My wife has not visited her mother in nearly 5 years and she misses her terribly. Her mother wont visit us because she refuses to leave her dogs behind, even though her husband would still be at home. I personally hate this excuse especially because she hasn’t seen her granddaughter in 5 years and is retired. My wife is a little nervous about flying, and it would be my daughter’s [8] first time flying.

My wife really wants me to come and be there for my daughter’s first flight, but I’m trying to be real and it would be easier for just her and my daughter to go. We have our own pets that she does not want to board while we are gone and she is nervous about people house sitting not to mention the additional cost for another adult to fly. Any time I suggest that my wife and daughter go it is swatted away for some poor excuse. The only real solution that doesn’t involve doing nothing and letting time pass if for me to “surprise” her with tickets for her and my daughter to go on a flight to see her.

She is anxious about flying and navigating an airport alone, much more so at the thought of having an 8 year old to wrangle. But she is a really well behaved kid and listens when we need her to. I’m just looking for input if this anyone would view this as manipulative or frowned upon because I am virtually forcing a decision on her.

Tldr:I want to send my wife to visit her mom but she is nervous about flying alone with our daughter. Short of doing nothing until it is too late I feel the best solution is to “surprise” her with tickets effectively forcing her hand.

Full context:

I want to preface this by saying I have not at all been looking for a relationship and have been focused on healing. This opportunity literally just “happened.”

A girl let’s call her “Jane” (26F) added me (29M) randomly on Facebook with a mutual friend (yes she’s real - I have sleuthed enough to know), so I found her IG and followed/messaged her, and we have been talking for the past few days. Jane is absolutely beautiful. I mean… hands down the prettiest woman I’ve ever talked to that has mutual interest in/attraction to me.

I had no idea who she was at first and figured I had nothing to lose. Not like I was going to send crypto to her royal family in Nigeria (that’s a joke btw). She lives less than an hour away from me in the same state I do.

Anyways, it turns out Jane went to the same clinic I was at (which, mind you, is in an entirely different state hundreds of miles away), and we barely interacted so I didn’t remember her. I vaguely do now (I even had a picture, completely coincidental, with her in the background that I found when searching my phone after she told me where she knew me from).

She didn’t finish the program. I did. She says she feels better now…

There hasn’t been a phase of playing games, doubting intentions, etc., it’s really just got into talking about deep stuff. I don’t want to waste my time or anyone else’s. Jane understands what I went through, am going through, and I don’t have to explain things to her like I would a random person. I don’t have to stretch the truth “I have an appointment,” no I just say “I have therapy now ttyl.”

I think, without sharing too much of her business, that the stuff she has dealt with has been situational/environmental, not self induced. I can arguably say I am a good dude and thus far have spoken life and positivity to her. Maybe she is attracted to me for that I don’t know… maybe that’s why I have been put in her life. I always say if I can help people it makes the pain I’ve gone through, and still go through, more manageable.

I have been wanting a partner for a long time, but again, wasn’t actively looking for anything… I was considering planning a date for this long weekend due to Memorial Day. I am just concerned Jane isn’t in the same state of mind I am when it comes to healing. I think she is extremely sweet and I want to give it a shot, but I could use some advice before committing. Should I date her, just be friends, or cut off contact?

TLDR: I tried to commit suicide earlier this year, received lengthy mental health treatment and am in a much better state of mind. I started talking to a girl who I later found out went to the same inpatient facility (we barely crossed paths - I was on my way out - she on her way in). Should I date her or just be friends?

We have been seeing each other for almost 6 months and officially dating for 3 months. About a month before making it official we had a conversation about exclusivity during which we had both said we were only seeing each other. I had told him if he started to or had interest in seeing someone else to tell me and he agreed but also said he had no interest in dating other people.

Yesterday I accidentally came across his journal; the notebook is his day planner but he apparently used the blank pages at the end as a journal. I saw the last entry which was dated 10 days before we became official (and weeks after our exclusivity conversation). In the entry he says things were going great with me and he was not sure what to do about Anna and that Christina from the concert “seemed willing”. I did not look at any other pages because I didn’t even mean to look at this one. I have met many of his friends including female ones and do not know any Christina’s or Anna’s. I don’t know how else to interpret this besides he was pursuing other women.

I am very hurt by this. I feel betrayed because he didn’t tell me that he was seeing other women and because he told me he had no interest in anyone else so now I feel like I can’t trust his stated feelings for me. He has been a very attentive and loving partner. We have had conversations about our dating histories and he said he has never dated around and never had any interest in “playing the field” (his words). He acts like he loves me and is committed to me so this just does not fit with my perception of him.

Am I justified in feeling betrayed and questioning my ability to trust him? Is there another reasonable way to interpret what he wrote?

I am going to talk to him about this but I feel it is a conversation best had in person and he is out of town for work until the end of the week and I just can’t stop thinking about it.

Edit to add: I don’t want to break up with him (I acknowledge he may decide to break up with me). I guess I’m trying to gauge if I’m overreacting and how to get past this.

TLDR My boyfriend wrote about other women after we had discussed exclusivity. Can I trust him?

My boyfriend [25M] and I [27F] have been together for almost 2 years, and we are struggling. I genuinely don’t know if this relationship can be saved anymore. Sorry for any spelling or grammatical mistakes. I’m a little upset while writing this.

One major issue has been his mother. She has involved herself in extremely personal parts of my life despite barely knowing me. At one point, she was at our home when my boyfriend became angry, yelled at me and made me cry, and she came upstairs three separate times to involve herself despite him telling her to go back downstairs. She later justified this by saying she was concerned. My boyfriend and I managed to work things out, and the following week I had an appointment with my psychologist.

My psychologist started by telling me that someone had contacted them about me. It turned out to be my boyfriend’s mother, who had gone behind my back in an attempt to get information about me and involve herself in my treatment. My boyfriend told her to respect my privacy and that she had crossed a huge boundaru by doing so. She said she wouldn’t do it again. Which she lied about because a week later I had another appointment with my psychologist and he told me that she tried to contact him about me again, and then had a phone call with him, and the only reason she stopped contacting him was because my psychologist told her that he was not going to give her any information about me.

If she had come to me directly, asked me about it and genuinely tried to get to know me, I would have had no problem being open and honest with her about my diagnosis and treatment. From my persoective, this felt like a huge invasion of my privacy, especially because she continued trying to involve herself after being told to stay out of it.

Over time, I became increasingly isolated. I was explicitly told by my boyfriend not to talk to friends or other people about what was happening, leaving me with only my boyfriend or my psychologist to turn to. I desperately needed someone to talk to about what his mother had done and how it had affected me, but my boyfriend was often not emotionally available. He would say he was tired, and over time I felt him becoming increasingly uninterested in listening whenever I tried to talk about it. He told me I could talk to my psychologist instead, but I only had two appointments left before being transferred to another department, and my psychologist told me we needed to focus on my treatment and that there wasn’t enough time to discuss everything else. This left me with no one to talk to and feeling completely alone with what had happened.

Eventually, I became so desperate for support that I reached out to my childhood best friend, someone I have known my entire life. I understand that this was wrong because I had been explicitly told not to talk to anyone about what had happened, and I understand why my boyfriend felt betrayed by that. A lot of what I shared with my friend was said out of frustration and anger, and I shared things that may not have been mine to share and that I know deeply hurt him. But I was becoming increasingly depressed and suicidal, felt completely alone, and desperately needed someone to talk to. The problem was that I was not fully honest with my boyfriend about how much I had shared with my friend because I knew he would become extremely angry.

I have BPD (borderline personality disorder), and lately I discovered that my boyfriend watches content that heavily generalizes and portrays people with BPD negatively. I also discovered that he is a member of a subreddit specifically for people who have left or are trying ti leave partners with BPD. Maybe he has his own reasons for seeking support, and I understand that being in a relationship with someone who has BPD can be difficult. But seeing all of this has made me feel like the most vulnerable things I have ever told him about myself are now being viewed as evidence against me.
We are still together, but it has been almost a week since he threw me out of the house and threatened to end the relationship. He often threatens me with things like this. I have begged, pleaded and apologized for 5 days.

I also told him that I was deeply unhappy. When he asked me why, I told him that I didn’t feel it was the right time to talk about it and that I would rather discuss it when we met in person. However, he continued to pressure me to explain. When I eventually did, he accused me of “shift blaming,” even though I had repeatedly said that I didn’t want to discuss it at that time because I was afraid it would turn into an argument.

Today, when I tried to tell him that I cannot be the only person constantly apologizing, suggesting solutions and trying to repair the relationship, he basically told me he didn’t want to deal with it right now because he was busy. Meanwhile, I could see he was active and talking to other people.
I feel angry, hurt and honestly exhausted. I don’t want to stay in a relationship where I feel like my feelings only matter when they are convenient, or where opening up about my mental health eventually becomes ammunition against me.

So my question is: am I being unreasonable for feeling this betrayed, and how do I know whether there is anything left to save here or whether I should finally walk away?

TLDR: My boyfriend and I are struggling, his mother has previously involved herself in my private mental health care, and I have felt increasingly isolated and unsupported. I recently discovered my boyfriend consumes negative content about people with BPD and is part of a subreddit for people who have left partners with BPD, and I now feel betrayed and unsure whether this relationship can be saved.

TLDR: My wife and I (6 years married, 18 years together total) are circling the drain. I feel like she won't accept any responsibility for anything, and any arguments results in me having to change my behaviours, despite me feeling like I do the majority of heavy lifting. I feel like I'm running out of runway.

Disclaimer: I am going to do my best to be as balanced as I can on this, but as is the nature of these things, I'm probably going to be biased to some degree. I appreciate anyone who tries to keep me honest in the comments.

The Problem

My Wife and I have 2 kids together and although it's never been an amazing relationship, it has generally been quite good. We tend to get into arguments every 6 months or so, which subsides and then we go back to normal. Not super healthy in that regard, but it's been manageable.

Recently the arguments have been increasing in regularity and they usually start the same way: my wife's attitude towards me gets steadily more sour over the course of a week or two, to the point where I snap at her either outright yelling at me over nothing, or over her attitude towards me in general. Very rarely after this happens does she acknowledge that she did anything wrong, and if she does it is *extremely* begrudgingly, more on this later.

When these moods start she becomes hyper critical, snappy, grumpy, and generally unpleasant to be around. This in turn, I've noticed, causes a kind of Pavlovian response, where I have no doubt that I become a bit more defensive, careful around her, and other behaviours like that. It is possible that this behaviour has increased, I find it hard to measure, but I'm sure that I'm doing it.

When we argue, it tends to continue, with my wife avoiding talking about the instigating issue, preferring to talk about other (in my opinion) more nebulous issues that can be directly said to be my fault. She also says that I blame everything on here, or never agree with what she's saying, which effectively has the upshot of short circuiting any argument I have against anything she says; "see, you always blame me/always tell me I'm wrong". e.g.

Wife: "You've left the bin bags out all week"
Me: "The bins were full, and needed cleaning, so I power washed them today and put the bin bags in straight afterwards, what else could I have done?"
W: "See, you always tell me I'm wrong" etc

What eventually happens in these arguments is that I say something bad out of frustration, or she says something particularly inflammatory, then refuses to listen to anything I say in response, then if she leaves and I follow her, or if she demands I leave the room and I don't, that becomes the "issue" and no conversation about the original instigating issue will happen. The issue is now that I didn't leave her alone, or I said something I shouldn't have.

I know that I'm obviously not blameless in that, but I can't help but feel like it's a ploy (intentional or otherwise) do deflect from the actual issue, and make it about how my behaviour is the problem.

Last night we argued heavily, again caused by her yelling at me about a mess one of the kids had made. My wife made several allusions to the idea that I don't do enough in the house, and after a while, I lost my temper. I said that I do the overwhelming majority and that for her to spend all day at her "hobby" then come home and say I've not done enough in the house on top of work and childcare (summer break) is pretty galling.

It was not kind of me to call her business a hobby, and it upset her. This then of course became the subject of the argument, and no actual problems were solved. I regret saying this and did apologise.

Since the last argument she has said that we should have a week apart. She is going to sleep in a guest room and that we should make a point of spending time apart in the evenings once the kids are in bed. This is to give each other space and to remember what we love about each other. I don't think it's a terrible idea, but I just feel like it's the beginning of the end.

Background

Wife:

- Runs a growing small business. It doesn't bring any money into the house for various reasons, and may not for a while. She works 5 days a week, although sometimes has to do extra days

- We're pretty sure she's on the spectrum and has adhd. When she is stressed, the symptoms of both are worse

- Does the laundry

- Does all the driving (I don't drive). This is predominantly school runs before and after work.

- Cleans out the animals: cats + rats (this was the agreement to get them)

- Does some house work

- handles the majority of date based stuff with schools

- Has had depression multiple times in the past and struggles with anxiety

- I feel as though she is overly negative as a default. e.g. If we're at a restaurant, she will invariably complain about something, whereas I'm usually just happy to be out.

- Seems to find it *extremely* difficult to take responsibility for anything. If she does then it comes with huge floods of tears at the end of a long drawn out argument, or (more often) with an extremely begrudging tone or some additional statement that suggests it's not her fault anyway because someone else did something that caused her to do that thing.

- Has previously said at the emotional end of arguments that she doesn't think she deserves me, that I make her feel stupid with the way that I talk (not that I intentionally belittle her, but that I use words she doesn't understand), and that if I left she'd have nothing and that terrifies her.

- Has previously said that these arguments are because she's "found her voice" and that I don't like that she stands up to me and I don't like that she's getting her independence through her business. I have been her biggest cheerleader with her business: I've helped fund it, taken on a lot of the stuff she doesn't have time to do, and rearranged a lot so that she has time to do it.* Through out our relationship I have encouraged multiple business ventures, encouraged her to return to education, etc and said that whatever she wants to do, if we can find a way to do it, we will.

*I recognise the contradiction in saying that I am her cheerleader for her business when having also called it a hobby. I don't think it's a hobby, I was frustrated that it takes all her time, doesn't bring any money in, and is used as an reason to tell me I don't do enough. I have told her many many times I am proud of what she has achieved with it.

Me:

- Run a successful consultancy, bring all the money into the house. I work remotely. We have joint accounts and I try to make a point of making sure my wife understands it is "our" money, not mine. This has been an issue in the past though.

- I'm a bit of a workaholic, and struggle to balance work, family time, and personal time. I have gotten better at that recently, but occasionally things don't add up and I have to work a little extra to finish a contract or something. Sometimes my wife is patient with this, other times she is not.

- I seem to have some issues bottling up emotions: I sometimes feel down or angry and don't know why. Usually after some thinking I can figure out what it is that's bothered me.

- In general I think I'm pretty easy going

- I do all the meal planning and cooking, the large majority of cleaning/housework, childcare, and grocery shopping.

What I've tried:

over the last 5 years I have lost a lot of weight and gained a noticeable amount of muscle to try and improve my life and make myself more attractive for my wife, who had previously told me that she didn't find me as attractive as she used to after I'd put on the weight. Things have improved in that regard.

Have tried hard to balance work, family, and personal time better.

I have gone from doing not much in the house (cleaning the kitchen mostly) to doing almost everything.

I play games significantly less than I used to. Generally limiting it to one evening a week with friends.

I initiate most intimate moments, hugs, kisses, etc. This has improved since I've lost some weight, but it is still mostly me. If I don't initiate things like a huge or whatever when she gets home from work because I'm cleaning or what have you, rather than my wife initiate it, she will often become grumpy about that.

Outro

I'm looking for advice/criticism on how to carry on. I'm lost.

I don't know if any of the above is particularly damning of me. I don't know if I would recognise it if it was there. I ask that if I am *clearly* an absolute arsehole that people try to be kind in the comments. I am not doing well emotionally at the moment. Similarly, I really don't want to hear any horrible comments about my wife. I love her, and that's not what I'm here for. I'm looking for well meaning constructive criticism please.

Thanks for your time reading the above. Appreciate your considered views and thoughts. I've probably missed some points so happy to answer questions in the comments.

I [23M] have been with my girlfriend [23F] for 2.5 years and we’ve lived together for around 2 years.

There is genuinely nothing seriously wrong with the relationship. She’s kind, loyal, attractive, supportive, gets on well with my family, I get on well with hers, and we don’t have constant arguments or any major trust issues.

The problem is that over time I’ve started feeling more like we’re roommates than boyfriend and girlfriend. Our sex life is pretty poor, we don’t share loads of the same interests, and sometimes I feel like I’m not completely myself around her.

I also really enjoy my own company and have started craving more independence. I keep thinking about what it would be like to live alone, have my own space, date again, meet new people and just have complete freedom while I’m still young.

There’s also some pressure in the background around eventually buying a house, marriage and kids. I probably want those things one day, but right now the idea of getting even more settled makes me feel trapped rather than excited.

The confusing part is that I still care about her a lot and I don’t actually want to hurt or lose her. I’m scared I’d leave, enjoy being single for a while, then realise I threw away a genuinely good relationship because I was bored or thought the grass was greener.

At the same time, if I could press a button and wake up tomorrow amicably single with nobody hurt, I honestly think I’d press it.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay and realise you just needed to appreciate what you had, or did you leave and realise that a relationship doesn’t have to be bad for it to no longer be right for you?

TLDR: I [23M] have been with my girlfriend [23F] for 2.5 years. The relationship is good, but I feel bored, trapped by how settled life feels, and increasingly crave independence and single life. I care about her and I’m scared I’ll regret leaving. What would you do?

I started talking to this girl over the summer from a dating app and immediatley hit it off with her. We talked about life, family, faith, struggles, hopes, dreams, and all the good things in between. It was phenomenal because I felt like I could talk to her about anything and everything. We talked all the time and were always making jokes and teases. It was natural and it brought me so much peace to feel like she was constantly in my life. At this time I saw her profile it had her in a city that was about 3.5 hours from mine. I was hesitant for a second because I considered how that was very far away from me. Even so, I asked her to hang out in person because I was excited to see her. She told me she would love to hang out and was curious if I was willing to drive that far to see her. I said it was no problem at all. In my head, the connection we had was so strong, that level of driving was not a problem. So we agreed to meet up and hang out. She told me that she was going to be in Florida for the summer with her parents that have a house there. She is a teacher and had the summer off so she wanted to spend a few weeks with her parents. So she teased me and said that if I was willing to come down to Florida we could meet up and hang out there and have a beach date. I told her that was not a problem at all. I travel for work all the time so I have flight miles all over the place. I also had family that was staying in the same city she was in with her parents. So I told her I can come down there and stay with my family, and then in the day time, we can hang out. So we agreed to meet with that plan and I bought the tickets. This is the important background for the story to follow:

So when I arrive in Florida she tells me that in order to meet her and go out, her dad and mom want to meet me first. She said her parents want to meet the guy that their daughter had been talking to online. I agree to this and think it is totally understandable. So I arrive at her parent's house and meet them and this girl in person. It goes well and we talk briefly. They seem to be very kind people, which is great because I ended up getting a long with them. So now I have met her and we are in person for the first time as I start to drive her to the waterfront for a date. We immediatley hit if off and the time in person is just as sweet as the time on the phone. We are having a blast. We go to the waterfront and talk as she tells me she has not been in a serious relationship in a while, but she wants one. I kiss her after we talk about how we like each other and it is a really sweet and tender moment. She tells me that she wants to take things slow and I agree as I tell her that is the best way to do things. As I drive her back to her parent's house she grabs my hand in the car and holds it which I think is so sweet. I drop her off at her parent's house and kiss her goodnight. We spend the next day together as we go swimming and laugh and talk about all the fun things in life. She tells me that she has never met someone like me before and she is really happy to spend time with me. I go back home to Tennessee where I am from and keep talking to her. We talk all the time and the language is so flirty and fun and real. She tells me things like "I can see us being a power couple" and "Our kids would have some wild hair" as we flirt more and more about this bond we have becoming a relationship. Fast forward a few days and now she is telling me that is is flying home early from Florida back to Kentucky. I get excited becuase I think to myself "She was originally going to spend the summer with her family. Now after meeting me she wants to come home early. I wonder if she wants to see me?" So as she gets home I ask her if she would like to meet up again. She says she would like that so I drive up to Kentucky to see her (3.5 hour drive) and go to her house. She greets me and we start talking again just like we did in Flordia. We take a drive around town and she shows me her school, her fav restuaraunts, and some other things she wants me to see. She is very exicited and very bubbly. So we go back to her house and start watching Shark Week together. It is really fun and we are on the couch holding hands. We flirt a little bit and she asks me something very important. She says "What does it look like when you date someone?" I tell her "I am very intentional, and I express what I want." So I gently grab her chin and pull it towards me as she looks at me with excitmenet. I tell her I want to date her as she nods her head and goes "me too". We then kiss which turns into a three hour makeout session on her couch. It is very intense and she is really really into it. She tells me I am the best kisser she has ever seen and she is very passionate with her body and her affections. Nothing explicitly sexual happens, she had told me before she wanted to save herself for marriage, so I respected this and honored it. After we finishing kissing we cuddle and talk about how that made her feel. She tells me she had not kissed anyone in six months and that her mouth was a little numb which made her laugh as she said she felt so happy and excited. I leave for the night and stay with a friend of mine that lived in a nearby city as I was as happy as could be. The girl sends me some audio messages that night that say things like "I may be a little crazy about" and "I really really adore you" and "I am so excited about you", and I as I listen to these messages, I feel so at peace. I adore this girl and I am very happy about where we are. I go to sleep thinking that things are in a good space. The next day, we hang out and play pickleball, eat mexican food, and then go back to her house to watch shark week again which then proceeds to making out on her couch again. It is amazing and I feel so connected to her. She tells me that she wants to talk about expectations if we are going to move into a relationship with each other and she wants to make sure we are on the same page. She tells me word for word "I am really happy with you and I am excited to see where this goes." So we talk about those expectations and everything is in a good space. She again just says she wants to take things slow. All is good in my world as I plan on starting a relationship with this girl. Then, the problems begin:

The next day she is telling me that she is all over the place in her head and that she is starting a new teaching job in two weeks. She is stressed about it and she doesn't know if she will be able to handle it. I tell her that I understand and that I will support her in the struggle. She tells me she is worried that she will be difficult to date and I tell her that there is no pressure. I did not ask her to be excusive and I understand that work is demanding. She wanted to take things slow, so to me that was the plan. I tell her that all I want is just to talk with her and spend time with her, and that we can figure it all out together. She likes this answer and says she would really appreciate that. So I go to head back to TN and we kiss one more time before I go. She tells me "Thank you for being understanding with me and patient." So I drive back to TN and get back into my routines as usual. This however, is where she starts to go cold. Previously, we talked every day all the time. Now, I hardly get any messages from her. She starts her new job and is overwhelmed by it all. I tell her its okay and to take her time if she is busy. This turns into moments where I feel like she is just gone. Poof, vanished. She tells me that she is struggling and that she is tired and overwhelmed by the job. I tell her I understand and she can tell me about it. She does not. She goes silent. I ask her to hang out and she says she is buys and tired. I give her space and the pattern repeats. Now, as I write this, it has been a month since I have seen her in person, and I don't think she wants to continue. It really breaks my heart in a way because we had something so strong and so real and so sweet. She said we wanted to date, she said she was crazy about me, she said she adored me, and she said she was excited for the possibility of the future with me. Then, after she starts her new job, its all seemingly gone. I have text her a few times to see how she is doing, but her texts are just a shell of what we had. Long spans of time between answers and some messages are not answered at all. It really upsets me and I don't know what to do. A few weeks ago I told her that I don't know where things stand between us because the moments of silence are hard for me to understand. She told me that "I'm sorry, I just don't think we are in the same place and I honestly think with everything going on, it's just too much."

So... I took that as things are over and I told her I will take a step back and give her the space she needs and that if she ever wants to talk, she knows where to find me. A few days go by where I say nothing and then she texts me about her family and how her niece is going through a severe, possible life ending surgery. So now my mind shifts back to "Okay she truly is overwhlemed, I need to give her space and support." After that talk about her neiece, more silence... I decide I can't give anymore if she is not giving me anything. I can't carry the conversations everyday. That is not fair to me. She needs to pursue me to a degree, or it is not worth my time. I have been patient, I have been supportive, and the response as been... silence. It is very hurtful.

So I have been trying to move on and even though it hurts, I have made an effort to date other girls and try to see other people. Those dates have been terrible because I can't focus on other people. I feel sorry for the girls I am going out with because I am not in the right headspace. All I can think of is this girl from the summer. The bond was so strong I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how to be in a good space unless I either let her go, or solidify things with her. She texts me every now and then but will not make any efforts to actually meet up in person. So now I don't know what to do. I have asked her to get together in person twice since I have seen her last. She has made no effort to see me. I genuinley do not know if she is just overwhelmed, or if she does not want me anymore. If she does not want me anymore, I would like an answer for closure.

Should I keep giving her space? Should I text her and say I am done? Part of me wants to believe she is truly overwhlemed with work. The other part of me thinks I need closure and to just cut the ties completley so I can move on. Please let me know what you all think

TLDR: Connected with and met a girl online this summer. Became completley ennamored with her and started the foundations of a relationship only for her to go cold and distant once she started a new job. Trying to decided whether to give her space, or end things for good.

[GF stands for gender fluid for clarification]

To start off, this issue has started about a month ago, and ironically around when I started having a really bad time over all. My car was in the shop for just about a month, my mom's car I was driving got towed at my apartment because I missed one day to pay the daily permit. Then a rental car I had driven for a week got towed not even a day after I had it because I got one number wrong on the license plate. So overall, it was a very very hard month for me.

I will also clarify my partner's issues, financially struggling due to having to quit one of their two jobs because they refused to change their schedule to fit with their upcoming school schedule, and overall having a wave of depression wash over them.

I was leaning on them heavily for some kind of emotional support, I admit that- but it was mainly because this was some of the most stress I've ever felt within just one month.

We both met a friend at a skate shop, I initiated most of the talking after she started, she was very friendly and invited us to her skate server which we both joined and friended her on discord.

I admit I don't have as much in common with her, but I really enjoy talking to her a lot because her personality reminds me of my best friend who lives in another state.

The first time something bothered me was when my partner went out with a friend from work to a skatepark. Keep in mind after meeting her they finally decided to get into skateboarding like they've wanted to. Later that night, they went skating with her as well. I get up for work at 2:30am, and at the time realized they weren't back yet. They did reply to my message about leaving and getting to work and by around 4 they were taking her home and heading back to our place.

I was bothered, more so because they didn't keep me updated while being out so late and I'm the type of person to overly worry. I do not think they would cheat on me especially because we both know this person, I message her too, she has a boyfriend, and they hate cheaters because they were cheated on multiple times in the past. So this isn't paranoia, just a fear of safety.

They went out late with her again another night later and I tried to ask them to keep me notified, which they said they would try. The reason for going out this time was they had to pick her up from her job because she got demoted and needed a friend (I tried to offer to go by after I was just leaving my parents, but they didn't tell me to so I didn't feel welcomed).

The third time they went out and repeated the same pattern- I had my car back, but- my laptop died completely on me right when I realized I had an assignment that I wasn't aware of- the next day. I was in a panic, gagging for five minutes, fully anxious. I messaged my partner about it, knowing they were out with her (they'd gone to the movies and the mall). They just tried to give me advice about what I could do (but I couldn't do those options because it required installing a webcam browser to complete). At the time I brushed it off and didn't want to bother them. I fell asleep briefly at around 8pm and woke up at near 11pm. I realized the last time they told me where they were at was back at 4pm, and so I asked while assuming they went to the skatepark. They seemed annoyed and said I could've asked earlier and don't know why I was so bothered ... Even though earlier I was in the middle of nearly having a panic attack over an assignment.

This ends up being a bigger disagreement, and I slept it off before having a proper discussion in the morning. The issue is- when they got up and read it, they were now the emotional one and were a lot more harsh in replying, which caused me to be emotional. They apologized about it later but also said I couldn't ride with them to their hair appointment (we had gone to the consultation together and I was actually excited about going with them to get their first really big hair transformation), they offered for me to drive myself separately, but I didn't want to go at that point because I felt like I would make everything worse. On top of that, I had to reschedule a psychiatrist appointment that was virtual because half way my phone was about to die and I couldn't even use the speaker for it because it doesn't work and I don't have wireless earbuds.

The only positive for that day was my dad coming in clutch with buying a new Laptop for me to use for my schooling and I do get that assignment done that day after all.

Also my partner's solution to my not being worried about them and her being out was bringing her over, which I didn't mind, at least I knew where they were. But I was sad ... Because it was a night I had work in the morning for, so I couldn't stay up to hang out with them.

I tried apologizing over messages before I slept, which went over well, even though their comment about me talking to her too much kind of irked me (like- you've seen her so much more often, the last time I saw her was before her demotion and when she helped me get a deck I could paint on weeks ago- but sure I talked to her too much).

That morning I was extra annoyed because they were talking through the movie they were watching... Which my partner always tells me to stop talking when I talk even a little too much during a movie.

I ended up getting ready early, giving a quick goodbye and leaving to work.

Work was hell, until I had an hour long phone call with my [42f] sister where she really made me feel better.

My partner let me know the two of them fell asleep and they were going to take her back to her place so she could get ready for work and then would take her to work, that was around 2 when they left (I know cause I saw them at the racetrack gas station while I was getting home). I instantly felt awful getting home, I laid on the floor for a few minutes before taking a shower. Then I started to fall in and out of sleep before realizing it was around 5 now, I really thought they'd be back sooner. I wanted them to be back sooner because I started to realize how little time we've actually spent together in the last month.

This- led to another disagreement, but it was slightly eye opening. They've been so depressed with suicidal thoughts and have just been trying to stay out as long as possible and distract themselves for as long a possible so they don't think about it. They acknowledged they were hurting me and others in the process, but couldn't really give a solution for it. They also said they aren't comfortable going with me anywhere currently because they feel like everytime we go out, I get upset or moody and make them uncomfortable (I admit it happens often, I just don't communicate often in the moment because I don't want my emotions to get out of line and have me say something I don't mean).

I did genuinely want to help them, but they don't know how I can even help them now.

They've been staying out, mostly by themselves but still avoid home because they say it feels worse when they're at home.

Yesterday while they were out I also went and got new piercings, but still got home before them. They later messaged me how they don't want to come home and I said I was sorry and wish they could stay out, but I knew that wasn't an option since they had work in the morning. They get home and they put their headphones in while scrolling in bed. I felt- kind of uncomfortable and out of place.

Today is the reason I just finally feel like I'm the problem entirely.

They sent me a message about having our friend come by, keep in mind I'm at work and this is copy and pasted word for word

Partner: can i invite [friend] over or no

Me: If she's still over when I get off from work and from the gym, are you comfortable with me being at home? Or would it be better if I went somewhere?

I just wanna know so I can plan out to grab my charger and take a shower, plus figure out where to go in the meantime

Partner: we will see what happens

they have work at 5

so i was going to take them

so i might leave before then anyway

I'll leave it at that since my lunch is over and I was using the whole hour to type this out quickly, but- it hurts a lot. I've been crying and telling myself it's all my fault, and that I'm a horrible person and I can't even bring it up to them because I don't want them to think I'm making this about me. I just need to know how I can fix this ...

TLDR: Partner has been avoiding home lately, says they feel more depressed at home, but I suspect it's because they're just uncomfortable around me.

(Sorry if this is the third time you’re reading this, this is my first post on Reddit and it got deleted twice bc of the read the rules rule I was unaware of)

Ive been dating my boyfriend since March of 2025. We met in October of 2024 through a dating app and admittedly only started as a hookup but continued to talk and get to know each other until we eventually started seriously dating. We have almost everything in common, he is extremely sweet and caring and I love his personality and the way he treats and respects me. Every time we’ve gotten into a disagreement he hears me out, respects my feelings and works towards a solution with me. We have very little issues in our relationship.

However one issue that has been bothering me since we’ve started becoming more and more serious is not only has he never lived on his own, but that he has borrowed money from his mom consistently since I’ve know him (or since he has felt comfortable sharing that with me). He is very open about everything including his finances, and while he isn’t the most financially responsible person, he has recently started working on saving and prioritizing budgeting his money more. He has worked as his current profession for a couple years but has had his current job since last October, where he makes a decent amount of money. He doesn’t pay rent or utilities at his parents, only car insurance and a couple of credit card payments and streaming services/gym membership. I do believe he buys a lot of things for himself and may have a spending addiction, and while he has been putting away savings most paychecks, he almost always has to ask his mom to send him money each pay cycle.

Where I don’t know if I’m in the wrong here for being icked out by this is, I am also not the most financially responsible person. Yes, I have lived on my own since I was 18 but I have a lot of debt in taxes and credit cards, I’ve never had a consistent savings account, and I borrow money from my next paychecks and maybe once a year my mom or a family member because I also overspend on myself. While my boyfriend consistently borrows from his mom, he pays her back every paycheck and is contributing to his savings. However, he will spend money on things he doesn’t need and then turn around and ask to borrow money, and he doesn’t have the bills to pay that I do.

Another part of this is that I would really love to live together because I love him and our relationship outside of this one thing. But I want him to live on his own and experience maintaining a home and the expenses that come with it before we do, and I just don’t know how long it’s going to take for him to be ready for that. Should I give him more grace and time to be ready, or is this something that’s going to take a long long time?

Edit: I should also add he lives with a mental health disorder, one of which he has a very solid handle on and functions with it very well imo, but I believe it’s the reason he’s been so dependent on his parents.

TLDR: am I right to be icked out that my boyfriend borrows money from his mom and lives with his parents for no good financial reason when I too am financially irresponsible? And how long should I give him to be ready to live together?

TLDR: I'm doing better being separated and it's hurting my wife, what can I do to help her?

My wife and I have been together for around 8 years, married for 2. We have butt heads a lot, which is to be expected from a couple or Tauruses, but there have been some big issues that we haven't been able to resolve and this led to me asking for a separation.

It still took up around 6 months before we could move into individual apartments, but even that time was very hard on her even though nothing about about our relationship changed. Its only been a week or two since we started living separately but she has been struggling. She misses me badly. She has been used to my constant presence 24/7. I still visit her regularly and have dinner with her and my step son several days a week, but she will often call me at 4am crying because she's lonely and misses me, and I go to her every time and cuddle her to sleep.

She said something recently to the affect of "I feel like you're getting everything you want and aren't the least bit upset about the situation." I can't say she is wrong here. I'm significantly less stressed and my mental health is improving, but the better I'm doing the more it upsets her. From her perspective I'm taking time to figure myself out. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, which explains a lot about the issues we have had and it's made me question our compatibility.

To be clear, I still love her deeply and I want her in my life, she just isn't healthy for me to live with. Seeing her suffering like this tears me apart but I don't know what I can do about it. Any advice on this would be appreciated, ty.

ETA: title is wrong, post is correct, my partner is 28!

TLDR: I [31F] and my partner [28NB] have been together for about 2 years and sometimes we struggle with discussing and understanding the concept of consent.

A couple examples:

My partner feels like I trap them in conversations, especially ones where I am calling out behaviour of theirs that I don’t like, they say “I did not consent to this conversation” and I understand that it can come off as attacking them sometimes, but I also feel that it’s not fair to just back out of conservations because it makes them feel bad, they do say in contrast that when they do that to me, that I should do the same (express I do not consent to hearing t this) and/or remove myself from the situation physically. Part of me gets this, I understand needing space, but also this feels like avoiding accountability

Part of the reason I don’t revoke consent in certain circumstances, is that I have learned to expect a negative reaction from them when I do (to be clear: never sexual experiences, I have never felt forced or coerced into sexual scenarios with them). An example of this is that they are very skilled and intuitive with massage, however, they have this “I know what’s best for you” kind of mentality. Sometimes it is painful and I try to revoke consent, and they get upset and cut the massage off. This feels unfair to me, because I love receiving a massage, and I do want it to continue, but I am not always in the space to work through pain like that. They argue that they also have the right to stop the massage, and expecting them to continue is non-consensual for them. And I agree with that, but it also feels like they are punishing me for trying to enforce my own boundaries.

It is very confusing for me, I go back and forth between understanding their perspective and feeling like I am being manipulated in some way.

I am not really sure exactly what advice I am looking for here to be honest, I guess I am just curious how others may interpret such scenarios and if there is a better way I could be approaching these conversations without making them feel attacked.

TLDR: A female friend [27F] and I [27M] became very close and spent a lot of one-on-one time together, so I assumed she was single and there might be mutual interest. I recently realised she was actually with someone the whole time, which made me question whether I simply misread a close friendship. Should I casually talk to her about it so I understand the boundaries, or just adjust my expectations and continue as friends?

I've known this girl for almost a year. We met through mutual friends and knew each other casually at first, but weren't particularly close.

Earlier this year, she started talking to me more and eventually asked me to hang out one-on-one. At first I just treated it as catching up between friends.

After that, though, we became quite close. We started seeing each other regularly, sometimes almost every weekend. We'd get dinner together, go for drinks afterwards, and talk about work, family and fairly personal things. We were also texting pretty frequently.

Whenever I suggested doing something, she generally agreed, and when she wasn't available she would often suggest another time.

Over time, I started wondering whether there might be some mutual interest. I also assumed she was single. I realise now that this was an assumption on my part because I never actually asked her directly about her relationship status.

After a while, the dynamic cooled down somewhat. We still talk normally and occasionally try to meet, but we don't see each other nearly as often and she became less proactive online. She also genuinely became much busier with work and other things, so at the time I wasn't sure whether the change meant anything or was simply life getting in the way.

More recently, I realised that she was actually with someone throughout the period when we were becoming close.

That made me reconsider how I'd interpreted everything. What I saw as possible mutual interest may simply have been a close opposite-sex friendship from her perspective.

There's also one part I'm having trouble interpreting. Some parts of her personal/relationship life on social media appear to be visible to mutual friends but not to me. A number of our mutual friends can see things that I apparently can't.

I completely understand that people are allowed to choose who sees what on their social media, so I'm not saying she has done anything wrong. What confuses me is whether the selective visibility means she suspects I had feelings for her and is intentionally keeping that part of her life separate from our friendship to avoid awkwardness, or whether I'm reading too much into that as well.

Despite all of this, she's continued to be a genuinely good friend to me. Someone in my family passed away recently, and she checked in on me and supported me without me asking. I really appreciated that.

Because of that, I'm not interested in deciding whether she "led me on" or trying to assign blame. Even if there was never anything romantic from her side, I'd genuinely like to keep her as a friend.

The problem I'm having now is figuring out how to recalibrate the friendship without making things unnecessarily awkward.

1. Would regularly having one-on-one dinners/drinks, texting frequently and sharing personal things reasonably make you wonder if there was mutual interest, or can this easily just be a close friendship?

2. Would it be reasonable to casually ask her about the situation/relationship status so that I understand the boundaries better? If so, how would you bring it up without making it sound like a confrontation or confession?

3. How would you interpret the fact that some relationship-related social media appears to be hidden from me while mutual friends can see it? Is that meaningful, or am I probably overthinking it?

4. If my priority now is genuinely keeping the friendship, would you talk about any of this at all, or simply adjust your expectations and interact with her as a friend going forward?

Should I do tit for tat to my long term bf? I've found my bf's "lost" reddit account comments on NSFW posts essentially the entire time we've been together. saw it and confronted him in April but was told he had been hacked and didn't have it. Then that he got it back when saw it on his phone when he handed it to me to text for him. I stated how didn't care if he was in those subreddit communities, only that he was commenting. I saw that he commented on one 20 days ago when he was on a work trip. (We both travel for work). I've documented it and don't know if I should

A. Confront him immediately about it (we're both away on work trips rn so it would be over the phone)

B. Leave it be and see how much he decides to do. I have computer skills to find more without being on his phone if he continues.

C. Do tit for tat and start leaving comments on posts myself on reddit and Tik Tok.

I have never had insecurity problems until I've caught him lying this past year and am struggling with it. feel like l'm going crazy looking for him looking outwards but also justified because he's already proven he will. thought was going to marry him and have his kids but I'm unsure at this point because I'm unsurprised at this. Which is shitty because used to trust and think the world of him. I've vocalized that it's not the case anymore so he knows he's fucked up.

TLDR: BF keeps commenting on NSFW posts even though said I'm not comfortable with it. I don't care if he looks. Just don't interact. Should do tit for tat and comment myself on NSFW things?

I knew it from the start, he wasn't like his image but he such a good partner and good sex. I don't know what to do, it's abiously behaviour problem - I see what he eats even when he try to hide it. I can't talk with him about it because he gets defensive and I understand that it's not my place - but he gets fatter and I do have problem with it , not just the looks, the health and the fact that I need to work very hard to not fall with him as well ( already gained a bit more then 20 kilos and now 11 kilos down after an aggressive diet).

Tldr:

How can I help my bf to have an healthy diet to maintain healthy weight?

We’ve been in a relationship for over a year now and we’ve been living together for most of it because my partner can’t afford an apartment on their own. (They work at chipotle and I work in a mailroom)I’ve been debating asking them to move out but that could make things much worse if they wind up driving drunk again or getting a dui (they’ve only had 1 from right before we started dating and they’re still on probation) because I’m not there to watch them. I know that they’re a good person and they’re really smart so I don’t want to just abandon them but nothing seems to work. I’ve told them multiple times to stick to low % wine or tall boys that won’t get them as drunk, but they just won’t. They’ve recently found a new job and I’m hoping that we can use the money to get them therapy because they grew up in a very abusive home and developed dissociative identity disorder as a result. I also have ocd so maybe I’m worrying a little too much, they haven’t tried driving drunk in months and their car has a dead battery. But I recently stayed up till 5 am driving them to get more alcohol and it’s starting to affect me. I also get way more irritable and emotional when this is going on and I’m worried I might hurt them or get us both in trouble(which is common with ocd). They are in AA too which doesn’t really seem to be helping. Overall I’m just really worried about them and I want them to be successful but it’s entirely possible that if they have to leave here they could wind up homeless. Venting has helped a little, thank you for reading.
TLDR: my partner is an alcoholic and I want to help them get better but we have limited resources

I [ 28M] have been with my girlfriend [28F] for about 6 years and overall we have a really good relationship. We live together, have similar interests, rarely have major fights, I still find her very attractive and genuinely enjoy spending time with her.

The one area where we’re very different is sex.
My girlfriend basically doesn’t need sex at all. She says she’d probably be fine without it, while ideally I’d like to have sex around once a week, sometimes twice. Currently it’s more like 1–2 times a month.
She also doesn’t like vaginal sex. She’s afraid of getting pregnant and sometimes gets an uncomfortable pulling feeling in her lower abdomen from it. Because of that we only have anal sex.

I’m generally okay with anal, but it’s not really my preference and it requires quite a lot of preparation (3-4 hrs) for her, so sex is rarely spontaneous. Sometimes after all the preparation it doesn’t work out because I get performance anxiety ( or it gets late) which makes the whole situation pretty frustrating for both of us.

I’ve also realized that I really miss vaginal sex. Not just physically, but the intimacy and spontaneity of it.
One thing I’m struggling to understand is how to approach her lack of spontaneous desire. She’s generally someone who often doesn’t feel like doing something initially but then enjoys it once we’ve started. For example I had this with events or purchases, she was originally against and later on liked it.
I wonder if sex might be similar for her. At the same time, I obviously don’t want to pressure her into doing something she genuinely doesn’t want.

I’d especially like to hear from people who have been in relationships where one person rarely or never spontaneously wants sex while the other does.
How did you approach initiating without making the lower-libido partner feel pressured? Did you find ways to make sex more spontaneous or frequent that both people genuinely enjoyed?

TLDR: My girlfriend has almost no spontaneous desire for sex while I’d ideally like it 1–2 times a week. We currently have sex 1–2 times a month and only have anal sex because she doesn’t like vaginal sex. Anal isn’t really my preference and the preparation and pressure around it are making sex difficult. How have other couples with a large libido difference made their sex life work better for both partners?

Have I [25M] ruined my relationship with my GF [25F]?

We have been together for over a year now and the other day was my birthday. It was a hard day for me due to an abusive family situation. I wanted to see her after I left my family's so dove to her house. I tried phoning on the way to see if she was free and no answer. When I got there her car wasn't there so I left. An hour later I get a call back and I ask what she was up to and she just said she was in the shower. I asked if she had been home the whole time and she said yes. I said I knew she had left because her car wasn't there and she then said she went to get food.

I admit I was emotional but I asked her if she was cheating on me. She said no and we talked a little more.

These past few days have been really weird and she's now said we shouldn't move in together (we had planned to in a couple months)

I now don't know what I should do and I feel like I'm losing her.

TLDR: I accused my gf of cheating and she's been really cold since and I don't know if I can fix it.

saturday night we were out together and my bf did something that hurt my feelings. I took the evening and night apart to process and texted him my feelings the next morning. I know he can be pretty conflict avoidant but I even went as far to say “I’m not mad at you or anything just a bit disappointed” I waited all day for a response that came an hour before my scheduled birthday dinner with my family - he apologized and asked if I still wanted him to go. like ??????

afterwards I thanked him for coming and I said get home safe and that was it, from his end - nothing. no in person apology or further discussion, no “can we talk about everything?,” absolutely nothing. we went our separate ways and have not spoken since.

ultimately, I know we’ll have to talk about everything and I’m guessing we will eventually. I had previously expressed to him that I needed him to talk to me because that is how we work things out and he said he was learning (this is his first relationship) and he would do better. I feel like he had and things have been going really well this summer - then this happened.

it tends to look this every time - I’m upset, I’m open about my feelings, he takes time to process, I feel incredibly lonely and sad with everything hanging in between us for days at a time. so I reach out and ask if he wants to talk in person, he says yes, and we can typically come to a resolution but now I wonder is it genuine? is he just going along with everything so we can be good and things can be normal again and he doesn’t feel the pressure of the conflict? and why does it always fall on me to be the one to repair us? if I stopped trying would it all fall apart? does he even care? is he actively choosing me or am I just here and good enough?

I love him deeply, when we’re good - we’re great, I feel so happy and loved by him. but conflict feels like this every time and I genuinely don’t understand :( are we just incompatible? is there something I could do to be a better partner to him and make him feel more comfortable talking to me? thank you in advanced for reading <3

TLDR - bf struggles to properly communicate when I’m upset and it makes me feel like he doesn’t care, always falls on me to fix everything

I [30M] and my wife [29F] are in what feels like the downward spin of our marriage. It became apart to me not long ago when we had a phone call in which she needed space because of the poor trend in our relationship and namely that we, that i, was not growing anymore. For the past few years I have been deeply struggling with mental health issues that caused me anhedonia and ultimately I was not only emotionally withdrawing from the relationship but life itself, against my will. She had brought up therapy to me a number of times over the years but what I know now is that I was deeply afraid of confronting those problems. She let me know that she is, essentially, going through what i have learned to be dorsal vagal, nervous system shut down from emotionally carrying weight for the past couple years and that she has been growing emotionally apart from me for those past couple years up until now where she is detached. That call was the first time she had brought issues to my attention in a way which it was clear the cause and affect which is what was the splash of water on my face to work on fixing it in order to save the marriage. I will beat anyone to the punch to say that, yes, it should not take that for change to happen but what has become clearer from therapy and self-reflection is I had a breakdown in communication in-which I could have dug deeper into what she was saying when she would suggest I go to therapy and it would have become clear what was behind that door. I've come to realize that things need to be laid before me directly and clearly so that I can understand them (unsure if I'm on the spectrum, wouldn't be surprised). Important background because what comes next is where I am struggling, she has many male friends and I have never been against it because I trust her and am capable of recognizing what is platonic. One of those was very much not, they started talking due to being mutuals within their respective friend groups and hung out, she forgot to wear her ring and he made a move, she shut it down and let him know she was married etc. She told me all of this the morning after it all happened. I played it off because i understood he couldn't have known and tried to move on. They, apparently, stopped being in contact after a month or so all the way until she asked for the space. At some point they had started talking again as friends (as far as I know) and when she asked for space, she decided to let him know some amount of the status of our relationship (She was up front about this and all the information I am giving). After I was working on being more emotionally open, I let her know the apprehensiveness I have towards him and she assured me nothing physical was going on etc. but did eventually admit to him flirting with her and since the space she asked for, she has been entertaining it more (emotional cheating). She did indeed blame the lack of love she has been getting as to why which I can understand for not rejecting complements but my attitude changes when it goes beyond that. There are, of course, more details but this gets the point across. What I need help with is what do I even make of this relationship, I want to work things out in couples counseling, I am sure I have cause a lot of harm due to what I was avoiding (I will not say that she was perfect either). Understand that it takes two to tango and if she doesn't want to make it work then it doesn't. Any advice helps, I really appreciate it.

TLDR: I was emotionally distant due to unresolved mental health, she asked for space and while I gave her that she started emotionally cheating with a friend and citing my lack of love as to why.

Hello, I'm (26m) and I could use some help. As the title says idk who to turn to as I feel as tho everyone in my personal life will either be bias in my favor or my partner's

My partner (23NB) (we'll call them M) And I have been dating for what will be a year this September. We met while they were attending a college near where I live, we hit it off quickly and soon became a couple. Once their semester ended they she to move back home to their home state, which is 8 hours and change from me by car. Long distance is never ideal, but we love each other and wanted to make it work.

Well, over those months at home, they had a major falling out with their parents (which I will not be getting into here) and moved into an apartment with one of their friends in the area (we'll call her T). T is really nice and very helpful, but overtime I've felt... overshadowed??? By her.

They're roommates and good friends so obviously, they spend every day together. They do everything together other than work, and I do mean everything. They eat together, a lot of times they sleep together, and even on occasion bathe together. Some of this, or perhaps a lot of this, made me uncomfortable and I let that be known, albeit maybe not in the healthiest of ways. I will admit, I felt jealousy.

I suspected that there was something sexual going on between them, but M assured me that T is totally asexual. Even considering that I still felt jealous.

I get to see M maybe once every other month for a few days, the first time they flew to me for a visit, we had a great time, every other time they visited me, T drove and spent just about the whole time with us, very little if any alone time. Whenever I would go out and visit them, much of the same, not much if any alone time with my partner. Either way, we still shared a bed so at least I got that.

This is about to get very complicated

The thing is, M is the host of a plural system, if you don't know what that is, I'm far from the most qualified person to teach you, but it used to be called multiple personality disorder. If you've never spent much time around a system and your only exposure to them is in movies, you might be thinking some wild things right now, but I promise you it's nothing like what you see on tv, there just happen to be several other people sharing a brain with my partner. They are all their own people with their own autonomy and I respect that.

M and I have sort of been at odds for a few weeks. They're getting ready to move back to my area, which I'm very excited for, but the moving process is obviously stressful for them. During this, M has not been speaking to me very much, letting other members of the system do everything, and they also, have not been speaking to me hardly at all, maybe less than 20 texts in a day, no phone calls. This emotional distance on top of the physical distance has made me feel really shitty. When I've reached out and asked for reassurance, they give me...not much.

I'll ask if everything is ok, I'll get "just busy"

I'll ask if I can do anything and I'll get "not really"

In a particularly low moment I texted and told them I'm scared and asked them to reassure me that they love me, I got back "love you"

Now to the present, I've flown to them to help with the move, get everything packed up and I'm planning on driving the uhaul. Even though I'm here with them physically I've never felt further away. They won't let me touch them, they'll barely look at me. All while they're sitting next to T at every meal, holding hands when we go outside.

I've been here 2 nights now and both nights I was sent to sleep in T's bed because M didn't feel comfortable sleeping next to me and T "prefers the couch anyway", fair enough, I didn't raise any stink. Last night I got up to get some water, and T was not on the couch, as I went down the hall to the kitchen, I heard both their voices in M's room. Just talking.

But my heart hurts now more than ever, I've been sent away to sleep in T's room while them two sleep together? I feel so physically rejected and I feel usurped by T. Like, why am I even here? To help them move yeah, but we're not doing that until later today, so why did I even bother to come 2 days in advance? I feel like I'm third wheeling in my own relationship, yet I don't feel I even have the right to feel that way, because a good chunk of the time, it's not even M fronting, but then even when it IS I'm still kept at an arms length.

I feel a strange duality where I feel both like an asshole and also completely justified to feel jealous.

So here's where I ask for help, am I insane? Am I the psycho jealous bf who will just be a bad memory in years to come? Or am I right to feel jealous? How do I approach this? Is the ship sunk? Can it be salvaged?

What would you do in my shoes? I feel completely lost and I don't know what to do

TLDR: My partner seems to value their roommate more than me, they are keeping me at an arms length and I don't know if I'm the problem here or not

Within the last few days our relationship seems to have fallen apart and I don't know what to do. We have been together for 11 months and our 1 year anniversary is only a month away.

For context, we met over a year ago online via a mutual friend and played games together. A few months into knowing each other, we started flirting and hyped to see each other since I was going to his state for a few days for a friend who moved in with me and my parents. We both agreed to not start a relationship until we met in person and I was fine with that. The first day we met, he took my virginity and asked me to be his girlfriend. Over the next few months we continued to visit each other and then on January 31st, we moved in together. I know that seems fast but I was having issues with my parents and he was living with his grandma.

Things were really nice and we loved spending time with each other. We'd go on dates, cook dinner, hang out with our roommate[20m] and so on. Everything was good, then my health started to get bad and I couldn't hold a job because I was getting sick so often. I was in and out of doctors with medicine and doing things to get better. That's when we slowly started to build debt.

Our first month of moving in together, we had issues with our phone company and they started double charging us. I tried fighting this and they declined and said we had to pay in full, but with our recent move and my health issues, we couldn't afford it. So over time, it's now at 2500$ and we cannot afford to even glance at its way. I know that's a huge point of anxiety for my boyfriend. Also, for our rent we put it on my roommates credit card and pay it off while each paycheck. So each of them pay 750$? I pay for groceries and the electric bill.

This brings us to the last few days. About 5 days ago, him and I got into a fight about games and how he doesn't play anymore. I play games a lot and I like to play them with him but during our fight, he told me he feels like he cannot play until everything is done and clean. Our apartment is pretty clean for the most part, obviously there is a thing here and there when we have a cat and dog but we are trying to keep it clean. However, I was upset because he hadn't played games with me in months and usually only sleeps and works, and we occasionally watch shows together.

I was extremely upset and screwed up really bad, when the fight came to a close, I called him a dick and tossed a PLASTIC basically empty water bottle at him, it had maybe a sip left in it. I know I shouldn't have done this and I have apologized over and over. He said it was fine and we even had a good time together. Then, the next day he came home and he seemed really pissed so I was giving him space. Eventually he goes into our bedroom and locks the door after we have spoken about how much that upsets me. I text him while pissed off saying "Thank you for locking me out again." He responds with "You're welcome, I always aim to please." This made me upset so I asked what was wrong with him, way too aggressively. He tells me that he is pissed because I called him a dick and that he feels like he cannot express his opinions because I tossed the water bottle at him.

I apologized over and over and told him I didn't mean it. That I'll get help for my issues. He didn't really speak for a while until we went to shower, which I asked if he was going to leave me. His response was that he didn't want to but if it makes him happy then he will. That he wants me to stay close because he still loves me and he cannot see a life without me in it. I sobbed because I felt like it was over and he held me. He held me until I fell asleep too.

Then, the next day, he was very sweet and loving, he was messaging me about work and what we wanted for dinner. I thought this was good news. I got home and slept because I was exhausted from crying and working. Then, he gets home and sleeps with me until 8. We go to get dinner and again, I think things are fine. The next day, he is upset about stuff again and is standoffish. So I left him alone, I didn't ask if he was okay 500 times since he told me it stresses him out when I do that. Same with the next day. Then last night, my roommate and I were out shopping for his 21st birthday getting stuff and collecting secret gifts for him. He was cooking when we got home and we ate dinner.

When it was time for bed, we were laying next to each other and I asked if he wanted to be with me. He just kept saying he didn't know over and over. I started crying because I had a feeling it was going to end. I asked him if we could try, if there was any way we could try. He said yes, that we can try and that he doesn't want to see me hurt. He also said that he still loves me. I believed it but something was still eating me up. After a few hours of him being asleep, I looked at his phone because I wanted to see if maybe there was something that would tell me what's wrong. The only thing that I found is that he is planning to move out and live with his dad and grandma. After seeing that, I called my dad and cried because I don't know what to do.

What should I do? I know I don't look very good in this post but I don't want to make things seem worse for him than they already are. I want to save my relationship so badly. Is therapy enough or is everything doomed?

TLDR: my boyfriend and I might be ending our relationship over mistakes and I don't know what to do.

I'm still fairly new to relationships. I only seriously started dating at 24 and now I'm 26 and I'm still kind of feeling it out. Dating is still a bit new to me and I'm still a little awkward about it. Over time though I've dated a few toxic people so it's helped me better be able to look out for any potential red flags and has given me some insight into the type of positive qualities I look for in a partner. I think I've reached a point in my life where I just want someone who's a bit more mature and committed to the relationship. I want someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I want someone who wants to see me as much as possible. I'll be honest, much of my past relationships have been entirely one-sided where I seem to want to be with them more than they want to be with me. I guess you could say I'm the needy type. I just want someone who is emotionally available and emotionally intelligent and is fine with being able to meet maybe like twice a week and often texts and asks me about my day and acknowledges my existence. Is that a big ask? Am I being entitled here? It just seems like I constantly want to spend time with people and they kinda just see me as more of an after thought. Though consequently, I realize that I may be a bit needy here and want them to hang out more despite them having a busy job and life so I suppose a balance needs to be reached. Still though, I guess my ultimate relationship goal is to be with someone who will want to commit to the relationship as much as I do. Are there people like that out there? Is that a reasonable thing to want from a partner? Like I've just been getting really bored and lonely living by myself for so long that I can't help but fantasize about living with somebody but I'm not really at the point of wanting to settle down yet either as my life is just getting started so I'm left having to wait for hours and days for a half-hearted reply and am always the one who's begging them to hang out. Why can't people want to see me as much as I want to see them? I feel pathetic in being this needy and feel hurt by being somewhat neglected by most of the people I date.

TLDR: Am I clingy or needy for wanting to spend a good amount of time with my partner? Like meeting maybe twice a week or for two to four days at a time? Is that too much to ask for? Am I being entitled here? Are there people out there who are looking for the same thing in a relationship? I just want this to be two-sided and want some consistence and commitment so we can better get acquainted and really enjoy our time together.

I’ve been struggling a lot recently. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4.5yrs, living together now for 1 year, and up until about 6 weeks ago I’ve felt that we’ve had a very stable relationship with no issues or big fights. We’ve always been like best friends and I just love her so much. But about six weeks ago she started a talk with me about how she felt in our relationship. She expressed that she felt we’d been disconnected recently (time spent together and intimacy) and I guess on a certain level I felt the same but not as intensely as her. We currently live in my home city and have always had loose plans to move to a city that is closer to her friends and family, and during this talk she said if she still felt this way by the end of our lease then it wouldn’t be a good idea to keep going and she should just move away and us separate. Since having that talk I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster. Any time she slightly changes her mood from loving and happy I feel like she going to leave me or that nothing is getting better and she’ll just add it to a list of reasons to leave me by the end of our lease. I’ve tried talking with her once or twice and she reassures me that she loves me, but I still have this anxiety over my head constantly, and some days it’s so bad I can’t even focus at work or socially. I’m scared she’s holding out until our lease is over to leave me when is easier. Or I’m overthinking. I love her so much and am willing to do anything to stay together. I guess the main question I need help with is how can I believe her if she tells me she won’t leave and she loves me? How do I get rid of this dread and anxiety?

TLDR- My girlfriend she would leave me when our lease ends if things don’t get better. I can’t stop overthinking that she’s is going to leave when she doesn’t seem happy.