r/OneOrangeBraincell 10h ago

We found a smart one! 🧠 The moment he realizes two orange kittens adopted him

25.7k Upvotes

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u/Peripatetictyl 9h ago

If you see a duck, you can take it, they are free.

494

u/Thrizzlepizzle123123 9h ago

I'd rather fight a bear.

Ducks are evil.

201

u/Forward_Thrust963 9h ago

How can ducks be evil, they're adorable! (Disclaimer: I've never fought a duck irl).

183

u/TheDrunkScientist 9h ago

They're pretty rapey. I'd be worried about that corkscrew penis.

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u/VintageLunchMeat 8h ago

Ducks have a right handed helicity to them, so you are fine as long as you are personally a left handed thread.

Of course, in the Southern Hemisphere it's the exact opposite.

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u/Peripatetictyl 8h ago

You telling me a duck is willing to rape, but not cross thread?!

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u/Dubyew 8h ago

Don't cross the thread!

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u/VintageLunchMeat 8h ago

Metric duck, or imperial?

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u/R_V_Z 7h ago

Since ducks fly do they require NAS spec, or will MS do?

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u/OrangeBrainCell_Pro 7h ago

What in the mechanical engineering are you guys talking about?🤷

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u/CodeComprehensive734 2h ago

I've had to deal with imperial recently because we're working with an American company currently. It boggles the mind.

What the fuck is 33/64ths of an inch?! I can see why the US is in such a state.

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u/Rokronroff 5h ago

The thread must remain unharmed

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u/ZachDamnit 8h ago

Good twist at the end of that post.

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u/ThreeCheersforBeers 3h ago

If a duck migrated from northern hemisphere to southern, does their corkscrew unwind and then twist the other direction?

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u/evilfrogalien 8h ago

Dude I had like two females who lived under my stairs in my old apartment. I’ve witnessed said behavior it’s not fun to watch 👩‍🦯‍➡️

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u/FederalEconomist5896 8h ago

Ok hold up.

Did you have female ducks? And how are they affording the rent for a Harry Potter suite?

Also, if not ducks, wtf?

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u/evilfrogalien 8h ago

Lmao definitely ducks. Not mine just wild. Two moms had been nesting under the stairs for a while(didn’t know they did that btw!) I’d only moved in after the first babies were hatched. Got to see both hatchling sets. Ugh they were adorable! Females were so mean to each other’s babies tho despite sharing a nest like twice before one moved on, so I don’t get that

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u/PackersLittleFactory 5h ago

There's a pond where I work that gets ducks. One year there were two broods of ducklings and one mother stole the other mother's babies. The other mom hung around for a bit before getting chased off.

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u/MyAssDoesHeeHawww 8h ago

he's talking about left handedness, which feels like someone else's duck

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u/Vast-Statement45 4h ago

We have a duck that comes every year to the exam same spot in my garden to lay eggs. Every year I cared for her, brought her food and she even lets me take and pack her babies into a box to take them to the river.

But God forbid I try to touch her.

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u/TerrakSteeltalon 7h ago

I’ll never forget reading a winner for the Ig Nobel Prize 20+ years ago.

It was a paper about the first recorded homosexual necrophiliac rape of a mallard duck

https://www.science.org/content/article/feathers-fly-ig-nobel-ceremony

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u/Sir_Boobsalot Proud owner of an orange brain cell 4h ago

I just threw up in my mouth a little

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u/Forward_Thrust963 8h ago

Jfc I never knew that. Ducks really are evil.

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u/BizMarkieDeSade 8h ago

Dead Duck Day is a google search for only the bravest among us

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u/Nahnotgonnahappen 8h ago

Nature never fails to horrify me

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u/ColdCleaner 4h ago

Holy shit, that duck raped that dead duck for 75 minutes. That's wild in all the worst ways lol

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u/Klept_0h 7h ago

Stop seducing them

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u/mrtrouble22 5h ago

they are dicks to other ducks too! I feed them at a local park sometimes and the males chase off the females so they don't eat the food. ><

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u/The_Dayne 4h ago

So you HAVE fought a bear?

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u/Peripatetictyl 9h ago

How about 50 duck sized horses, or one horse sized duck?

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u/YnotZoidberg1077 9h ago

Here's the thing - horses are pretty fragile. My vet used to be a traveling livestock vet before she opened her clinic about twenty years ago, and any time someone says "healthy as a horse," she likes to remind them that horses truly want to die, and it's more than a full-time job keeping them from achieving that goal. They're just usually also big, which is most of what makes them strong and powerful. If they were duck-sized, though? You could kick them into next week as quick as you could look at 'em. They wouldn't be a threat at all.

A horse-sized duck would be something like a giant ostrich, which is already not a pleasant bird - and in that case, I would like to remind you about other large and violent birds like the cassowary, and how Australia lost a war to emus. Ducks are strong enough that when they get together in groups to sexually assault a female duck, they can easily drown her and still spend a while assaulting the corpse after. We do not want or need giant birds, and you'd get your shit wrecked by them. A horse-sized duck is an immediate threat and should cause you large amounts of serious concern and panic.

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u/DeadlyAidan 8h ago

my favorite fucked up horse fact is that while we definitely had some involvement in them getting where they are now, we didn't actually cause most of the core issues, horses just kinda... did that... evolutions just fucked them up for no reason lmao

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u/RufiosBrotherKev 7h ago

it's a good example and reminder that evolution isn't inherently intelligent or purposeful- without specific selection pressure to wean negative characteristics, all sorts of dumb traits and features can go on propagating just fine.

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u/Ok-Relationship-2746 8h ago

A horse-sized duck, you say?

Dromornis - Wikipedia

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u/YnotZoidberg1077 1h ago

Ooo, no thank you! That's a very hard pass for me, lol

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u/FederalEconomist5896 8h ago

Sounds like dragons.

Makes me wonder about Sapphira though.

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u/YnotZoidberg1077 8h ago

Modern-day birds are a descendant of dinosaurs, so you're not wrong! I just don't think we need more Bird Megafauna shenanigans.

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u/FederalEconomist5896 2h ago

But everything alive today is from something that looked quite similar a long time ago.

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u/Ulfgeirr88 9h ago

A horse sized duck is basically a dinosaur, so, nope to that

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u/Straight_Number5661 6h ago

I've always wanted a duck-sized elephant.

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u/Jigenjahosaphat 5h ago

I'm having so much fun with this game

17

u/OldLove8431 9h ago

Never had issues with ducks... Geese however, are the actual Devil.

15

u/New_pollution1086 9h ago

Ducks are kinda mean. Geese are evil, damn cobra chickens.

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u/Substantial-Skill261 6h ago

🤣 🤣 🤣 this thread delivers.

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u/deccrix 9h ago

I think you meant geese. Ducks are chill.
https://giphy.com/gifs/QMhs8C5myURVfNnhvI

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u/Beaglecious 9h ago

But duck can also purr!

3

u/RemoteCheetah5256 8h ago

This reminds me th duck-rabbit discussion from HIMYM lol

https://youtu.be/6W7yhe1i-sQ?si=hkuL5JMbvwd1BMH-

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u/Raneynickelfire 7h ago

Then you've never tango'd with a Canada Goose.

Ducks are chill.

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u/Personal_Carry_7029 Orange connoisseur 🍊 6h ago

U get the wrong ducks. Peking ducks are pretty chill

2

u/Tolkfan 6h ago

They're beautiful innocent creatures, and in this house, Ducks are the heroes! End of story!

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u/HeatherJMD 6h ago

You’re thinking of geese. Ducks are chill

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u/gypsysniper9 4h ago

Geese are really evil.

1

u/thedazdul 1h ago

Tasty tho

1

u/chris_trans 55m ago

Might I interest you in a pigeon?

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u/Cow_Launcher 42m ago

Every single duck survived the Biblical flood because they float. Didn't need Noah. And that means that a good percentage of them are fully evil. Just lousy with sin.

Incidentally, this is the whole reason why it's okay to eat fish.

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u/southwestpessimist 9h ago

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u/LoopyPro 5h ago

I'm going to set this as my desktop background

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u/_echtra 9h ago

😂

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u/clairerr85 Casual orange enjoyer 🍊 9h ago

“Tony Soprano has entered the chat”

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u/Raneynickelfire 7h ago

Especially the really large white ones. You know, the ones with the really long neck and black eyes and yellow beak?

Go grab one, they love it.

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u/Hovercraft1143 5h ago

They show their affection really well too, if they like you they will immediately run directly towards you and yell "I LOVE YOU" in large white duck.

Trust me, I have a degree in bird law.

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u/VrsoviceBlues 3h ago

I hear there's one in London that's especially friendly...

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u/ShermdogMd 8h ago

Just remember they want Sun Chips.

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u/Peripatetictyl 8h ago

I feel like a duck’s opinion of me depends greatly on whether or not I have bread.

Hedberg

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u/DrunkOnRamen 8h ago

i tried, cops did not agree

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u/m6165017 8h ago

Like the street signs?

2

u/TerrakSteeltalon 7h ago

Canadian Geese need hugs

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u/WhattaCheapPop 5h ago

I guess it depends on where you live, but in most cases if you see a domestic duck on a pond it's been dumped there and left to die. You should unironically take it and find them a proper flock to be part of if permitted.

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u/TigreDeLosLlanos 5h ago

I only spotted some geese. Is it a good idea to take them home?

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u/Shockwave360 3h ago

And that duck might be able to eat for free at Subway.

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u/Shoddy-Novel-2278 3h ago

How to pick up a duck ?

1

u/DarkLordCZ 6h ago

I can't, that would be poaching :(