I'm a 19 year old black kid who's ugly, with a learning cognitive disability on top of that which makes me very mentally inefficient. and because of this I've been rejected, excluded and treated like utter shit by girls. or even worse they'll pretend that they like me and lead me on, or they'll do that dumb bullshit where they ghost you out of no where, I've only had 1 girlfriend in my entire life when I was 16 and that was only because one of my friends at the time had to do a shit ton of convincing to the girl to date me. I didn't pull her on my own which is pathetic, it lasted 10 months and we never had sex or nothing so I'm still a virgin, all I've gotten was kisses and blowjobs, meanwhile I see other slightly younger teens or young adults who had have 2, 3, or 4 girlfriends throughout their youth and have lost their virginty, they have no issue getting girls because they have the looks and don't have disabilities and eventually they'll grow older and have children whereas I'll be alone, in my 30s with no wife, no kids. whenever I'm at a community center where there's alot of people around my close my age (like 16-20 year olds) I'll see them with these attractive girls and it genuinely just angers me, it makes me resent and not like these dudes because it's like I want a beautiful girl but I know I can't get one. and seeing others have what you can't get will make you envious as hell and I'll admit it I'm a jealous mf, I don't like seeing people with stuff I can't get but there's nothing wrong with that, it's human nature. want to be alone my whole life but it's like if girls don't like you then there's nothing you can do. I've always been seen as an outcast, loser, weird etc by girls and that's just how it's gonna be.

Blessings everyone! I’m a 37 y/o single gay man.… That took a lot of work to say….(in the past)

Lets talk Male Mental Health:

Family… Community… Freely existing: crucial for male health!

I was so afraid to just exist…. my life changed so fast… and adjustment was hard for me….

I shared a post the other day here on Reddit, and the conversations started there, really got me thinking!

Coming from where I come from, just to exist freely was a task, something i felt guilty of…

I was taking it on the chin… that I may never be a husband…. but now? instead of being hyper focused on it? I’m embracing the challenges and refusing to quit!

Learning to drive again, a battle… but I wont stop! So here’s to you my brother;

Keep fighting to be well! PTSD has me bounded…. I’m free (ish)😮‍💨😂😭

These are some pictures I wanna show you of when I was trying to lose them like fat in the face so my cheeks don’t look too chubby and I just say you know and the second picture I think I look a lot better and I’m really hoping that some of you guys would say you agree because the first photo was from April and I admit my face looked wider there and I think favorite picture is the second one for sure

I am still struggling with depression and feel that I am not worthy of ever finding love. I feel that it is only a matter of time before I make my decision. I think going away will cure my sadness, even though I am scared. I know that is the only way I can stop it.

I’m turning 19 soon and I genuinely hate my life right now. I feel completely lost, angry, and exhausted every single fucking day, and I just need to get all of this off my chest because keeping it inside is driving me insane.

I’m dealing with social anxiety and constant overthinking. I’m scared of people, especially women. Every time I walk outside alone or with people I’m barely friends with, I get super anxious. When I pass by girls on the street, I’m terrified they think I’m a creep or something. I’m scared to get a job, and I’m scared to do simple adult stuff like going to the post office or something. My body physically reacts to all this stress. I have a completely mad gut and stomach issues, but my family just brushes it off saying it is just genetics and that I overthink just like my uncle, refusing to accept that their toxic environment ruined my health. Because of how my dad treated me, I overthink constantly and feel like I am not man enough or still a kid stuck in an adult's body, even though physically I look like an average 19-year-old guy. I am deeply terrified that one day I will get old and guilt will eat me alive because I wasted my youth.

My dad isn't an alcoholic and he doesn't smoke or do drugs. To the outside world, he acts like a good man and people outside seem to genuinely love and respect him. But behind closed doors, he is an abusive monster who never keeps his word as a man. These are just a few of the terrible things he has done to me that are forever stuck in my head. In Algeria, the Baccalaureate or BAC is an extremely brutal, high-stakes national exam at the end of high school that takes an overwhelming amount of stress to pass. My dad promised me that if I succeeded and passed the BAC, he would use his strong connections to land me a great, high-paying job at the port. On top of that, he threatened me that if I failed, he would force me into the military, just like his own father forced him when he started going down a bad path and doing drugs. I put in the hard work, succeeded, and passed the BAC anyway, but he completely lied and broke his promise about the job. When I was 12, my hair was long and I used to tilt my head to get it out of my face. He thought it looked feminine, so he locked me down so I couldn't move and chopped my hair off. When I was 13, I tried to physically protect my mom while watching them fight, and my dad hurt me and smashed my phone. Later, they forgave each other, turned around, and blamed me, calling me a bad kid for trying to fight my dad and saying I shouldn't have protected her. When I was 14, after an argument where I called him bald, he threatened to take me to a graveyard and bury me alive. He actually forced me into his car, drove at full speed to the cemetery, and only changed his mind once we arrived. During arguments, he has called me weak and a sissy, and literally told me that if slavery still existed, he would have sold me.

Now, whenever I try to confront my mom about any of this or tell her that my life is getting worse because of them, she instantly defends him. She makes excuses saying he didn't mean it, that he's a policeman under stress, or that he pays and takes responsibility for us so I can't complain. She shifts the topic to her own childhood, tells me I'm just too sensitive and that only women are sensitive, and compares me to my best friend saying he's doing well even though his family is worse. When my parents fight now and I get dragged in, they have the nerve to tell me it is their problem and has nothing to do with me, completely erasing the trauma they forced me to watch.

The hypocrisy and double standards in this house make me boil with rage. My mom brags that my cousin got a job at a fast-food place at 16 even though his family is rich. But when I was 16, my parents treated me like a helpless kid and wouldn't let me go long distances, let alone work. I used to cry to myself because they wouldn't even let me go to the beach with my friends. When I bring up that my friends were allowed to go to the beach, my parents excuse it by saying my friends aren't raised right, or if I mention friends they actually know and like, my mom just claims they are good with their parents. Now, I have to watch my 15-year-old little brother get allowed to go out and do everything I was denied. When I compare my life now to my brother’s life when I was 15, it hurts so bad. I never mentioned that to them because I don't want my little brother to think that Im jealous of him.

Now comes the ultimate slap in the face. My big brother is leaving the country soon, and my father said he is going to migrate my little brother abroad for a better life too. Meanwhile, I am the one stuck here, forced to live under their roof for three whole years until I finish college. It is so fucking unfair that everyone gets a way out while I'm left trapped in this pressure cooker with the exact people who ruined my mental health.

Nobody in my real life actually knows what I'm going through. When I go on family vacations with my cousins, I act like a funny, super social guy. They all think I'm happy because I put on this mask, but nobody, not even my close friends, knows the dark, buried pain I live with every day. Recently, my uncle who lives in France called me and told me that since I’m starting college, I should enjoy my youth, make great memories, talk to girls, and live life to the fullest before getting older. Hearing that broke my heart deep down because everyone around me thinks I'm totally fine and capable of having a normal youth, while in reality, I'm sitting here paralyzed by anxiety, terrified of women, and trapped in a household that crushed my confidence.

My only hope and dream in life is to build enough wealth to leave this country forever. Right now, one of the only things keeping me sane and happy is writing my own fictional book. It's my escape when reality gets too dark, and I keep telling myself one day it will be over. Whenever I get into arguments now, my anxiety spikes, but then my anger issues take over because I'm so fed up. Living here in Algeria where everything is expensive and being trapped like this makes me feel like I'm going to burst. I am never forgiving them deep down, no matter how much my mom claims he didn't mean it or that they love me. Words are cheap. I am just so tired of this bullshit, tired of feeling trapped in my own head, and tired of being robbed of my life. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

I was wondering why I’m in therapy. Been with a counselor for a while and I’m still not sure why I feel like I need validation for my past. I’ve validated it myself of course in my head many times. I’m not in therapy for sympathy. But it feels like my therapist doesn’t have solutions to my struggles more I feel like we relate too much and I feel it’s hindered my experience in therapy

21 weeks premature. Lung collapsed at birth gave me a slightly larger nostril due to needing it reinflated. Mother coddled me my whole childhood. Never dated or kissed a girl. Mother died five years ago, and I sank into a depression. Sister took me into her house to help me out of my situation.

Neurologist told me a year ago he could tell I was high-functioning after an hour long interview of me pouring my heart out. Said I would benefit from being with a partner.

But who would want to be in a relationship with me?

28M, studio art bachelor degree working retail. Trying to get more hours, barely breaking even every month after rent and groceries. I'm too anxious to drive, but I'm going to have to learn eventually. I don't have the money to buy a car either.

I love to cook, video games, in way too many fandoms, don't really have any other hobbies.

5'8", 140-145 pounds. Blue eyes that older women occasionally compliment. Just recovered from a septoplasty to help me sleep and breathe better. Tinnitus is a bitch in my right ear. now I've got some tender painful spot right behind my ear that I can't tell is a swollen lymph node or not.

I just feel like a worthless loser in a rut, I'd just be an inconvenience or a burden to a woman. I don't want to be coddled in a relationship.

I'm probably just going to die alone anyway.

So, basically, I'm a very clingy and emotionally needy person. Life hasn't always been nice to me, and never really got to be a child growing.. blah, blah, blah, but because of events in my life, I've always loved being held and being close with my partner (listening to someone else's heartbeat calms me down so much) but my girlfriend doesn't really understand, I've attempted to explain and I've never gotten through to her, the other night I revealed some of the things that keep me up at night, I opened up secrets and wounds that I buried deep inside. She gave me a pat on the back and a "I understand" comment, then rolled over and went to bed. I was really hurt and went back to something I trusted. First, my imagination, since I was in high school, I've had this imaginary partner, a completely fake figure that I imagine holding and loving me in the ways I need. and made a character who did understand me. But I feel bad, like I've cheated on her. Truth be told, I've been doing this for a while. My grandma died during the busy season for her work. I spent most of my time crying, alone, destroyed emotionally, but smiling for her, during that same time my car's tire exploded on the freeway, I barely got to the side, and my car was out of commission for weeks, I was very scared of driving during that time but I pushed through it for her (the same day after the accident and the following days) I brought her food everyday for dinner. She didn't even attempt to get off work early or anything on the day my tire exploded. So, I guess I'm an emotional wreck who wishes their partner, which I do everything for, would do the same for me. A detail I should mention about myself is that because of everything that has happened in my life, more than often, I use anger to drive myself, now I never express this anger, I hate myself even more than normal when I let any of it out. This is why I wish my girlfriend would let me snuggle with her and kinda just let me be clingy (of course, her comfort is still important to me, I just want to be important too) when I am allowed to be clingy and emotionally needy I let go of my anger, I let go of everything that hurts, I can't do it without that comfort. Thanks for reading. I hope you have a wonderful day!

i left the gym after my workout it was super fast tho, then i went to a store to get some coke zero and i met this beautiful girl in there, she was so beautiful, she was short and dressed in all white with some sporty clothes, black hair and eyebrows and she looked clean like she takes care of herself, i didnt pay attention to what she was shopping for tho, but she also seemed a little familiar but either way i was never going to approach her thats not what i do, i never did this, and so i feel like whenever experiences like these happen i keep missing out over and over again and the moment i left the store i was like fuck she is so pretty. but i couldnt say anything to her cause in my mind realistically, im not ready to take out a woman to a date, or make efforts for a girl, i barely do some for myself, i wont get out of my bed and see her everytime etc.. its like i think ahead and see that even if it worked out and then what? The things that would keep the relationship alive are hard for me to do at this moment so i just dont drag her and myself in unnecessary trouble. Im 22 years old and ive been with a bunch of women but ever since my last breakup i just dont see relationships the same, its time and energy consumption and so i gotta choose carefully who i wanna be with, i just dont have it in me to even try. Thats when i started to think am i depressed? Cause im not diagnosed but i somehow stopped enjoying everything, my favourite game, i dont a play a SINGLE match per day, i even procrastinate playing video games that i like. I dont enjoy going to the gym anymore at this point i only go out of discipline and its only once every like 5-6days, i dont speak to a lot of people, i lost friends this way, i dont feel like visiting family, i cant stand the presence of people near me or in my sight, and im constantly pissed off at something im not sure i know 100%, maybe i dont know what the true meaning of life is, why am i here? Why do i exist? Why should i follow rules that i didnt sign up for? Why should i take on this life without my agreement? Why should i now suffer in this world and have to work to survive when i could have just not existed in the first place? All of these and more questions flood my brain every second of everyday, i stay up at night unable to sleep because of what i have become. And when eventually i sleep ill do for more than 10-12hours, i cant get out of bed, if i didnt have to eat id probably sleep for days, but getting up, drinking caffeine and sunlight keep me from falling back to sleep but anyway. This message escalated so far from the first point. Its like i had the answer in me i just had to type it so it can be organized, maybe love will find me when circumstances change in the future, maybe i wont exist in the near future who knows? Its fascinating to me how a random encounter with a stranger made me think about all this. But what i can say is at this point in my life, im not enjoying my time in this world, everything i once loved to do doesnt feel exciting anymore. I need help.

Why do I always feel like just Breaking down & Crying like a Baby?

Even when I'm at my Strongest...

Why do I still feel totally alone?

When surrounded by Friends & Family...

Sure I have Serious Trust Issues...

Sometimes I feel I can't even Fully Trust myself...?

I know my Brain works & Sees the World Differently.

I know I seem Emotionally Distant..?

I'm basically that way So I can't be Hurt..

Yes I know I'm a Loner who Prefers my own Company..

Than being part of the Crowd...

But also being part of the Crowd?

Causes problems...???

Because of my Social Anxiety...

Hey, I don’t even know where to start. I’m 23 and I just want to be loved.

The last couple of years have been a complete collapse for me. I went through severe depression (diagnosed by a doctor), lost several people close to me, and got kicked out of university. I felt absolutely terrible. I stopped making music, I couldn’t even play my favorite games because every failure hit me so hard that I’d start hating myself and thinking I was a loser. I still feel that way sometimes.

I’m broke, short, not athletic, and not particularly attractive. I’ve never had a normal relationship with a woman, and for some reason women just don’t seem interested in me. The only times women have actually shown initiative toward me, they ended up using me, and they used me really badly. I don’t understand why. I try not to hurt anyone, so I don’t understand why people treat me like that.

My last attempt at a relationship was three years ago. I tried really hard to stay in touch with her and keep the conversation going, but when I started doing really badly and stopped initiating, she never messaged me even once.

A lot of people say that you need to get your life together first, become healthy and strong, and only then look for a relationship. But I’ve seen people with problems similar to mine, or even worse, find a partner while they were still struggling and then get through it together much more easily. So why do I have to carry everything on my shoulders alone?

And honestly, I did go to a doctor. I really tried, and I’ve gotten better. This year I went back to university and graduated. I’ve lost weight, I’m trying to get rid of my acne, and I’m forced to look for a job (otherwise my family will literally starve lol).

I used to have so many hobbies, but for the last three years I basically did nothing. I didn’t have the energy or motivation for anything. Now I’m slowly trying to get back into life, doing what I can, and… I’m still nobody’s choice.

I try to tell myself that sooner or later things will get better, but more and more often I feel like I’m just a loser who’s destined to be alone and that things are only going to get worse.

Hey gents. Been slipping back into some unhealthy head spaces lately, and its gotten pretty bad again. Lots of anxiety, which causes me to overreact, sleep terribly, and isolate. I live in a very small rural town in the south, and am always either working (either at my job or working on taking care of some sort of errand), sleeping, or driving. I tried telehealth therapy but they wont talk to me while i'm driving, i dont live near any therapists (never helped before anyway) and because of my sleep problems I sleep through most of the day until I have to rush to work. Any reccomendations on what my next move is here? I've got too much going on to have another mental health crisis and want to just take care of it.

Extra info: already on medication that i've been taking regularly again, have friends who i talk to regularly but dont grt to see much, and have mutliple various hobbies both indoor and outdoor. Diagnosed with OCD and most of my anxiety comes from various obsessions.

My problem is I feel like there’s nobody to talk to that can understand what’s happening to me and I also feel like if I admit that I’m not doing well mentally then it’s game over because I know there’s no help especially when I’m not wealthy that’s why I just suck it up and keep pushing

I have no confidence, I've never had any and my self esteem is in the trash. Im 32, 5'3 and autistic. My entire life I've been bullied, ostracized, pushed around and disrespected.

I've been told that I need to be more confident, but confidence doesn't manifest in a vacuum. If all I've had are negative experiences, then what is there to be confident about?

To no one's surprise I've never had a relationship, not even holdings hands before. It's been made abundantly clear to me throughout my life that I'm just not wanted. I don't really talk to anyone because I just assume the worst will happen. I think I actually hate living to be honest.

For those of you who don't have a reason to continue, why do choose to?

I've given up on trying to build a certain life for myself. The amount of rejection has been overwhelming. So I finally accepted that I'll be alone and work until the day I die.

Ok fine. But what now? If I have no reason to continue, why continue?

Work until I die so I can pay bills just to work till I die so I can pay bills....

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

As men, we’re taught to bury our feelings deep inside because somehow being emotional is a sign of weakness. Over time, these feelings start bubbling up inside us and we start to feel the consequences of bottling them up.

We start to feel depressed, existentially frustrated, angry, hopeless, and mad at ourselves. In this guide, I’ll teach you how you can “fix” these issues. I’m not a professional, just a guy who learnt how to deal with this problem through therapy.

Step 0. The Foundation.

First, we need to understand the concept of nonjudgment. Often, we judge our emotions as “good” or “bad”, “positive” or “negative”.

Understand that all emotions are… neutral. There is always a reason why we feel. Check the attached picture for this.

When we judge our emotions, we acquire “secondary emotions”. For example, if I’m sad and feel that this emotion is weak, I’ll feel sad AND guilty AND emasculated instead of just sad. It means I have more work to do.

Step 1. Noticing.

That is why, instead of judging yourself, try to name your emotions, connect them to the event that caused them, and try to sit with them. Sitting with emotions simply means acknowledging that you feel that way, and then just sitting and doing something. Don’t ignore it, just let it be. It’s like babysitting your cousin. Yes, they’ll jump around and throw things around, but that’s how kids are. Let them be, they’ll get tired on their own and get tired at some point.

If you feel overwhelmed, remember that the intensity of emotions go up, reach their peak, and then come down gradually. You can make note of this by rating their intensity out of 10, and noticing how that intensity changes.

Step 2. Acknowledgement.

Next, you want to acknowledge what feelings you have. Again, go over the attached image. It’ll help you understand what emotions you’re feeling. You can also search for “what emotions feel like in our bodies” for a better explanation. That’ll help you if you’re unable to label your feelings as emotions are also felt in the body and descriptions like having sweaty hands, clenching your teeth, feeling lightheaded, etc are all related to their corresponding feelings.

Now, all you have to do is acknowledge what you’re feeling.

“I’m feeling frustrated because of the construction outside that fucking woke me up from wonderful dream”. True story.

Notice how there is no judgement. Just the facts.

Step 3. Validation.

This subreddit is a good space to practice, but you can also do this with a paper and pen if needed.

First, you identify your emotions, then, you acknowledge that you’re feeling that way. And finally, you validate yourself. How?

Let’s say you’re feeling sad because your father yelled at you for being bad at driving… because you’re learning for the first time…. Here’s what you do,

“I feel sad because my dad yelled at me. I’ve never driven before so obviously, I’ll make mistakes, so I should take it easier on myself, and so should he”.

This may sound like a small change, but it’s actually pretty significant. Do this for every heavy feeling you have, and eventually, you’ll feel better. Less guilty, less depressed, etc.

How can this knowledge be applied to depression?

I’ve often seen posts here like, “I’ve always been an awkward kid in school, my parents were abusive and never taught me how to talk to people. Now I can’t get women to talk to me. I feel like a failure”.

You’ve answered your own question.

You are awkward because your parents didn’t help you. Now, you’re not gonna transform into Casanova overnight, it’ll take some time, right?

But you can acknowledge that the abuse you faced would have some negative effects that aren’t your fault. You can feel sad, cry about it, lie down, and take your time.

You can also understand that you’ll need time to heal and learn these new skills. I’ll be posting dating advice… at some point here anyways.

Also, if you’ve never talked to women before, why would you assume you’ll be good at it? Exposure and practice make you good. Everything takes time and effort, and the day is only 24 hours… or less depending on your schedule.

My point is, be patient with yourself and learn things one by one instead of expecting yourself to be perfect from the get-go.

If you’ve read the whole post, thank you, and have an amazing day! I hope this was helpful :))

I made a video on how if we reshape how men perceive friendship with each other, and deepen that connection, it has so much benefits !!!

I (26M) have a particular problem. I noticed this many times but was never able to articulate it with precision until today.

So I went to gym as usual. And there is this girl I liked. Its that split second decision thing really. I suppose she was maybe single months ago, but recently she talks so much with one guy and tends to be an antisocial with others. I am telling this because this one guy joined gym after me and I see this girl weekly for 2+ years. Her behavior has changed and its telling me about both of them. The girl is almost like a magnet on that guy, all within gym premises. Both of them around mid twenties of age.

I usually tend not to approach women in gym premises unless there is a green signal and it is mutual. But them doing this weird stuff in gym premises signals me hypocrisy of not having basic common sense about that guy and that girl skips her workouts just to talk with him (rules that may apply if someone else did so, lets say me, not them). I am not jealous or even anxious of them because I've seen such honeymoon phases of a connection and its aftermath in mid twenties. It rarely works out.

Now because of this exact situation for months, I cannot even talk to her, let alone get a good opportunity to say hello. If anything develops from that interaction, be it. If not, I move on.

One might say why I wasted 2 years and didn't approach her then? Well there was another guy on whom she was like a magnet too, before this new guy came in. She is antisocial too like me, only talks with those 1-2 guys. Plus I have my issues too i.e more below.

Second instance, I go to gym, I put earphones, I do gym, I come home. In those 2 hours, I forget the world. I fail to go to gym multiple days weekly due to 9-5. So those 1 or 2 days are absolute critical to me. I simply cannot waste them. Again I feel like ignoring other humans in gym premises make me look like a egotistical, arrogant guy. Which I am not. It really eats me inside when I realize this later.

I am an introvert, engineer, highly ambitious, music and art loving individual and someone with a strong moral compass. I love taking care of health, my own life, emotional wellbeing, etc. This perfectionist approach became an obsession and now it is killing my social life. I did schooling/high schooling knowing I'm there to get grades and be a high achiever. High school helped unlock a little bit of my social identity but it wasn't long, less than 2 years.

Then in bachelors, covid-19 hit and university allowed online classes. Almost 4 years of confined in home. So safe to say school life grades brainwashing + my nature + covid took a heavy hit on my social skills. Even in adult life, anxiety about job, housing, moving out from parents, future in general, be married or not, etc keeps me up at night at times.

I really feel hurt but despite that, I am unable to do anything about it. Nobody understands my perspective, instead tells me antisocial and introvert. Also tells me I will never achieve anything big in life.

I really need to FIX my life. Please tell me how and be kind. I want to live normally. But I don't want to lose my inner self or my goals, ambition, etc.

Thanks for the help in advance.

I have DPDR from smoking weed and the most disressing symptom i get is this feeling that I am constantly on a boat or I am bobbing around in the water or something like that. Is there any way I can make this go away? Or atleast relieve it somewhat? Please help

Everything in my life is shit right know. I feel so incredibly alone and sad all the time. 3 months ago I saw thinning on my sides and since then everything in my life has just turnt to shit. During these 3 months or this summer my grandma has forgotten completely who I am due to dementia, my grandpa has been hospital writen several times. My dad has not been working for almost 2 years due to a liver sickness and currently he is so tired and he’s sleeping all the time. My younger step sister (fathers side)has had to go to the hospital cause of mental problems cause she said she didn’t wanna live anymore. While my other sister has been abroad for over a year now and I don’t really speak to her much. I’ve felt so lonely and sad all fucking summer. Seeing your so called friends hang out without you everyday and hoping you will get an invite. I’ve eaten like absolute shit and I’ve stopped working out and I’ve sleept like shit. And like the cherry one the cake I’ve started balding at seventeen which have completely drained me of all the little confidence I had. I’m asking you guys if you have ever gone through a similar period in your like teens or in your life and if it ever got better, because currently nothing in my life is going my way. I also feel like all of these thoughts and worries has just been stuck inside my head and I just need to tell someone:(

I'm a 33 year old black male and I just want to live and let live. I miss life before I had access to the internet. I miss when my biggest concern was trying beat to the mountain racetrack with the falling rocks while racing against Samurai Gorah in F-Zero GX. I miss when I wasn't expected to fight for things that I didn't sign up for. I'm a straight man but I don't like "manly" things. I like colorful things, my favorite color is pink and I love flowers. You can say I'm whiny and I can accept that but why do I have to fight and be a protector? I've seen fights outside of sanctioned ones like MMA and boxing and they scare me, I nearly lost my dad to a "hit" being put out on him. He got beat up and put into a hospital. I lost my friend gun violence, a good quiet guy who didn't have a bad bone in his body... gunned down by the police. I don't want to be in a position where I have to protect someone. I'm scared. I where goofy Hawaiian shirts to try and look as disarming as possible. I keep my eyes to the ground and laugh loud to seem like I'm not a threat. Much like everyone else, I have scars, I've seen things, and heard things way too late. There's a weird circle of abuse in my extended family. All I want is to just make it through life, have a decent job, a family that I can laugh with and reminisce about old games and obscure commercials with. But I'm scared and I have keep pushing through life while keeping my mind occupied so I don't burst into tears. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I a coward? Am I a pussy?

I can't seem to be enough for anyone. They only say my name to say something bad. Or to make fun of me. I'm so tired.

Hey guys,

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while. I’ll give a little context before getting into the crux of it. I’m 32 and have a Master’s degree in foreign languages. I currently work as an adjunct instructor at a local university—it’s contract-based and pays peanuts, but it’s deeply satisfying since I get to teach language majors.

I’ve been applying for other jobs on the side, but it’s been brutal, to say the least. The job market feels completely stagnant right now. I’m not claiming to have some ultra-niche, magical skillset, but I speak three languages fluently and three others well enough to hold my own. I’m also prepping for a national certification exam that would credential me as a sworn legal translator.

On paper, all of that sounds pretty solid. Yet I feel completely stuck. A close friend of mine just landed a major job opportunity today—and while I’m genuinely happy for them, I’ve been on the verge of tears all evening because I just don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. On top of that, I feel like a terrible person for even feeling this way. I keep asking myself: What if I pass this translation exam and nothing actually changes?

To add another layer to it all, I’m gay and still in the closet. That weight alone takes a massive toll on me. I’m a total introvert, so talking about this stuff openly with people in my real life feels almost impossible, which is why I’m turning to this space.

How do you deal with feeling worthless? How do you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else’s? And how do you convince yourself that you’re actually not a total waste of space?