Help Me Please

[u/maweechu]

Hello! I’m pretty new to the term ARFID and am still learning things about it. Mainly one of the reasons I started looking into ARFID is because around 5-6 years ago something.. weird(?) happened while I was eating? I’ve been a picky eater ever since I was a little girl, it was always either because of taste or texture for me that made me not like something. Around the time whatever this is started I was in a relationship with someone who was very narcissistic and abusive towards me. I was about.. 22-23, and I was about to eat my dinner like normal every single day. We were having breakfast for dinner that night. We had over easy eggs, hashbrowns, toast and brown’n’serve sausage links. Everything was going pretty normal up until i decided to eat the sausage, and I simply could not. The feeling.. of it on the back of my tongue while I was chewing made me very nauseous and uncomfortable physically but not mentally(?) I ended up spilling the contents of my stomach shortly after and EVER since then when I am chewing my food, I feel it on the back of my tongue, I just simply can’t do it. I’m loosing my mind over this, because i can’t enjoy ANY foods anymore without feeling this way. It’s genuinely wearing down on me.

[u/wh0_kn0ws_00]

maybe you just have a strong gag reflex, i do this and i need to always push my food to the front or sides of my mouth in order to not choke or gag

[u/maweechu → u/wh0_kn0ws_00]

I’ve actually tried this! It does help sometimes. I forgot to mention that this problem does fluctuate for me as well. What I mean by that is, some days I can eat and be okay, other days it’s 50/50, some it’s where I can only eat a few bites before I just give up. It very well possibly depends on my mood. I do know I have a strong gag reflux and a weak stomach 🥲 Yet this somehow feels different on the inside physically for me(?) I don’t know how to describe it. When my gag reflux is triggered or my weak stomach gets all upset, it’s like a queasy feeling only. With this I feel physically uncomfortable yet nothing is happening mentally for me. It’s so hard for me to explain this I am so sorry if I am not explaining it correctly 🥺🥹 I just want some answers. I do have a doctor’s appointment coming up to speak on this issue as well!

[u/wh0_kn0ws_00 → u/maweechu]

could def be arfid but i would get a doctors opinion and not self diagnose, i have arfid and i kinda feel the same way! most days are okay for me, i can eat fine for the most part but if food gets too close to the back of my throat its almost like my body freezes for a moment, almost like i had a near death experience even tho its just a bit of food near my throat. i can get shaky or sweaty, sometimes i feel like i physically can’t swallow anymore or really do much of anything, sometimes i get nauseous but not always. its always worse when im stressed or eating with other people (unless its my bf cuz i feel safer) but yeah does that sound like what ur experiencing or is it completely diffferent? i am having trouble understanding ur explanation but i do understand not being able to explain the feeling so hopefully mine makes some sense to u

[u/maweechu → u/wh0_kn0ws_00]

Oh my gosh you took the words out of my freaking mouth. YES! It’s never all the time, there are some days where it gets triggered than most and some days where I’m fine. I do feel like I freeze in the moment when it happens, I really try to force myself to just get through it when that happens. Some days I just can’t. Most of the time I get nauseous when it happens for me, I do not spill the contents of my stomach all the time. I actually haven’t done that when it’s actively happening for… maybe 4-5 months now. What I meant by I don’t feel anything mentally for it, is my brain goes DEAD silent when it happens. I feel uncomfortable and staticy(?) in my chest area. I am gonna really talk with my doctor before I say “ Oh I have arfid “ because it could possibly be something TOTALLY different, not only that I am inexperienced in the medical world and have zero business giving myself any diagnosis of any kind. I just really needed some information from those who do have it, so I could see if I am feeling similar when this happens or not. Just so that it gives me some more insight to give my doctor, because as I said I have a really hard time explaining what’s going on inside of me and my mind. Thank you so much for your input by the way!

[u/wh0_kn0ws_00 → u/maweechu]

yes that could definitely be arfid or some other feeding disorder check in with ur doctor. good luck!!!!! it’s a lot harder to get diagnosed as an adult, i got lucky and got diagnosed when i was 17 so i didn’t have to deal with the adult doctors yet but now that im an adult they have no programs or doctors for it unless i go to another city . Good luck!

[u/maweechu → u/wh0_kn0ws_00]

Once again thank you SO much for all your input, it’s really helped me figure out what I’m feeling better inside so I can better explain to my doctor. I am so glad you got the help you needed early on, that makes me so happy to hear for you. I do hope that it gets better for the both of us, as well as all the other folks in this reddit that are currently suffering through this. I hope y’all can feel my really big bear hug ( if that’s what you’re okay with! If not then I will not mentally hug the 🫶🏻 ) Have a good night ( if it is night for you ) and much love 🥰

[u/PristinePrincess12]

TW: SA

If your ex was abusive in a sexual sense and they had an appendage that they would use on you, including your mouth, in a not nice way, the trauma from that could now be presenting physically in an attempt to protect you from said abuse.

Sorry if that was not at all the situation and I read into it too deeply due to my own trauma but it's just something to be aware of if you weren't already - not many people realise that trauma can manifest in such ways.

[u/maweechu → u/PristinePrincess12]

tw: light mention of sa and abusive relationships

It’s completely okay! I am so incredibly sorry that you had to go through that. 🥺 I unfortunately also do have SA traumas, yet nothing that.. involves that. My ex DID yell at me quite loudly and often about eating the food on my plate. If the food on my plate was not finished or if I seemed.. “not interested” I would get “into trouble.” On her side ( This is my view of it ) I strongly believe she acted that way because of fear of rejection and obviously she was a narcissist. Which doesn’t excuse it at all. I do know that traumas can affect us all in different ways. I know i’m not fully healed from that part of my life, but I genuinely thought.. once I left everything else would fall away, ya know? That I would just go back to normal afterwords, and I am finding out that is not the case 😖