r/AsOneAfterInfidelity • u/SoftIsStrength Betrayed Unsuccessful R • 1d ago
Farewell, R is over Devastated again….
Found out my husband had another affair partner. He travelled to another state to hook up with this other woman.
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u/SoftIsStrength Betrayed Unsuccessful R 12h ago
Sorry that was so brief… I guess I was in a bit of a shock last night. So here’s more context…
We had a pretty toxic relationship for a long time. About 3 years ago he started a friendship with one woman. The friendship kept growing and growing.
In December, he said he was getting an apartment temporarily so he and I could get some space and work on our marriage.
In January, I discovered it was really because he was having a full on physical and emotional affair with the one woman. I have been told numerous times it was over but it wasn’t. This time it’s “really over” with her, but who knows?
AND on top of all this, he told me that in November he hooked up with a second woman. “Just” for one weekend as they live in different states. They have plans to meet up again in a couple weeks.
I feel so devastated. Again. Going through this once was bad enough but now this 😭
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u/ShayBaby1 Reconciling Betrayed 11h ago
I’m so sorry honey. He has issues and is clearly not ready to change. I know it’s excruciating, but let his bimbos have him. You deserve so much better. I sincerely hope you eventually find it with someone way more mature who truly loves you and could never fathom hurting you. ❤️
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u/DorianCounterpunch Reconciling Betrayed 10h ago
This happened to me too, a second dday a year and a few months into R. I had suspected for almost a year there was more I didn't know. There was more, off and on for a full YEAR before the affair I knew about. I had been feeling it in my BONES to look in a certain spot in his accounts, and finally got the courage and ultimately the confirmation I needed. I considered it a dday 2. It was, as you said, devastating to me after we had fallen back in love again, and I believed everything WP said and thought I was crazy for being suspicious. His excuse was he didn't want to hurt me further, and I forgave the worst of it so it was okay not to tell me.
I'm sorry you are here. We went through the book Courageous Love (by Stefanie Carnes) together after many half-truths on and after dday 2. It was perfect for our situation and I've never experienced him so vulnerable or truly remorseful. I believe I have the full truth of everything now and even though it still hurts SO badly, we are in the best spot we ever have been. We read each part out loud, then did the letter writing by ourselves and read them out loud to each other, read the next part, etc. Feel free to ask questions if you're interested, or if you're not sure and would like to see some of it first, I can send screenshots of some of it to preview! It was like pulling teeth trying to get this specific truth out of him before this book. I highly recommend.
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u/SoftIsStrength Betrayed Unsuccessful R 4h ago
I am sorry you went through something similar. But congrats on coming out stronger and better.
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