time together, I would have kissed you before the lighter flame was extinguished (that’s a jab at our mutual departure). You were definitely worth more than teaching Cody how to light a lighter.

You’re a grown woman now, and you’re more beautiful than when we last spoke. I don’t think you remember me, and that’s okay. You might stumble upon this post as I stumble upon you again. Don’t worry if you do. I’m simply writing down memories of my life as they come to mind. I’m putting them out there in my mind and sharing them here.

but the thing is, we never even dated. In the fifth grade, I transferred to a new school, but I didn’t talk to anyone. And in the sixth grade, I finally found some friends. In February of the sixth grade, I started talking a lot with my classmate. I was the first to suggest we be fire on TikTok. But now I regret it. And again, in the same February, my friends told me, just for fun, to text him that I loved him and ask him out. In our class, everyone understands such jokes, and he also realized it was a joke and laughed. From that day on, we started joking that we were a couple—we made cute videos, gave each other nicknames, and both of us understood it was a joke. But I loved him very much. And I hoped he loved me too, because in three months of talking on Telegram, he spent 1,000 stars on me—in short, he gave me a lot of gifts. Sorry for the rambling; this is my first post. Getting to the point: I was with a group of girls, just like in a Bounty commercial. One of these friends was always trying to assert herself at my expense. And she told me to confess my feelings to him in all seriousness. I confessed, and it wasn’t mutual. I confessed to him in June. And the next day, he suddenly wrote that it was mutual and that he’d had a terrible day the day before. And we went for a walk and hugged. But throughout our entire communication, he could just ignore me at any moment. And this happened even after we confessed our feelings to each other. And I, like an idiot, blocked him everywhere, and then tried to get him back. In short, to make a long story short, that friend has now grown closer to him and is talking to him; I get a sense of déjà vu when she talks about their communication. Today we met on the first of September at school. He didn’t even look at me.