Like I get my prescription refilled on Thursday. You'd think I could survive till then, have some discipline, at least I still have those long-form morphine pills, they'd prolly keep me ok physically. But mentally, I just can't be without my Fent.

I realize it's gotten really bad the past few years. Before then I had other interests, now they all evaporated kinda, and back then it was like 5-7 hits a day, nowadays it's like 11-14 times a day.. (Was tying to go smaller, use less, make it last the 30 days despite IV-ing it, but yea.. The individual pieces got smaller but in turn hit-frequency just sneaked up lol. The spot where I don't have to restrain myself has always been 1 patch per day (~23mg) and I keep bouncing back there, and trying to go lower takes exponentially more effort the less I try to use.) But maybe it's not just that tho that caused the increase in use.. I'm just at home all the time and depressed since ~2 years, nothing to do or look forward to other than my fent..)

Anyway, I never used to have gaps and never even found a plug. But lost one source, and ever since I struggle (and it's not gonna go on like this forever anyway lol).. This time was bad, 2 weeks using, 2 weeks of nothing, And now I found this person who has some, very overpriced..(but there's just nothing to be found so really they can ask any price..), And I already wasted what little money I had tried to save up so preciously over the past few years since this change.. (just a few hundred bucks lolol but was better than being entirely broke). And now again.. and the ride is like 3 hours one way via train lol.

Anyhow, and ofc I couldn't wait till first train tomorrow, no I need it today even if that means I won't get home and will likely create some desperate, sketchy hitchhike situations for myself.. I'm just so stupid. My addiction is worse than I thought.. as long as you're covered you don't realize just how far you'll go, how deep you'll fall once you're out of stuff.

Edit: also I realize this is kinda a first world type problem compared to many other addictions. At least I have a home to go back to. But my luck willl run out too I'm sure.

Also feeling really alone and lonely (and kinda scared right now about being outside at night.) Which is why I post here. If anyone wants to talk..

I’m having such a hard time with the guilt. He overdosed and it’s so hard not to blame myself. We had been off and on for about 6 years. I loved him so much. I just couldn’t live with him while he struggled through relapse because I couldn’t put my daughter through that. Both of my parents were addicts. Both are gone. My dad overdosed when I was 7. My mother overdosed when I was 22. I will always choose my daughter. She’s 8 now. I know I had to choose her. But I feel like I abandoned him. I don’t know what I really am looking for from this post. I guess just writing it down. I don’t know how to live with this guilt. He deserved so much better.

as the title says - how can i manage those cravings? for better context: I'm AuDHD and few years ago have been prescribed medikinet, last year i started abusing my meds and now I'm trying to get out of this.

i have my last box of meds because I'm changing them for obvious reasons. unfortunately, i admit that i abused previous box every now and then. but now i seriously want to quit this shit. but i have cravings, it's obvious with every addiction or close to addiction. i don't know how to manage them at all.

i have a pretty bad cig addictns i am rn short i only have one pack left i do keep my snipes or cig butts in a jar in case im really in need i dont have money and i used to steal but my dad found out and am locked up like grounded i cant go outside to get more cigs and i dont know what to do any help or tips i really need it

I’m currently abusing the fawk out of dexies and I don’t get anything out of it anymore, like I took 14 x 5mg at 3pm today, felt nothing so took another 17 x 5mg at 5pm and all I got from that was feeling like not but dry mouth, clenching my jaw, and me nearly fainting every time I stood up

I then proceed to take my last 15 dexies at 8pm because I was like well might aswell use them so I can quit them today
This total to 46 dexies
The last time I took this much I overdosed

My problem with quitting is, my brain keeps searching for a high, to feel manic again— in which I’ve had an acute psychosis just over 1 year ago where I was manic for awhile

I just like I want good physical and mental health but I feel incapable of being doing work I need to do
But I do think this is the effect dexies have brought on my brain so I’ll just have wait n strengthen focus tolerance

Ik that if I keep this addiction any longer I’ll overdose and again and it could most likely be fatal next time

anybody have advice ?
Reflection questions I can use?
What mentally worked for you in seperating yourself from drugs

Just to clarify, I’m seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist I’m already in treatment because according to my psychiatrist I’m having obsessive thoughts related to my drug use and they’ve already taken away the pill I was taking for that anyway i just want to vent because I feel absolutely terrible🫤

Lately i've been looking for ways to cope with my withdrawal, but not in the best way tbh I’ve been smoking behind my family’s back and also looking for pills I can use to get high Aaaand I had a problem I inhaled sertraline lol If you know even a little bit about that you know that sertraline can’t be inhaled because it causes burns inside your nose and throat soooo i spent a day in horrible pain got sick and now I have a sore for doing something so stupid lmao

And honestly smoking has helped me feel better because it gives me the same high as ritalin and that’s way better for me hehe i ’ve also had a little alcohol and it’s helped i know it’s wrong because I could become even more addicted to these kinds of thingssss but I just don’t know what to do anymore I’m sick of everything I’m sick of my family the people who tell me what to do!!! I JUST WANT TO GET WORSE AHHH I don’t want to get better being sober is worth shit👎👎👎

I feel like nobody understands what it's like to be addicted to a drug they only see it from the outside as a problem but those of us who really know what it feels like know that's not the case :/

So I recently overdosed on fentanyl I knew there was fent in the heroin but I was told it was very little (yes Ik dumb decision) but ever since then I can’t stop thinking abt it waking up with the oxygen mask on hearing my buddy who oded with me and woke up first crying my name to see if i was okay bc i was gone for way longer and was technically dead for a couple seconds Idk what to think It feels like some type of life was sucked out of me and I can’t stop thinking abt it my motivation is gone and i’ve sober for about 3 days since it happened but i can’t stop thinking abt doing drugs again and how blissful i felt before I ultimately overdosed Idk where to start back up again I feel like my life is fucked idk i talked to him abt it but he doesn’t seem to be as traumatized as I was idk ik this is just a shit post that people won’t read but i’m so lost and don’t know what to do

Will shroom puff pre rolls help me taper off weed?

Hi everyone. I've wanted to make a post on this sub for a while. I am not really looking for feedback considering I have heard it all having been to three rehabs and been inpatient several times. I really think I just need to feel less alone in my addiction. To know someone else out there understands can truly make such a difference.

My drug addiction began when I was around 22 (I am now 32 F). It all started with Xanax. Yes I was indeed a part of the Xandemic and went through a cold turkey withdrawal after taking at least 4 mg a day for over a year. I thought that was enough to scare me. It was not.

I eventually dipped back into it, every now and then. And of course, ended up hardcore relapsing. This is when I got a script for Adderall. I would have never thought that I would've loved a stimulant due to my extreme anxiety but I loved it, therefore abused it.

About a year ago, I got out of my second rehab. I was clean from all of it and very optimistic about my future. Then, my boyfriend broke up with me. I don't know why this was so hard on me. I loved him but I don't know if I was in love with him. I think I just felt a profound sense of rejection.

I relapsed again, taking 8 bars in one night. And at some point in the night, I smoked crack. It was a pretty big jump from just abusing prescriptions. But I did it and it felt good. And I often wonder if where I am now was directly connected to that decision.

Over the past few months, I have been unable to recognize myself. I feel myself slipping away. On a good day, I don't want to use. On a bad day, I will use any and everything I can.

I am writing this because I took meth a few days ago. And I didn't stop at once. I stopped after three times in which I was having bad paranoia and it wasn't fun anymore. And the kicker is, I took it the same day I got out of inpatient. I have lost control completely. Its not just something I can see. I feel it deeply. I used to be responsible, mature, I was straight edge and wouldn't even touch weed.

I hate what I've become. I should treat addiction like it is something that is trying to kill me, which it is. But, taking drugs makes me feel safe. Its hard to describe but its like, drugs aren't drugs to me. They feel almost maternal. Like, they're always there for me and they have been there when no one else was.

I want to say before I end this, I have tried to stop. As I said I have been to rehabs, I have worked the 12 steps, I have had therapists, done DBT, CBT, and ART, been inpatient etc. I have read books on it, went to NA meetings, and have been able to stay sober for a while. But nothing sticks. Today, I want to change. But I don't know what I will feel tomorrow. I don't know what I'll do tomorrow.

Thank you for reading. I hope your day/night is lovely. I appreciate you being here.

I’m not going to say I’m high functioning because nobody who’s addicted to drugs is high functioning.

I’m a medium functioning crack addict. I have a 9-5 professional job, own my place and car. I’m not married and don’t have kids.

I started smoking rock frequently 2.5 years ago. I previously used cocaine and switched. I usually smoke everyday, but not large amounts during the week.

I may be delayed in responding because of work, but I’ll answer every question.

Does anyone remember the TV show HOUSE?

The one where the brilliant dr also had a bad addiction to Vicodin.

The show really glorified the use of drugs and addiction - cuz it made an otherwise mean character more sympathetic since we could watch him struggle with addiction.

I found it really glorified taking those Vicodin as the reason he was always sharp as a tack, the way he would down them by the handful, how they were the equivalent to “mothers little helpers”.

Even when he goes too far, you are rooting for him not to go for rehab, but find a way to take more drugs so he could be 100% on point to solve the next medical mystery.

And the way his best friend treats his addiction at best like a benign hindrance to an outright potential friendship breaker.

But it really glorified being in legit pain, taking way more Vicodin than needed in one go, hoarding multiple pills and having multiple prescription options, and how he just could not function unless he was high as shit — unless he has an insane tolerance, he was practicing medicine while under the influence and if he wasn’t such a fantastic Dr, he would have lost his licence years ago so his co-workers and his boss are Does anyone remember the TV show HOUSE?

The one where the brilliant dr also had a bad addiction to Vicodin.

The show really glorified the use of drugs and addiction - cuz it made an otherwise mean character more sympathetic since we could watch him struggle with addiction.

I found it really glorified taking those Vicodin as the reason he was always sharp as a tack, they way he would down them by the handful, how they were the equivalent to “mothers little helpers”.

Even when he goes too far, you are rooting for him not to go for rehab, but find a way to take more drugs so he could be 100% on point to solve the next medical mystery.

And the way his best friend treats his addiction at best like a benign hindrance to an outright potential friendship breaker.

But it really glorified being in legit pain, taking way more Vicodin that needed in one go, hoarding multiple pills and having multiple prescription options, and how he just could not function being high as shit — unless he has an insane tolerance, he was practicing medicine while under the influence and if he wasn’t such a fantastic Dr, he would have lost his licence years ago so his co-workers and his boss are enabling him.

Yes, he has horrible chronic pain in his leg that needs treatment.

Does anyone know of any other shows with a character whose drug addiction is a super power. him.

Yes, he has horrible chronic pain in his leg that needs treatment.

Does anyone know of any other shows with a character whose drug addiction is a super power?

Hi. I'm a women, 20yo, and I'm an alcoholic all my life since I tried my first beer from mum's cup. At 16 I met my boyfriend. He was this cool guy with many friends, and all they were drinking every weekend. Right now we don't have any friends. Because of me. Every time we were drinking I would black out and do...I don't know what. And I was to scared to ask. But the very next day all our friends would look at us terribly. My boyfriend tells me a part of it, but not all. The same thing happened this weekend, on his brother 18'th Birthday.

I tried to control what I drink, and even was gone to sleep maybe for half an hour...because I decided I am too drunk and I don't want to ruin everyone celebration. But then I started felling sick, gone to the bathroom, the next thing I remember me at the tables pouring myself more alcohol. Next thing - im screaming. Nobody knows why. my boyfriend starts to close my mouth, we didn't want any problems with police coming. I bite my lips, scratching my face, his arms... I woke up and I thought my life ended. My face swollen like thousand of bees bit me. It's horrible.

I'm 3'd day at home, because of how I look.

Guilt crashes me into bed.

I know I shouldn't drink because I can't stop myself.

I don't know how to tell myself we won't go to the bar to drink alcohol ever again. I ruined Birthday party. I look terrible. The worst - we missed a concert I bought all my family tickets to. I really wanted to go. I never were at concerts and finally when I work and can...I couldn't because of hangover and how I look.

I know I can Google everything. But maybe a piece of advice from real person would help. How to stop? I don't drink everyday, but if I do one day, I can't stop until I'm completely smashed to the ground.

Hi guys!

I admit I'm having hard time struggling with methamphetamine abuse and unfortunately I find it incredibly hard to completely quit despite all my efforts!

On top of that in the last couple of months I think I've kinda develeped one more addiction, one that I only do when high on meth... gambling on slotting machines. A few months ago I was a person who hated this type of gambling and now I feel like I'm completely losing my mind and can't stop!

Seriosly I'm not sure what's happening to me but I just lost 1600 euro in the blink of an eye. Things are getting out of control and I feel like a fucking idiot for doing all this, starting to hate myself even more.

It's like I can't stop hitting the button, spin after spin, but only when high on meth. I can't control myself. It's like a dopamine bomb... being high, staring at the gambling game, waiting for something to happen etc.

I think with this post I'm both venting and seeking any advice from people who have experienced something similar.

What the hell happened to my brain and how do I stop doing this? How do I stop feeling that devastating feeling of guilt later? Right now I feel like my body is literally about to explode from the inside, I had to have a couple of drinks to just calm myself down just a little bit! I know the obvious answer is to stop using meth, but still...

Thanks for reading this!

Ive been sober 3months up until yesterday and im dealing with probation im on non mandatory drug testing and I feel un easy on the decision I made. I fell into a deep depression out of no were and wanted relief. Now I'm needing to know how long it will take me to get clean again. I feel like I put myself in jeopardy because I needed something to fight for again as od as it sounds.

I'm someone who likes to take drugs sometimes and experiment, and I've never found myself to become dependant. I try to be an "in moderation" kind of person. I smoke weed once or twice a week, have a little drink on weekends, take MDMA when I go out to clubs once a month or so. I can have benzos every now and then to relax but I could quit any of these drugs at any time. I tried nicotine via cigs, vaping or gum and none of them produced a positive effect for me, I just felt sick and dizzy and hated it.

However, much earlier this year I tried tramadol. It started as 100mg at parties for an extra happy kick. Then 200mg, then 300, then 400, then 500mg. I went from taking this thing every now and then to thinking it was my saviour and the key to healthy functioning. Other substances can "take the edge off" my problems but it genuinely felt like opioids cured them. I know tramadol is a weak shitty opioid but when you have 500mg it's genuinely pure bliss. I ended up doing it every other day because it was extended release and stayed in my system for a while, and if I didn't do it id start feeling horrible.

I of course became addicted, and I would've stayed addicted if not for my plug who cut me off because she saw I was addicted. I went through hellish withdrawals for a week but made it out okay the other side. I stay far away from them now, but I wonder why opioids are a drug I can't do in moderation.

Nicotine is supposed to be crazy addictive and It does nothing for me. Weed and alcohol can be addictive but I have no trouble controlling myself, same with MDMA and Benzos and Acid. But for some reasons I literally felt like I couldn't control myself with opioids. My tramadol addiction only developed/lasted 2 months but I became physically dependant which is something I'd never experienced with a drug before. Fucking terrifying. Sober from it now though!!!

Hi, we're a tiny studio. We built an app that helps people get out of an addiction (Loutra), whether it's smoking, drinking, scrolling, gambling, and so on. We help thousands of people every day.

I've been looking at what they actually do each day, and one thing surprised me.

The ones who make it aren't the most motivated.

Everyone is motivated on day 1. The ones who announce it to the whole world quit like everyone else, and often even sooner.

The ones who are still there a week later do something very simple: when the urge hits, they write it down somewhere instead of gritting their teeth in silence. Three lines is enough. The time, where they were, how they felt. That's it.

Those people are 3.5 times more likely to still be there the following week. (It doesn't prove that this is what saves them. Maybe they were just more determined to begin with. But the gap is huge.)

Why does it work? My take: when you write your craving down, you stop being the one who gives in for a second and you become the one who observes, the one who analyzes. The craving is still there, but you're no longer stuck inside it. And after two weeks, the pattern shows up right in front of you. Your cravings come back at almost the same times every day, so you've found your triggers.

To sum up:

• If you relapsed this weekend, don't be ashamed, it's part of the process. "Failure is part of success."
• Write your cravings down. In a notebook, on your phone, it doesn't matter. Even the ones where you gave in (especially those ones).
• Don't only count the days you stayed clean, count the cravings you got through without giving in, the hard days too. That number is what keeps you going.
• Identify your triggers to understand your addiction.

I have a extremely high tolerance I’ve been smoking for about four years now I’ve taken month long breaks here or there but that was from forced situations that I couldn’t get access how should I try having a reset well having access to it

FYI: I used A.I. to fix my grammar and make this flow better. Just felt the need to mention this, because I get hella annoyed when people make posts with AI without explaining why.

Also, I realize that (to anyone without experience with addiction, this will sound completely stupid/insane), but I’m hoping I’ve posted this to the right community. Thanks in advance.

I’m a 29-year-old who has struggled with severe addiction since I was 15. I’ve been through court-mandated treatment about 14 times.
Last year, facing an 8–10 year prison sentence if I failed probation on an arson charge, I finally completed a full continuum of care (detox, 28-day residential, PHP, and sober living). It gave me over 4 months of total sobriety—the longest stretch I’ve had in years.
While in sober living, a visiting psychiatrist prescribed me Vyvanse. (Around my 6month sobriety mark). I rationalized it because it was a legal prescription that would clear my probation UAs. Within a couple of months, my tolerance skyrocketed, I was buying extra pills from housemates, and I eventually got kicked out of the sober living house.
My probation officer knows I'm using prescription stimulants. Because I stopped using meth and fentanyl, I’m finally holding down a full-time job and overall I’ve “stabilized” my life, she views this as harm reduction and has been somewhat lenient.
The problem is that it has spiraled out of control:
I'm prescribed 40mg/day now, but I’m taking 90–150mg daily (mixing Vyvanse, Concerta, Adderall, etc., by buying extra street/pharma scripts).
I’m working full-time and making steady money for the first time in a while. If I quit cold turkey, the crash and withdrawal will make keeping my job almost impossible.
I feel like I'm playing a dangerous game. I'm cheating my recovery, and I know if I stay on this trajectory, I’ll eventually crash, burn, and risk losing everything—including my freedom. AGAIN.
I really don't want to blow up my life or go back to inpatient treatment right now, when I'm finally getting on my feet, but I also know I can't sustain this daily dose. It’s not easy to find people willing to sell ADHD meds all the time. I’m worried that once all my sources run dry, I’ll go back to my old ways (meth).
What would you do in my shoes?
Has anyone successfully tapered off high-dose script stimulants while maintaining a full-time job?
How do I transition off this without blowing up the progress I've made with my job and probation?
Thanks in advance for any helpful insights.

Hello,

So my sister is 22. I'm just at home because of my semester break.

She is an addict to some hard stuff.

We had very difficult years. She was really aggressiv and violent and manipulative.

But she is waiting for a space in a therapy programm so we said she can live here again under certain circumstances.

I was not as involved as my mother in those rules

One rule is to not consume any drugs including alcohol and cannabis. If she consumes alcohol or cannabis she will have to tell us and we will have a talk but it will not result in her being kicked out.

Now she did and tried to keep it a secret. My mother was angry. But my sister argues that she is smoking since 13 and it is not that bad. And that we are unreasonable for making such rules, since she is in recovery and everyone she talked to said she schould be permitted to smoke pot, including her therapist. Firtsly get off the "bad" drugs, so to speak.

And now i'm unsure if we maybe are the bad guys.

She is also meeting right now with her ex-boyfriend who also consumes hard drugs but she claims he got rid off them

So right now my mother is unsure if we schould kick her out once she is gone or not.

So I have raging daddy issues. My father died two years ago from alcohol and drug misuse. I've been struggling to get over it. Any advice for me?

Havent been using for that long, some of a season. Started low dose for ADHD, but still a loser any way, after fucking my life once again last week, just didnt care this week. However, never had euphoria, or invisibility, any of.. that.. Never wanted to be in this life. After being reminded again how much of a shit mum I am and how many health issues I have (not drug related btw), I pretty much boofed what I had left, thats my only ROA btw.. Have done so the whole week, not much sleep. Somehow my brain is still in tact. I thought I was losing it today, never paced so much in my life. Some aggression. A lot of just, I have always hated this life and ive felt forced to stay, and its torture. A lot of random outbursts. But i was with it the whole time, just, so angry at my life, myself, everything. Anyways, that wad 10 hours ago. 1 hour ago Ive been having some pretty severe pain. Lower abdo right side is really bad, and theres been a lot of deek spasm, vision is.. eh a bit wonky but also relatively ok, I cant check my heart rate but its up there, and can feel it popping out of my neck. Shortness of breath, and last few days my right upper leg, feels funny and hurts a bit. Also my right shoulder. All right sided. Im not interested in calling an ambulance. I'll happily finally stop ruining everything. But is it too late from last dose be overdose? Or is it just anxiety and some nerves firing? Idk. Enlighten me.

Should also add, Female.. Too old.. Lost 30 kgs in 3 months so around 65kg now. And anaemic as heck and now bruises badly everywhere, and dizzy as a lot.