Okay this is going to be long but Reddit is the only place I can actually talk about this.

I'm 21F, been with my boyfriend almost two years. Sex life has always been great and we've been getting more experimental lately, toys, porn together, all that. For a while he's been dropping the threesome idea. It went from jokes to actual conversations.

The tipping point was a movie we watched with a really hot threesome scene, both guys focused entirely on the girl. I got wet watching it and he noticed because his hand was already between my legs. He asked if we should try it, just once. I was already so turned on I basically said yes right there. My only condition was that it had to be someone I trusted, not a stranger off an app.

We talked about it for two weeks. Then he mentioned his best friend who's been studying in Canada. I'd met him before, tall, decent build, clean cut face. Once my boyfriend planted the seed I couldn't stop thinking about it. Turns out the friend was flying back to India the next month. My boyfriend started prepping him on calls, talking about "this girl" they could hook up with. When he finally told him it was me, apparently there was a silence and then the friend just said "she's hot, I'm down."

Side note, my boyfriend also wanted an FFM. Made me create a Tinder account to DM girls. Absolute failure. Every girl ghosted or thought I was catfishing. So the MMF was the one that happened.

The night itself. He flew in, spent a couple days with family, came over on a Friday. We'd been drinking to loosen up. Dim lights, clean sheets, drinks. It started slow, all three of us on the couch talking, then my boyfriend started kissing me while his friend watched. Then he nodded at his friend and his friend leaned in and kissed me too. That first kiss with someone who wasn't my boyfriend, right in front of him, sent a jolt through me. Guilt and arousal at once, straight to my pussy.

It moved fast after that. Both of them undressed me together, four hands on me, one mouth on my neck and another on my tits. They took turns going down on me. One tongue on my clit while the other guy sucked my nipples, then switching. I came fast because the sensory overload was insane. Two guys focused entirely on making me feel good. That's the part I liked most honestly, being the center of both their attention.

Then came the part I was nervous about. My boyfriend told me to suck his best friend's cock. I hesitated because doing that in front of him felt like crossing a line, even though we'd already agreed to cross every line. But my boyfriend was rock hard watching me stroke his friend, and he said softer, "go on, put it in your mouth." So I did. His friend groaned and my thighs clenched. Then my boyfriend got behind me and started fucking me while I sucked his best friend off. On all fours with a cock in my mouth and a cock in my pussy. Every thrust from behind pushed his friend deeper into my throat. I was drooling, moaning around him, completely gone.

We switched a lot. His friend fucked me while I made out with my boyfriend. My boyfriend fucked me while I sucked his friend. I rode my boyfriend while sucking his friend off standing next to the bed. I told them both no anal and no double penetration and they respected it completely. Always one at a time inside me. That mattered.

The moment that surprised me most was near the end. His friend was close to cumming in my mouth and pulled back saying "I'll pull out before I finish." Polite of him. But my boyfriend, watching from behind me, said "no, let her swallow it. She swallows mine, she can swallow yours." I looked up at my boyfriend and he was dead serious and so turned on. Something about him giving his friend permission to finish in my mouth flipped a switch. I nodded, took his friend back in, and let him cum down my throat. Swallowed all of it. My boyfriend came inside me a couple minutes later.

We collapsed after. Awkward for maybe thirty seconds and then we were laughing and drinking water. His friend slept in the guest room, left the next morning. Hasn't been weird between any of us since.

Here's my dilemma. I liked it. Really liked it. But I don't know if I want to do it again. Part of me is scared my boyfriend will want it more than I do, or get jealous later, or that I'll start comparing our regular sex to threesome sex. And I don't know if this is even a normal thing to do in India or if my circle is just extra conservative. My friends would drop dead if I told them.

Has anyone else here done an MMF with your partner and their close friend? Does it change the friendship? Did you do it again? Was it better or worse the second time? I need actual experiences, not judgment, because I'm already giving myself plenty of that. How common is this in india? I would also love to try and FFM!

So I've been hooking up with this couple for a while , and I've really enjoyed it so far, at least until the last time. In our recent hookups, they kind of talked me into letting the husband fuck me, and it was OK the first few times. It felt good but didn't make me cum or anything. Then during our last meet, he was doing me doggy while the wife watched, and suddenly I came HARD. I wasn't expecting it, and right after the post nut clarity hit me like a brick wall. Went straight from horny mode to thinking like what the fuck am I doing? Felt really guilty and embarrassed, and really just wanted to stop, but he hadn't finished yet, and she was really enjoying the show, so I kind of just pushed through it so not to ruin everyone's mood.

Don't know how to feel about it now tbh. Never had much trouble with post nut clarity when hooking up with them before, and never during 'regular' sex with women. I should mention I've only ever had sex with another guy when I've been with this couple. In my 'normal' life I've only had straight sex, and I guess I still identify as (mostly) straight. So now I kind of have second thoughts on hooking up with them again. I'm worried I'll get that feeling of shame again, and I don't know what to do tbh. At the same time I want to keep doing it whenever I feel horny. It's quite maddening. Any advice?

Hi all!

This is mostly going to be a rant, but I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.

I’m 32M and have been NM for 12 years. I’ve had several primary and secondary partners. My last relationship was poly and lasted 8 years, during which I had a primary and up to 3 secondaries.

I’ve always struggled to find partners, both casual and serious, whenever I was open about being NM. For years, I assumed it was because I wasn’t attractive or interesting enough. Since I felt like I didn’t have many options, I often settled.

Meanwhile, my partners seemed to have the opposite experience. They could hook up with whoever they wanted, whenever they wanted. At one point, my last primary had only me, then went back on dating apps 7 years into our relationship and had more experiences in one month than I’d had in the previous 7 years.

Another example is my current secondary. She recently broke up with both of her other partners, so she went back on Tinder. We were on vacation together and her notifications were absolutely wild. Within 1 day, she already had 3 dates lined up and a threesome with some random couple.

I’ve also had a few slightly toxic secondary relationships where I was basically told that they could replace me or go fuck whoever they wanted if I didn’t accept certain conditions, while they clearly knew I couldn't use the same card.

Over the last 6 months, I broke up with my primary and 2 secondaries. I also stopped mentioning that I was NM when dating.

And suddenly, I have choices.

In 6 months, I’ve had more first dates than I had in the previous 8 years. I’ve even turned down beautiful women because I didn’t think we were compatible enough, didn’t like the sex enough, or couldn’t see myself building a life with them.

It’s honestly been a very weird experience. For years, I thought I was the problem, and now I’m wondering how much of it was simply the NM label. That label meant freedom to me, but I've now realized it was the opposite.

Obviously, I know I still don’t have anywhere near as many options as most NM women do. But apparently that difference bothers me a lot more than I ever realized. It’s gotten to the point where, even if I could have exactly the same dating options I have now while being NM, I’m not sure I’d choose NM anymore.

And I think that’s the weirdest part of all of this. I spent 13 years thinking NM was what I wanted, and now that I’ve finally experienced what dating feels like when I actually have options, I’m seriously considering going back to monogamy.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a decade and while we've both expressed interest in threesomes, we haven't come across the opportunity.. until now! A good friend of ours is interested and we had a brief chat about it and decided to plan something for the near-ish future. We all seem pretty compatible, so my gf and I are pretty excited. We're all somewhat kinky, and I'm definitely the more dominant one of the group so I anticipate being the one to kind of "direct" things. I wanted to come here and ask for any advice some more experienced people are willing to offer! I definitely plan to have a detailed conversation with all parties about any specific boundaries and interests so we can avoid doing anything one party isn't into. I'm 100% open to any general advice, but here are some more specific questions as well:

- What kinds of things should we make sure to discuss beforehand? (I definitely plan to discuss any hard no's/boundaries and also think it would be good to have a safeword)

- Should I make a loose outline of how the encounter should go (positions, acts, etc) or just let things go with the flow?

- Are there any positions or acts you recommend or DON'T recommend?

- Any general advice for first timers?

While this will be an encounter between three people with vaginas, I'm open to hearing from people from all kinds of dynamics and backgrounds. I'm really looking forward to it and want to make this a fun experience for everyone involved. Thanks in advance! :)

Part of me thinks I'm overthinking, part of me thinks I'm missing something. So I'm asking you lovely people for help.

My birthday is coming up. My (38/m) girlfriend Mya (41/f) is planning something that my friends and family are going to be at. She asked my FWB Darla (41/f) to help her with the planning. Mya and I are primaries, we have shared obligations and are planning on getting married. Darla and I have a much more casual relationship, we try to see each other once a week (twice if we can), go on dates and have even talked about weekend trips. Occasionally Mya, Darla and myself will go out together. Despite our label I am quite fond of Darla as a person and don't try to make her a dirty secret. I'm a private person, especially when it comes to my love life, but the people expected to be there either know I'm polyam or I'd be comfortable with them knowing. Almost all of them already know Mya, but only a few know Darla.

My question is how you would go about how to introduce Darla to friends and family. Do I say she's a partner? Or just friends? Anybody else go through this? How was your experience? Am I just overthinking this? Or is there more that I'm not considering? Thanks lovely people of r/nonmonogamy!

Hey everyone,

So… my partner and I just had our first threesome and it went pretty badly. We’re both still really messed up about it and could use some honest advice.

We matched with this guy on an app and went over to his place. It wasn’t even supposed to be a sex thing at first — more like hanging out and seeing if we clicked. But things escalated and we ended up having sex.

He seemed nice at the beginning. We talked a bit beforehand, though everything was pretty vague. My partner is into some light BDSM and likes being a bit of a bottom with some roughness. I wasn’t totally comfortable with them exploring that with someone else, but we both wanted to figure out what we actually like, so we went with it.

The problem was that the guy was way more intense and rough than I could handle. I was uncomfortable the whole time and at some points I was genuinely distressed, but I just… didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to kill the mood, I could see my partner was into it, and I felt like I had to be the “cool” one. Classic mistake, I know.

What made it even worse was that we wanted an actual threesome — something involving all three of us — but he kept trying to make it mostly just him and my partner. I ended up feeling like I was just sitting there watching, which made me really uncomfortable and left out.

Near the end he also started touching and kissing my partner in this weird way that just felt off — like he was inserting himself between us somehow. A bunch of our boundaries got crossed and we didn’t stop it.

Now we’re both spiraling. We keep blaming ourselves for not shutting it down when we should have. I had some really intense emotional moments during and after. My partner gets extremely horny and kind of loses control when they’re in that headspace, and right now I’m sitting here questioning a lot of things — how well I actually know them, what was okay and what wasn’t, and how the hell we’re supposed to move past this.

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for several years and we have decided to get into the LS, the thought of the LS excites both of us and we have already set our boundaries. Just need advice on how to or where to meet people. Should we start at clubs or maybe a LS cruise. I want to see her with other men and she wants to see me with other woman so we are pretty much open to most anything with a few exceptions. Any advice would be helpful, thanks.

I want to preface this by saying this is not a braggadocios post or trying to stroke my ego, it’s a genuine problem we’re having at it’s been quite the let down since we started our journey.

My fiancé (33f) and I (29m) started our ENM journey around a year ago. In that time we’ve been to multiple LS clubs and met some really nice people. Our biggest issue however has been that when it comes to finding play partners, we strike out at almost every situation once the time comes to exchange pictures/videos.

All of our conversations go really well, we vibe with others and riff off of them. We get genuine connections because that’s what we’re seeking, something consistent and fun. Things go well, until when we begin to exchange images with others and then things hard stop. For some context, I’m a black man and although I hate the stereotype of the ole BB you know what, I unfortunately/fortunately? Fall into that range.

Shortly after their exchanged we’ve had numerous moments of the female party being excited and talking with my partner about things, but by the next day contact is usually either slow or a complete ghost. We’ve even asked a few couples and have been told that “they” don’t feel comfortable with someone of my size in terms of intercourse.

I’ve been trying to remain cool about things and never have I started an argument with anyone about it, but I’m starting to get a bit frustrated with the situation. I’m reaching out to see if anyone else has had a situation like this and what might be a resolution to it all. As many of you know, you sink a good bit of time into finding partners out here, even more so if you’re from a more rural area, so when it feels like you’re pretty much running out of options, it becomes quite hard to want to keep going. We love our little community we’ve joined, but it’s disheartening to say the least.

Thanks for your time if you respond, it’s much appreciated!

Idk if i used the right flare, but i want to be in a one sided open relationship, being the monogamous partner. Idk why, i just like the idea of a partner having the liberty to have sex with other people, be honest abt it and be able to tell me casually how it went without getting in details. It is not a sexual thing at all for me, i just like the idea of being 100% dedicated to one person while they're not. As long as they still give me enough affection and care, it would honestly be incredible. I don't know why i feel like this, is it weird?

Married couple in 30s looking to try something different and new intimately. A threesome for my partner seems to be the ultimate fantasy winner and I’m willing to give it a go. We have talked about looking online or an agency but we have both agreed a date night and trying to make it happen organically would be best. My question is how do I go about the finding organically. He said he would prefer I take the lead which I have no problem being friendly. But don’t know how it works.
We are thinking a date night weekend getaway. Get a hotel and go out dancing and or bar hopping. So exactly how does it work when approaching a woman and finding out is she’s down without it being an insult or whatever. How does one go about the STD free confirmation when it is trying to be an organic event.

No regrets, just some big feelings and would like to talk it out. 34F and 33M in New Jersey, right outside Philly. Wife finally connected with someone after a few years of slow build-up. Holy shit! Didn't realize how weird it would be to actually do this and not have anyone to talk to about it. Hit me up but be sure to just tell me a little about yourself. Don't care which side of this you're on, but I'd love to be "forced" to relive it to another bull.

Exactly as the title states - my (28f) wife (28f) and I have been together since we were 19. Truly I love my life with her every day and she feels the same about me.

We made a large move to another state around a year ago and started to go out more, be more social, and experience the world. During the past year we mutually brought up the idea of potentially opening our relationship, what that could look like for us, etc. Conversations were never someone pressuring the other person, just both of us realizing that we’ve been together for our whole adults lives and that even though we want to be together forever, neither of us ever really got to experience ever being single, flirty, or fun.

Two weeks ago we had the final conversation where we decided that this is something we were both interested in, and started to get a little more excited about it.

This past weekend we went to an event, got a little drunk, and I saw her in a situation with a girl that looked very very close. Instantly I felt a little uncomfortable, but knew it would feel uncomfortable and instead had a friend take me on a lap to clear my mind and when I left my wife I told her (and this girl) to “have fun”.

They made out (duh? Lol) and I saw it out the window and immediately realized that it did NOT feel right and I don’t know if I have that level of security in myself or the emotional capacity to know that my life partner could be pursuing or being pursued by other people.

We talked, I told her my feelings, she reassured me that she loved ME and that it was just a fun little fleeting moment like we talked about that if I wanted to close the relationship immediately, we absolutely could. No hesitation, no disappointment, no animosity.

Literally both of us did everything right in this situation, our communication was great, we both understood that nobody did anything wrong, and I am not mad, I’m not upset, and I don’t feel like we’re in a bad place.

But my OCD will not let me recognize that what happened happened and it was unfortunate but also there was literally NO way for me to know that I wasn’t going to like something I thought I would be okay with until I saw it. I keep thinking that I’m not enough, I keep thinking my wife won’t be satisfied with me if I close the relationship, I keep thinking that this is going to finally be the thing that makes her realize that I am actually not all that I am cracked up to be. The anxiety is consuming me and I don’t know how to remind myself I’m enough.

I’m not really sure what I am looking to gain from this - just curious if anyone has any advice or just supportive words to help me pull myself out of this very illogical thought loop and back to the real world would be so helpful lol.

This probably isn't going to be the most exciting post but it means something to me and I don't have a lot of places I can share this with. My (38/m) partners are my girlfriend Gina (42/f) and my FWB Rita (42/f), I date both of them separately but they get along well and sometimes the three of us will hang out together.

The other weekend while grocery shopping I found a good deal on a 3 pack of nice steaks. I immediately thought of Gina and Rita, and bought them hoping for the best. Luckily I was able to have them both come over the same day and treat them to a steak dinner which was a hit with both of them. One of us floated the idea of going out for drinks and we went to a cocktail bar within stumbling distance, my treat to them. We ended up bar hopping and even came across a bakery that was open late. We had a great time and ended up back at my place.

Rita doesn't typically stay the night, it's a soft rule she has with all partners because she likes her bed, but decided to stay the night with us. It was the first time I actually had 3 people in my queen size bed, I was in the middle and felt squished but it didn't feel right to complain about it, lol.

This past week I had individual dates with both of them. They both reminisced about that night, they each had their own praises but they both called me a good hinge. It made me feel like I'm doing ENM well.

So yeah, nothing exciting but I felt like this is a good place to share my ENM joy.

It's been three months that me and my wife is into a MMF relationship, btw I am a bisex male, at first the relationship was just curiousity we just wanted to try something. I set boundaries like no feelings involved, but later on my wife fell for that guy, and eventually I fell for him too. Our threesome relationship went smooth. We even promised to stay together no matter what. But recently, I just often feel jealous because I can feel and see how they love each other, I felt left out. I told my wife about it and asked her how much she loves the other guy, and she told me that she loves him more than she loves me. I was hurt, and I started to think that she/they would leave me behind, and the promise we made to the three of us will be broken. Now I am being paranoid and jealous, I told my wife to leave and go with that guy because I can no longer trust them, that I am hurting more than enjoying our set up. She was begging me to stay in our set up. She told me that she loves both of us, but she's ready to get an apartment and leave me. I am really confused, part of me says just enjoy the moment, and part of me is telling me to stop because I am being cheated now. What should I do? Please, help me. Should I leave my wife with that guy, should I fight for her and ask her to end this threesome (which she said she couldn't leave the guy), or should I just continue this 3s relationship. 😥

My husband 37(m) and I 32(f) have been swinging for 2 years. At first I felt so confident and loved every new experience. We primarily do couple swaps together only but have explored many things. The past few months I keep having encounters where the men can't stay hard and I end up feeling insecure & self conscious about it. The date goes well, he's cute and we are flirting, but then nothing. I'm learning how to ask for other non-pennatrative fun and better flag my husband in to swap back quickly when we're in a couple-on-couple scenario. It just feels especially lonely because my husband has a such a good time every time & has a life of the party personality, and quality non-weird men are hard to come by whereas fun hot women attracted to him are aplenty. He's a great support and has helped me through these tough feelings in the moment, but it just sucks that these negative experiences seem to only happen to me.

How do I not take this so personally? How do I navigate dealing with the subpar experience & the emotions they bring up, while not affecting the groups fun? I know it's a known problem in the LS. It's happened so frequently and so many times in a row now that it's feeling like a me problem and not a men in the LS problem. It's starting to take a toll on my mental health and ruin all the other fun aspects of swinging with creeping recurrent insecure thoughts. Before you suggest, I already am working with an ENM experienced therapist. And not bi or else is just switch to ladies full time lmao. Maybe just looking to commiserate and see if any other women have overcome these feelings of inadequacy.

My husband and I have had an on again off again open relationship for years. We've mostly done things together or in shared settings, and for a brief period I dated someone (he's only interested in sex with others whereas I go back and forth between an interest in sex with others and/or also wanting a more emotional connection).

Anyways, we are back in therapy and exploring non-monogamy again as he is now certain that he needs an open relationship dynamic. I go back and forth on if this is something I want. He wants to have sex with others a few times a year, no dating.

On the one hand as a bisexual person it is very appealing to me as I could explore that side of myself I can't in my marriage. On the other hand, my husband is a very passionate lover - lots of kissing, touch, sensuality, and the idea of him having 1:1 with other people makes me feel nauseous and my heart race with upset and fear. I don't know if this is because it's unknown and I would get used to it, or because it is something I don't want. I used to be even jealous if he made out with someone or gave them a BJ and I don't feel that jealously anymore. It's more like 1:1 encounters that I get painfuly jealous about and I don't know how to navigate it.

Looking for others insight, either if they dealt with something similar, or how they decided if open was for them or not.

Alright so, here’s what happened

Wife (28F) and I (30M) decided to go to a strip club the other day.

I was the one who had only ever been to one once before and she had been to plenty!

That’s something I don’t have a problem with, clubs were just never my thing, but we had a BLAST

Couples dance with a girl we really liked, she hung out with us at the table, they exchanged numbers. Hell of a time.

Fast forward to the next day and she doesn’t feel great mentally, has a lot of guilt because of the way she was raised and trauma from not ever accepting her bisexuality even though she knew it (I knew it too before we got married)

We had an amazing time, loved everything about it, and if there weren’t extenuating circumstances, we probably would’ve had a 3some that night.

Fast forward to today, she’s talking to me about the guilt she feels because of how she was raised, I reiterate that that’s not something she should feel guilt or shame from with me because I am not at all even close to mad at it.

How do I encourage this without pushing? I grew up differently so I don’t see it as cheating if we’re literally both there and consenting, but I also don’t want her to hide a side of her that is definitely real and valid (you should’ve seen how she lit up during everything).

I am for sure hella new to this and don’t know how to help her, she’s made it clear that she’s not attracted to other men, but she’s also not romantically down to be with other women, (because of situations that have burned her in the past) but she also was VERY into it that night, telling her she was beautiful, getting her number, etc.

Help lol

Hey Yall, I’m looking for advice and insight into my partners (F) and I’s (M) current situation and how to move forward ethically.

We have been talking through non monogamy for over two years and decided to make the jump a week ago. We agreed to go slow and take our time. I had quite a few connections but nobody that I was really attracted to. Within a few days of opening she finds a beautiful man who is exactly her type. They started texting constantly through the week and she has not really been interested in matching with anyone else. She initially said she would be prioritizing connections with women as she is bisexual.

I started feeling a few pangs of jealousy but we talked through them and I would feel better. However each day the jealousy got worse and peaked yesterday when they made plans to meet up next weekend. I am realizing that I have a lot more emotional work regarding unresolved trauma that I have been suppressing

When opening we agreed that at any moment if one of us got cold feet, we would immediately close and focus on each other.

Only problem, she feels a connection with this person and wishes to stay friends. She still wants to meet him next weekend and I’m struggling to cope with it. On one hand I trust her to only maintain a friendship with this person, but I am also experiencing anxiety, jealousy and self doubt.

She has assured me all week that she loves me, that she sees me as my life partner, and does not want me to worry. I told her how badly it has been effecting me but that I will not tell her not to meet this person as that to feels unethical and wrong.

Does anyone have any thoughts or insights that may help make me feel better about the situation?

We were visiting friends. Decent folks. It was nice catching up with them.

We were sitting at their kitchen table. There was a tension. We'd never hooked up. Perhaps this time we would, the other wife hinted?

I don't think so, I told her. We're sorting things out, I said.

That was true.

We are recently out of a situationship that stopped working for us. The other husband, guided by whisky, had let the worse angels of his nature come out one evening and followed it up with a series of poor relationship management decisions that bleached us of our affection for him. After ten years we exited the situationship.

Before that we exited a six-month situationship with Farah, the lovely bohemian clerk at the local head shop that was a match made in ENM heaven until it suddenly, bitterly wasn't.

Before that was an eight-year casual situationship with Marcy and Greg which fizzled when they fizzled as a couple.

And before that was... it doesn't matter who. What matters is what's next.

What's the point if every situationship just ends up fizzling out? We aren't entering into scenarios with people so we can eventually grow disillusioned with them or experience hostility however passive. But that's what happens inevitably.

The wife I was explaining this to said we just had to get back on the horse. That's what life is - change. We need to keep moving on. We don't cry over the broken teacup. We recognize the utility the teacup provided while it was whole.

Okay but people aren't teacups, I said. They are complicated hormonal creatures with insecurities and fears and past traumas trying to validate themselves and find security - sometimes through sex. That's not a teacup I need to keep appreciating ad infinitum.

That's the dilemma now after 25 years of non-monogamy. It always ends and whatever love you had gets bruised and you end up wondering what is was all for just to have it end in apathy or hostility.

I'm not looking for advice. I'm just dropping my purse all over the floor to examine the contents.

Okay my friend group has become insanely messy in like 48 hours and somehow my biggest takeaway is that I have a CRUSH lmao.

I’m 24F and I’ve been with my boyfriend (24M) for almost 2 years. We’ve known 20M since the beginning of this year through our friend group. I already thought they were cute, but nothing had happened between us.

We’d always been a little flirty though, and they were upfront about being attracted to my boyfriend, so when I saw them canoodling on our couch during a group hangout I was shocked but not surprised!

Long story short, we all hooked up on the floor of our living room and it was really fun 😭 We kind of just took turns jerking/sucking my bf off on the floor.

It was my first time doing anything like that, so I had no idea how I’d feel. I’m pretty femme, my boyfriend is attracted to them too, everyone wanted to be there, and I basically thought fuck it, let’s try something new.

And again, I fucking loved it lmao.
The biggest surprise was how much I enjoyed seeing them with my boyfriend.

I loved their chemistry and apparently seeing my boyfriend into another guy does something for me that I was COMPLETELY unaware of…

So afterward I was mostly proud of myself for trying something new and learning that this is apparently something I’m into.

Except then I realized:
oh no. I actually like this person.
Not just “they’re hot.” Like I have butterflies in my coochie… I was literally just giggling at work thinking about it/them.

I think about the ONE time we made out and go ughhhh. I like their personality, want to see them again, and somehow watching them with my boyfriend made me like them MORE.
It’s giving middle school crush and I’m embarrassed 😭

THEN yesterday I find out other people in our friend group have also hooked up with them.
I HAD NO IDEA LMAO.
Suddenly I’m getting all this lore about who did what, whose feelings got hurt, who knew what, etc.

Apparently there was an entire subplot happening around me and I did not have the fucking script.

Meanwhile I’m processing all this drama like, “wow that’s crazy… unfortunately I still have a crush on them 👉🏾👈🏾.”
And here’s possibly the stupidest part:
I don’t even know if they like girls 😭
I know they’re attracted to men, obviously lol, but I’m a very femme woman.

We’ve only made out once, and while they were clearly comfortable participating with both of us, I genuinely don’t know if women/femme people are really their type, if they’re specifically attracted to ME, or if they were more into the overall dynamic/my boyfriend.

They hugged me from behind and kind of grazed my ass, and we kissed in my car when we drove them home, but that was the extent of our interactions.

I reached out once afterward just saying I enjoyed our time together and they were pretty receptive and sweet about it but didn’t want to overwhelm them with all my feelings and thoughts lmao i tried so hard to play it cool.

I sent another message when I happened to be near where they live, but they never responded. I don’t want to double text or investigate what they’re thinking. It’s only been less than a day since then though.

If they like me individually, I want to give them room to show me and I just worry the other drama will fuck with their head.

And regardless, I’m genuinely grateful it happened. I tried something completely new, had way more fun than expected, learned something about myself, and came away feeling really good about my relationship.

Has anyone else caught feelings for a friend after group play when you weren’t expecting to, especially when you also really liked seeing them with your partner?
What happened afterward?

ok i need outside opinions because my friends obviously know me and have heard all of this already, and i need strangers who have no reason to take my side to tell me if i'm missing something.

sorry, long, and also posted on burner because my whole face is on my main.

i met this girl on hinge in march and we clicked immediately. i'm F32, she's F28. we started texting constantly, sending each other music, talking about everything, seeing each other, eventually sleeping together. i got very enamored very quickly, and she was clearly very into me too. she told me she missed me, loved me, wanted to see me, initiated a lot of the affection/sex/contact etc.

from the beginning i was pretty explicit that i don't want a conventional relationship, i had just gotten out of a really catastrophic experiment of getting back with my hyper monogamous ex. i realized for the upteenth time that i don't want monogamy and i don't want to be someone's girlfriend. she also said she didn't want a relationship. her idea was basically friendship that could include kissing, sex, saying i love you, etc (she also has baggage, but specifically of the straight serial monogamy variant) which is pretty much how i understand some of my own friendships, so i was like bet.

then she told me she was starting to feel like our intimacy was becoming an obligation. she felt like she couldn't change plans or tell me about people she was seeing without worrying about my reaction. i was rly confused because i wasn't asking for exclusivity, i knew she was seeing other people, i was seeing other people, and i'd told her i didn't care. meanwhile she was also very much participating in the intensity.

we talked about it and she explained that she tends to get swept up in intimacy, not realize she's uncomfortable until later, and then pull away. she acknowledged that she needed to get better at saying what she wanted in the moment instead of letting shit snowball. i told her i'd much rather she just tell me "i don't want to see you" or generally just "no" than agree to something because she feels obligated. it seemed like we repaired things and then she got even closer to me.

she also told me more about this male friend she'd had physically intimate thing with before me. she had liked that there wasn't much expectation and that he wasn't clingy, but the tradeoff was that he wasn't particularly affectionate or verbally expressive, and she'd started feeling weird about that. with me it's basically the opposite; i'm very affectionate and verbally expressive, but -i think, at least- that i'm not a clinger and i'm not asking her to be my girlfriend or reorganize her life around me. i also have a pretty high capacity to actually talk about shit. she told me being with me made her realize she could have the affection and intimacy she wanted without that automatically meaning "we're girlfriends," which is literally what i'd been trying to tell her.

and for a while it was great. we were extremely close, she told me she loved me, eventually told me she was in love with me, etc.

at the same time, her life outside of me is kind of a disaster. she fucking hates her job and her manager, feels like work dictates her entire life, she has hella family issues which circulate around a bunch of her family having bpd and a sick grandpa and everyone relies on her to be his almost sole caretaker, and has been severely unhappy for a while. then she had a really bad experience on a work trip and her workplace handled it terribly, which fucked her up even more. she came back already in a really bad mental state, and i think that's important context for what happened afterward.

we'd been wobbling a little with plans and communication, but then in august we went to a movie screening with her cousin and his girlfriend. i was already having a pretty bad anxiety attack because i had a horrible day full of errands, it was hot, noisy and i'm also dealing with work shit and burnout, and then i unexpectedly ran into someone from my past, so i was acting socially fucking weird. she also acted weird with me, and then stopped talking to me.

after a couple days i asked if she hated me, which was probably a terrible call, but she's asked me that in the past so we're even. she said no, that she was doing really badly mentally, but that she'd also gotten hung up on how i'd behaved around her cousin and his girlfriend. we talked for a couple days and then she stopped responding again. it's now been roughly 2 weeks or so? and now i really don't know what to make of it.

i don't want to dismiss her experience and if she needs space, she needs space and i'm respecting that (notwithstanding she wasn't very upfront about what she specifically needed and i'm just doing guesswork and this shit is killing me dead). BUT, if i'm actually doing something that makes her feel obligated, i want to know. but i also don't understand how i'm supposed to reconcile that with the fact that she was actively participating in this relationship and telling me she loved me and was happy with me.

so idk... am i actually being way more intense or demanding than i realize? is she repeatedly crossing her own boundaries and then blaming the resulting overwhelm on the relationship? is this just two people with completely different ideas of what intimacy can look like? or is it some combination of all of that? also, big one: is this over?

i know i'm attached. i know i can get anxious when communication changes. but i don't want to possess her, i don't want a conventional relationship with her, and i don't want her to stop seeing other people, but mainly i don't want her to stop seeing me lol.

i just don't know if i'm actually being reasonable here or if i've somehow convinced myself that i'm having a chill nontraditional friendship while behaving like a girlfriend unknowingly and ultimately pushed this person away by being a nuisance?

My husband had a fantasy of sending me to fuck another man and come home to fuck him. So we did. We've been pretty open with our communication and it was like a once a month hook up type of thing and we were having fun. It's been over a year and I'm enjoying it. I am actively sleeping with my friend and coming home to my husband. Sometimes we fuck after, sometimes we don't. And when we don't it makes my husband upset. He's brought up closing it up but I'm having too much fun and I don't want to close it. I like having the both of them. The passionate sex and the wild secret sex with my fwb. I am aware that sometimes my husband gets hurt. We get post nut clarity but when we're horny we enjoy the dynamic.
I don't want to close it off, but he sometimes ask to stop and mentioned that he's always giving me what I want. But it was all his idea to begin with. What do I do?

I’m married and recently exploring my hot wife slut fetish
My biggest turn on is being used by multiple men unprotected so i can return to hubby a complete mess
Or picking up random strangers and having risky sex
The problem is im seeing so many men now that im bound to catch something soon
What’s the best way to minimise the risk without taking away all the fun