This is too hard. I can't do it anymore. I'm drinking 20 or more a day and it's too much. Why can't i just be normal. I just want to be normal. I just wanna have a few for fun. But now it's work. And i can't just stop. And this is a real problem. It like I'm playing life on hard mode. And i keep self sabotage. I'm drunk af right now. And I've tried to write this about 100 times and autocorrect is fucking with it all . Fuck. I'm fucked. Fuck it. I can't even type how I'm feeling pathetic. Pathetic fucking stupid piece of shit. Thats not good. Stay optimistic. Im fine. I just need some rest. Uhhhh fuck. Why do we do this .its so dumb.

I’m just wondering how everyone deals with the guilt and shame surrounding their addiction? I’m 27, been an alcoholic for about 10 years. Been to rehab three times. Still fighting the demon that is addiction.
I had to move back in with my Dad about a year ago, and my parents just had a big fight about my drinking. My mom telling my dad he was enabling me. My dad said he doesn’t know what to do. She left crying. I wish I hadn’t listened.
It’s the last thing I need right now. Hurting myself? All day every day. Hurting others? Tears me apart.
I keep trying to remind myself this is a disease, but I feel SO guilty.
The amount of anguish and worry I’ve put my family through is not okay

I really only takes me 6 drinks to be shaky and panicky the next morning these days. I'll see if this post finally gets through. Not sure what I'm doing wrong, I thought I had enough characters but I keep getting deleted. Will this one work? We will see. What words can't i use? am i not drunk enough to post? I can't figure this out, I just wanted to commiserate with you fuckers is all, on a Sunday. Anyone else kindled to shit?

So, highs or lows for the week?

What is something you're proud of?

Did this week kick your arse?

Has something happened that is going to aid you with how your life goes now?

Doesn't matter how big or small your high or low is. Sometimes, it's just good to share.

Chairz,

Muppet

Missed two days of work and I’m definitely getting fired. I’m out of booze now and the sweats are setting in. Family is aware that I’m drinking again so waiting for the inevitable confrontation. I just want to be left alone but I know they’re not going to let me. I guess I should be grateful I have people who still care. Feels like it’s all coming to a head and it’s either rehab or jail for me lol

Career drinker 10+ years of heavy morning to night drinking. Fell off the wagon… not SUPER bad … I’ve been able to moderate and such. Given a day or two of heavy … but last week I drank about my (normal amount) that being the rate at which a drank before finally getting sober. I was hospitalized 77 days ago and was shitting and puking up coffee grounds.

Stayed sober and then decided I can rejoin the community … The past few days I’ve felt weird I don’t know how to put it … like outside my body. And very lightheaded … I used to be able to drink that away but I’ve forgotten how to function as a heavy drinker. I have BIG work meetings this week and finding myself forgetting things I just saw … panicking in what would be seemingly normal moments.. is this familiar to anyone? And how did you right the ship on a short notice?

Is anybody else in a heat induced climate rn? Feels like I’m a hamster in a cage in a sweaty sauna it’s fucking miserable. My house doesn’t really have the best a/c so it’s just fucked up here.

Drinking isn’t helping bc now I’m dehydrated. Sleeping during the day which I usually don’t do just to get over this shit. Fuck this climate. It’s not even supposed to be this bad at this time of the year but we’ve fucked up the planet too much.

Here's my entry anyway;

It's finally happened; I've started pissing blood. Just spotting, but I guess I'm rationalizing. Trying to drink more water, but every few days; it's ass piss and red polka-dot toilet paper. Is my digestion completely wrecked?

How do you know exactly when you can stop drinking and your body will stop panicking? I’m having trouble where beer won’t stay down but only tequila mixed drinks work and I seem to overdue it because I fell down yesterday but I’m assuming that’s cause I haven’t eaten in awhile. To clarify not military veterans but alcoholics that know enough about this bullshit

So, highs or lows for the week?

What is something you're proud of?

Did this week kick your arse?

Has something happened that is going to aid you with how your life goes now?

Doesn't matter how big or small your high or low is. Sometimes, it's just good to share.

Chairz,

Muppet

I wish I could go into rehab but I just got a job I really love back.

I was told by two medical professionals not to quit cold turkey.

My family wants me to quit cold turkey regardless of the risk of serious complications.

I'm alone in this, I guess that's why I'm reaching out to this community to not feel so alone.

This is my second day of taper, reduced intake by 20 percent.

I guess I just needed to let someone know.

Hope you all are doing better than I am today.

I 19m have been drinking since I was 15 and I hate it (look on my page for backstoy)

This month is special to me due to losing a very close friend during it today is the anniversary and I hate it bc we would always be ignorant to people struggling with addiction and say why dont they have supports such as each other and now hes gone i turned to alc to distract myself and a few months ago found a girl that effectively replaced him she was there when ever I needed her she was there when I thought of relapse and now shes gone after u did relapse due to the months meaning to me shes knows why and know im wondering if its okay to reach out to a relative that has struggled with alc before or would it be over bearing for them to handle I just need some sort of guidance or help when it comes to this I dotn wanna be here but I feel thats my life's purpose

Hi all, I have always had an issue with alcohol and I was on a a 2 week vacation which naturally led to more drinking than normal. On return, I then went on another 1 week vacation.

2 weeks ago I contracted a UTI probably from a pool. That was rouuuuuugh going for a few days. It felt like I had the worst hangover of my life mixed with the most uncomfortable painful symptoms.

Since the UTI which has now returned (lovely for me) I've had a lack of appetite but didn't slow down my drinking. This has led to obviously vomiting, shaking and feeling generally absolutely disgusting. But what it has shown me is how I am actually dependent.

I started a taper yesterday - switched spirits for cider. I plan on doing the same today, but only having 2/3.

Taking all the multivitamins and hydration sachets known to man and I'm hoping I can get to zero by the weekend. Withdrawl not too bad today at all, slight shakiness this morning but in all honesty that could also be the UTI and being dehydrated and not eating enough - I generally don't get shakey too bad unless I haven't been eating right - so it's more of a combination thing. I've had a banana and half of a chicken wrap today so that is progress!

Just wanted to chat to someone about this! Any advice or help please do let me know!

Thanks for being a great community

I was almost hospitalized for alcohol withdrawal a couple of weeks ago. Instead, I was shot up with phenobarbital and allowed to detox at home.

I'm tapering again and only need $3 to taper today and tomorrow and I hope I'm done.

If anyone can help it would be greatly appreciated.

$acasualnuisance

For me it’s I wish drunk me would clean up after myself because sober me is too hungover for this

Edit: or maybe I should say didn’t do lol we can all probably relate to that more

fanta exotic with koskenkorva lemon & lime is the best combo i swear by it

So, highs or lows for the week?

What is something you're proud of?

Did this week kick your arse?

Has something happened that is going to aid you with how your life goes now?

Doesn't matter how big or small your high or low is. Sometimes, it's just good to share.

Chairz,

Muppet

I was smart enough to buy a 6 pack before I tapped out tonight. I drank a mere 3 beers two days ago and something came over me. It's like all my old habits said "you kept us quiet for too long"

I was mildly and comfortably tipsy - and when I went to go pick up food something in my brain switched. I also went and got a 6 pack of IPA and killed the whole thing in like less than 3 hours.

I spent all day yesterday throwing up and nursing myself back to health, only to what? Get fucked up again today?

My partner switched his work schedule and I'd be lying if it didn't change some shit in my current routine. I've been more depressed and clearly relying on booze to help. He came home at 10 and thankfully I fell asleep.

But now I'm awake and reaching for the beer next to my bed. Which I'm EXTREMELY grateful for. I am not spending another fucking day knee deep in vomit and ramen.

I am just so happy I'm not throwing up

Yesterday was miserable. I tried to be strong and didn't wanna taper down or anything like that. Which was pretty stupid ngl. After a few more sips I actually might be able to go back to sleep 😩 which wasn't even an option yesterday.

Jfc. If you can control yourself enough to taper down (or if you're sick enough) it genuinely does work wonders. I can't even believe I'm comfortable right now.

I watched Apocalypse Now yesterday just to feel something other than alcoholism. The main character was played by Martin Sheen and the intro scene is him actually hammered IRL punching a mirror. Highly recommend that as a comedown movie. Then he gets dragged to a shower against his will. Pretty relatable. The alcoholism part anyway. The rest of the film is bleak, but so is boozing.

I tried to fight my neighbor today. I'm sick of his fucking mosquitoes cause he doesn't keep his yard clean. I left a pretty angry note (after getting swarmed by mosquitoes again) and called the state and went over to finally confront him. Probably for the best he didn't answer the door cause I wanna deck the fucking dude. Hoarder, had a dog he doesn't care for, and gets a notice by the state to mow his lawn once a year after it gets too big. And my dumbass BOUGHT the house next to him.

The Magus Vs. Neighbor saga has begun.

I had a nice little run of less than 10 drinks a day. I drink IPAs that are heavy so they’re technically 2 drinks each so I wasn’t even finishing a six pack daily which was a lot better for me.

Then some stress came in and I was trying to find a new vape shop. Well I found one and then some bc apparently the 23 year old guy running it was like “my friend, my friend do you want mushrooms?” Well yes I do I guess? So I got that and have had that them in the garage for a few weeks.

Well I’ve been really hitting the drinks hard for the last week bc of some litigation going on against me. I also unfortunately have been in a worse financial position than usual so I’ve been looking for new jobs. Been interviewing for over a month. Anyways I finally got an offer after like a 2 week quiet no show from them.

Well that offer came in yday right around the time I decided to take mushrooms 🍄. I figured it might help me get out of my drinking bender. Talk about a whirlwind I was going straight to the cerebral palsy stage, fell down on the stairs and was doing a very bad worm dance.

Somewhere in there I started trying to accept the offer bc my recruiter was calling me nonstop about it. Basically sounded like someone saying “arghhh nrgggh thanks”

Just found out the rescinded the offer and wow. No comment about all that.

I wish someone would call me big dog...

White stuff in my 7oh Kratom