My last 3 hookups and the advice of my ex has got me questioning whether I'm doing too much when I hookup?

First guy [24m] I hosted, we sat on the sofa for a bit. He was noticeably hot from the weather so I offered him a water bottle. He hesitated and said "don't let me put you out." I said "don't be silly" and gave him one. We started touching then that led to the bedroom pretty fast. We had some fun, finished, then laid in bed for nearly an hour just chatting about anything and everything. Towards the end, he said it had been a really nice afternoon and he's never had a post-hookup convo before.

The second guy [25], came over, sat in the livingroom, a lot of flirting going on, then we actually had fun on the sofa. It was passionate and sweaty, and after we finished, I offered him a shower. He looked at me as if I told a joke, then his eyes softened and he said "yes please." When he was done, I asked if it was ok as the water pressure is crappy sometimes. He thanked me so many times, highlighting the towel, the soap and the cleanliness but also said he's never showered at another guy's house before.

The third guy [22] came over. We walked past the bedroom to go to the living room. He see's the bedroom and says "oh" whilst pointing at the bed. I asked "did you wanna chill for a bit?" and he stands there looking confused. I clock he just wants to get straight to it so smile and jokingly say "ahh, I know what you want" whilst putting my hands around his waist and guiding him to the bed. We play then he simply left.

Then me and my ex [41] were having drinks recently and he said I'm too 'nice', describing me as too accommodating. He gave the example that we were having drinks but I had put snacks and nibbles from the airfryer out, commenting that I have a tendency go overboard and give the wrong impression.

My question is, am I doing too much? In my head, offering a drink, especially if they're hot or out of breath is just human nature. Is it weird to shower at a hookup's house, especially after getting sweaty and covered in goodness knows what? Are we able to use words other than "Hi, Thanks and Bye"? I find these are simple acts of courtesy but perhaps I'm making hookups uncomfortable?

I'm 37, a top, and usually host. I'd love to hear back from everyone, tops, bottoms, hosts and travellers. There's obviously no right answer here but 1) do you think I'm hosting the correct way and 2) what's your expectation when you travel/what's your level of hosting?

In the past year, I have gone on 30-40 dates with men of ages 25-45. In about 75% of these first dates, these men end up talking 90% of the time. They ask me few if any questions. I try to interrupt or derail them, they steam-rail over me and continue on.

In my experience, in American culture, folks generally speak 50% of the time, taking turns to ask the other questions, pausing to let the other speak, and showing interest in the other. But these men just go on and on about themselves.

I understand there are different ways folks of different cultures and mental compositions communicate, however I'm getting frustrated meeting with these men who show 0 interest in knowing me as a person. Often afterwards, they want to meet again and say something along the lines of "it was so easy to talk to you" and it's genuinely mind boggling how unaware they are of the situation.

Maybe there is a culture clash on my part as I primarily grew up around women. Are men generally like this? Do others feel this as well? Any suggestions on what I could be doing wrong? Am I just beginning to scrape the bottom of the barrel of older single men?

It's getting to the point where I don't want to go on dates anymore because the options are to be an audience for two hours, or to have to work extra hard to corral a stranger into to showing a semblance of interest in another person.

The divorce is looming, it’s a long time coming.

I feel empty, sad, and suffocated in Toronto. I don’t have many friends to talk to. My husband is mentally and physically abusive. And I’m out and I can’t breathe.

I want to meet people. I want some like minded friends but I’m very shy. Maybe I just need a fresher POV compared to these concrete jungle I see everyday. I know I’m not happy anymore. I don’t have the will to do anything. I’m slowly going downhill.

I have some okay amount of savings and nowadays, I feel like blowing a few thousand is worth for a vacation out of this place is worth more than my “future” which I don’t see.

Any recommendation or anyone been in this situation before?

This was also my first and only real official relationship.

I (45 M) will be in Tokyo for most of October, work and play. I am out and looking for hookups, but also happy to just explore the areas around Tokyo during the weekends and free time.

I will be in a Hotel near Tokyo Bay; any suggestions on places to visit, gay saunas, gay bars, or general gay community or hookups while out there

Hi guys, I'm 51 and recently came out! Yes, a bit late... but better late than never. For context, I'm 5'9" and 156 lbs (1.75m / 71kg).

My whole life I have dressed very conservatively (some might say boring) and elegantly. Almost my entire wardrobe consists of Ralph Lauren.

Now that I'm finally free to be myself, I'm exploring who I am. I see myself as a delicate guy—I've never been "tough," and I like fine things, though I don't really have many mannerisms. Funny enough, I have crossdressed a few times in the past, and sometimes picture myself as a woman because I do have a feminine side and because I feel like the fashion options for women are vastly superior and much more abundant than for men, but that's a topic for another day!

Here is my dilemma: I'm going to Wilton Manors in about 3 weeks. I know for a fact that the crowd at the usual suspect clubs and bars (Georgie's Alibi, Hunters, etc.) tends to dress very casually—lots of shorts, Hawaiian shirts, and white sneakers or sandals. I know places like West Hollywood or NYC might dress up a bit more for a night out, but I'm going to Florida because I have other things to do in the area.

Since I have no clue what to pack, I need your help. I don't want to dress overly flamboyant (that's just not me), but I also don't want to just blend in with the super casual, everyday crowd. I want to put real effort into my outfits and aim for a refined, chic, and delicate aesthetic.

Could you guys please suggest whole outfits for 3 days?

As of now, the only things I have ready to pack are some Chelsea boots (I love, love, love boots and never really felt I could wear them before coming out) and a pair of black slim-fit stretch cropped chinos. Should I order these pants in more colors?

Thank you so much!

P.S. I will be wearing a thumb ring and a single pearl necklace that I've always wanted to wear!

Lost story short, I met a guy off of hinge in early august and saw him 5 times during the month. Date #2-#5 included messing around after dinner either at m'y place or his. While we didn't have a ton in common in terms of interests, there was commonality in terms of temperament, ethnic/cultural background and values.

At the end of date#4 he tells me that he's glad that he and I met because I came off as being genuine in my intentions. Two days after date #5, during which btw he could barely keep his hands off of me, he ends up telling me that he doesn't feel much of a connection.

Also I'd like to add that his interests were very "limited" in that he couldn't name a movie he recently watched or album/artist he likes.

Has anyone been in a similar situation where they thought they were desired only to be hit by a surprise rejection?

1. I noticed they have separate pricing for 6am–6pm and 6pm–6am locker/room rates. If I arrive at 1pm and leave at 9pm, do I have to pay for both time blocks? If not, how long am I actually allowed to use the locker or room before I need to pay again?
2. Does the crowd differ between the two venues? As an Asian visitor, which one would you recommend for a better time?
3. Is a 26-inch suitcase allowed inside Steamworks or Z Club, or should I find somewhere else to store my luggage before going?
4. Is it okay to sleep overnight there? Also, how safe is it to walk to the Hilton Garden Inn Seattle Downtown at night?

Thanks in advance for any help!

I (30M, gay) just ended things with a guy I'd been seeing for literally just two weeks, casually. It really hurts.

For context, I moved to the city from my parents' house early this year after landing a career that allowed steadier finances. I didn't date while living with my parents—most of the queer dating pool is in the city, so it didn't make sense to constantly drive in. I started dating often. I don't hook up out of personal preference. I made the mistake of hooking up twice early this year with dates (one guy couldn't do exclusive after, the other ghosted). Both stung.

Two weeks ago, this guy comes along. He asked me out, we had an immediate connection, talked about everything under the sun. Shared love language, interests, talking for hours. Chemistry like crazy. The mismatch was clear, though: he's more casual/hookup-oriented. Nevertheless, he said he saw more with me and was open to monogamy with the right person. First date was great: we went for a walk, to a bookstore (a dream of mine for a first date), kissed a whole bunch, got close, the whole thing.

Between dates, we texted often. He was eager to set up another date. I started to become aware that there was a chance he was likely hooking up still. That hurt a bit, but I let it go—no agreement was set up, so it seemed fair.

Second date, same chemistry, and he confirmed again that he was open to monogamy eventually. Said he hadn't hooked up since before our dates, which was nice to hear. We got physical, but I told him upfront that I can't go all the way without exclusivity. He said he understood and was willing to take it slow. I stayed late, he was romantic and warm about all of it, then he followed up first thing in the morning to schedule another date.

Over that weekend, though, I spiraled. I connected the dots: now that things had been physical between us, his potentially hooking up with other people suddenly hurt a lot more. I told him I needed to talk to him.

Skipping the details, he said he's open to monogamy eventually, just no timeline. He wants it to happen organically and wants to continue hooking up while he dates me, adding that he does still really want to date me. I told him that I don't need a label, just physical exclusivity for a few weeks to a month while we figure out if this is worth pursuing further. It didn't matter. Exclusivity of any kind is not what he's looking for this early.

Turns out our wires were crossed: he said he read our physical intimacy after the second date as a hookup where I saw it as a continuation of us dating—building intimacy. Of course I don't blame either of us at all, it was just a mismatch. Still, the damage was done.

So, we broke it off. And this is really crushing me. I'm not used to a short-lived relationship like this hitting so hard. What's the reasoning here? What do you guys do to move on, even from short things like this?

EDIT: I know it's not necessarily common in the queer community to want exclusivity before going all the way, but that's just how I'm built. I fall into the bonding hard the moment we go there, so for me, this is unfortunately a non-negotiable. I'm mainly concerned about what the reasoning is for 2 weeks to cause so much turmoil, haha!

EDIT #2: Yes, I realize that the title is misleading. I want to be clear I know this was not a "relationship" in the normal sense. It still was a mutual attraction as I started seeing and became very involved very quickly with someone. That's just harder to establish in the title. And also very long.

I already know what to do, more looking for how and laugh at all the blatant red flags i ignored.

Met this guy, almost 10 years ago. Fire sex in beginning, fun honeymoon stuff, Then within a year, noticed distance. Found out he went through all my things (accounts) early on, yet I’d given him no reason to but did it anyways. Which I still to this day find weird. Red flag: ignored. We were definitely two broken people when we met as the saying goes too thick to quick. In the beginning he’d of run in front of a bus to save me. Dedicated. Committed to our relationship. Would shower me with gifts. Made me feel so special. A dopamine hit I’ve never felt but lasted only the first year and yet here I am 9 years later “thinking” it’ll come back.

Time goes on, he suffers with some pretty tough personal loss (family), basically becomes a situation where I look at him like looking through a glass window. Can see him, can’t feel or touch. Red flag: ignored. He’d be recently promoted, so I thought it was just stress, I respect that and don’t push for sex/playing.

Then found the great stuff, secret sniffies profile, apps, cruising lots of anon dick (you all know the story, they go to the same school). I go into survival mode, dying inside trying to hold on to what I thought I had. Then test positive for the clap (clap on, clap off the clapper), he feeds me some round about tale (I fall for it) red flag: ignored. Life goes on,He never really stopped, but hey….1000th time will be different right?

Oh yea, then I decided to marry him after all that (hello prenup? Yes I didn’t do one) so now we are married, he’s keeps sexting, cruising ect red flag: ignored (shows how low I was in my life then). Yikes! Then time comes to move states, move… fresh start. We buy a beautiful house, make it our own, finally fresh start! Nah still $luts being home wreckers. Slowly I stop giving a fuck and pretty much start detaching.

Years of depression, anxiety, worrying about trying to stop him from fucking up our special life we’ve created… leads to 60lbs of weight gain, sleep apnea, and a messed up mind.

Then to this year, I find out I have ADHD (partner has it too) start GLP-1, meds for adhd, wow life is actually getting cool again! This is what I remember when times were good! Meanwhile, he’s just cheating, bathroom stall blowies. I don’t get sex, I don’t get head, I don’t even get a nude (haven’t in years!)

My detachment literally started making me give concessions, that completely violated my values. “You can go walk around the cruising park, just not participate” red flag: ignored! Giving up parts of me for the sake of thinking I’m helping. (Note to self: don’t do that)

Funniest part about this, he wants me there for the hard stuff, because the wrong gust of wind sends him into I can’t cope mode. I’m good at all the hard life stuff, I founded a company, built wealth for us. Yet he Wants cuddles and all that day to day relationship, but then wants his sexual adventures outside (says he doesn’t, but keeps doing it and I find out going through his phone, not from him) he’s a complete dismissive avoidant, any time I just want to talk to be seen and heard, I’m met with either a brick wall of non thoughtful responses, or defensiveness. No, hey I hear you I want to learn more about that so I can support you (why would anyone say such a healthy thing!)

The biggest trouble is I started a company, that’s growing very fast, I have to use a portion of our home for it, plus some close family near death, I struggle the thought of leaving before they pass, as they won’t understand why we split, and I don’t want to break their heart in their end of days.

I guess guys, leave when you can, when the door is so open, you’d have to be blind not to. Just struggling to figure out the best options. I didn’t ruin my marriage, I have flaws and I definitely contributed, but I’m not asking to sit and talk with me one more time! Only to be dismissed and told why are you asking that, it’s my tv time, it’s this it’s that. (Always something more important to do Mr.adhd’r) the amount of rejection I’ve received sexually should land me in the Guinness book of records!

Last fun one, asked to have sex for the last two weeks but found at least 6 guys he’s met up with at gas stations and parks and his job. Every day he goes “we are fucking tonight” only to leave the night with me and my reliable, dependable right hand. I think what frustrates me the most, is I have ADHD, dopamine is a problem for me, but I put effort into fixing things that are broke in me. And above all I will not cheat. I did that once in a previous relationship, completely shattered me how I hurt a sweet guy because of my bullshit I didn’t want to deal with. Never again!

Trust me, I know my heart deserves better, but has anyone stayed for the sake of the circumstances (needing the current situation as is) and what do you do tocompartmentalize and/or disassociate to get through it?

I (34m) am recently divorced and out of the closet. I tried to be straight my whole life. Dated the same girl from 14-28, then I realized I was gay. We still stayed together and tried an open marriage. We had a kid but eventually the right move was to call it and be our true selves.

I’m having a hard time moving on and accepting myself. It’s all me too. Everyone in my life is supporting. Even my ex and I are very amicable and are good friends.

I’m kind of mourning my “straight self” and I need to move on. I don’t have any gay friends, and my experience as a gay man has been shallow and sexual only to say the least. I’m also still “sad I’m not straight” and I get jealous when I heterosexual romance in movies or TV. It’s crazy and I hate myself for it.

I didn’t have the same childhood as most gay guys. I was so good at repression, I never thought I was hiding anything. I thought I just had performance issues. I never really recognized my inability to not relate to a lot of my friends when they talked about their personal lives. I know it’s wild to complain about my privileged childhood in comparison to most gay people growing up. But now I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I don’t know how to recognize what parts of me are real and what parts are learned behaviors I picked up trying and to be straight. I’m at a loss.

My therapist said I need to take in gay media and try to change the way I view myself and being gay.

So does anyone have any movie, tv or book recommendations to help me out? Maybe something about moving on from living a life that wasn’t true to yourself.

Hi everyone,

I need some relationship advice for myself.

TL

Me
- Early thirties, turkish, lawyer (currently inhouse back then big law).
- I lost 55 kg nearly 6 years ago - body feels like its ruined. Especially so conscious about my chest area. - - - Want to get body reconstructive surgery, waiting to have enough money.
- Struggling with gym - feels like im putting in an effort in vain, to something ruined.
- Normal troubles at work - hate incompetent people and bosses and workplace drama, miss big law’s fast paced and intellectually rewarding environment, kinda want tonstart my own business but need constant stream of money.
- Stressed out of my mind - Turkey is fast becoming an dictatorship, there is rampant homophobia, economy is in crumbles.
- Constant anxiety - it feels like I stopped living. I am just surviving. I don’t like to go out much, I feel that I’m being ripped off, that people are testing my patience, that I will be assaulted if i show “who i am”
- This anxiety is sort of unfounded - I’m living in a really nice area. Also socialize in a nice area.
- Kinda having a lonely period of my time. Stopped talking to my best friend of 15+ years, the other one moved abroad.
- When i have the energy and motivation to be me, I’m being told that I’m really fun to be around. People adore me, keep asking me out.
- But I’m usually kinda depressed - I feel like I’m gonna bring down people.
- Born into money, then family bankrupted.

Him
- Early russian, russian, teacher.
- Conventionally very attractive guy.
- Basically like a golden retriever - always full of energy, approachable, likes people, not afraid to show who he is.
- Had a tough life - not born into money. Clawed his way out. Country is in active war. Bad relationship with useless parents.
- Despite everything, he enjoy living. Goes to walks, socializes, enjoys nature.

The Story
- Met nearly a year ago. It was only a hookup. Then we started talking and kinda never stopped.
- We are/were so very different but also similar in mindset.
- He was so calm and reassuring - my avoidant ass couldnt find a reason to push him away.
- We have stellar body connection - it feels amazing to touch eachother. Some sort of biological compability.
- We had great sex - Passionate, hickie-inducing, which included lots of oral and worshipping.
- We were enjoying life as it is, he was, without ever trying, gave me reassurance and confidence all the time.
- The more i fall in love with him, the more I care about how he perceives me.
- My body dysmorphia atarted coming between our sex life, I started feeling really ugly and started wondering whether or not he was into me.
- I expected him to keep pushing me and generally enjoy my body but I think at some point, he kinda grea tired of fighting my insecurity. Also my use of mounjaro and propecia killed my sex drive.
- Now, he confessed that he doesn’t feel sexual attraction to me anymore. He feels attracted to me in general but he thinks that my insecurity made his sexual tension escape.
- I also struggle with this - Being intimate with him scares me and thats why i became avoidant and low libido.
- Since I wanted him to understand me, I presented an unfiltered version of myself. I think he saw how “stuck” i am and how I am unable to take action. This was in the summer.
- Even though I started taking action ever since we met (lost weight, started gym, going out more) I think i stopped in the summer. I always feel worse in the summer because of my body.

Now, I really want to work this out. I need to work this out. I love him and his love is healing me. Kinda don’t know what to do. Any advice?

This is about my boyfriend and me, but background is necessary for my question to make sense. Please be patient.

My grandparents, parents, and I have all aged less rapidly than most people do according to physicians all my life and all my parents' lives as well. I didn't have my first gray hairs until nearly twenty years after all my friends did, I didn't have any "senior moments" or increased frequency of restroom stops until about a decade and a half after my friends did, and my doctors have all told me two things: an amused admission that I had a younger body than normal for my calendar years AND a stern warning that I was only delaying the inevitable a little but age would still hit me just as it hits everyone else.

My LTR is younger than I am, but for most of our relationship we have looked and acted and been treated by our physicians as though we were both in our early 40s.

And about half-a-year ago, age began RAPIDLY to catch up with me, and while I can still pass for close to my boyfriend's age, my body can not. I need more naps. I can not stay out all night at the club without needing more than a week to recover. Earlier this year, my physician more doubled the amount of prescription medications and over-the-counter supplements I take daily and now I leave each visit staggering under the tonnage of booklets and hand-outs that mostly seem to tell me that if it tastes good I will die if I eat it and if it feels good I will die if I do it and if it's a fun place to go I will die after going there.

And as you can see, I have picked up the over-50 ramble in the way I write.

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT FEELS REAL TO ME THAT I WILL DIE MANY YEARS BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND AND THAT I WILL BECOME DECREPIT AND USELESS WHILE HE IS STILL VITAL AND ENERGETIC AND DESERVES A BOYFRIEND WHO CAN KEEP UP WITH HIM.

I have spoken with him about this several times, long serious conversations and only about half of them with glasses of wine or a good brandy, and each time he rejects the wisdom of leaving while he can and insists he's in this for the long haul, 'til death do us part and all that sweet stupidity,

and, damn it, I'm too in love to leave.

SO, MY QUESTION --

PRACTICAL ADVICE AS WELL AS PHILOSOPHICAL ADVICE (though most of the philosophical advice have been sweet and affirming!)

What should we do to make our life together a life worth living even when I eventually lose to ability to be a proper boyfriend?

How do I continue to be a good boyfriend when now I can no longer handle the two-hour walks we used to enjoy, when now any "camping" trip has to be at a campsite with plumbing nearby and within driving distance of a medical center, when now we have to watch movies at home so we can pause the two or three bathroom breaks I now need, when now I need him to carry the heavy boxes I used to be able to carry two of on my own, when now we need to accept that I may live as long as he does -- my family is long-lived -- but I will become old and over the hill while he is still leaping from rock to rock like the metaphoric mountain ram.

EDIT : Since so many people ask, my boyfriend is 48 and sweet and handsome and highly intelligent and so adorable I keep misremembering his age as barely 40, and as for me, I just turned 56 and according to my physician I have just begun "the dangerous years".

I wouldn't be thinking about this so much except that my physician not too long ago this year suddenly started nagging me about how I am now "in the Age Category when scary-high-percentage of men die of heart attacks or end up permanently helpless from strokes" and wanted to know if I have a living will and whether I've made plans to ensure I do not end up a burden to the children I do not have or the siblings I have not seen since I came out of the closet and suddenly I find I'm now on a mailing list for unasked-for advertisements for walkers and adult diapers and graveyard plots . . . and it's all a bit of a shock still.

Also, since it appears to be pertinent, we are considering marriage despite our late ages. I did not mention that because apparently I go on and on and on about him and reddit deserves better than to witness me swooning over the "love of my life" (pardon the cliche but accurate language) and it didn't seem pertinent but I appear to have been mistaken about that.

Any wise advice would be appreciated, but please, this time around, no lectures from anyone on how bad a person I am for having dated someone younger than I am. I'm tired of deleting online posts that end up filled with people who hate anyone over 40.

Thank you.

I've never lived on my own before, despite being 31, but I think it's almost time to go out on my own. Or at least somewhat on my own. Per the title, I'm seeking advice on how to find roommates. My concern is that I have a boyfriend that I'd like to have over. He isn't an option as he has responsibilities with his family he needs to tend to, but I'd like to have him over and have sex with him in the privacy of my room, so I'd appreciate advice and tips on how to find a roommate and ensure that they're fine with these sorts of things.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been reflecting a bit lately on how long it took me to fully own who I am and what I'm attracted to. Even though I had some experiences back in my 30s, for the longest time I kept telling myself: "Well, I'm just a normal, quiet, low-key guy - I don't fit the loud scene stereotypes at all, so maybe this isn't really me."

Because media and stereotypesalways pushes the flashy side of things, I mistook my own grounded, natural style for proof that I "didn't belong." It took me a while to realize that you can just be a calm, mature guy who likes other calm, mature guys, no drama, no performance needed.

Did anyone else struggle with that logic? Thinking that because you don't fit the public gay mold, your actual desires somehow don't count?

(Feel free to comment, or drop a line in my DMs if you'd rather chat privately.)

Has anyone used this before. I tried it out and I'm not sure if it had numbing qualities since when the guy I was with came I didn't feel any spasming or throbbing like I thought I would.

Me (31M) and my beautiful boyfriend (M 32) have been together for about 9 months. The relationship is really special, and I genuinely feel like I've found a really good person for me, and I make sure he feels as happy as he can. Problem is, about 3 months into the relationship he sat me down and said that his sex drive is very 'on/off', as in it's either 'on' or 'off'. As we've gone on, it just appears to be 'off' most of the time with the odd spark every now and then. It's really starting to screw with my head - i've finally found my person yet somehow I've never been this sexually frustrated.

I really miss having sex with him. We're talking about opening up the relationship mainly to take pressure off the both of us, however if I'm being honest it's not something I reeeally want, I want to have sex with him because I'm crazy for him - it just feels like it's not reciprocal at all which is starting to whip up some feelings of sadness/loneliness and just feeling shit.

How have guys managed the difference in sex drive? I'm considering asking him to go to the doctor and get testosterone or hormones etc. but unsure if this actually results in a higher libido or whatever - I know it comes in ups and downs like me and the rest of us, but he could literally go months without sex if I wasn't asking for it and I just have a gut feeling there's something deeper/biological going on.

I don't know 'how' to open up the relationship - and I don't think I want to until after he's tried with the doc - but I really hate the idea of him having sex with other guys over me - but I'm not sure how to handle that in a literal open relationship.

Any advice on mismatched libidos, getting you or your partner's hormones checked, and opening up the relationship bc of this would be great. I really don't want to lose my person over this and don't wanna screw this one up.

I was with my ex for ~4 years and he just ended it with me like three weeks ago. I feel very blindsided and am struggling to come to terms with this change. His reasoning (every time I ask) is pointed towards my job search and not asking his mom for help seeking employment. For context, I was laid off ~1.5 years ago due to federal budget cuts and have been struggling in the current job market to find a job. I have been slowly moving my stuff out of the shared apartment and saw condoms which also put me in a spiral. I feel like I’m in this spiral about feeling good enough, him moving on so quickly (at least sexually) and me not knowing how to act in the community or date. Any advice would be much appreciated!!

Dude and I are flying over to Berlin this Thursday afternoon, back on Sunday afternoon.

Any recommendations? Gay pubs?

We're more of a "three beers in the late afternoon" type than the "late night clubbing".

Any other general advice?

EDIT: I'm also open to any spicy recommendations. I'm not a total square! Well, I am, but don't want to accept it 😆

Okay, this is going to be a bit long, so please bear with me.

I 35m have been with my partner 39m for almost 10 years. From our first date, I was at his place every day and slept there too. After six months, we decided why spend money on two apartments when I was at his place every day anyway, so I moved out of my place completely and moved to him.

I love this man. He's warm, open, funny, takes care of me, listens to me, he's my rock. He also repeatedly emphasizes how much he loves me. We're financially secure, and we travel a lot. Everything is practically perfect.

Now comes the crux of the matter. During the relationship, I had a mental health crisis. I was prescribed medication that practically killed my libido. Sex is very important to him (he's Southern European, I'm German), but even there he was patient. Now I'm on different medication, and my libido is back. We also occasionally have threesomes. Everything's fine there in that matter again.

And now for the next point. Less than a year passed between meeting my boyfriend and my coming out. And during that time, I was with someone else for seven months. I only came out after I met my ex. And it wasn't until then that I had a sex life. Everything started when I was 24.

Now, after ten years, even though I love my boyfriend so much, I realize that this relationship is restricting me. Which is totally illogical, because we love each other and things are good between us. But I'm tired of having to justify myself (i am talking about little stuff like why didnt you take out the trash), I don't want to feel guilty when I look at other men, I want to do what I want, even without him.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I'm realizing that my idea of ​​a functioning relationship is completely different at 35 than it was at 25. And I've changed completely as a person, too.

Hi everyone. Looking for some advice on my (34M) relationship with my partner (38M). We’ve been together for about 6 months and are official. We have great chemistry and spend at least 3-4 days a week together, including weekends when we usually sleep over.

From the beginning, I’ve noticed he isn't very open about his private life, whereas I’m pretty much an open book. We’ve been planning a trip together since we met, and last week I told him I needed to put in for vacation time at work, so we should start finalizing our plans. That’s when he admitted he doesn’t have enough money for the trip. I tried to be as supportive as possible, but I was definitely disappointed he hadn't told me sooner.

A few days later, I brought it up and told him I felt like there was a gap in transparency between us. I mentioned that I still have no idea what he actually does for work or where his income comes from, which makes me anxious about the future. I also said I think we should navigate these kinds of issues together as a team, especially when they affect our shared plans; and not keep things in secrecy.

He got defensive and said he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that kind of detail because we aren't a "real couple" yet. Meaning, in his view, we don't spend enough time together. I tried to offer some middle-ground solutions, but he shut down and wasn't open to having a productive conversation.

I’m feeling really thrown off. Did I do something wrong here, and where do I go from here? Am I overthinking this?

I’m M46 from Portugal and next month I’ll be walking the Portuguese Camino from Valença to Santiago de Compostela, completely on my own.

I decided to do it partly as a personal challenge and partly because I’ve been wanting to get out of my comfort zone, slow down a bit and have a different kind of experience. I’ve never done anything like this before, so I’m excited… and slightly nervous about the whole solo thing.

For those of you who have done the Camino, especially LGBT travellers:

\- What was your experience like?

\- Did you meet people and make friends along the way?

\- Did you come across many LGBT people?

\- Is it easy to connect with others when travelling alone?

I’m not really looking for hookups — I’m more curious about the people and connections you make along the way.

Would love to hear your experiences and stories.

Key accessories to bring into a gay sauna?

Interested to hear from other men what personal items you may bring, have seen others bring or recommend to bring into play spaces in a gay sauna.

Obviously venues provide condoms, lube, large towel and refreshments but notice some guys bring their own things.

Could be:

- Small bum bag/fanny pack (to have personal medication- ie asthma)

- Small cotton face washer

- travel sized tissue pack

- Wearing and bringing along rubber/plastic flip flops/slides

- Silicone lube (often only waterbased lube provided)

- Condoms (if needing non standard sized condoms provided)

Thoughts on the above and what other things?

I got a little adventurous at the turn of 30 and hooked up with a lot of guys over a few months. One of them I've seen multiple times a week the past 3 months.

Intellectually I feel like we have an *okay* connection. And attraction-wise, I think I outright love him - I constantly want to cuddle him, suck his dick, and cuddle him more​ unlike other guys (and​ know how he's doing day-to-day). Oddly, I wasn't even attracted to him the first 2 meets.

Even more surprisingly, I got jealous when I found out he had a date the prior week while we were hanging out. But, when he asked me "what do you want us to be?", all I could say is "I want to see you more". I couldn't say ​"boyfriends".

Now I feel kinda dirty for wanting to keep my options open despite clearly liking the guy. I told family and friends I'm seeing men recently so I'm trying to remove those kinda mental barriers. I've also been single my whole life so the idea of being with someone is also maybe a little scary.

I guess I'm just looking for anyone who had similar feelings in the beginning and how you moved past them.