What if it doesn’t happen

[u/megettingkilled]

We have to consider the possibility…

[u/Aunt_Llama]

My immersion broke when he mentioned Kelvin. Not in a million years. Maybe, "Kelvin. You know, that comic in the newspaper with the boy and the cat." But yeah, certainly not thermodynamic equilibrium.

[u/Shotgun_Mosquito → u/Aunt_Llama]

I rewrote it

You’re gonna see, believe me, a tremendous, very big thermosdynamite equal librarian okay? The best equal librarian. With entropy, totally maxxed out, maxxed out like nobody’s ever seen before, and, frankly, no free engergy, none, it’s all gone, folks. Sad!

edit - yes, engergy

[u/SureTrash → u/Shotgun_Mosquito]

You left out the part where he goes on an incoherent tangent about librarians afterwards.

[u/Shotgun_Mosquito → u/SureTrash]

Fuck you for making me do this at work...but....

Let me tell you about librarians, because nobody talks about librarians anymore. Nobody. And I know librarians. I know a lot of librarians. Very good people, some of them. Tremendous people.

But we have a problem.

You walk into a library, and what do you see?

Books.

Everywhere. Books on the walls, books on the shelves, books on tables. Frankly, too many books. You can't even find the exit because there are so many books.

I know about books because I've written several books. Good books. "Art of the Deal" folks. Art of the Deal. Number 1 on the New. York. Times. Best seller list for 48 weeks. More than the Bible. Almost two years.

And then there's the librarian.

Very serious person. Very serious. You walk up and say, “Excuse me, where's the book about business?” And they look at you like you've committed a federal crime.

They say, “What classification system are you referring to?”

Classification system!

Nobody knows what that means. Nobody. I say, “Just give me the business book.” They say, “Well, sir, that's a very broad category.”

Broad category! It's a book! Give me the book!

And they're always whispering. Always whispering.

“Sir, please keep your voice down.”

I'm not loud. I'm enthusiastic. There's a difference.

And you know what else? These librarians know where everything is. You ask them for a book published in 1947 by some guy nobody's ever heard of, like some president named Herbert something, and immediately they know exactly where it is.

Shelf seven. Third floor. Row B. Behind the encyclopedia.

How do they do that?

Nobody knows.

Frankly, librarians may be running the whole country. I'm not saying they are. I'm just saying, you have to look into it.

And they have those little cards. Thousands of cards. They stamp things. They scan things. They tell you when something is overdue.

“Sir, this book is 17 days overdue.”

Seventeen days?

I say, “But it's a very good book.”

They don't care.

They want their book back.

Tough negotiators. Very tough.

And then there's the fine.

“Sir, you owe us $1.35.”

One dollar and thirty-five cents!

I say, “That's ridiculous. I'm a very important person.”

They say, “The book is still overdue.”

No negotiation. None.

I'll tell you what: librarians are tough. They don't get enough credit. They have discipline. They have organization. They know everything about everybody's books.

So maybe I'm being too hard on librarians.

Maybe we need more librarians.

Good librarians.

Great librarians.

The best librarians.

And we're going to have beautiful libraries. Libraries that are so beautiful, people will say, “Wow, that's a library.”

And nobody will be whispering.

Because America is going to speak loudly again in the library.

Edit : feel free to add your own accordion hands as appropriate)

[u/hamoc10 → u/SureTrash]

They’re eating the books! They’re eating the magazines, folks!

[u/moak0 → u/Aunt_Llama]

It's a reference to when Trump tried to praise Frederick Douglass (who died in 1895) during Black History Month:

"Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice."

[u/ImmaLiveIllegal → u/Aunt_Llama]

first of all, he would think it was a person named Kevin, and then he'd proceed to mutilzationize the name into 'Melvin Apple' or some shit. I welcome the void

[u/Ardnabrak → u/Aunt_Llama]

He'd call him Kevin.

Lord Kevin said the universe would get sooo cold. That's someting. Everything would stop working. But not me, I'll be working to MAKE AMERICA GREAT FOREVER.

[u/nipplesaurus → u/Aunt_Llama]

My immersion broke when he mentioned Kelvin

He would 100% say "Kevin"