r/OCPoetry • u/Cluelessandsexy • 6d ago

Feedback Please Missing ingredient

You used to be an ingredient that i put in my coffee
Now I feel that sense of something missing
The brew is slightly bitter but I'm fussy
But still good to keep me busy

I usually add cinnamon and cocoa
Just a dash of you even in doubt
But the jar is empty, it's a no show
we're all out

Sweetness used to give me such a headrush
I miss it all the same, dark bean crushed
The strange sweetness enriches the warm drink
That would make me move, make me think

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u/AQuestionRemains 5d ago

I really like how you turn something as ordinary as making coffee into a metaphor for missing someone. “The jar is empty” stood out to me because it makes the absence feel strangely physical — like you still go through the same routine, but the one thing that made it yours is gone. I also like the contrast between bitterness and sweetness throughout the poem. The last line, “make me move, make me think,” gives the person you’re missing more weight than just being comforting — they seem to have changed the way you experienced everyday life. I think a little tightening of the rhythm in the second stanza could make the imagery hit even harder, but the central metaphor definitely stayed with me.

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u/Cluelessandsexy 5d ago

most of my poems or prose are like that, often lacking the rhythm, but making up ofr it in creativity. check my blog a poets eye. https://throughapoetseye.blogspot.com/