r/regretjoining Feb 09 '17

My Story

987 Upvotes

Back in 2006 at the age of 18 I joined the US Navy (in a group called the seabees). I was very patriotic and wanted to serve the country. At the time I believed in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan without question and felt that being against them was unpatriotic.

Towards the end of boot camp I began to really think about what I did and started to feel that maybe I had made a mistake. When I was in A School I was appalled how psychopathic and stupid everyone was. Examples would be, I remember people talking about how fun it would be to kill Muslim children. Other times people would talk about raping Muslim women. This type of behavior was very common and whenever it happened I would tell them they were sick and shouldn't be that way. I was also constantly being bullied for being different from them and also because at the time I was a virgin. I had a few incidents where I was shoved into oncoming traffic and other instances where I was told the wrong time to show up so I would get into trouble. I tried to act like an adult and I turned them in for the bullying but I was basically told to, “stop being a faggot and wasting our time coming to us with your hurt feelings.” At one point I lost control and shoved a guy into furniture. He then ran away and told on me (he is shown in an article below). By this time I knew I didn't want to be there anymore. Also by this time I began to have animosity towards the United States itself. My conservative political beliefs went away and I began to question everything.

When I got to the seabee battalion I decided I was going to attempt to get kicked out. Logic told me that if I went to my command and politely told them how I was now opposed to the war and also began to believe that America was too violent of a nation for me to serve. They yelled at me and said "you should have thought about that before you joined". I decided after this I was just going to not do my job and be terrible. I was treated very badly by the vast majority of seabees. I had woken up several times in the middle of the night because someone was banging on my door screaming that they wanted to kill me. I often broke rules or just left work for no reason. For some reason I never seemed to get in trouble though. As time went on I became more desperate to get out. I called the Canadian Immigration Agency and asked them if they would give refugee status to a US military deserter. They told me if I came to Canada as a deserter I could risk being deported because it would be illegal immigration. I then was caught by an undercover cop trying to buy marijuana. This only resulted in a disciplinary review board where I was screamed at for and hour and a half. I told them during that "I don't want to be a baby killer anymore and the war in Iraq is wrong". Ironically I still did not get in trouble after that. One chief even decided to "mentor" me and felt I just needed encouragement (this still makes no sense to me). During this whole time most other low ranking seabees hated me. I would often receive death threats. One guy even repeatedly told me he wanted to rape me.

As time went on I was deployed to Guam. There I continued to intentionally do poor work and say offensive things. Another chief decided to "mentor" me and he actually nominated me for "Sailor of the Year". At this point I started pretending to be suicidal. They then sent me to a psychiatrist and I told him everything. He was shocked and offended by my disloyalty and desire to leave the country. He said that he would try to get me separated. This didn't work. I then threatened to kill myself again so they sent me to the same psychiatrist. He was shocked I was still in the Navy and then told the command more aggressively to separate me. This finally worked and I was discharged from the Navy on August 29, 2008. My discharge paper says "Convenience of the Government" for the reason.

I'm currently a college graduate with a decent job. Before you ask, NO I did not have the GI Bill and even if I did I would have refused it. I would like to leave the country and still have some animosity but I'm currently not qualified to immigrate anywhere I would like to go to. I was politically active when I was in college and often protested current wars and government policy. I had to deal with a lot of hate issues for years but I'm slowly getting better.

Years after I got out, I looked up the guy I hated most and found this.

http://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/porter/sex-offender-charged-with-molesting-girl/article_04d3456b-451b-563a-b1b0-155a4880a15b.html

That should give you an idea what I was surrounded with in the Navy.

I decided to create this subreddit so I can help people that were in my situation get out. I hope that they can be provided with good advice that can let them get out quicker than I did.

EDIT: I ended up immigrating to Canada in April of 2018 and still live there to this day. I became a Canadian citizen in 2023.

EDIT: Here’s more about that piece of shit I hated.

https://www.in.gov/apps/indcorrection/ofs/ofs?previous_page=1&detail=225315


r/regretjoining May 20 '24

The GI Rights Hotline is a good source for help.

22 Upvotes

https://girightshotline.org

They helped me when back when I was stuck in and can do the same for you.


r/regretjoining 1h ago

Chapter 11

Upvotes

Command told me the other day they are going to recommend a chapter 11. I’m at a school right after basic training and AIT and ever since the start of basic I’ve been feeling more and more depressed everyday due to family separation and better opportunities that I left behind at home. I’ve been talking to the Chaplin as well as behavioral health recently. I joined the army on a whim right after college and really had no one around me with prior military experience to kinda guide me or ask questions too. My recruiter chalked it up to be a really fun time that I would 100% enjoy so I signed my contract. I obviously wish I did more research onto what I was getting into. I thought it would get better after basic once in my school but it’s gotten even worse for me mentally and I’ve had some dark thoughts recently. Right now a getting chaptered out seems like my only hope.

My question is if they said they are recommending it what are the chances of it actually going through? I haven’t signed anything or done any paperwork for anything yet I was just told by command at this certain school about the recommendation. Should I just trust the process? Is there anything I could do now to get the ball rolling?


r/regretjoining 10h ago

Aside from financial joining has made my life worse in every other aspect

8 Upvotes

Mental health. Personal relationships. Aside from from a short time in trainings I have gained weight. Peace time military is just a maze of convoluted nonsense to justify this glorified job corps. Team building is not that fucking important. You think NASA put people on the moon working together because they all did push ups together? All the sports movies leadership seems to love have one thing in common: those people chose to join the team because they wanted to do the sport. Everyone here has a different end goal. I'm sick of the extra nonsense Im expected to attend. Drive 6 hours for a graduation every 3 months. Group work outs before I can go home. Plan a pizza party.


r/regretjoining 8h ago

The opportunity of free choice Spoiler

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0 Upvotes

r/regretjoining 8h ago

The opportunity of free choice Spoiler

0 Upvotes

I think that everybody has the right to say: "I made a mistake, military life is not for me" and instead off being a mediocre military, I want get out and explore other things in civilian life. Military doesn't necessarily give you purpose. Purpose is inside you, discover your strengths and Interests! We call the process of individuation (C.G.Jung)


r/regretjoining 10h ago

9 months out and I can’t take it anymore

1 Upvotes

I feel like it’s a miracle I have made it this far, but now I’m 9 months out from separation. I joined the USCG a few weeks after HS graduation, after not making the cut for USCGA, thinking that “I could just reapply as a prior enlisted man; the other academies have spots saved.” I entered a branch that isn't the best for a sheltered 18-year-old from nowhere. I was sent to a unit to do a job that I had no idea what I was doing mid deployment, I was bullied relentless verbally and sometimes physically. I can't sleep at night because of that shit. I eventually went to a job school that I was great at in school but terrible at in the fleet. I chose a shoreside assignment in the midwest thinking it would be a nice quiet transition but it's the same shirt. I have my college applications in; I’ve been talking with my 2 dream schools for about 2 years now. I am slated to get something positive back from them, and I’m 9 months away from returning to my family, who are ready for me to end this long-distance relationship. It’s hard because, as bad as it sounds, I don’t care anymore about qualifications, advancement, the PQs, people's power-tripping and micromanaging, trying to invade my personal life, getting written up for literally everything, and actually finally getting help and dealing with my trauma/PTSD/anxiety. I'll take any advice I can get


r/regretjoining 18h ago

Just waiting on my 10 day letter and it’s getting hard

3 Upvotes

Hey so it’s been about 1 month n a half I’m currently in the process of an els I’ve basically done everything on my end taps,capstone, separation physical, medical and dental signatures, all I’m waiting on is my 10 day notice so I can start checking out but legal has had my paperwork for about 6 weeks now the last thing that I’ve done in the process was the medical endorsement going through my chain of command and signed that I wanted to waive any idea of me fighting it and that I agree to getting separated. My command has started my final evaluation but says they’re waiting on my 10 day notice so they can put the date of my separation. Knowing all this how close do you think I am to getting that 10 day notice?


r/regretjoining 1d ago

Did joining the military actually give you a sense of purpose? Asking because of my boyfriend

8 Upvotes

So me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for a few years and this is something that keeps coming back up in our relationship.
He has thought about joining the military since he was around 18. Some stuff happened before he met me that made him change his mind about joining, or at least thats what I thought.

I come from a military family and because of my own personal experiences, I have always said I do not want to be a military wife. This was something I was very upfront about before we even got serious. I have a couple things that are basically nonnegotiable for me in relationships. I don't like lying, I don't like cheating, and I don't want to be a military wife lol.

When we first met he told me one of his biggest dreams had been joining the military. Obviously that kinda sucked because I was starting to really like this man and immediately we're already bumping into one of my biggest boundaries 😭. But he assured me that he had changed his mind and it wasn't something he wanted anymore.

Obviously that wasn't completely true because here we are years later and the conversation still comes up.
I'm not posting this because I want people to tell me I'm right and he's wrong. I actually came here because I've been reading this subreddit a lot and I see so many different experiences from people who joined. Some people seem like joining was one of the best decisions they ever made and other people regret joining completely.

One of the biggest things my boyfriend keeps telling me is that he feels like joining would finally give him a sense of purpose. He feels lost right now and like he hasn't really found his place in the world yet. He has interests in things like law enforcement/criminal justice and currently works security, but in his mind none of those things would give him the same experience or foundation that the military would.
I think this is the part I'm struggling to understand.

For the people here who joined because you felt lost or because you were looking for purpose, did the military actually give you that?
Did you feel like you suddenly had direction once you joined? Did that sense of purpose come over time? Or did you eventually realize that joining didn't fix that feeling and you still had to figure out what you wanted from life?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who were around our age when they joined and genuinely thought "this is what I'm missing."
I'm not trying to convince him that the military is horrible or that nobody should join. I'm also not trying to manipulate him into staying with me instead of joining. At the end of the day he's an adult and can make whatever decision he feels is right for his life, just like I can decide what I'm willing to have in mine.

I just want to better understand where he's coming from and whether the military really can provide that sense of purpose he's looking for, or if he's putting the military on a pedestal because he's feeling lost right now.
I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have actually been in that position.


r/regretjoining 1d ago

Having a rough go of it

6 Upvotes

I'm making this to vent my frustrations, because I really have no one to say any of this to. I made a really bad decision joining the military. It was a knee jerk decision to get out of my parents' home and I've been regretting for over 4 years. I was separated involuntarily 6 months ago and honestly, its been hell. I struggled to find a job and ended up living in my car for months. This probably makes no sense to some of you but, honestly sometimes I feel like I'm cursed to being a below average human who can do nothing right. I didn't save enough money and really couldn't figure out how to lock down employment to escape my situation. I eventually reached out to a local veterans organization who was able to help me find employers and get me into a stable situation. I was behind on car payments obviously and ended up having my car repossessed in the night. Now I have no transportation and will have to find another way to work. I was trying to come up with some money to get my car payments back on track and it ended up happening too fast. It feels like I'm destined to be a loser. My record will be effected by this for a long time and I have no one to blame but myself for not having the life skills to fix things. That car was my home for months and I lost it because I wasn't good enough for the military. I wish I could go back in time and change things but all I can do is accept the present and try to make a better future. Sometimes I don't think I'll ever escape this hole I keep digging myself into. I'll most likely never make enough money to get that car back and it's all my fault. For anyone who's reading this in a better position than me, I wish I was you so bad. Thanks for taking the time to read this.


r/regretjoining 2d ago

BUT WHY

12 Upvotes

No one ever talks about how mentally fucked it is. To join the military with an active war going on, with the intentions of dying and when that doesn't work out. You try and take your own life, but fuck me that doesn't work either. Now im stuck here living a life I never intended on living wondering what in the hell do I do now.


r/regretjoining 2d ago

The only thing that you do here is insult people Spoiler

0 Upvotes

I did not come here to be insulted, just to ask for a polite opinion. Thanks recruits!


r/regretjoining 4d ago

This post was immediately removed from r/Veterans “Does anyone else feel rejected by other vets if you don’t display the right kind of ‘on brand’ militaristic machismo?”

20 Upvotes

Post in full:

(Please keep responses non-political IAW the rules, hope I don’t get eviscerated in the comments)

I was active duty for about 8 years and have been in the same field as a military contractor for 14 years. It’s a career that’s high stakes and requires a nuanced understanding of US foreign policy. I’ve noticed over the years that other veterans seem to turn on you if don’t display the “right” kind of positions and act a certain way. Even though that’s literally what my job requires to be effective. People will be all buddy buddy until you say something that contradicts their worldview and then dudes who have even less of a service record will start attacking mine.

As a non-controversial example: most of my first line supervisors and professional mentors over the years have been women (like the top 10% baddest of the badass). Mention this to some vets and they’ll actively get mad.

It’s gotten so bad I don’t feel welcome in most veteran spaces and have largely given up. I don’t feel like I can talk honestly with anyone about my experiences.

I’ve been strongly encouraged to see an actual shrink for PTSD and will need to try the VA because my next company provided healthcare will be months from now. I’m dreading it because I don’t want to face the same kind of rejection from someone I’m trying to get help from.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Do you have any advice? Thanks in advance

End quote.

the removal recommended posting to r/regretjoining and I feel like it just exemplifies exactly what I was talking about. It’s so disheartening. It feels like I spent the majority of my adult life thinking I was serving the public good and then get kicked to the curb the second I don’t tow the party line. What’s happening?


r/regretjoining 3d ago

BOOTCAMP recruit wants to leave

8 Upvotes

This young man (ROTC) during high school joined NAVY. During bootcamp broke his leg one week before graduation. Is at hospital for the next 2 months. The mystique disappeared and doesn't want to continue. Wants to return home and enter the university. Suddenly found that the military life is not for him. Thinks was a mistake. Has the total support of his family although he is over 18 years old. How difficult is this. Can somebody realize that eventually took the wrong path and want to go to another direction to feel fulfillment and produce to the society in another way? WHY NOT?


r/regretjoining 4d ago

Veterans who transitioned out: What surprised you most about civilian life?

9 Upvotes

It's been 14 years since I left active duty in 2012, and I'm new to Reddit. I joined because I'd like to reconnect with other veterans and hear some honest perspectives about the transition from military to civilian life.

Looking back, I know everyone's experience is different. Some people transition smoothly, while others struggle with things they never expected—finding work, translating military experience, adjusting to civilian culture, losing the camaraderie, finding a new sense of purpose, or simply figuring out what's next.

I'm interested in hearing the real stories—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

If you've transitioned out, what was your experience really like? What was harder than you expected? What went better than you expected? And if you could go back and give yourself one piece of advice before separating, what would it be?

I'm genuinely here to listen and learn from other veterans' experiences. Honest answers are appreciated.


r/regretjoining 3d ago

For Anyone Filing Conscientious Objector

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0 Upvotes

r/regretjoining 3d ago

BOOTCAMP recruit wants to leave Spoiler

0 Upvotes

This young man (ROTC) during high school joined NAVY. During bootcamp broke his leg one week before graduation. Is at hospital for the next 2 months. The mystique disappeared and doesn't want to continue. Wants to return home and enter the university. Suddenly found that the military life is not for him. Thinks was a mistake. Has the total support of his family although he is over 18 years old. How difficult is this. Can somebody realize that eventually took the wrong path and want to go to another direction to feel fulfillment and produce to the society in another way? WHY NOT?


r/regretjoining 3d ago

BOOTCAMP recruit wants to leave

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0 Upvotes

r/regretjoining 3d ago

BOOTCAMP recruit wants to leave

0 Upvotes

This young man (ROTC) during high school joined NAVY. During bootcamp broke his leg one week before graduation. Is at hospital for the next 2 months. The mystique disappeared and doesn't want to continue. Wants to return home and enter the university. Suddenly found that the military life is not for him. Thinks was a mistake. Has the total support of his family although he is over 18 years old. How difficult is this. Can somebody realize that eventually took the wrong path and want to go to another direction to feel fulfillment and produce to the society in another way? WHY NOT?


r/regretjoining 4d ago

[ Removed by Reddit ]

1 Upvotes

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]


r/regretjoining 4d ago

An excerpt from a 2008 edition of a book that’s still relevant today

5 Upvotes

“The most obvious reason for attacking Iran would be to win access to its vast oil supply. When Winston Churchill helped to seize Iran’s oil industry in the 1920s, he called it ‘a prize from fairyland beyond our wildest dreams.’ It still is. Regardless of what policymakers in Washington or anywhere else may say, no country ever acts in Iran without thinking about its oil reserves. That is especially true of the Bush administration, which is more closely allied with the oil industry than any other administration in American history.

“President Bush and those around him may have other reasons to feel tempted by the idea of invading Iran. Some believe, against all evidence, that the key to victory in Iraq is crushing the regime in Iran. Bush himself has said several times that he expects history to absolve him, an argument that can be used to justify even the craziest presidential decisions. Beneath these arguments lies another, more diffuse impulse.

“American leaders, emphatically including President Bush himself, believe that since the United States is a great power, it has the right and responsibility to act dramatically whenever trouble emerges anywhere in the world. This impulse dates at least to the age of Thucydides, who wrote that nations have ‘an innate compulsion to rule when empowered.’ More recently, in a study of the Spanish-American War that holds great relevance for today, the British historian Joseph Smith wrote that America’s eagerness to attack foreign lands stems from ‘an aggressive national egoism and a romantic attachment to national power.’ Some in Washington believe that invading, overthrowing, and occupying are simply what great nations do. Otherwise, they argue, there is no point in having power.

“‘At this moment in history, if there’s a problem, we’re expected to deal with it,’ President Bush said before launching the invasion of Iraq. By his standards, Iran has certainly become ‘a problem.’ That suggests he may decide to order an attack in order to ‘deal with it.’

“Before great powers take far-reaching decisions that can reshape the world, their leaders normally consider the lessons of history. Any serious discussion about modern Iran, and certainly any debate about whether the United States should intervene there, must include an assessment of what happened after the last intervention. In 1953, eager to achieve short-term goals, the United States launched an operation that brought calamity to both Iran and itself. Some in Washington, however, reject the idea that this history has any relevance to the present era. They believe that this time, the United States can attack Iran and emerge triumphant.

“A variety of prominent Americans have described President George Bush’s decision to invade Iraq in 2003 as the worst strategic blunder in their country’s history. Attacking Iran now might prove even more disastrous. It would turn that country’s oppressive leaders, who are now highly unpopular at home, into heroes of Islamic resistance; give them a strong incentive to launch a violent counter-campaign against American interests around the world; greatly strengthen Iranian nationalism, Shiite irredentism, and Muslim extremism, thereby attracting countless new recruits to the cause of terror; undermine the democratic movement in Iran and destroy the prospects for political change there for at least another generation; turn the people of Iran, who are now among the most pro-American in the Middle East, into enemies of the United States; require the United States to remain deeply involved in the Persian Gulf indefinitely, forcing it to take sides in all manner of regional conflicts and thereby make a host of new enemies; enrage the Shiite-dominated government in neighboring Iraq, on which the United States is relying to calm the violence there; and quite possibly disrupt the flow of Middle East petroleum in ways that could wreak havoc on Western economies.

“Given these likely outcomes, why would the United States attack Iran? Those who like the idea say it would accomplish three things: stop Iran from developing weapons of mass destruction, depose an aggressively anti-American regime, and bring power to a new government that would be democratic and pro-American. That government would, they presume, allow American oil companies free access to Iranian petroleum and give the United States a chance to rebuild the influence it once had in Iran. These fantasies are as dangerous as they are delusional.

“Iran is one of the world’s oldest nations. Its history is full of glories, peopled by titanic leaders like Cyrus, Xerxes, and Darius, and also by poets and thinkers who have made immeasurable contributions to world culture. This rich tradition has given Iranians a powerful sense of communal pride, a passionate attachment to their heritage, and a national identity that transcends the flag-waving and sloganeering that characterize more superficial forms of patriotism. Many Iranians detest the regime under which they now live, but that does not weaken their attachment to the Iranian nation. All of them know that when the United States came into being, their state had already existed for more than two thousand years. Regardless of their political beliefs, most bristle with anger when they hear threats from Washington.

“The idea that the United States might be able to bomb Iran into democracy sounds increasingly absurd in the wake of the debacle in Iraq. For Iranians, though, it has a special, tragic irony. All of them know, as many Americans do not, that democracy was taking root in Iran when the United States intervened to suppress it in 1953. Given this historical fact, Iranians may be pardoned for considering it passing strange that Americans now propose to be their liberators. They are painfully aware that the United States helped create the oppressive theocracy under which they now live.

“Few Iranians believe that Americans who favor attacking their country wish to do so in order to bring them freedom. Many also doubt that the United States is focused mainly on destroying Iran’s nuclear program—a program that the United States first proposed to Iran in the 1970s, when the Shah was in power, and that most Iranians believe is their country’s natural right. Behind these stated motives, behind the threats that are intensifying as war drums beat ever more loudly in Washington, Iranians see a more cynical project. They believe the United States wants to turn Iran into something between an ally and a vassal, extracting its oil and building bases on its soil. That was the real reason the United States intervened in Iran in 1953, and there is no reason to believe its goals have substantially changed.”

- Stephen Kinzer, All the Shah’s Men: An American Coup and the Roots of Middle East Terror (Preface to the 2008 Edition)


r/regretjoining 5d ago

Anyone have experience working a healthcare job in the military?

0 Upvotes

Long story short I wanted to join to change careers. I'm kinda hesistant to join since I am 27 with a college degree but I think QOL in the military varies by branch and job so I was hoping if anyone specifically worked in a healthcare environment (e.g hospital) while in could share their experience.


r/regretjoining 7d ago

Military life gets lonelier the longer you stay in.

27 Upvotes

Been in for a little over ten. Getting out in about a year, always enjoyed the people I was in with the most but this last year with another move it’s just too difficult starting over. All of my friends I came in with are out now, was looking through my old outlook emails from 2018 and every single person is gone. I think the best times are those first four your in for with your buddies in the barracks, barracks parties where everyone gets drunk and a few people get into a fight but by the next day your all laughing about it. The pay isn’t worth it anymore and the unit I’m at now just dosent give that sense of purpose.


r/regretjoining 7d ago

I’m Tired Boss

7 Upvotes

2-yr LT here. I’ve tried my best. I’ve been motivated; done the politics, policed my slides; right time, right place, right uniform; treated my people good; customs and courtesies; and even ran fast. To no avail, I realize that I was a number, am a number, and will always be a number.

I have 3 more years left (2 more till I can drop REFRAD packet, 2.5 until skillbridge opens). How can I detach myself from years of brainwashing and connecting myself to my Army career for the remainder of time? How can I sham without being kicked out? What does the bare minimum look like before it leads to OTH discharges? I’ve been to BH, and I’m still irritable and having a hard time letting go.