r/ADHD_Programmers • u/ConversationAware695 • 5d ago

How do I work

I feel like I am incapable of doing work. This has been an issue since I was a freshman in high school. I’m now on my first week of freshman year of college majoring in computer science and am already behind. I hate this about myself but no matter what I do l just can’t get myself to do the work. It’s not only school, but cleaning my apartment, getting a job; I feel like a bum and a failure. I’ve tried a bunch of medications but nothing has worked. Any advice?

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u/xu3yang 5d ago

Since meds are not working, (assuming you haven’t done this recently yet) you could try getting bloodwork to see if some deficiency or something else is causing your focus issues. Meds are powerful but still have their limits when your body is still constantly lacking something it needs to function like a human being. I would also try an ADHD focused therapist

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u/xu3yang 5d ago edited 5d ago

Also, after years of having bad habits build up, and seeing how it affects your ability to do tasks that increasingly get more important, it’s understandable that you feel upset. It can be really difficult to break them even after using meds, which is why I think a therapist is the best choice for this situation. When it gets this difficult to deal with, it’s borderline impossible to just make a list or hype yourself up. I am sure it works for other people but it never once worked for me when I was feeling the way you did. I think it’s because it develops into a frustrating combination of ADHD and depression. Once you can see your bad habits getting broken, and you slowly start being able to do things again, your confidence will come back and then you’ll be able to motivate yourself even when times get hard.

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u/ConversationAware695 5d ago

this is exactly what it feels like. It’s so normal to me to do nothing because i’ve made a habit of it. I can’t force myself to do anything.

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u/-spaghetti-soup- 3d ago

Do you have any friends with ADHD, so you can do some of your work with them? I find it's easier for me to do something if I'm not alone sometimes. If you don't have any, there's the 'dubbii' app that's a body doubling app, so you can do tasks with someone else. I haven't tried it myself, so I'm not sure if there's people doing programming on there as well, but it might be useful. Otherwise maybe a discord group for programming students or an ADHD discord group to body double.

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u/xu3yang 5d ago

Lastly, if your financial situation is in a good place right now or at some point it improves, it might be worth setting aside money for someone to clean your apartment/house. I do not have the ability to do this (most people don’t) because I’m broke lol but if you’re able to, remember that’s something you can do for yourself. And don’t feel ashamed for doing that, incase you think: “Ahhh I can’t clean my living space up myself so I’m a useless adult.” ADHD is a disability for a reason. It can become incredibly hard to do basic things like taking care of yourself. If you can afford to hire other people to take care of certain parts of your life, go for it. I think in Europe you can even hire a part-time care provider for your ADHD to help you just do things like laundry and cook.

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u/ConversationAware695 5d ago

I live with my wife (I’m married at 19 don’t ask) and she does most of it and i feel terrible; I know i could do it I just can’t get myself to.

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u/xu3yang 5d ago

Ah yeah. I understand your concern. I used to date someone for awhile who was neurotypical and I would be at their place often. We didn’t cook much but they would have homemade frozen food from their parents so most times I wouldn’t have something sustainable to eat and I would ask if they could drive to pick up food from a nearby restaurant or store (that I paid for ofc) because I had unmedicated ADHD and driving was so difficult to get myself to do when I was just learning… but I could tell they didn’t like doing that for me. No hate at all toward them. We eventually broke up because of incompatibility and that was one example of it. Now, I’m with someone who also has ADHD so we understand each other. They always pick up food for me and cook with a smile on their face. I used to ask them if they hated that because my previous partner clearly did not enjoy doing it, but they were very honest and said they love doing it for me even though they dislike driving haha. My point is, if you and your wife haven’t had an honest conversation about splitting up tasks at home, it’s important to do that to establish being on the same page. If you ever feel insecure and want to know if them cleaning more often than you bothers them, have another conversation specifically about that. And have it again and again until you feel secure. If any of that is problematic for your wife, this may be an incompatibility and that is up to you two to decide how to address that (not indirectly encouraging you to divorce! couples can still be incompatible and find ways around it!)

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u/misanthrope2327 5d ago

Prescription meth helps

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u/Sane-Law 5d ago

Meds unfortunately don’t work on some people

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u/misanthrope2327 5d ago

Yeah I know. But op didn't mention it so it's a good place to start

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u/ConversationAware695 5d ago

i def did mention

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u/misanthrope2327 4d ago

Hey man, we all have ADHD here. 

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u/Least_Mix_8482 5d ago

Turn "I should do task" into "I have to do task" (extrinsic motivation). If that's not possible, turn it into "I can do small portion of task". Do not imply larger task by saying "I'll get started by ...", ditch larger task altogether.

Also prescription meth.

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u/tehfrod 5d ago

"I have to" is problematic for the same reason as "I should". Should statements have a tendency to pile up and reduce motivation: too many "I have"s and the wall just seems too high to scale.

Better to say "I am <verbing>", or ideally "I get to <verb>." If you can pull off the second one and believe it, that is super powerful.

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u/Intelligent_Gap_5579 5d ago

What do you like about computer science? Is it possible to find that in a different career, perhaps one more suited for someone with ADHD? You’re young enough to completely switch your path

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u/seweso 4d ago

Maybe you should play instead of work. I mean, gameify it all….

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u/Draimonox 4d ago

Dude I’m like at a stage of life where nothing gets done. I’m mentally checked out (I’m not medicated and never been)

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u/VerbiageBarrage 5d ago

Been a lifelong battle for me. If meds don't work, try to psych yourself up. Try scheduling. Try time-boxing. Try task lists. Try depriving yourself of other stimuli until you get X amount of work done.

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u/Vivid-Zombie-477 5d ago

Fix what is bothering you so you could focus on the job. If you are just procrastinating... then try to just start and set some goals to motivate yourself.