We received this letter in our mailbox yesterday;

Hi neighbors & fellow [redacted] residents,
We hope you like our new street sign and share our appreciation for it!
Our apology if the sign came as a surprise. The City could only offer a traditional sign, so we asked our woodworking friend to go with us. The original, which was built in 1988, was much appreciated as his diligence; however, the sign was built before receiving an estimate we could share and approve with you in advance.
Enclosed is a copy of the amount due invoice that also includes 2 cans of Thompson’s water seal and partial can of touch up paint. Divided between our 11 households, each contribution is $145.50
Due to the lack of notice, there is no rush and payment may be made in any form.
We value and take pride in our beautiful neighborhood and trust in your agreement.
Sincerely,
[name/signature blacked out]

The sign was installed about two weeks ago, we assumed it was our city who put it up. The prior one was starting to look weathered, but it had not fallen down or anything to be absolutely needed to replace. This letter that was placed in our mailbox was the first time that we ever heard any type of details about it and my husband and I just felt it was so strange to be asked to pay for something that we knew nothing about, had no input on and does not even follow regulations for signage. I’m not sure what my other neighbors think but are we assholes if we don’t pay our part of the invoice they think we should give them. They included the invoice from their friends company that says it was a total of $1600.

I (M36) am a single father of a toddler. I had met his mom at the age of 31 at an animal sanctuary in Wyoming, where we connected through our mutual love of animal rescue and rehabilitation. She left after about 8 months to move back home, and we stopped talking. We reconnected when I had to move back to my hometown and was bored. I sent her a message one night asking how she was and it was like we never stopped talking.

Then she told me she was getting a job at the Primate sanctuary about 15 miles from my house and she would be moving to my state. I took the hint and asked her out, we started dating when she moved here. Then we moved in together, and then I proposed. And then she got pregnant, which was surprising. We used protection and she had an implant. (Her Dr. said it failed?)

I wasn't ready to have a kid. I had alot of trouble in the past, my last relationship before her was bad. I addicted to hard drugs we fought over money and the next hit and then I was living on the streets, looking for the next hit. Then I Overdosed. Then I was in jail, emaciated and looking at possession charges. I was 22. I got out, and i didn't go back to it, even though it would've been easy. I stayed clean, worked on myself and my own mental health and sobriety. Worked through alot of my issues from growing up in an abusive environment. Found my passion for animals, and then after almost a decade found her. But I was scared my past would make me a terrible parent, I didn't want to be my dad.

Now here I was at 33 with a small pink thing in a hospital, and I fell in love with him. He was so small, and I MADE him. We went home and there was the issues of being a first time parent, with the long ass nights and the crying and the screaming. And then her cesarean went septic, with a massive abcess. I took her to the hospital, but I had to work and he was too small to be in there with her. We were alone, just me and my son. We were alone for two weeks, with visits to mom often. I loved it, we became so close and I was no longer worried about being a dad.

She came home, clean bill of health. But a month later there was a secondary infection. Her heart couldn't take the stress. So now I was alone with a 3 month old. It was unbearably hard, and i dont really remember everything about it. Thankfully I had my sister to help me with my son. Not going into too many details, its still hard.

Now. During her pregnancy I had reconnected with my father and his side of the family. I had hoped that being a grandpa would be good for him, and that he had changed. It had seemed like it in the early parts of her pregnancy and his first year of his life.

Then about a month ago I was approached by CPS demanding a drug screen. Which i passed. My DAD reported me for drug use, he told me that himself. I was Told that my dad was going to go for custody of my son. He was using my past as a weapon, saying my issues with addiction and crime meant I couldn't take care of my son alone. I would relapse and destroy everything I had built.

I blew up. I told him I was done, to never contact me again. Told him I was over it and was moving myself and kid out of my hometown and to his mother's. That made shit hit the fan. My ENTIRE family was blowing my phone up with messages and calls, all upset that me and my son would be leaving and "how could you cut him out of our lives" I blew up again. Asked them if they were going to cut my father out, and many of them said "he was just worried about his grandson" and I just told everyone i didn't care at this point and I was over everyones shit and blocked numbers. Deleted Facebook and Snapchat.

AITAH Though, because now im feeling guilty, my sister said everyone was upset and not everyone was defending my father. But I was so over everything that cutting off everyone from my dad's side was easier than picking and choosing.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I genuinely cannot tell if I’m being unreasonable here.

My brother and SIL, and mom all live in Cincinnati. My boyfriend and I recently moved to the Cleveland area, about 3.5–4 hours north of Cincinnati. My mom lives about 35 minutes south of my brother and SIL, and my boyfriend and I are planning to drive from Cleveland to my mom's house for Thanksgiving and stay with her.

This morning I was talking to my SIL about Thanksgiving plans. She is due with a baby in early October, so the baby will still be very young around Thanksgiving. She mentioned that her mother will probably be coming to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving as well, and then asked me:

"Glad you guys will be in town for Thanksgiving!! My mom is probably going to come for Thanksgiving too. Speaking of... would you guys mind possibly driving her down for Thanksgiving? I haven't even talked to her about timing yet but otherwise she takes the bus down and I'd rather avoid that especially with the baby being so young and all the germs during that time of year. You can let me know later but just wanted to throw the question out there."

I understand her concern about her mom taking a bus around Thanksgiving when she has a newborn. I really do.

The problem is that her mom lives about 40 minutes north of us, and Cincinnati is south of us. So she is not remotely on our way. We'd have to drive about 40 minutes north of our house to pick her up, then drive back through Cleveland and continue south to Cincinnati.

My boyfriend would be driving. He has never met my SIL's mother. She doesn't speak English, and communication with her is very difficult. I've only met her a handful of times at family events, so we're not close at all. I don't particularly enjoy being around her, and I honestly don't feel comfortable spending 3.5–4 hours in a car with her. My boyfriend is also very introverted and would be extremely uncomfortable spending that much time alone in a car with someone he's never met and can't communicate with.

Our Thanksgiving travel isn't exactly going to be leisurely, either. We both work all day Wednesday. We'd come home, pack, deal with our dog, drop him off with the sitter, and then leave for Cincinnati. We'd like to be able to leave when we're ready, stop for dinner somewhere along the way, and just have the drive be our own time together.

Then Sunday we'd have to leave Cincinnati according to whatever timing works for her mom, drive her all the way back north of Cleveland, drop her off, and then drive another 40 minutes back south to our house. We'd be tired and would have work Monday morning.

So my gut reaction is absolutely not. But I'm really struggling with guilt because of the baby.

And there is another piece of history that is making this much harder for me.

About 6–7 years ago, my brother and SIL bought a table on Facebook Marketplace when they lived downtown. They both had small sedans, so the table wouldn't fit in their cars. At about 8:30 PM on a work night, they called me asking me to drive 30 minutes downtown to pick it up and then bring it to their apartment, which was about a mile away from the seller.

I was already showered and in bed after a particularly rough day at work. I have a crossover, but we had no idea whether the table would even fit in it. I said no because I wasn't willing to get dressed, leave my house at 8:30 PM, drive downtown, potentially discover the table didn't fit, and then deal with getting it home.

They were really upset with me.

And they still bring up the "table incident" years later. They joke about it, but it is very obvious that they still remember it. The next time I asked them for a favor, they refused and referenced the table situation. Since then, I've moved apartments multiple times and have deliberately never asked them for moving help despite living in the same city because I already knew I'd hear about the table.

So I'm afraid that if I say no to this, it will become another long-term grievance.

And I'm especially afraid because if her mother takes the bus and then, God forbid, the baby gets sick around Thanksgiving, I feel like I will be blamed for "making" her mom take the bus. Even if the baby doesn't get sick, I'm worried they'll hold it against me that I wouldn't help.

I also have another sibling who is estranged from our family, and because of that situation I don't get to see my nieces and nephew. It absolutely breaks my heart. So the possibility of damaging my relationship with my brother and SIL and potentially not being able to see my new niece is genuinely frightening to me.

I don't dislike my SIL and her mother only because of this situation. My SIL has always been someone I find difficult because I feel like she tends to push boundaries and expects people to accommodate her. I tolerate the relationship because I love my brother and want to have a relationship with my niece.

I would honestly never ask my boyfriend's brother to drive my mother several hours in the opposite direction just because he happened to live near me. Especially if my mother didn't speak English and he'd never met her.

So, Reddit:

AITA if I tell my SIL that we aren't able to drive her mother to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving?

I genuinely want honest opinions, including if you think her request is actually reasonable and I'm being overly sensitive about it.

I’m gonna keep this as short as possible. I’m not a guy who scares easily, and I like to scare my girlfriend quite often because she scares easily. (Hiding behind a corner, waiting for her to come out the bathroom, etc.) she’s tried multiple times to scare me but none of them have gotten the reaction she wants.

Fast forward to yesterday night, I’m sitting at the kitchen counter eating and watching a video on my phone, we have ceramic tile floors that make no creaking sound, so she managed to get behind me with a god damn AIRHORN, maybe 9 inches from my ear.

She let the shit rip and it did scare the pants off me, but in the moment I swung my elbow back and I hit her right in the upper lip, VERY hard. Hard enough to break the skin.

She now needs 8 stitches and is beyond furious with me that I did that to her, I tried to say I’m sorry and explain that I would never do that on purpose, but she’s having none of it. Saying shit like “who reacts like that? What’s wrong with you” I tried to explain that it’s a normal reaction. I’ve refrained from the “well it’s your fault your scared me like that” I just keep saying I’m sorry.

But am I really the asshole in the situation? I feel like I had absolutely no choice in my reaction here. Has anyone else experienced something like this.

Edit: no she doesn’t mind being scared, she has never once told me to stop because she doesn’t like it. What she DOESNT like is that when she tries to scare me it doesn’t work.

Edit2: do you people know how to read? I don’t care that she tried to scare me and succeeded. I’m asking if I’m the asshole for reacting in an involuntary way and elbowing her. What’s wrong with you guys lmao.

For reference, this friend of mine lives in the other side of the country but comes to my city once a month and crashes at our house (where my girlfriend and I live). He's a pretty good friend of mine and usually I have no complaints with him staying, aside from a few times he's brought in random friends I don't know.

We both have the same studies and work in the same area (wild animal rehab) but I've been looking for a job in the field for about three years unsuccessfully, especially because I don't have a car and finding jobs close by is hard, while he's fresh off an internship. Recently I got let go amicably from my previous job in an unrelated field because my contract ended, so since about two weeks ago I'm back on the search for a job.

Turns out that in that time, he's come to my city and had an interview for a job in our field, in my city, without telling me anything. I'm very mad at him for this, because he knows I've been searching for years for this kind of job, and one that's close by that I wouldn't need a car for, and he still withheld this information. I'm also mad because I think this job would have been perfect for me, as it's at walking distance from my home, I'm recently unemployed, and I really need the money to pay debts and rent alongside my girlfriend, while he lives in a completely different city, has a car which gives him a lot more flexibility for other jobs, and lives with his mother without paying rent.

Now that he's been hired, he's told my girlfriend that he wants to crash at our place again while he looks for an apartment, and I'm not really feeling like I want to let him stay this time around. Apparently he has another friend he can stay with so I'd rather have him stay there.

AITA for being this mad and for not letting him stay?

Edit: I'm still mad at him and I think I have the right to be disappointed at him for not telling me about this. However, all of your comments are allowing me to see that I'm overreacting and I should not be willing to ruin a friendship over this, that I should have applied anyways, and that I should be happy for him instead. Thank you all for your insight.

Hi, I help out at my family’s nail salon and I’m one the who designs/issues out the gift certificates. They’re a physical certificate made from cardstock, there’s no barcode or serial numbers. Usually whoever asks for a gift certificate, whoever the technician will sign and use the Salons logo to stamp it.

I printed on there that if it is ever lost or stolen that it will not be replaced nor will it be able to be redeemed for cash. It is not in small print, it is printed very visibly under “To” and “From”.

This old man came in (he comes by maybe once every month or two) and says that his son bought a gift certificate here during Father’s Day and he lost it. He was demanding that we honor it. I told him that without the certificate I cannot just not charge him for the service. He told me to look up the date and that we will see a transaction for 40$. I told him that we get those transactions everyday (this is the cost for a basic pedicure) and that especially during holidays/father’s day, we get a lot of people buying certificates. We do not document names of people who buy certificates, if a certificate gets issued it is handwritten the amount and the date that it happened (it’s on a paper for the Salon to document. We’re a small business so we didn’t feel the need to buy Gift Cards with barcodes because the credit card companies charge a heavy fee for making gift cards/using them). This altercation occurred for about 20 minutes because he wasnt taking no as an answer. He then said that we atleast owe him a discount, in which I told him that I cannot give him a discount because he lost a gift certificate. He said that, that’s not how businesses operate and that everywhere else would’ve honored it.

I’m not sure how other places operate but I think it’s universal that if you lose a physical gift certificate, there’s not much the company can do. AITAH for this?

EDIT : Thank you for those that replied.
I want to make something clear, I would’ve most definitely honored his certificate if he had a photo of it or a receipt of the transaction (Then I could’ve crossed checked and make something happen)! All he had was his son’s name and the supposed date that it was bought. Even if I were to search the sons name (which credit card companies do not give us), there’s many people with the same name and that supposed son could’ve given the certificate to someone else and now there’s two people claiming it’s their certificate! I’m not calling him a liar, I just need proof to do anything! There’s many people, new and old customers that have claimed they lost a certificate, we cannot just believe everything everyone says! Also, even if there’s a serial number on it, they lost the certificate, they wouldn’t even be able to tell me what the number was on it! He said he didn’t read any terms and conditions on the certificate (claiming there wasn’t any). So, I really doubt he would’ve remembered the serial number if there were one! But, I do agree there should a serial number!

My(36). partner lStephen (31) reminded me that it was our mutual friend Wills(40) adoptive brother Jamie39) was turning 40 this year and our friend and family group are going to go to a new place to eat Jamie had recommended to him.

There a few that are going to be there including Wills girlfriend who was my best friend from school Karla (37).

We have recently found out we are having a baby. I put inverted commas as the word partner because things are up in the air at the moment t but that’s for a different sub.

Anyway Stephen says ‘oh it’s Jamie’s big birthday everyone will be there - we should announce you’re pregnant then we don’t have to tell everyone separately!’

I saidd absolutely not you can’t announce important things at others events that’s been a hard rule for centuries you just don’t do tha.

Stephen started saying about how Jamie wouldn’t be bothered he’s light hearted about these things.

I reminded him that he might think he doesn’t mind but I promise you he will mind very much. It’s like trying to steal someone’s spotlight.

Please tell me it’s not just me here and this is rude and lacking emotional intelligence?

He’s still considering doing it and I swear if he does it won’t just be Jamie losing it.

Only Karla knows at the moment nobody else does.

Is he being the asshole? What’s the best way to tell him no?

I can't believe I'm even asking this, but since I'm regularly criticized for this, here we go.

When my husband and I (33m, 27f) had our daughter 2,5 years ago, we bought a lot of pink stuff for her. Obviously not big things like crib, stroller, etc, but smaller things like blankets, toys, bibs, why not? Also, she was gifted a lot of pink stuff, so when we had our son we thought we could reuse some of her things for him.

We are not dressing him in dresses, pink onesies with "baby girl" designs, but when we are at home, we put him on a pink blanket, give him a pink bottle, pink bib for feeding, etc. We don't think there is something wrong with it, it's just a color, and those things are expensive, so why throw away a perfectly good blanket just because it's pink?

But my sister (36f) is constantly criticizing us for it. She has a son and she and her husband don't let him wear pink or anything that they think it's too girlish or something. Once she yelled at me for buying him a shirt with a small purple print, when it was obvious it is a shirt for a boy. I used to ignore her comments, but now she started commenting on how we are "ruining our son's life" and "making him gay", like wtf does that even mean? He won't be gay just because he used a purple bottle as a baby, and even if he is gay, so what? I will love him the same. Of course, she doesn't see a problem when my daughter wears something blue, for example.

I told her to mind her own business, and now she's barely speaking to me. But is it really that bad that I let him use some of his sister's stuff? Like, why would I buy him the same toy in blue, when he can use a pink one we already have? So, AITAH for reusing some of the pink things for my son and basically telling my sister to f off when she criticizes me about it?

My (25M) friend Marina (52F) has cancer. We met as coworkers at a previous occupation.

She has had leukemia since she was in her 20s, but now in her 50s, it's catching up to her. She has a husband and two kids. One child is from the current husband and another is from a past lover.

Her husband isn't the best. When she was pregnant and was feeling contractions in the bathroom, he yelled at her to go to work and she couldn't so she was left in the bathroom. He left for work and unfortunately while there, she had a miscarriage. Blood was everywhere all over the floor but thankfully a neighbor stopped by and took her to the hospital. He left work to go see her but he was genuinely looking at the time. Impatiently waiting to leave, not caring about his wife. That's one bad situation but that's the overall theme of how crappy he is.

She doesn't want to leave him because she says that when she dies, she wants him to adopt the kid that was from a past ex as she doesn't want her child to get set up for adoption.

But you see, he left her recently.

A couple of months ago, he stated that he needed to go help his sister move, but in reality, he dropped contact with his wife. He abruptly left and never called back. When she called his family, they simply said that they didn't want to get involved, and that's it. She had to genuinely reach out on another social media platform to get him. He went on about how he quit his job and wasn't ever coming back. Mind you, he left the same week it was his child's birthday. He missed that day, obviously. He does come by once in a while for sex though. Sorry, I'm rambling.

Now here is what's going down:

Marina is out of work due to her cancer status and while the state provides benefits with income and housing, she ends up running out money for food and that's when she comes to me asking for 40 or 60 dollars. At least once or twice a week. I give it to her, and she eventually pays me back weeks later (so it's not a charity). But I genuinely only make $500 every two weeks. I had a good paying job, but due to personal stress and all of that, I left my apartment and got a part time job to at least function within society.

Now I live at my parents house, pay rent, bills, etc. I need to save money for myself, but week after week, it's like I suddenly have a family that I must provide for when she has a husband who can do that. And I don't mind helping. But this has become a weekly ordeal. I'm lucky that my family isn't charging me a lot for rent, but if I was living alone again, there is genuinely no way I could survive if I was to help her out too. I don't want to live with my family forever. This is just a temporary dark path.

I told her that if her husband doesn't care about her almost dying from bleeding out, leaving before his kids birthday, what makes you think that he will be a good father figure for these kids? All she responds with is that she just doesn't want them to get into an adoption center. I completely understand that. But she needs to pursue child support from her husband, even though they're separated now. I love her and will help her WHEN I can. But these are not my children.

Would I be the AH if I ask her to go after other financial avenues instead of relying on me? What should I do? What should I tell her?

Me 43(F) and my sister 45(f) have always been best friends. A couple months ago her son 17(M) called me at about 1130 pm, said he was at a friends house with others, where him and his friend (his ride home) got what he described as a "little tipsy" and he did not feel safe having his friend drive him home. No questions asked I told him to shoot me the address and give me 15 minutes to get there. When I arrived, I offered to give the friend a ride as well but he said the kid was just going to stay the night. He said that as a precaution he hid the car keys in the mailbox and would tell him in the morning when he knew the friend would contact him to ask, " Bro, have you seen my keys?" (Good thinking kid). On the ride home he said he didn't call his mom cause his dad was traveling for work and his mom would have to wake up and haul the 4-year-old twins, cussed him the fuck out and he has something very important to him coming up and he knew she would ground him for drinking and he would miss out. He asked, more so begged that I not tell my sister about this. At least not till after his upcoming event. I told him I was proud of him for calling and not taking any chances and for making sure his friend was safe as well. I had a full blown conversation with him about the dangers of drinking and driving and how drinking can wait till his legal age and you know, the speech his mother would have given, without the yelling and grounding. I also said that I would keep his secret for now but he had to promise to not pull this shit again. He agreed.

Skip to two months later. My sister calls me.....she is ragging, How dare I not tell her that her underage son had gotten drunk at a party (it was three kids and a six pack). My job was to call her immediately and woken her up and had her pick him up. How would I have reacted if the tables were turned. (I have two adult boys 22 and 24). She was on top of, LOUD very disrespectful and has not spoken to me since, it's been three weeks.

Her husband called me, thanked me for being there for his son when he needed me and not to worry about my sister (she'll come around). I guess my nephew spoke to his dad about the incident who in turn told my sister about it.

I feel I did the right thing by keeping his secret cause he did the right thing by calling me. I wanted him to know that he can count on me when he felt he was in a pickle. Granted had it happened again I would definitely have spoken to my sister because then it would just be concerning and I wouldn't want him to make it a habit and think I would just be his uber and accomplice every time he decided to fuck up. But he's a good kid, good grades, enrolled in multiple sports very kind and respectful and I honestly believe he made a mistake. The fact that he brought it up to my brother in law who also had an in depth conversation with him about the dangers and consequences, let me know its not something he plans on doing again. But I also feel like I let my sister down by not telling her since it is HER SON WHO IS A MINOR. As I mentioned I have two boys of my own and although I didn't experience this with them when they were minors, I'm not sure if I would have felt like she does or had been grateful that he thought of her and could count on her.

Am I the Asshole for not telling her????

I 27M have been dating this girl 26M for about six months, most of them long-distance, she was one of my closest friends for about four years before that. She has a history of trauma and being lied to by those around her, and also this is her first real relationship.

She has a habit of not listening to me when I tell her what is or isn't an issue for me (for example implying that I'm unreasonably upset by something she does while ignoring or forgetting that I've said I was upset by something else she does), and of constantly asking me for reassurance in our relationship. She also constantly asks or implies that I want to sleep with my female friends (I have no history of cheating or anything), which takes the form of her pretending to be ok with it and saying I could if I wanted to.

We came close to breaking up a couple of weeks ago for unrelated reasons (I don't think we're long-term compatible because we care about different things and want different things out of life, and I was having a hard time emotionally connecting with her and wanted to preserve/rediscover the friendship we had before we dated). She really didn't want to break up and suggested we get couples' therapy to solve the friendship issue, and I agreed because I'm kind of hoping it will help her be ok with breaking up but staying friends. We're now having consultations with couples' therapists.

Since that conversation the constant reassurance, not listening to me, and implying things about my friends has gotten worse. She's explicitly said several times that she finds it hard to trust me or the things I say since then. I am still open to couples' therapy, but I really think she should do her own therapy too, which I've suggested to her but she dismisses by saying she's overwhelmed. WIBTA if I made individual therapy a non-negotiable condition of couples' therapy?

I love this person a lot and want to keep her in my life, whether that's as a partner or as a friend. Ultimately I want do try and find whatever solution is least hurtful to her and is conducive to that goal. I want her to get help for this stuff, but I recognize that me making it an ultimatum may not be the best solution and there may exist a better one.

i (24f) am engaged. we’re getting married next june & i just bought my wedding dress. now my mother is not speaking to me.

i was initially planning to buy my wedding dress online. i typically hate clothes shopping, & didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of a “traditional” bridal shopping experience. i shared the plan with my mother (50f), & she said she was completely fine with it. my best friends & fiancé (25m) expressed to me that i should consider trying dresses on first, if only to give me a better idea of what i liked. before i went dress shopping, i had a talk with my mom. i let her know that i wasn’t sure how i wanted to do it. i might go alone, with my best friends, or with her & my future MIL. she told me that i could do whatever i was comfortable with, & was excited for me.

last friday, my two best friends & i had an unexpected afternoon off together. we decided to look at wedding dresses between lunch & a few other errands. i wasn’t planning on finding “the dress”, & was surprised when it happened. my first thought after realizing that i had found my dress was wanting to call my mom. we facetimed her so she could see it, we cried, all the things. i explained that it was fully spontaneous, & that i wanted to show her. after leaving the boutique, i texted her apologizing for catching her off guard, sent her pics, & asked if she would like to help me find my accessories & come to my fittings. she said i yes & that i shouldn’t apologize, & things have seemed normal since then. we’ve texted back & forth as usual, no with no red flags.

last night she texted me at 9-ish saying she emailed me. checked my inbox to find a “no subject” email which stated that she has been struggling since friday, & that it has been negatively affecting her. she said that she didn’t want to talk to me about it in person or on facetime because she would get too emotional, & that she has been crying enough over the last four days. she said that she is deeply hurt, as “a moment i have been looking forward to since the day you were born was taken from me”. she did say that my dress is lovely & that she’s sure i’ll be a beautiful bride. i texted her saying that i saw her email, & to let me know when she was ready to talk. she responded saying it was going to be a while. i am waiting for her to initiate while i figure out my feelings.

i understand why she’s sad, & she is allowed to feel that way. maybe she thought she was okay with me doing this how i chose to without realizing how she would actually feel about it. i do feel horrible for hurting her. if we had both known how important this would be to her, i wouldn’t have done it. but a part of me is also upset with her & feels a little guilt tripped. i had communicated my plans with her, & she told me it was okay. i called her to share the excitement, apologized after, & tried to express that i want her to be involved. again, she is allowed to feel however she wants & i am not trying to invalidate her. i understand now that she has imagined this moment for herself, but she didn’t share that with me before. i didn’t intentionally steal anything from her, but now it feels like i did. there was so much happiness, but now i just feel guilt.

aita?

Hi everyone, i need to know if i'm being unreasonable. So, my parents are very strict about finances and prioritize spending on necessities over extras. We are obviously not that financially strong but its not like we struggle to make ends meet. we do spent money on our hobbies and other fun stuff and i'm living a comfortable life. I understand why she does that but my mom gets a bit too stingy sometimes. i'm also currently in college and commute for about 2.5 hrs everyday to college which also gets financially draining.

midst of this, i have a very expensive hobby - books and my parents absolutely hate it because they think i'm wasting money(not like i ever bought a lot) and rarely ever let me buy it. Due to that, i have even switched to e-reading which i hate but had to do due to circumstances. But i still love to buy books once in every 5-6 months (my mom don't let me buy it even then but i make it work somehow).

so i was planning on finally getting the lotr series (been waiting for a long time to buy it) with my own money that i collected on raksha bandhan (its a festival where brothers give money or gifts to their sister - lowkey a vague explanation), & i received around ₹3000 and the books cost around 1400. Since it was my personal money, i ordered the books and planned to save the remaining. my mom was extremely upset about it and both of my parents firmly denied me to receive the package. They want me to either save the money or buy something more "useful." I still changed the delivery timings and received my package and my mom is absolutely furious.

I have been thinking about all of this the whole day and can't help but feel like i'm been ungrateful and selfish rn. Knowing everything yet spending money. if i'm wrong here, should i return the books?

edit: i lit burst into tears when i saw the responses, cried for 30mins straight🥹 thank you to everyone who responded and supported me. I really appreciate every single one of you. Probably looks like a very trivial thing to you but it has been really weighing upon me for a few days. Thank you again <3

This happened a few months ago but my girlfriend keeps bringing it up and it’s starting to piss me off so I wanna know if im actually the asshole here.
I’m 27M and my girlfriend is 25F. We’ve been together around 8 months. She has a 2 year old son from another guy. I knew she had a kid when we started dating and I have nothing against him. I’m nice to him, I’ve bought him toys before, played with him, taken him places with us etc. But I’ve always been very clear in my head that I’m not his dad.

Mother’s Day comes around and my mom and my sister were doing the usual family thing. My sister is also a mom, so obviously I wanted to spend the day with both of them. My girlfriend apparently expected me to spend it with her and her son. She asks me what we’re doing that day and I told her I was going to my mom’s. She goes “so you’re not spending Mother’s Day with me?” I said no, because I wanted to spend it with my mom and sister. She got quiet and then said something like “wow, okay.”

I asked what that was supposed to mean and she said she thought I would want to celebrate her because she’s a mother too. I told her “you’re my girlfriend, not my mom, and he’s not my kid.” Yeah, probably could’ve said it nicer but that’s genuinely how I feel.
She completely lost it. She told me I was basically saying that her being a mother doesn’t matter to me and that apparently if I loved her I would WANT to celebrate her.

I told her I never said being a mother doesn’t matter. I just don’t understand why I’m expected to treat Mother’s Day like it’s my responsibility when I’m not the father of her kid. Then she tells me she had already made reservations somewhere for the three of us and had been looking forward to it for weeks.
I asked why she made reservations for me without actually asking me if I wanted to go. She said she “assumed her boyfriend would want to spend Mother’s Day with her.” I ended up going to my mom’s. Now here’s where I’m probably going to get called an asshole. She didn’t talk to me for basically the entire day. Then later that night she sent me a text saying:

“One day you’re going to realize that I was trying to build a family with you and you couldn’t even give me one day.” I thought that was pretty manipulative considering we’ve only been dating for 8 months and we’ve never talked about having a family together.
We talked about it a couple days later and I thought we moved past it. Except we clearly didn’t. Because months later, whenever we get into an argument, she brings up Mother’s Day. Last week we were arguing about something completely unrelated and she literally said “you already showed me on Mother’s Day how little I matter to you.”

I told her I’m getting tired of hearing about it.
She then said something that honestly made me question the whole relationship. She said: “You’re never going to understand what it means to be with someone who already has a family.” I told her that’s exactly why I never promised to be a father to her kid. I’m her boyfriend. If our relationship gets serious enough someday, obviously that could change, but I don’t think I’m automatically a stepdad just because we’ve been dating for 8 months. Now she’s saying I’m emotionally immature and that I’m treating her kid like he’s some random person’s problem. I don’t think that’s fair. I have never treated her son badly. So now I’m wondering if I actually was the asshole for not spending Mother’s Day with her, or if she’s expecting too much from me because she has a kid.

I (30f) have a coworker (19f) who does not have a driver's license. She will often ask for rides home, even though she lives only a block away from our place of employment. It is also a small office, so her and I often work the same hours. We also live in a small town so it's not unsafe for her. I would feel comfortable enough walking if needed. Plus, there has not been any inclement weather. It has been warm but not terrible, especially with how close she lives to work.

This irks me because we work at a financial institution, which I feel like isn't necessarily a job for "teenagers". I feel like she needs to be responsible enough to find a ride home herself, and I shouldn't be responsible for giving her one. On our application, it asks if you have reliable transportation, which she technically does not if she's relying on coworkers.

WIBTAH if I continue to refuse to give her a ride home?

I got diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia (it's a condition in the brain where something, like a tumor, artery, etc, causes pressure in the trigeminal nerve and can cause excruciating pain)

2 weeks ago I had a huge argument with a friend that lives near me. She already knew what arguments caused me, (my left side head nervous gets hyper sensitive and causes excruciating pain) still screamed at me while I was crying, this for 40 minutes because of a stupid argument.

It ended up making me have a crisis and I ended up calling an ambulance and in the hospital, was hospitalized for 7 days.

She went there to visit me, I felt super anxious and barely mentioned that what happened in that day triggered the crisis, she immediately said "You can say that I won't feel guilty at all".

Yesterday I came back home, today this friend came to visit me and wanted to ask me if I was better, but she just affirmed that I was better, I noticed that I started to get anxious and retreated to my room to not have any argument, she went after me and asked what was happening (I didn't want to bring up the conflict that we had to not start another argument) so I told her that it was not worth it to have more arguments and I needed to protect my health, and not to talk about it.

She starts to get aggressive again and saying that she can't even ask me how I'm, I tried to stop the argument but lying down and saying that I needed to avoid triggers, she kept going on about what the heck did she do this time and why was I sad again.

She triggered me so much, my nervous system went overwhelmed and I couldn't hold it anymore, and engaged in the conversation (huge mistake but this disease literally makes being nervous intolerable).

IMPORTANT THING (I live in a room in her father's house, since I have this condition that I've been unemployed and all my life, mental health, etc has going in havoc).

She started again being furious at me and I told her why she couldn't stop?! Why was she there arguing with me!?

She said "this is my house, It's my house; I'm here whenever I want!!!"

That really hurt me and made me feel an outsider, the conversation was nothing about who lives in the house, but she brought something that had nothing to do with the conversation to it, why? Why would someone bring that into another conversation?

I asked again why was she continuing, that I literally just came from the hospital and why is she talking like this to me? I literally wanted to avoid this, noticed I was getting anxious and went away, why couldn't she stop the conversation especially that she knows my condition and that it causes me huge headache?!

Her answer was literally "you have headaches well I have headaches too..."

She made me feel like I was using being hospitalized and having a disease, as excuses, what could I have done differently? Am I doing what she says I'm doing?

AITAH for retreating away from that situation?

So my sister (34f) wants to do a little something for her birthday (basically go out to brunch but themed/dress up). She mentioned this to me (28f) and my response was basically "Sounds like fun!" A couple weeks later, her friend asks me my availability for this get-together because she's planning it for her. In my head, I thought "that's weird why isn't my sister doing this herself" but of course I was simply polite and answered. I also mentioned to this friend that I was glad my sister was going through with this because the last couple of times she had mentioned doing something for her recent milestone birthdays she had given up on it (though COVID also was responsible) and I felt like she was disappointed in that.

HOWEVER, I have recently discovered through this that apparently these parties in the past fell through because no one (i.e. me or I guess my mom) stepped in and threw them for her?? I had no idea I was supposed to do this. Is this a thing? She never explicitly asked me, just said things like "you know what would be a fun theme for a party" or "I want to do a party this year".

I understand a bridal/baby shower has to be thrown by someone else but I didn't think that would be the case for a birthday party? I would think that would be her and her husband's responsibility? And of course if either of them asked me to, I would. Am I right in this or do I need to make this up to her? Thanks in advance!

Hello everyone. When I (24F) was a kid I really really wanted a dog, and when I was 14 my parents finally agreed to adopt one. In my memory, we had her for about a year, my parents fell in love with her, and even felt so bad for leaving her alone during workdays that they decided that she needed a friend to play with, so we adopted a second dog.

I moved across the country for college when I was 18. My parents live in California with these two dogs and I live in Boston now, having stayed in my college city and found work here. Right now due to layoffs I am in between jobs and am working as a pet sitter part-time just for some cushion money. I am actively applying to jobs and am also waiting for interviews for med school as I just finished the applications.

My parents like to bring up in arguments that they adopted the dogs for me and that they are my responsibility. Even though I love these dogs to death, I do not take care of them anymore because I’m across the country, plus they are both strongly bonded to my parents, especially my mom. My parents have offhandedly mentioned in the past leaving the dogs with me so they can travel - I do not have space for them in my apartment even if I wanted them with me. I also live with my partner who is very allergic to them, and I have a cat of my own. For now my parents have stopped mentioning dropping the dogs off with me, but today they asked if I could fly back to California for two weeks to take care of the dogs while they go on a trip. The dogs do not have any issues going to boarding places and have gone numerous times in the past; my parents live in a more rural area so having a pet sitter come to the house is not super feasible. I’m pretty sure they want me to come so they can save money on boarding.

My parents have a history of having issues with boundaries in terms of asking me to do things because they think it’s my responsibility to them, and in general seem to have a hard time accepting that I’m an adult with my own life and partner and everything. I’m also an only child. I won’t get into that too much, but given this history I have a hard time determining if in this situation it would be normal for an adult child to fly back and help, considering I’m technically not working? I don’t want to leave my partner for two weeks, I would be totally alone since I don’t have any friends there, and I just wouldn’t be the most comfortable since I’m not in my own home, but I genuinely don’t know if this is something that I need to suck it up and help with. WIBTAH if I said no?

EDIT: My parents do love the dogs a lot, like a lot. They include the dogs in almost everything they do, moved multiple times to give the dogs a bigger yard to play in, lament how they can’t bring the dogs with them to do more things, etc. The first dog is especially bonded to my mom - even before I left for college and even more while I’ve been away, they are pretty much inseparable and she is always visibly happier when my mom is around. I also love them a ton, I don’t have the space they’re used to but if I thought they needed me and missed me I would have them with me, the thing is they are living the life and treated and pampered with a huge outdoor area to run around in with my parents. I think if I tried to take them, even right after college that would be super traumatic for them, and I don’t think my parents would actually let me despite what they say, but idk maybe that’s cope. I’m 99.9% sure my parents would never in a million years give them up but they like to bring up the fact that I asked for the dogs and I know if I say no here they will definitely bring it up.

They did not mention paying for my airfare but I believe if I asked they would pay for it. They would probably not significantly fund food or whatever I needed while there, but I would have access to the car.

I’m not Indian (relevant to the story) but I decided to try making one of my fav Indian dishes, Chana Masala, as it quite healthy and affordable to make a big batch for meal prep. While it’s traditionally a vegan dish made from chickpeas, I decided to add diced chicken fillets into it because I had to use them up before they went off. It turned out quite good.

I took some to work and a coworker was asking me about it because she said it smelt good. Another coworker (who I don’t know very well as we’re on different teams but he is ethnically Indian) overheard and said what I made isn’t Chana Masala as it had chicken. I said I know that it’s not traditional but was my interpretation of it. He then got visibly frustrated with me saying I made a completely separate dish, how it’s wrong to mix meat with a vegan Hindu meal as it’s against the culture/tradition etc. Was I the AH for mixing meat with a traditionally vegan dish?

Update: I know Chana means chickpeas!! The dish still has chickpeas as I followed the recipe, I just added chicken as well. I don’t know why people assume there were no chickpeas and I should’ve called it a chicken dish.

My husband plays video games. He has a close group he plays with. And he has become close with one player in particular. We are a white heterosexual couple. This person was explained to me as a large black lesbian woman who was a single mom to 2 adopted kids and frequently fostered other kids. She came down to South from up North a few months back with her family and another gamer to vacation and meet my husband and bro in law who they play games with. Now "A" has come back. This time with her just daughter that has become best friends with my son- both young adults. My husband invited them to stay with us. They planned to stay" a week" and stated wanted to explore moving here. They want to move to the town we are looking to move to. She has enrolled in school but wants to now changemajors to my career, dispite never speaking of it in conversation. NOT a lesbian. Pretty raw. Talks about sex and penis a LOT. Busted out a game on 1st night, thing Against Humanity but sex related. I opted out. I just couldn't with my husband and child with company like that. She has recently also lost a lot of weight and flaunts new body. They spend 2-4 hours gaming together daily. They wanted to go to Florida so we went on a road trip 5 hours each way. They sat in the front. Me in the back. Watching them carry on, listening to heavy metal- not my thing. I was alone a lot as they would go explore together. I sat alone for 2 hours in Dave and Busters never came back to the bar to check in on me. I don't game. They both like heavy metal. She has lips piercings, now he wants to get the piercings of his 20s back as a 50 yo man. I feel like I have been accommodating. We do not socialize much. I work a lot. 2 jobs and a hobby that has turned into a job. Fairly normal middleage suburban couple for context. We had 2 days of long road trips and 3 days of local trips of all 5 in the van. Me in back. Them up front. Her planning her new life here in Louisiana. I have tried to occupy myself with the clancy trial and phone games. After our trip today, I retreated to my room to rest. Physically, socially, mentally. And i am on call for next 36 hours. My husband came in and asked what was wrong bc I have been aloof. I said I was tired. He got mad and walked out. I asked why he was mad after he stated coming in bedroom and ignoring me. I explained that I was feeling "out of place". He says i was rude to our guests. He got mad and walked out. He is still ignoring me. I feel dumbfounded. Am I the asshole??

Background:

My GF is Indian and has moved to this country, and has almost no family here. She does have some close girlfriends. I have just moved back to the same city after we have done the last 8 months long distance, and am about to start my dream job which I have been working towards for years.

For context we have been dating for 8 months. There was another occurrence where she was upset with me and broke up for 10 minutes and downloaded tinder in front of me. We made up and she agreed that she would wait at least a week next time if we broke up before going on dating apps. Throughout the relationship we often fight over her accusing me of looking at other women, I feel as though I am being respectful and don't stare, and definitely do not hold eye contact with anyone, not looking for more than half a second. From her perspective she accuses me of staring and making it seem like I am interested in them. There have even been times when I was looking for an aisle in a supermarket and she accused me of looking at women and was upset for hours.

Last weekend:

I slept the night at GF's house on Friday night so I could help her pack on Saturday, as she was moving on Sunday to another share house. On Friday night we went out to a South Asian restaurant. I am Vegan so asked what the Vegan Options were, there was some confusions as the waiter was unfamiliar with what it is, so she ended up going back and forth between me and the chef a few times. I was polite and friendly, just clarified with her and explained what I meant.

Now Saturday morning my GF woke up and was upset with me saying that I treated the waiter poorly and that I should change my diet to include dairy because I am rude to ask for Vegan options and waste their time every time we go out to eat, and it would be much easier if I were vegetarian. I am Vegan for ethical reasons, and it is something I strongly believe in. So I said that was unreasonable. Anyway she was upset at me the whole morning. Ignored me and very coldly told me to leave so I left around 8:30am. I thought she would change her mind shortly and knew she needed help packing, so I stayed in my car, and thought she would cool down after an hour. I called/messaged a few times and at 12pm she was still upset and didn't want to see me. So I left, and went to spend time with my parents and little sister.

Saturday Afternoon:

Mid board game with my family GF messages me saying "I want tea" which I could tell was her way of saying she wanted to see me. So I said I would finish up the game and head over shortly. GF said not to bother and to spend time with family. I was also upset that my morning was wasted waiting for her to stop being upset, and how cold and rude she had been this morning so wasn't about to drop everything and go, so I kept playing and spending time with parents and sis for the next couple hours before I messaged again.

at 6pm I message saying I am done, and call to see if I should heave over but GF does not pick up.

8pm GF messages asking for some dinner receipts, and doesn't tell me why or pick up my calls, I send the receipts, and she calls and I am mid chat with sister so we both say 'hi' to her, she says 'hi' and we say bye. This is when she messages saying she 'asked twice for my help today but I was busy with family'. I offer to head over straight away, and GF says not to bother.

After some text conversation where she says she 'felt pretty single so I am not committed to you' she shows me on video call that she has download Bumble and is mid conversation with a guy. I drive over to her house because I figured she is having a breakdown and honestly wanted to break up in person. But when I get there we make up. She shows that the conversation on Bumble was very dry just asking about job. She did apologize after she saw how upset I was on Sunday when we were driving to move her things to the new house. I am completely heartbroken and still am. I honestly was so full of anger I was up thinking of ways to breakup so she would realize that she lost something good. It is now 3 days later Wednesday and I haven't broken up because she got COVID and her new house is cockroach infested (which for some reason doesn't bother her??? but that's another story). She is upset at me today because I apparently wasn't there for her in her time of need and was too stubborn to come help her.

Am I the asshole for not dropping everything on Saturday night and for taking her literally when she said not to bother coming over? And also for being upset that I wasted my morning waiting for GF to calm down over something so small?

I am not sure what to do. I think I struggle to leave a relationship even if it isn't healthy.

My friend has a crush on the girl and asked me to come along, hangout as a group. So when the two of us got to the restaurant, it was a circular table with five seats. I just placed my gym bag next to me.

The girl came to the table and sat on the chair right next to my gym bag instead of my friend. When she saw me she covered her mouth and I could tell she was laughing.

Maybe I looked greasy from working out. But I showered. I shouldn't smell. I also changed into a fresh set of clothes and put on deodorant. I felt embarrassed.

She ignored him the entire time while he was talking, either on her phone or her mind was somewhere else. So I tried to help, asking about her day, sharing similar interests, and bringing up topics my friend would also be into. But he just kept silent and staring at her while glaring at me. Every time my friend opened his mouth, she just ended the topic with single word responses.

She would randomly look away then look back at me then she'd lean closer. Playing with her hair and half listening to me. Probably not even focused. Sometimes she will just stare at me and giggle. Not even at my jokes, just anything I say.

Example, she keeps pressing for my social media, I told her I don't use one. She asked why? I said why would I want to put everyone I know from school in my backyard? And I just see everyone having a better life than me with a hundred likes while nobody cares about my posts. She started cackling. I felt annoyed.

She also subtly makes fun of me. Like she kept on saying how healthy I am for what I ordered which was just a smoothie (cheapest thing on the menu). I told her I am trying to loose weight as a joke and she asked if I have a six pack. I said I got a keg at home. She snorted.

I then started using my phone to mentally block myself out but she kept on pulling me back into the conversation. Kept asking me random questions.

Seeing how I am being a third wheel, I said I had an important phone call. I stood out in the rain on the alley next to the restaurant. I texted my friend asking about the situation.

He was saying she's on her phone. I gave him suggestions on how to win her over, and will google anything if he needed me. I waited for an hour and asked him how is it going, he told me she left a while ago. My friend let me stand outside of the restaurant in the cold rain for an hour.

When I went back in, I asked why didn't he just tell me she left. He first blamed me for putting my bag there which blocked her. Mind you, there is an empty seat right next to him.

He then blamed me for hijacking the conversation and making her laugh. I told him that he wasn't bringing anything of interest onto the table, so I tried to help him.

He told me off for wearing gym clothes to show off my body, while I reminded him he told me to wear sloppily so he would look better with shirt and tie. He called me an attention seeking jerk. I was shivering from the cold, so I put the money down for my smoothie and left.

If I stayed any longer I would've gotten sick. I tried to help him and he didn't even appreciate it, then blamed me for his failure. I felt bad because he sounds hurt. I don't know when I should sent him an apology text.

TL;DR My friend blames me for fumbling his crush, he said I hijacked the conversations when I was trying to link them together.

AITAH for being a terrible wingmen?