M41, married with two sons 8 &2.

Me and my wife thought it would be interesting to complete Ancestry DNA, especially for her with her being first generation born in UK with an evident diverse ancestry from appearance alone.

We do the test and weeks roll by, we come back from summer holiday and great they are here. Her results as expected are diverse and interesting. Mine show 96% British Isles contained, which wasn’t a surprise and is certainly supported by my natural pastiness.

My wife mentions some distant family connections around the world, but I hadn’t checked matches yet. Few days later when my matches finally seems to work and allow me through, my mouth drops. I have a half sister!

Now my background is I knew my mom had me young at 17, and my dad a bit older at 27 (hey it was the 80s, these things were a bit more common place). I was raised happily with a brother and sister, but aware I had two half sisters from my dad’s previous marriage. Although I don’t really have any relationship with those two half sisters, I knew this name and the time frame of age given on the website made no sense as they were younger than my younger brother.

To bring us up to date. After a happy childhood in a loving family home. My parents split around the time I was getting married in early 30s. My mom has moved onto a stable relationship. My dad never really got over it, and suffered a lot of problems since. He seemed to age dramatically and was unfortunately diagnosed with a rare degenerative brain condition that me and my siblings manage between us.

So my initial though was to speak to my brother, and we speculated if my dad, had an affair; knowing it would be something we likely wouldn’t even be able to broach with him now anyway, and what we would do if this girl wanted to meet him if she got in touch.

We both agreed to keep our sister currently on holiday with my mom out of the loop for the time being.

Fast forward I start obsessing about this, especially when I consider there is a scenario I had never really considered. This is when it dawns on me in the early hours of the morning to review some of the other matches. I see I have a first cousin type match once removed, that I do not recognise at all. I review the family tree and see she is connected to my half sister on her paternal side. My entire life story starts to feel unsteady. I buy a paternity test to complete with my dad, but decide I can’t wait to discuss this with my mom and call her up. It’s the day she is returning and as a nervous driver she tries to deny/then kind of blow me off. She seems upset and uses difficulty with my brothers pregnant wife as a reason to go.

I know what’s up. I’m going to see my dad and do the test the following day. She contacts me the next morning to speak to me. She comes clean. She was in an abusive relationship when she was 16, and got pregnant. He wanted her to terminate. He visited her once in the hospital and was aware about me, but even then was being unpleasant to her and had no interest in being a father. She decided she would raise me on her own, and with the support of my grandparents began working two jobs. At one of these jobs she met my dad. As their feelings grew, she told him to be with her she would have to accept me as his son and treat me exactly as so, and that she did not want me to know the truth as she wanted to protect me. (She was worried about my biological father’s family and that they were not a pleasant bunch).

Fast forward 41 yrs later. I think I took this news well considering. My view point is I’d rather find out now, than when I was a teenager. I’m a dad. I love my dad. I never really had an inkling. I’m close to my siblings (half siblings) and it doesn’t change our bond. I look at the choice my mom made and I had a great childhood, and I grew up with a dad. My dad chose to be my dad and I was completely obsessed with him growing up. He was my hero and role model. It feels crazy my dad left his original family for me and my mom. Which is not great, but I can only be grateful for the life I had.

I forgave my mom. Told her she didn’t need to carry the weight of this her whole life. She planned to take it to her grave. And swore my grandparents to silence.

My wife who had been going through her own stuff following the death of her father last year and holding an ok relationship with my mom, feels I’m being too understanding. She is upset that my mom didn’t reveal anything when we were having kids (potential genetic worries). She pointed out my whole life I was walking a genetic tight rope over potential relationships with blood relatives. Plus finds it very hard to forgive my mom not coming clean or seeing me urgently in person to discuss it.

I can see her points but I feel like our life outlooks (I’m more of an optimist) where as she struggles to not see and find negatives.

I’m concerned about impacts this could have. I plan to seek out therapy/counselling. As more than once me and my wife have fell out when discussing it. Most recently when joking about our youngest (2yrs old) being a handful, I joked that you know I must of been a decently behaved kid as my dad chose to be my dad. She quipped back, maybe he just felt sorry for you. This hurt. She backtracked and apologised but even if it seems illogical it did stick with me.

She does feel terrible and we do in general have banter. It’s just I felt like this was off limit, like I wouldn’t make insults related to her dead father.

As for the other family/half Sister. We’re pretty confident we found them on socials. I don’t know much about them, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen what my biological father looks like. Beyond this I don’t really have any desire to reach out. The half sister hasn’t logged in since last year. So no contact.

I just feel quite content with my own life and family. I have a dad that I love. So I’m considering whether I should delete all my data from the site and just leave things as they are.

Do you think this would be something I’d regret?

Is it normal to not really be that interested?

How do you process this, even at my age?

Update.

Thank you first and foremost for taking the time to read this (war and peace I know) and respond.

I can’t tell you how much better it makes me feel to share this with some impartial voices anonymously. It’s very strange circumstances and I didn’t even know if I’m going to tell my friends. And my grandparents don’t even know that I know yet. And my uncles (mom’s younger brothers are not even aware about it).

I didn’t realise I could switch off matching, this gives me a useful option rather than deleting my account. Thank you for letting me know.

Just some additional context related to some of the comments made.

Why I was glad I found out now at 41 and say not 14. I’m a parent. I know I’m flawed. I know my parents are flawed. I know being a parent is doing the best you can, and what you think is right. My family is far from perfect. But we do love each other and raise our children in loving environments. I know plenty of people that didn’t get love from their parents. My dad is my role model for how to be a dad. It honestly chokes me up and brings me to tears to my eyes when I think about the fact he chose to be my dad.

My dad

Although I’m not justifying my dad’s actions on leaving his original wife and kids, as a devoted father and husband myself I find this hard to get my head around.

But I can give the additional detail that my dad was in the lives of his two daughters and financially supported them and his ex wife. My dad with my mom’s strong insistence signed over his house worth a lot of money, against his best friend and solicitors advice taking nothing as part of the divorce. The reason why I don’t have a relationship with the “half sisters” is because, my dads ex wife met and married somebody else who refused for her to allow my dad access to the girls and they made it impossible for him to see them. He even spent a fortune he didn’t have legally to try and fight for access, but he was unsuccessful as she just moved away. He did when they were old enough to reach out renegade with them, but the dynamics were difficult as you could probably imagine.

The idea my dad was a creep is kind of contradicted by the fact they were happily married for 25+ yrs. raised 3 well adjusted, happy and successful children.

I have pictures of my parents when they met and my dad was a very handsome youthful looking guy, so you can barely tell there is even a gap appearance wise. I think it’s easier for people to get their head around if they understand in the 80s it wasn’t a big deal. Would I have dated someone so young when I was 27, no I definitely wouldn’t have. But it was a different world, with an absolutely massive stigma on single moms and the children that were a byproduct of it. Way more than now.

Finally when my mom told me about what happened she told me that she suffered a great deal of trauma from this. It was my dad that helped piece her back together. He suggested that she go to church and she found her faith which she retains to this day. He also worked 7 days a week in 2 jobs to support my mom going to university whilst they had 3 kids (very tough difficult time) . She became very empowered and successful herself to this day. And she owes much of that to my dads support,

My mom and dads relationship collapsed sufficiently that it became quite unpleasant at the end unfortunately, but to this day my mom will say unequivocally, that my dad despite all his flaws was the most wonderful devoted father.

My dad could have had a much easier life had he chose not to be with my mom and be my dad. My sister and brother wouldn’t exist either. So forgive me maybe I am quite biased on this subject.

My wife

I feel I may have unfairly represented my wife in my original post. My main mention of her was more about not wanting to manifest in problems in my marriage, my wife loves me deeply, and is very protective of me and my sons.

Therefore for her the idea of me being lied to (betrayed) my life upsets her.

Pre-existing friction with her relationship with my mom around very typical subject matter like perceived uneven treatment of grandkids and family politics has influenced her reaction. But once I made it clear, that I needed her to stop making it about her feelings, she understood and was sorry.

She told me she felt like she was grieving for another father. Which if you consider thst she loves my dad, and how she always thought our eldest even looked like my dad when he was young had drawn her into this situation. As she feels strangely betrayed, but understands this isn’t her place to take centre stage on this. It’s strange as due to my dad’s condition it does feel like grieving for someone who is still alive, but fading away.

My wife is very supportive and loyal. But me and the boys are her priority not my mom.

Finally. My Bio father.

He was 21 at the time,

My mom lived with my grandparents when she knew him, and he knew that. My grandparents still live in the same house. It would not have been difficult to try and reach out.

Having grown up with a great father figure I don’t even feel aggrieved. I haven’t missed out.

If I grew up fatherless I think it could have been very different. And I might feel a void in me. I’m not the same person I was when I was 21. I hope for his sake he mended his ways. Thankfully in the picture I’ve seen of him. He appears to be a devoted grandfather. So it’s not like some boogie man scenario. I just don’t feel like I need anything from him or them. But I will not rush into any decisions as many of you have advised.

Other than obsessing when I found out, but nothing had been confirmed. Since having the conversation with my mom I feel at peace. I hope that is a feeling that lasts.

With dollys recent passing I got curious being from Appalachia. Her and my grandmother are 4th cousins. Through her mom’s side. I think that’s the coolest thing but I’m apparently the only one I know who does 🫣😝

I was born in Chicago to Polish immigrant parents who now live back in Poland. I pursued the test because my dad’s family’s ethnicity has always especially interested me. There are no records because everything was destroyed or lost during WWII. My dad’s whole family is very short with olive skin, black hair, and my aunt and cousins have almond-shaped eyes, and there is family lore that someone several generations back was Tatar. I was always skeptical of that; feels like a Polish version of the Cherokee Princess lore.

I suppose this is a pretty typical result for someone who is purportedly 100% Polish? Does anyone have any impressions of my results?

They’ve just updated/changed journeys for some of the regions! The New Zealand settlers and Denmark journeys have been updated for my Dad!

I got my results at the weekend and was quite surprised by them.

It looks like none of my ancestors ever bothered getting off their arse and going anywhere, mixing with anyone, trying something a bit different.

They just sat on their arses and potentially married their cousins 😳

My ancestral journey is limited to Co. Donegal in Ireland, that is my father's side. My mother's side were slightly more adventurous and includes about 3 counties, mostly Galway where she is from.

My DNA shows I am a clean 50/50 split between my parents. 50% Donegal from my father and 50% Connaught/Munster from my mother.

100% pure Irish!

I would always have thought after 800 years of rape and pillage by the British that we would all have a bit of Saxon blood in us, but apparently not my family. We were either too ugly or too fierce to consider messing with.

Oh, and I also have a half brother 😀

Got an update to my Australian journeys. Lost my Victoria and South Australia journeys (sadly these were accurate so a bit of a shame) but retained NSW and got some narrowed down regions under it!

Many people of european descent have received many new journeys today! Have any of yall received any new ones? I haven’t yet.

My entire life, for better or worse, a silly joke or something deeper, people and friends have always made (a lot of) comments towards me such as “wow, you’re a poster boy for the aryan race” or “Hitler would’ve loved you” or “hey there’s Hitler Youth!”

I know for a fact my dads mother is 100% German and that my moms Grandfather is 100% Swiss - so as much as the comments might’ve hurt or confused me, it made sense in my mind why they said it. The blonde hair, the blue eyes, my beard hair gets very red and rusty when it grows long.

After becoming the Family Historian for my family, I noticed lots of immigration patterns early on from Ireland and England. So, on a whim I decided to get my DNA tested and received the results this morning.

Seeing that MUCH English ancestry and that LITTLE German ancestry threw me for such a whirl.

I know quite a bit about my German family, their home and their history through letters and documents saved by my family. I have no idea about my English family and with a last name as common as West I know I’m in for an absolute slug fest of research. Really excited.

I think the sub regions are crazy broad. Lismore to Batemans Bay is 13 hour drive add in Walgett that’s pretty much the whole of NSW hahaha

I went from Greater Sydney to these groupings. I’m curious cause I know 80% of my settler family come from Hunter - Newcastle - Hawkesbury. Yet I didn’t get the specific Hunter grouping…

Curious to hear what others got!

I've updated my MatchFetch extension for the upcoming 2026 version.

Once the update is live, the extension will recognize the new version once you select a profile and automatically use the new 2026 regions. The 2025 data will remain for comparison purposes, meaning if you've used the extension before the update, you'll be able to see the 2026 and 2025 region data side by side for your matches.

In this version, I've also added a way to search for journey and region names directly from inside the "Filtering Options", especially since we'll have at least 302 regions in the new update.

I've also added the ability to star and tag your matches directly from inside the extension, including adding/editing groups. This syncs with the matches on your Ancestry account. The extension will also recognize any matches you’ve already starred or tagged when processing them with this new version.

I've also updated my Enhancer for Ancestry extension to support the upcoming 2026 version.

Enjoy!

It’s interesting how some of these interpret my DNA. A few seem to over inflate my NW European ancestry, and others seem to inflate my Southern European ancestry whereas my Indigenous and Sub-Saharan African stay within the same ranges (5-12)% Also my Jewish ancestry is interpreted differently for example Living DNA doesn’t give me a Jewish category but instead splits it into Levant & South Italy, my Iberian ancestry seemed to be completely absorbed into the South Italy category except for a few percent of Basque. Ancestry gives me the largest Jewish percentages while the others give me considerably less.

Is it typical for predicted relationships to be off by a bit? For example: predicted 3rd cousin, but 4th cousin in reality or predicted 1x removed, but 2x removed in reality.

Slavic

Baltic

Finno-Ugric

Turkic

As you can see, it used to say “France" but in the current results, I was told they changed it to “Quebec” because the tests became kind of illegal in France. I was wondering if there’s any information about whether that’s going to change with the 2026 update?

Guys, if you can explain please 🙏

My granny would have loved this as she was a bit of an East Texas Hyacinth Bucket. As a history buff I think it’s interesting as it connects me, however labyrinthically, to historical figures I’ve read about since childhood. To get to Baldwin also passed thru the Kievan Rurik and Byzantine Komnenos dynasty!

Is it possible that some of the 8-10 cM dna relatives are fake? Just curious because I have some very questionable far away dna relatives who come from regions like North Africa, Puerto Rico and some French Canadians when I am half English half Peruvian (Indigenous descent).

Couldn't fit all ethnicities in the screenshot the two remaining are 2.9% Danish and 1.5% North Italian.

The Cornwall is super cool! I actually know my exact line/ancestors that comes from.
“Hendy” (my maiden name) originating from Tregominion Farm on the lizard peninsula.
Correct me if I’m wrong though, I thought Cornwall was considering also Celtic/Gaelic and not England?