I’m a 26M, throughout my life I’ve rarely cried, but when I watch movies or shows and I’m invested and watching deeply I can’t help but shed some tears. And this is very common for me, even if it’s not sad. I’ve never really understood this about myself. I also don’t care to be seen this way as plenty of friends (guys and girls) have pointed out that I’m a very emotional person during movie nights. Whether we’re all together in person at someone’s house , the theater, shit even in discord with cams on watching a movie it’ll happen. Anyways just wanted to see if anyone else experiences this.

Partially a rant while I sort my thoughts on this. I realised a month or so ago that only being able to feel incredibly strong negative emotions isn’t actually the norm? Recently took the PAQ test and got 135 as well. The thought that other people have been experiencing this massive blend of emotions and feelings all the time and have been their entire lives while I‘ve felt absolutely nothing 90% of the time is kinda fucking with my head, ngl. The only emotions I know for a fact I have felt have been lethargy/depression/sadness, fear, and anger, because those are the only ones where I have felt how they affect my body

I know I must have feelings, because when I am subtly sad or angry or happy other people are able to pick up on it when I just figured I’m at my usual baseline emotion of feeling absolutely nothing. And sometimes I’ll notice that I’m doing something like furrowing my eyebrows when I’m smiling which I think indicates a Bad Emotion, though I couldn’t tell you where the Bad Emotion comes from or why I’m feeling it. I’ll do things that require feelings and emotion, like cry and shit, but whenever I do those things it rarely actually reflects in how I think because internally I’ll be calmly thinking about the situation that has made my cry while I’m sobbing and barely able to say a word lol

So far in life I’ve managed by getting very, very good at tricking people into thinking I have feelings just like them. I have an internal database of situations->appropriate emotional response that I reference whenever something happens and I don’t have an emotional response to it. A friend mentions their dog died? I’m supposed to feel sad about that, so I go ‘Aw, I’m so sorry’ and put on a sad face. A friend says they got a promotion at work? That’s a good thing, so I’m supposed to celebrate that. It’s instinctual at this point, unless it’s a situation I haven’t encountered before, wherein I’ll just copy what everyone does around me or wing it. The strange thing is, though, is that even as a child I can remember being like this too; whenever it came to Christmas or my birthday, I was always trying my hardest to show that I was appropriately excited and happy about the presents I received, even though I felt nothing internally - maybe there was a time in my life when I was genuinely excited about these things, but I can’t remember it. A lot of the emotional reactions I’ve learnt feel mechanical to me (there will never be a time when reacting to presents will not feel forced I think - I wonder if other people can feel that too?) and when I have an inappropriate reaction or none at all I can’t help but think of myself as an interloper who doesn’t belong amongst other people. I know putting it like that makes me look like a heartless robot, but the reason I’ve built up this catalogue of how to pretend to have Feelings is because I want to be able to relate to other people, to fit in with my friends, and be able to comfort them when they’re sad, but I cant actually do any of those things so I have to just pretend

And the thing is, asides from me knowing logically that this isn’t how I’m supposed to be, I also know my alexithymia has actively led to me being hurt before. A few years ago I was in a bad relationship, one that logically I think was emotionally abusive? But I obviously couldn’t recognise the emotional abuse because there was hardly any emotion to feel abused 90% of the time. My partner at the time would do something that really upset me, but it would only be a couple days later thinking back on the situation that I would realise that he had upset me - but by that point, he’s forgotten about it and I’ll look like an asshole if I tell him he hurt me, because I should’ve said something at the time. I’m afraid that alexithymia is going to negatively impact my current, far better relationship and friendships as well (or maybe it already has, and I haven’t realised yet?) and I’m also afraid to talk with my partner about it in case he (justifiably) thinks that me not feeling emotions = me not actually loving him - I do, but I just don’t get the little internal signals that say I do, I know I do logically from my behaviour with him and how I tend to think about him. Or in case he things I’m overreacting about things (also justifiable, I tend to overreact to things because I have 0 idea what the normal level of reaction is + I have no feelings that inform something like an ‘intuition’ or ‘gut feeling’, so I have to go purely logical and OCD tends to make completely outlandish outcomes (ie. I said something that mildly upset a friend -> They now hate me and don’t want anything to do with me) seem completely normal to me)

Even as I’ve been writing this, I’ve realised more and more ways that alexithymia and not having feelings have impacted my life, but I have no idea where to go from here? Therapy, I guess, but I can’t afford it and the NHS here is notoriously awful with waiting times for mental health issues. Most of the resources and advice I’ve seen on here have been for people who experience feelings and can’t identify or describe what they are - I just straight up don’t have those feelings at all, and I don’t realise I’m feeling something until it presents physical symptoms or until it’s so strong it’s overwhelming (for negative emotions, idk if I’ve ever felt a positive one). So how am I supposed to start recognising what I don’t have? Will there be a point where I am a fully feeling, emotional being like everyone else around me, or do I just have to learn to live like this with the knowledge that there is some core aspect of humanity missing from me?

Apologies for the very long post, I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently. I have a lot more thoughts on how alexithymia has impacted my life - haven’t even mentioned how it makes forming opinions difficult and how I feel like I have no sense of self lol - but these are the most important realisations for me atm

So I’m 21 who is in relationship with my partner and I have noticed my behaviour from the past 1 and a half year and I have realised that I tend to fake my emotions

Like see I love my gf so damn much and I am emotionally and deeply attached to her and we are in LDR rn….and it’s like whenevr she tries to make me feel happy or hórny, I just tend to fake the emotion…..she sometimes dresses up well judt for me and if I’m being genuine I do not feel a thing but I fake my emotion with her saying how happy and surprised I am seeing her dress up for me

Same thing when she tries to turn me on or speak seductively, I do no feel a thing like I can keep a straight face and do nothing abt it but just for her I got used to faking my emotion and telling her tht I’m getting turned on and aroused when in reality I’m not feeling tht emotion

Idk what’s going on I did go for a short therapy session once and the therapist said I’m having emotional burnout but I just can’t understand what shud I exactly do to avoid this

I wanna feel genuine emotions but majority of the time I’m just emotionless and I have to fake my emotions for the ppl I love just to make them feel seen and loved and happy
I never got a chance to genuinely feel emotions since past 1 and a half year this been going on
Due to me faking my emotions I see ppl happy and loved but wht abt me? I genuinely don’t feel a thing

Pls can someone help me out I genuinely feel stuck in this loop and I’m tired faking every damn time

I should preface this with Indeal with Alexithymia and don’t usually understand, emotions or feelings that are my own or sometimes don’t feel them at all

I don’t know how to explain it, but it seems to really annoy others. A lot. When I’m in a groupchat and I send a message, if it gets left on read I will delete it because, in my mind, I only message to get a response. If I wanted to just talk just to talk, I would talk to myself. Others are saying that this is manipulative or that I am very sensitive to rejection. Usually, I don’t have any feelings of rejection nor do they bother me. I don’t understand how this is an issue or what makes it an issue.

Guys, I have a question for you. Could you describe how you feel and experience emotions?
I have alexithymia, so it’s hard for me to recognize my states and understand what’s going on inside. I’m really curious to know how this process works for you:
What do you feel physically when you feel happy, sad, angry, or when you fall in love? How do these emotions show up in your body — does your heart rate speed up, or do you feel heaviness, warmth, butterflies, or something else?
How do you know which specific emotion you’re feeling at any given moment? Does the realization come instantly, or do you figure it out through your thoughts and behavior?
What does "processing an emotion" actually mean to you? What does that look like in practice — do you just wait for it to pass, or do you do something specific?

I know love, conceptually. I can understand love in a book or a movie and feel some of it and it can move me and make me happy or cry in response. But myself, in real life, with a real person? I just don't know. I love my cat, that's for sure. But for people, I'm not so sure. I don't know if I feel it and just am too embarassed to say it, think it, admit it. I have friends I care deeply about. I can't say I love them. I had romantic relationships and felt deep strong attraction towards someone, but I don't know if I could ever describe any of that "love".

Sometimes it feels like my feelings are fleeting, that if I don't see the person they disappear, or diminish. I'm more than happy to see people, friends, family. But it's like I don't miss them. One day I'm falling head over heels for someone, and it really moves me, and I discover new sensations. Then I don't see them for a few days, weeks, and it seems like the feelings disappear, or that I convinced myself I felt them more than I actually felt them. Then I see the person again, and all the feelings come rushing back.

I don't know what to do about all of this. In my worst days it feels like I'm just pretending to be human and feel real emotions when I actually don't.

I genuinely don't know what is wrong with me. I can't make myself feel any noticeable emotions. I have never cried at a funeral, or even felt noticeably sad. I finally got into a relationship and it ended after a month because she didn't get any signals from me that I actually liked her. I hang out with my friends, guys I've known for 5+ years and I'm bored. I can't do anything mentally stimulating or amuse myself in any way. I feel so fucking inhuman because I can't relate to anybody because I can't fucking feel anything. I don't feel validation from completing any tasks, and I can't make myself feel anything negative when I receive bad news. I just feel so apathetic towards everything. I'm so worried I'm going to lose my friends because I can't relate to them anymore. I've started drifting out of their social circle. I just feel like a robot trying to replicate being a real person and I don't know what to do.

Hi all!

This is my first time ever writing something so I'm sorry for any errors!

Sooooo, I have this thing where there are times in other people's lives, and even terrible things happening to me, and I'm like completely turned off, no emotions, no feelings, no compassion, I just have a "that is what it was supposed to happen and we cannot do anything " mindset.

A few examples to clarify myself:

I lost both of my grandmas and my best friend in a year. I did cry, I did mourn but when I see how much other people's lives were affected by those things I sometimes think im crazy.... I'm like: I am sad but that is how it was supposed to be, why would i cry and tear my life apart because of it?? Also, my other friend was pregnant with twins and there were some issues and they were not sure if babies would make it, I was compassionate with her but alone I was like: if something happens you can make another one...

Also when I think about having kids and possible issues that can happen, I'm weirdly calm!? Even when my life is on the line I'm not worried O.o

And yes I am going to psychology, no worries and I would not harm anyone since there were comments like that😂

Edit: just wanted to add that I usually feel OVERLY strong emotions, like seeing random heartwarming video or someone telling me something nice, but for big non-changable (is that even word) things seems that I'm just off O.o

So idk if this is the right community to be saying this on but i feel like i don't really have emotion towards anyone in a bad way. When my family shows me love it discusts me. When my friends show me love i'm confused. When a partner shows me love i hate every second of it. When anyone cries, complains about their problems to me or even just talks about themselves i secretly want them to shut up and stop crying or talking so i can start speaking about myself. what made me realize this is that today my ex which has never harmed me btw has passed away. we broke up a week ago. i was writing in my book when my friend called me and told me the news. but i felt no emotion. i just wanted her to stop talking and for me to stop prending im heartbroken and for me to continue what i was working on. when i'm in a relationship i feel like i want to take the chance to play with them a bit. i mean i wont harm them but i feel like i want control. and i feel no empathy towards them if i hurt them. the only time where i might feel sad or heartbroken is when someone manipulates me. and when they leave with no explanation. then i would chase after them. i dont want them. i dont love them i just loved the attention that they gave me and suddenly stopped giving. i just want the contol back and when i have it back i don't care about them anymore. when someone hurts me or makes me feel like they have taken sll control from me i have a real urge to kill them. is this normal?

Hi I’ve been advised to “stay with the emotion” without analyzing it, but I honestly don’t understand how to do that. The rare times I actually notice something, it feels almost like I become fascinated by it or maybe pleased, in a very cerebral way, that I managed to notice it at all and then I immediately switch into analysis mode. For example, I might notice that my heart is beating faster. Then I start looking for other physical sensations. But even just doing that already seems to reduce the intensity of the sensation a lot. And almost immediately, automatically, I start trying to figure out where it’s coming from and why I’m feeling it. Usually I can find an explanation pretty quickly, but by doing that I’m clearly analyzing the emotion rather than actually “staying with”. I don’t really understand what I’m supposed to do instead.

Can you tell me how YOU do that ? How do you train yourself ?
Thanks

Hi! I’d really appreciate your help with my research study, “Emotional Granularity and Somatic Symptom Burden across Gen Z and Gen X: The Moderating Role of Alexithymia.”

If you’re 46–61 years old (Gen X) and currently living in an urban area in India, you’re eligible to participate!

If you’re eligible, please take a few minutes to fill out this form. Your response would be super helpful for my research!

https://forms.gle/6LwtV4DPuqsMSrbV8

I just wrote a journal entry and immediately thought I should share this extract here to see if anyone relates. For context, I'm planning on breaking up with my boyfriend. I said "Idk if I should write down what I wanna say beforehand so that my mind doesn't blank out like usual. But that might get it all out of my head and then during the talk I'll just be a robot reading off a screen." I can't possibly feel any emotions when having conversations like this. Makes me feel like a heartless bitch but I'm not, I can only feel things and understand how I feel when I'm alone, so I have to write my notes down before having a conversation like this.

update:

1 year after this post, everything's worse

right now I'm thinking enough already... she has ocd and I'm pretty sure she does the same ocd with me, asking what I'm feeling over and over and over for hours, even though I didn't feel anything different from usual, and I mean absolutely nothing.. in fact I missed her very much and I was so happy to see her.... this time she collapsed and started yelling at me, she said she hated me and stuff like that... I think I can't handle this anymore

I have a friend with alexithymia. I can often tell when he is happy / angry / sad. I’m trained in behavioral psychology, so based on his behavior, I’m fairly confident that he does experience emotions (sometimes quite strongly). The difficulty seems to be that he can’t identify or recognize those emotions himself.

A lot of people in this channel are saying they don't feel a lot of emotions. I'm wondering whether that means you truly feel a lot less, or whether you are just experiencing emotions without consciously recognizing them?

For people with alexithymia, have you ever had friends or family notice that you were emotional before you realized it yourself? And for anyone close to someone with alexithymia, have you noticed emotions in them that they didn’t seem aware of?

Hey, has anyone else ever had an anxiety or panic attack because your body seems to have felt something intensely but, because of Alexithymia, your mind, your self, couldn't comprehend or process it?

I found out today, while playing the video game Life Is Strange True Colors (ironic I know), that apparently that's something that can happen to me and I'm currently trying to keep myself from hyperventilating while waiting on a comfort food delivery to arrive to hopefully calm me down...

The Alexithymia Workbook: Created by clinical psychologist Dr. Megan Anna Neff, this resource offers tailored exercises for building emotional awareness and tracking internal body cues.

Emotionally Dumb: An Overview of Alexithymia by Jason Thompson: Provides an accessible look at emotional blindness with self-help and therapeutic suggestions.

These two books are reputed as being the best, I wouldn't know because I have type 3 alexithymia, which (along with type 1) is not curable.

Been married over 20 years, and last 6 or 7 have been rough. I'm going through my own self discovery and as a former gifted child and recently diagnosed ADHD, I'm also feeling like I struggle to know what I'm feeling in my relationship. I know I'm not happy, I don't feel understood, but I also just seem to clam up when it comes to talking about my feelings because I'm all over the place. So we don't really talk at all. I'm booked for an autism assessment as I am wondering about that. I am very burnt out in all aspects of my life and I feel I have historical done a lot of masking. Anyone ideas?

Not super often but on occasion i like watching really sad movies or shows. Pan's labyrinth, doctor who, etc. The sad climax of the story feels like an emotional release valve where I can let loose the stress and sadness that doesnt normally come out on their own. Its the only way I feel real sadness, I didnt even cry at my own mother's funeral but I bawl everytime I watch amy turn around and say "goodbye" to the doctor. Does anyone else here use a similar coping strategy?

For the past few years I’ve dealt with obsessive blushing. The blushing really wasn’t the issue it was actually a part of me that was trying to be expressed. I numbed out all feeling out of fear and perfectionism, so whenever any sort of feeling would arise I would suppress it, making me blush. It was usually things like lust or just trying to be stoic that made me blush. But I pretty much have a headache and pressure in my head 24/7 because of this now. I’ve gotten away from the need to hold it back but it feels terrible.