r/Animism • u/urbanviking318 • 1d ago
Grieving a car is... difficult.
We didn't just lose Dolly Parton and Tim Curry on the 25th; I lost a friend I'd had for nine years, three months, and 28 days. Time and capitalism finally caught up to my old Jeep, and I had to make a choice to trade him in as part of a (par for the course with those dealership predators) shitty deal because I had my back to the wall financially. The subframe was hanging on by a thread. Rear shocks were completely blown. As he was, he never stood a chance.
And literally *no one* fully understands why it hurts. I had a long-term reconditioning plan to make that Jeep as close to factory-new as I could, because I've got family who live on a fixed income and will literally never be able to afford anything new, let alone the work needed to make their own vehicle properly functional. I wanted to *rehome* my Jeep once I made a career jump and would have the resources to do it. Because I was willing to absurdly overinvest (back) in something that had been more reliable than most *people* in my life. I wasn't just restoring a car. Fuck's sake, I had the mechanic go ahead on the smaller projects because I meant to come back. He was gonna live at least another 267K miles. I'm *still* hoping against hope that I can find his final destination and scrape something together to buy a stay of execution. But it feels hopeless.
Plus... well, we know how cars go out. The crusher. Any other 90's kids with *hyperspecific* trauma about that? Anyone else get introduced to the concept of animism by watching a bunch of appliances trying to find their way back to their human?
I didn't get to say a proper goodbye, and I think that's what's fucking me up. Everything was so frantic because it was becoming completely unsustainable to only have one car for our family. I didn't get to just... sit and take my time. I didn't get to detail, hand wash, write a worthy sendoff in chalk marker. Didn't get to say anything about what was happening. I feel like a piece of shit who deserted a friend in their worst and most uncertain hour. It's an extra layer of hell as a Norse polytheist, too - feels like I'm breaking an oath.
Sorry. I'm rambling. It's just hard. How do you process this?