r/relationship_advice • u/Dismal-Astronaut-404 • Jul 01 '26
I think my(18M)girlfriend(19F)is cheating on me with her best friend(22F)husband(22M)
I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year now and honestly our relationship is pretty good but ever since she visited her best friend’s place alone something’s been off.
Her best friend and husband are good people we hangout with them often and sometimes we go to their place and stay up late watching movies playing games etc.But there was one time that i couldn’t go with my gf because i had to do something she stayed the night like always and came back in the morning.
My gf house is a few houses down across mine i can see her house on my window. That morning i woke up to go to work i saw a car pull up to her house it was her best friend’s husband car it stayed there for a min or two then my gf came out of the passenger seat and went inside and he drove off i didn’t really think much of it. but when that same day i asked my gf what did they do that night she just said stuff like always watching movies playing games stuff like that.but ever since that night something been off with her she’s always texting someone on her phone and wont really pay attention to me on our dates and a few times when i go to her house she’s talking with someone alone on the phone in her room and when i walking in she quickly says goodbye and hangs up the phone when i ask her about it she says its just some old friends or relatives.
One day i was out with my mom shopping and i came across her best friend we said hello and she said things like why didn’t you came that night like normal stuff but then she said something that made me write this here.
I told her what did you guys do that day she said nothing much since i came home late from work that day by they time i was home it was something like 2AM and only her husband was home and my gf came later too. What shocked me is that that’s not what my gf said and i know that she left home way earlier than that time.
I didn’t say anything and acted normal and didn’t ask my gf about it either i didn’t wanted to sound like an asshole who doesn’t trust his gf without him around but after that day she often goes out and comes home late at night i even saw her two times coming out of the same car that her best friend’s husband has. When i asked her about it she said he saw me walking and he offered me a ride home and when i ask her where she goes she always changes her story sometimes she would say i visit old friends sometimes something else.one time she came to my house and she went to the bathroom she left her phone on the couch and someone called in an unknown number i decided to pick it up and i thought maybe it’s a wrong number but It wasn’t it was her best friend’s husband when he heard that it was me who picked up he kinda hesitated and said that he called because to ask about his wife who wasn’t picking up her phone that’s a normal thing but why would he have my gf’s number.
I honestly don’t know what to suspect i haven’t gone through her phone secretly because i don’t wanna look sound like someone who doesn’t trust his gf so easily.or maybe i am scared that i would really find something..idk
What are y’all thoughts about this ? i honestly want some advices and would read every comment.
Edit: after reading a lot of your comments i decided to go through her phone but she put a password on it when i told her to open it because i need to call someone she took the phone and was trying to look like she’s opening it but then she said my mom is calling me and went to the kitchen to talk. After that she just acted like she forgot about it and said let’s watch a movie i didn’t say anything about it because i don’t want her to suspect anything at least not now.
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u/HopefulLemon440 Jul 01 '26
I would start taking notes honestly, if you don't want to fuck this up. Some comment say since it seems the gf it's fine it's probably nothing. Boy, trust your intuition, it seems weird not going to lie. Start paying attention and soon you'll get your answer.
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u/Miserable_Cherry1382 Jul 01 '26
Seems pretty obvious. You should have said something to your STBX's friend she deserves to know
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u/Dismal-Astronaut-404 Jul 01 '26
That’s what I’m scared of if i found out that they are having an affair i would have no idea how to tell her friend i know she would have to know but it would totally ruin her.
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u/Miserable_Cherry1382 Jul 01 '26
Better to have a bad truth than a nice lie, she's possibly investing in a life that no longer exists, once you've got something substantive better to just meet somewhere and let her review the evidence or what you have to say.
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u/Dismal-Astronaut-404 Jul 01 '26
I will do that. Thank you for the advice.
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u/Undottedly Jul 01 '26
She’s your best chance at catching gf if she’s up to anything. Compare notes and maybe you can get her to go home early from work one day and catch them or see if she notices anything.
Option B is have an honest convo with your gf and tell her you’re not really feeling it anymore because she’s constantly on her phone texting someone, walking off to call someone and over at her best friends house many nights while her actual friend is working. You’d rather just cut to the chase and end it if she’s doing anything.
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u/Frank_Hvam Jul 01 '26
I don't know what STBX is. First thing OP has to do is bang the other girl to get even.
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u/Old_Skill_7710 Jul 01 '26
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.
You can try talking to her, or even her friend since she’s involved too, but honestly? The writing is on the wall. Pack your bags and run. You are way too young for this shit, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Good luck
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u/Dismal-Astronaut-404 Jul 01 '26
I know bro trust me it’s got to the point where i can’t even focus on my work i almost got fired today because of it. But i want to make sure then i would tell her friend everything with evidence.
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u/RotrickP Jul 02 '26
I think you're not going to get that evidence without more focus or without telling the gf about what the bf said. For example you ask her if the bf found her. When she says when, you tell her he was constantly calling her on X night and then called your gf phone to look for her.
She will confirm his story or be suspicious just like you are. You can ask her any other situations like him driving her home so much. Tell her to thank him for you since he's so thoughtful and they're always together at her house. She will get your message unless she's an idiot and will either tell you her suspicions if she has any or she will be on the lookout from here on
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u/Old_Skill_7710 Jul 02 '26
OMG, this self-destruction is painful to watch...
You don't need a "good enough" reason to end a relationship. If you don't feel safe in it, if your feelings aren't respected, then to hell with that relationship.
You don't need hard proof, either. If it's already affecting your ability to focus, distracting you from work, and you've almost lost your job because of it, what's next? You could end up without a relationship, without a job, without your self-respect, and mentally drained on top of that.
Stop tearing yourself apart. Get all four of you in the same room. Tell them you've noticed how close and affectionate your girlfriend and that guy have become. Tell her friend you appreciate that she's comfortable letting them spend so much time together, but be honest: you're not okay with that level of closeness.
Then end the relationship and walk away.
You don't owe anyone an explanation beyond what you've already said. The only people you truly owe anything to are yourself and your family. Take care of yourself, and let their little trio figure out their own mess. That's their problem now, not yours.
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u/Old_Skill_7710 Jul 08 '26
Hey man, any updates on your situation?
Hang in there. Everything's gonna be alright.
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u/SpaceImpossible658 Jul 01 '26
Dude she's cheating. Her best friend doesn't have a clue, but the husband and your girlfriend suck. Keep up the detective work and you'll find out eventually or just call her out on the behavior and dump her for it. It's alone, then tell the best friend what you think is going on. You know she's lying to you for a fact, you caught her in the lie, you just haven't said anything so she thinks your stupid also. I bet they're talking behind your back about how stupid you must be.
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u/BlackCrappie Jul 01 '26
Don’t waste your energy trying to catch her. Pay attention to whether her words and actions match, because trust is built on honesty, not excuses. Tell her calmly what you’ve noticed and give her a chance to explain. The way she responds will tell you a lot more than sneaking through her phone ever will.
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u/LogiBear777 Jul 02 '26
he shouldn’t do this. he’s 18 bro, anything with a pussy can manipulate him pretty easily.
he should talk to the dudes wife again
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u/LastRespond4884 Jul 01 '26
I guess it's time for you to tell that other dude that you know, that she confessed and that you demand money or you will tell his wife. Depending on his answer you will know if that was a threesome or just a cheating.
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u/bia834 Jul 01 '26
My experience is that 99.9 % of the time I was cheated on was by my best friends or close friends.
So, with you saw him bring her home a lot or with her and the phone call. The way she is acting and hiding her phone. I bet they are hooking up.
Trust, you gut it never lies. I will get down voted for this but if something like this is going on and lots of red flags are flying you should look at her phone and see if you find anything.
This will just eat at you and now your trust is broken. She will just lie to your or gaslight you. Hate to say it you have to have proof, or they will never admit it. Take pic's with your phone of what you find.
She will act different and confess if you have the proof. Then beg you not to tell her best friend.
What I would do is give her 24 hours to come clean. After that you will be calling her regardless.
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u/Dismal-Astronaut-404 Jul 01 '26
Exactly i cannot say anything without proof because even if i saw it and dont at least have a pic i dont think her friend would trust a guy over her best friend.
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u/Sufficient-Will9622 Jul 04 '26
If you ask her about the days she was meeting up with them and ask if you can join more. Since she stopped telling you. Or. Just risk it. Why wait if she isnt being true?
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u/ezagreb Jul 01 '26
I would suggest you break up with her and tell her friend and husband what you doing and why. Do you want more clarity the check her phone to confirm your suspicions
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u/Capizara Jul 01 '26
Honestly, ask your gf bf to have a coffee alone (spin a story about surprise to you gf if you need) and tell her what you suspect.
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u/Brief_Eye201 Jul 01 '26
I am sorry that you are facing this. I would suggest that you talk to the wife - at first only about you and your girlfriend ... seeking her insight. Talk about the shady behavior and ask if she (the wife) is aware of anything going on with the GF. Tell the wife that you don't want to start a fight with the GF, by leveling an accusation - but you are concerned.
Once the wife's radar is up on your GF she will start to examining the husband / GF behavior independently. The wife is probably in the blind trust stage. Just keep talking to her.
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u/Logical-Lab3661 Jul 01 '26
Does she know she is your gf in commited relationship? Because it kinda looks like she isnt. She "often goes out and comes home late at night" and you dont have a clue where and with whom. She is not bothered to even inform you. Check her phone if you have a chance. When she goes out next time, check with her friend later if she was with her husband and your gf. And the thing about trust is you trust until they show you otherwise. Only idiots ignore red flags and continue trusting.
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u/RichieJ86 Early 30s Male Jul 01 '26
Well, if there was ever a clearance sale on red flags, your girlfriend got them all.
You have a lot of circumstantial evidence and no smoking gun as of yet. You need concrete proof. How you choose to go about finding it is up to you, but you have enough red flags here to assume, at the least, she's being dodgy. You can tell his wife that he calls your girlfriend under unknown numbers and ask if she's noticed any questionable behavior. I wouldn't outright accuse the husband or your girlfriend, but I'd put out feelers out and plant the seeds.
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u/Mr_Spoojer Jul 01 '26
Sounds very suspect, I guess just makeup your mind.. Is she worth it based on her actions and would you trust her moving forward? Apparently she's seems active enough you'd have little trouble if you wanted rock solid proof but why. Are there really any legit excuses that would fit here? You're young, why waste your time with the drama. Rat out her and the friends if you want but most importantly take care of yourself. 18 is a good age to rome and have fun. Good luck
Updateme
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u/Sufficient-Will9622 Jul 02 '26
Dude. You already know she ain't supposed to be meeting up with dudes behind your back. Her friends husband is an acquaintance only, no close friends. You know what you need to do.
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u/pantiechrist80 Jul 02 '26
Sit down with all 4 of u, and lay it out. Ask your questions. His GF will have her own question, or all will be in the same page.
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u/Inameku Jul 03 '26
Your cooked bro, I bet if you go through her call logs and messages with her best friends husband that will give you all the confirmation you need, trust. She definitely cheating, or at the very least she’s hiding something from you and if you gotta hide something from your partner yk what that means🤷🏽♂️…
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u/Doornumber11 Jul 01 '26
If your girlfriend has changed her behavior and routine, and seems shady on the phone, I’d let her know. Just tell her that she’s seemed off and is acting weird with her phone habits and all of that along with her story not matching up with her friend’s has you’re spidey senses screaming. Tell her you hope that you’re wrong but you have a strong feeling that she might be cheating with her best friend’s husband and lay out your case as to why you feel that. You can protect yourself by asking her if she can see why you’d feel suspicious. If she gaslights you and says her behavior is totally normal then you’ve got problems. If she says she can see why you’d feel that way and explains her behavior then your feelings might be wrong.
It’s better to get this crap out than to lose your sanity… and you will if you just eat this.
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u/Dismal-Astronaut-404 Jul 01 '26
I’ve thought about that for a while now but actually thinking about it going confronting her like this might only start an argument and make things worse because im not really sure if she is cheating or not. Or maybe i just dont wanna believe it idk man idek what to think anymore
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u/Doornumber11 Jul 01 '26
My wife did some shady stuff that I was sure she could t explain away. I called her out on it. She didn’t get mad. She understood how it looked and without hesitation explained to me what was up. She even felt bad that I had to feel worried. I wasn’t being unnecessarily jealous, and I don’t think you are either. If your gf were to get mad about you questioning something that she would question too if the shoe was on the other foot, that would be a sure sign to look even closer and dig even deeper. The details you shared here looks like cheating behavior to almost everyone. If you don’t bring her behavior up then you might go super sleuth mode and see if you can bust her.
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u/Separate_Path_7729 Jul 01 '26
I would take notes of what she says she has down and times that dont match up and bring up some of it in conversation with her best friend when your of isnt around, see if she think you misunderstood or corrects you on it, if it is different or she doesnt know what your talking about, only then reveal everything you found to her, including pictures, so that you both can figure out whats going on with her husband and your gf
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u/KoriSays Jul 07 '26
Young man you are 18 years old. The world is literally your oyster. Do not waste a moment of your life playing detective. If she is acting shady and you suspect she is up to no good just end it and walk away. Just tell her you know what’s up, she’s keeping secrets and your not going waste your time. Time you could be spending on a potential new GF.
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u/dontrightlyknow 2h ago
You might as well confront her and dump her. You listed all the suspicious crap she's doing, so you're never gonna trust her anyway. And you know she lied right to your face. That right there is enough to say bye bye.
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u/Ok-Show4985 Jul 01 '26
Start a revenge affair with your friend! Is she cute?
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u/_rrobynn_ Jul 01 '26
yes I'm sure the first thing on his heartbroken friend's mind is revenge sex. grow up
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u/thinkaboutwhatif Jul 01 '26
I’d get a voice activated recorder and hide it in her room. Think you’ll get a pretty clear idea of what’s going on.
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u/turdDumper Jul 01 '26
I think if the other wife doesn't suspect anything amiss then I think you're over thinking everything.
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