r/ProgrammerHumor 3d ago

Meme distributedStress

Post image
13.7k Upvotes

335 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

358

u/cross_the_threshold 3d ago

Your job isn't to design a solution that scratches your particular brain itch, your job is to design a solution that works for the constraints you need. That might be a monolith but it also might not be!

Listen here you little shit there is one god-ordained way to build things and it's whatever is in vogue at this particular moment in time using whatever language is in vogue at this particular time, how dare you imply that there may be situations and needs that require different approaches.

69

u/mwax321 3d ago

The key to success is to have a monolith so large that it takes an hour to build and publish.

When visual studio finally went 64 bit, you thought the solution was bugged because it loaded so fast.

34

u/kurtymckurt 3d ago

The ci better take 24 hours to build and test or you’re not monolithing properly

7

u/Tupcek 3d ago

if it is too quick, it’s certainly bug

2

u/inemnitable 2d ago

No no no, if it compiles the first time it's bugged. If it builds fast you accidentally rm -rf -ed the repo.

1

u/NUTTA_BUSTAH 2d ago

You jest but this is how we catched many problems at one shop.

1

u/mwax321 2d ago

If I'm being brutally fair to some of the garbage build times I've had in the past:

A lot of times, these are caused by me having to use 3 different versions of some library because of legacy code. Or we license some library that requires a fuck ton of dependencies that only the library uses.

But to build it all ourself would also be a complete waste of time.

I remember a big offender back in the day were those Microsoft Office file editor libraries. To upgrade would cost the company some ridiculous $20k license and offer zero additional features that we need.

And so, yeah, we keep including the old newtonsoft json because it needs it!

1

u/FerusGrim 2d ago

When visual studio finally went 64 bit, you thought the solution was bugged because it loaded so fast.

Not strictly this scenario, but I worked a job for a few years where every compilation took minutes. It was common practice to finish up a bunch of work and queue a slew of compilations before your lunch break.

Then I got a new job and worked with a bunch of tinier, discrete applications which would compile in a few seconds. I'd become so use to quick compilations only ever being the result of an error killing the job that for at least a week afterwards my blood pressure would rise whenever a compilation would finish in <10s.

21

u/HadionPrints 3d ago edited 3d ago

Now listen, whatever’s in vogue at this time is nothing but bloat, dependency vulnerabilities, and syntax sugar. If your backend isn’t written in PHP or Pearl, you’re planning for failure.

If your app wouldn’t survive the 90s, it won’t survive prod.

5

u/cross_the_threshold 3d ago

FORTRAN II or bust!

3

u/mwax321 3d ago

Did you know a guy wrote an entire theme park game in assembly ?????

2

u/_DonRa_ 3d ago

No biggie anyone can write assembly it's easy (I wrote hello world in assembly)

3

u/djdanlib 3d ago

WASM doesn't count.

Or does it?

Who even knows these days.

2

u/ashgs872tbhjs 3d ago

If you hand-code it instead of transpiling it's a bit of an achievement. You're still abstracted from the hardware though, so it's definitely not nearly as hard.

1

u/AdImmediate5145 2d ago

You talking about roller coaster tycoon?

3

u/mattsl 2d ago

You mean it's whatever was in vogue when you started your first job and anything that's changed since then is ignorant children who can't grasp the complex nuance of your decisions. 

-4

u/TopLate7592 3d ago

The dark road to socialism.

2

u/WriterPlastic9350 3d ago

Well, I am a socialist. It’s pretty based 

1

u/TopLate7592 3d ago

I mean, same, it was just a joke.