I’m a guy in my 40s and I could really use some dad energy for a minute.

My dad has never shown much interest in me or my life. I spent a lot of years working hard, being a good person, hoping that eventually I’d do something that would make him proud enough to notice me or give me some affection, attention, time....anything.

By most measures, I’ve done pretty well. I’m healthy, fit, kind to people, good space in my life.... and I’ve had plenty of people tell me that my parents must be proud of me.

But my dad just seems…unmoved....maybe even resentful. His absence - emotionally and physically hits deep with me. Which is the opposite of what I want or need.

I think the hardest part is realizing I’m still waiting for something I probably will never get. I don’t really miss the dad I had. I miss the dad I needed.

He’s also gone in a very different direction politically in recent years, which has made that distance feel even bigger. I'm feeling it strongly lately.

So, if you’re one of those dads who believes in people, and knows how to make a guy feel like he’s doing okay...he is worthy…could you give me a little pep talk? DMs preferred...but open to any communication.

I think I need to hear that I’m not unworthy just because my own dad never seemed able to see me.

i learned that my dad was sa’ed when i was a child. and it’s effecting my relationship with him now that i’m 25. would effect the relationship i have with him?

I’m looking for perspectives from people who have been through something similar, especially men who have experimented sexually in the past or partners who have had to rebuild trust after learning things gradually. For context, I’m F33 and my boyfriend is M39. A few months ago, I learned things about my boyfriend’s sexual past that I hadn’t known before. Before our relationship, he had a small number of same-sex experiences with men, as well as separate experiences/attraction involving trans women. He had also communicated sexually with trans women in the past and watched porn involving trans women for quite a while.
He tells me that he does not identify as bisexual or pansexual. He has described different parts of his past as curiosity, experimentation, fantasy, and sexual attraction, but says none of it represents something he wants to pursue in his real life now. He says he doesn’t want a relationship with a man or a trans woman, doesn’t feel like he is missing those experiences, and genuinely wants our relationship.
The bigger problem is that I didn’t learn everything clearly and consistently from the beginning.
Some things came out little by little. There were things that were initially minimized, described as “just curiosity” or “just fantasy,” and then later acknowledged as attraction or as being more significant than I originally understood. Because of that, I feel like I experienced what people sometimes call “trickle truthing” or “truth crumbing.”
That has made it incredibly difficult for me to know what to believe now.
I want to make an important distinction because I don’t want this to come across as me believing bisexual or pansexual people can’t be monogamous. That isn’t what I mean. I understand that someone can be attracted to multiple types of people and still choose and be completely committed to one partner.
My fear feels much more personal than that.
I keep wondering whether I can truly be enough for him.
Because he was interested enough in these things in the past to explore them sexually, communicate with people, and repeatedly watch that type of porn, part of me worries that there is something I simply cannot provide him as a cis woman. I start wondering whether he could genuinely be completely fulfilled with me or whether there is some part of himself he is suppressing or giving up.
He tells me that isn’t how he feels. He says those things are in his past, they aren’t important to him anymore, and he isn’t longing to experience them again.
I want to believe him.
But because some of the truth was minimized or came out gradually, I now struggle with knowing whether my fear is telling me there must be more, or whether I actually have enough information and need to decide whether I’m willing to trust what he is telling me today.
I also recognize that there has to be a point where asking more and more questions stops helping. I don’t want to spend the rest of our relationship interrogating him about his past or looking for absolute certainty that I can never realistically have.
So I guess my questions are:
Can someone genuinely have sexual experiences, attractions, fantasies, or porn interests that were meaningful enough to explore at one point in their life, but later have little or no desire to pursue them anymore?
If you have personally been in his position, were you able to genuinely move on from certain sexual interests or experiences without feeling deprived or like you were suppressing part of yourself?
And for people who have experienced trickle truthing from a partner: how did you determine when you finally knew enough to stop searching for more information and decide whether or not to trust them again?
I think that’s ultimately where I am. I love him and want to rebuild trust, but I’m scared of believing him completely and finding out years from now that I ignored something important. At the same time, I’m scared that my fear of not being enough will destroy a relationship with someone who may actually be telling me the truth now.
I’d really appreciate thoughtful perspectives from people who have actually lived through something similar rather than just “leave him” or assumptions about his sexuality.

hi guys i really need some help
im 18, i drive a relatively small car, i used to be able to parallel parking with my driving instructor! but my dad never let me do it in my car while i was learning, he didn’t trust me

fast forward, ive had my licence maybe 6 months, and i avoid parking
i don’t park between or next to cars, i only park if i can drive straight in, i will not turn into a park
i have completely forgotten not to parallel park, and i am too scared to practice

i enjoy driving, im a huge car enthusiast, but parking makes me unbearably anxious. i don’t know what to do, i don’t have any adults to talk to. my dad hates my guts and my mamma not around any more so any help would be appreciated!!!

So i am starting college soon and my father is forcing me to go to a college where my previous friends are going and also the guy (these people literally destroyed my mental & physical health) & now im not that close with my father to share all of these things
So pls suggest me what to do in this situation …. How should I convince my father??

This is serious by the way, I'm a man still living at home, i have very bad relationship with my dad, and i keep catching him staring at my butt, i recall him commenting about me having a big butt when i was a child, he also told me i have a woman figure as i have some love handles, I'm so disgusted and shocked by his behaviour and comments, what the hell might be going on with him?

Stove in question: https://imgur.com/a/D5BzTFb

I'd really appreciate some help with this old gas stove. The pilot lights seem way to high and heat up the stove range to the point where I can't touch parts of it for even a second without burning myself. Am I way off line or is this flat head screw by the front the correct adjustment for them? There seem to be two lines connecting to it that also connect to the two flames. Any help is appreciated thank you!!

So, I(M17) am a pre med student and go to classes from 4 pm to 7:15 pm

However, its far from my house so im in a van that comes at my home at 3 pm and drops me back at 8:10 or smth.

I wanted to go to study more in the afternoon time+ask doubts there(same convo happened last year between me and dad which led to serious fights) hes not against me going early, hes against with me using public transport

So i told him today that ill come back home with the bus n all and if it takes more time than usual then ill drop the idea, but he got very angry on the call(and this is the only time he got angry in a long while, hes very very chill) i got home, even 5 min before the van, my father was in an angry mood so i jst said "i didnt take more time, did i?" And it somehow triggered him so badly that he kept shouting for about 30 min while i was in my room, when my mom came home she made me open the door and my dad came in and started doing randomest things.

He kept at it while i was jst standing there and then he said "this guy fucking shouted at me?!" I said "i didnt???" And he started over reacting even more saying he will sui*ide cuz of me and all and literally he laid on the ground infront of me and started saying sorry ill never talk to u again and all

Idk wtf was i supposed to do, i was so disappointed

I jst, left the room and when he left it i came back and hes still shouting

The part when he laid down on the ground infront of me

Yeah.. i jst, i cant even comprehend tf happened

It was such a little thing

I haven't lived with a father since I was young. What wonderful things do you think I missed out on? I'm very sad.

Hi Reddit Family. I (21F)just recently received my letter of completion, and I'm a graduate. However, my dad (57M) and I's relationship changed when he told me he needed to divorce himself from me now that Im officially 21, and his personality changes 360 when his Girlfriend is around (parents are divorced for more than 9 years, but still stayed together and had issues. In 2019, mom (47F) decided to permanently leave my dad). As difficult as it was, I allowed him to distance himself. He would walk in the house, and it would look like he is instantly irritated. He is grieving the loss of someone dear to him, his mother. Work can be demanding. It's been almost 7 months since we had a decent conversation. I texted him on his birthday, Father's Day, and kept him in the loop about my studies. But, it felt like I was forcing. He didn't even try to call or anything. This is not like him. I know when he's upset, he emotionally withdraws. In 2020, I had to travel alone and I was 15, anything would've happened to me. I was doing my university practical and he didn't call to know how it was or do i have money to travel. My mom claims I'm jealous of the new relationship. It's not even that. She also says I only involve her when there are issues. Well, she doesn't want to talk about him at all. So i dont tell her the good things. What the hell am I supposed to do. Its always Either I'm jealous or selfish. I just needed parents to call and ask how my practical hours went, to just call. I always have to do it. Now, I'm at a point where I've just reached my limit. It is disheartening and painful that, as the last born, I ALWAYS try and communicate. I receive breadcrumbs. First graduate in my family, and I worked hard for this. I'm tired that every month, I'm crying and grieving what I wanted from my parents, more so when other individuals talk about their moms or dads. No one is trying to intervene or help. Not even my siblings, first born (28F) disowned because she got pregnant at 18, middle son (25M), i dont know what is his problem, i always defend him. Now, there is potential that I might be homeless because he is not responding to any of my texts and calls about coming home because the accommodation contract is over. I am actively applying for internships, and I am gradually losing hope. I don't know what to do anymore. May I please get advice or help?

Thank you.

Dumb question I know, but I really don’t have an adult figure to ask this so PLEASE give me any advice no matter how obvious it seems. I’ve never really dealt with this before.

So I was driving my car to a friends house, hit a pot hole, and the next morning saw (what I assume is ) purple transmission fluid around my it started fine but wouldn’t move.

I guess I should now tow it to my house? I would tow it to a mechanic but I don’t have a ton in savings at the moment so I figure why bother. But also how would that even work? Just call a tow truck and a mechanic and schedule a drop off?

Idk. Either way, thanks for the advice if any!

This will be VERY long, I’ve never even told my mother everything I’ll say here, so I’m just letting anyone who reads this in advance that this will be long, and I’m looking to answer the question. Is my father a bad person and I should cut him off, or am I a shitty son and am too hard on my father. I would really appreciate just one person’s advice, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to rn lol.

Early life: when I was a kid my relationship with my dad was at its best. I remember the early days of my father playing God of war and Destiny with me, I would watch him. My father and mother had me at a very young age, both were 17 (age of consent is 16 in my state). My father is Hispanic and is in America now. When I was born I was raised by my parents and my father would do everything I wanted. My dad worked low paying jobs just to keep my happy and food on the table, toys I wanted, and I really wish things stayed like this. Not being poor, but the sense that my father loves me a lot.

Kid years: my dad never would raise his voice at me, never hit, never get mad at me ever, even if I broke something. My dad would go all out for my birthdays and even rented a bouncy house and had over 25 pizzas ordered to my house for me and my friends. By memory it was my best birthday, it was FNAF themed and I had so much fun, with much gifts given to me. Me and my dad would stay up late at night and watch clips of Destiny (his favorite game) and would litteraly run out the room when an update came or a new boss. I miss those days. The first time my father ever physically punished me was when I was 7. I was coming home from school but my friend wanted me to hang out at his house. I did but didn’t ask my parents, and my parents grew worried, wondering if I went missing. After 2 house I went home but was greeted by my mother yelling at me, and was dragged to my dad’s room where he hit me a few times with his belt. (I wanna mention that everyone has their own beliefs of how people should punish your kids, physically or not. My father believes that a whooping is necessary to fix a kid, and I wanna make it clear that I’m not calling my dad abusive for hitting me ever). I was grounded and then next year I made an even worse mistake. I was with my friends (all 8) and we were watching traffic go on the roads. My buddy told me to throw a toy at a car, young and dumb I did, but the car owner called the cops on us. The cop made me show him where I lived, and after the cop was gone, I was hit a couple times and grounded. Things from there kinda got worse, I was never good in school and would often get low grades, not failing but below average. Around my elementary and middle school life I was given many things that I’m very grateful for. (Consoles, a phone, a tv, a house, and food every day). My dad’s anger started getting worse when I had my first brother, who I will call my “Lil bro”. When lil bro turned 2, he was a very active kid, hyper and would stress my parents out often. Turns out lil bro has autism, and is getting the help he needs. When I was 10-11 my father started taking me to work with him, and my dad works as a land scaper/brick paver. At first it was fine, I wasn’t expected to do much I was only 10. The only bad experience at my 10-11 age range was when I was playing with my lil bro and it was on the bed. My lil bro accidentally hit his gums on his crib when I ticked him. My parents rushed in and my mom took my lil bro. My dad grabbed a hanger and beat me with it so hard it broke and my arm started bleeding. I started to cry and my parents told me to shut up, saying that my lil bro is more important.

(Teenage years) But after I turned 13, I feel like everything changed in my dad. My second lil bro was born (calling him lil bro 2). My dad would hit me if I came home with a bad grade, or ground me, the normal stuff. In the summer we would go to work bc he made me, and now anytime I did something wrong, wasn’t to his standard, or didn’t understand something my dad would just insult me. My dad called me, useless, worthless, stupid, crazy, idiot, say that I’m mental, claim I needed to be put in special needs classes, and would hit me at work. (My dad has a bad temper, and I will go on his life later.) my dad would basically just scream at me anytime I didn’t do something at work, or slap me, or ground me. Me and my dad agreed in my summer when I was 13, that if I went to work with him every day, he would buy me a meta quest 2 (vr headset). I agreed wanting one, but within half way of the summer I regretted this. My dad punished me for wanting to use the bathroom, called me stupid and useless daily, useless his most often insult on me. One day my dad hit me while we were at work, and said I was getting everything in my room taken from me, and wouldn’t get payed for the rest of the summer, and wouldn’t get my VR. I was devastated and started to cry in front of the house we were working on. My dad panicked and dragged my to his truck where I cried for hours. When he was done he came to the truck and stared ranting about how I’m stupid, worthless, and am a failure in life with no future. Eventually he calmed down and at the end of the summer I got my VR. At home my mom and dad would argue often, some things were going on between them. One night I was in my room and my dad shoved the kids in there with me, my mom lunged and started swinging on my dad. Me and my brothers sobbed and I hid their faces, this is the only time ever my parents got into a fight. Things changed there, my dad was more angry, would hit me and my brothers for smaller things, and would yell and punish us more often. My dad would only ever hit us with a sandal, belt, or a plastic pole from his work. When I turned 14 my dad stopped a lot of things he used to. When I was 10 and I heard my dad’s truck I would get excited. Today when I hear it I get anxious and scared, my mom does too trying to fix things around the house so my dad won’t yell at both of us. I tried to impress my dad and just make him proud of me, but nothing I did ever worked. If I came home with a bad grade I was hit. If it was a good grade my mother was proud, everyone was except my dad who never even acknowledges it, if he does he’ll just say “good job” in a lazy tone. At work if I did do something right, my dad would just nod at me, and I smiled, that was praise to me. My dad regularly yells at me for small things, not doing dishes, not doing laundry, or not cleaning the bathroom. Laziness on my part yes, but I don’t think yelling at me is needed. When my dad needs help with something he’ll snap his fingers at me, drag me to where he needs help and bark orders at me like a dog. Me and my mom noticed that my dad would yell orders at us but would never just ask for things nicely. Instead of “please do the dishes today” it’s “do the fucking dishes now and if I don’t tell you to do it you’ll never do it because no one does anything in this house” my dad mocks my intelligence, always telling me to use my brain, and is so convinced I’m dumb, I’m getting sent for some tests later this month to find out if something is wrong with me. My dad hurts my feelings in front of me, if he’s angry he’ll tell my mom in front of me to hurry with the medical appointment so I can get on meds because I’m so slow. I will admit I’m not a smart guy but hearing it from my dad just hurts. Things only got worse from here in my opinion. My dad rarely hits me anymore but his words hurt more. A few times my dad’s gotten so angry at me that he’ll punch me in my arm, and then I woke up with a bruise. When I was 15 me and my dad came home from work and he was yelling at me a lot louder and angrier than usual, when I got in the shower I heard my dad venting to my mom. My dad called me a failure and it broke me. I sobbed for hours and when my dad saw, he yelled at me because it’s not what men do. (I know my times are kinda all over the place but I’m just writing this as I go from memory). My dad yells at my lil bros too, and hits them more often than me now, they come to me for comfort after which I always give. Me and my dad are identical, even in weight as we are both overweight unfortunately. My problem is that my dad shames me for being fat, even though we are the same weight. My dad yells at me for crying, will call me a girl, and mock me for crying anytime he hits or insults me. When I was 15 my dad lashed out at me badly, I had gotten angry at my brother for messing with me, my dad told me not to hit my lil bro and I did. My dad hit me 6 times and my mom walked in the front door from her getting groceries. My mom guarded me and I begged my mom to protect me, my dad yelled at mom calling her a drunk and telling her to move. Eventually we all calmed down, and me and my dad had our usual one-on one talk. My dad admitted to me that he feels like giving up on me, saying that he’s tried for years to fix me but it’s causing him so much stress because I’m such a bad kid. Personally I dunno how I’m so bad, often when I’m home I babysit my brothers, do homework, and play video games, I don’t drink, smoke, or get in trouble with the law like other kids. My dad believes that all I do is play games, and I’m dumb at everything else. However I enjoy reading, thinking about history and have a nerdy hobby for ants. My dad refuses to believe or acknowledge these other interests and will just call me a liar.

Today. Things have never been worse with my dad. I avoid him constantly, he’ll get mad at me for not buying things for his birthday even though I don’t have money, and I actively avoid speaking to my dad, I’ve learned that avoiding him means he can’t yell at me. My dad expresses that he doesn’t believe in me, or my dreams, I wanna be a cop, my dad says I’m gonna turn out a loser. My biggest fear is that my dad’s right, and I will be a failure that he claims I already am. My dad constantly compares me to other kids, about how much smarter and better they are than me. My dad calls me lazy for not getting a job, but I’ve turned in over 24 job applications this summer alone, and I’ve finally gotten my first real job. I hoped my dad would be happy and stop calling me lazy, he refuses to believe that the job marked is bad today. Instead he just nodded at me and I walked away. My dad thinks hugging him at my age is weird, and will never hug me back if I do. Last time my dad hugged me back was over a year ago. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, if we do it’s about how to get money and work since that’s all he thinks about. When my mom leaves me home alone with him, I always get scared that he’ll lash out and nobody will be there to calm him down, and he always ends up lashing out. When I expressed I was afraid of my dad, my dad calls me crazy and says he’s an amazing father, and that I’m grateful for nothing. Me nor my dad try to spend time together anymore, he never tries and I’m afraid to even approach him without him wanting something from me. It’s not all bad, in these confusing times he’ll always buy me a card, cake, and a few gifts for my birthday, so it’s not horrible for me I feel like. My dad will always buy me lunch at work, and he has told me he’s proud of me, but it was only 2 times in the span of 6 years now. Anytime my dad says he’s proud of me, I always breakdown for some reason. When I was 14, I was at church with my dad, I was wearing an outfit he wore at my age. My dad whispered that he’s so proud of me, and he’s happy at the man I’m becoming. I couldn’t stop crying, and I remember those words to this day. However as of last year I’ve stopped believing in god (personal reasons for another day). When I told my dad he was furious, he told me that In the future that if I’m ever low and need help and if I go to him, my dad will slap me and slam the door in my face. He never apologized for this. My dad used to drink but rarely does anymore, what’s funny is that he’s actually sweet and caring when drunk, and will always tell me that he’s proud of me. My dad shames me for also supporting LGBTQ+ people, as it’s a disgusting sin in his eyes. Anytime I call my dad abusive or anything, he lashes out even more, and I’ll admit I shouldn’t have said that. I feel like theirs more I haven’t said but I can’t remember everything, I’m crying as I write this and my memory can only take so much, I might make a follow up I dunno. As a whole of things I’m not mentioning rn, just know that it’s daily that my dad will yell and insult me. Now I wanna talk about my dad, and his mindset.

Father childhood/mindset.
Growing my up dad had it way worse. My dad, his brothers, and mom were beaten daily by a drunk who spends all his money on alcohol. My dad and his brothers would hide in bushes and under beds from their dad, as he would yell and rant in the night threatening to kill his kids. My dad’s mom lived pay check to pay check, and would steal old crops for dinner. My dad grew up with nothing is what I’m saying, an abusive dad who was beating his wife and kids. When my dad turned 14, he left his country and came to America. My dad started working real jobs, and by the time he was 16, he bought himself a big expensive truck. I have to admit my dad’s a hard worker and very strong. My dad bought his own apartment, and he was forced to grow up at a young age. Then my dad met my mom and to this day my dads still a very hard worker who never goes out, never drinks, and never abuses his kids, spending money on bills and food which I’m very grateful for. (I’m gonna list my dad’s world views and his views of me a little.) my dad is a religious man, believes that being gay is wrong and shames people for it, my dad believes that the current generation is extremely lazy and entitled, and that we are doomed with lazy kids who don’t wanna do anything. My dad believes that theirs 2 people in this world, wolfs and sheep. People who are strong and will overcome anything (wolfs/my dad) and sheep, people who are lazy and are followers(me and Everyone else). My dad hates gay people, is disgusted by them and believes they shouldn’t have equal rights. My dad has earned everything in life, so he feels that hes better than everyone, I dunno how I feel about that. My dad doesn’t believe in mental health like depression, believing it’s an excuse for laziness. My dad laughs at people who have mental health problems, believing it’s just an excuse to not “pick up a fucking shovel and make some money”. My dad looks down at atheists and believes that hitting your parents will send you to hell. My dad feels that his love towards him is conditional, and that he doesn’t feel appreciated by everyone. My dad wishes that his kids and wife were more grateful, would ask him if his dad was okay at work, and would show appreciation for everything he’s given my family. I will admit I didn’t at first but I do nowadays but it’s never good enough for my dad. Overall my dad has a very old mindset of the world, and refuses to change his ways, if a doctor for example tells him depression is real. My dad will call the doctor soft and believes that everyone is soft and crying isn’t things a man should do. I’ve only ever seen my dad cry 3 times in my life, all about family that’s either passed away or are dying. My dad calls his family often. My dad believes that he’s hard, strong and that America is lazy, and his country is strong willed. My dad is rumored to be bipolar, and has severe anger issues but he doesn’t believe in bipolar or anything else like that. I think he gets his anger from his dad.

Conclusion: I want to cut ties with my dad, we’ve had talks about fixing our relationship but it never lasts, all I want is for my dad to show he’s proud of me in some way, but he’s not interested in changing his ways. Since never once he’s admitted he’s in the wrong, and that he’s always right and I’m wrong. My dad has given up on me it feels like, and I still want his love, but today if I could move out, I wouldn’t tell my dad goodbye. Maybe I’m the asshole and I’m not grateful like my dad says I need to be, but I apologize for this being so long, I just needed to get this off my chest for now.

What is possiblity my husband will stop smoking weed, before we got married he promised he would stop been 2 years he smokes every morning every night sometimes during the day and gets mad if I bring it up we have a 1 year old and he still smokes 2/3 times a day a full blunt in 24 hours and when I bring it up he says this is nothing I stopped smoking a lot. Used to lie about it too so I just let it go. But I really don’t want my
Kid growing up with a parent who smokes weed every morning and night.

Hey fellow fathers, need some advice. I have a 19yo son and four other sons (6, 17, twin who is also 19, and oldest is 27). They all live at home with me and we lost their mom four years ago. I haven’t found another girl so I’m a single dad. We had no daughters.

Lately, one of the twins has been refusing to wear clothes around the house. Not even underwear. This has been a concern ever since he joined his university’s football team (he attends IU if that matters). When I tell him he should put something on, he tells me he shouldn’t have to.

Other people have expressed discomfort too. My oldest son has friends over often, his grandparents come over, and his twin brother’s boyfriend visits the home almost every day; and the 19yo still doesn’t want to dress himself. He’s not autistic (like I’ve seen other parents struggle with); he is a fit, smart, able-bodied kid.

I’m not quite sure if I’m overreacting and this is normal, or if I’m in the right to be a bit upset. It doesn’t seem like it’s for sexual reasons because he doesn’t get aroused often when he does it, and he doesn’t masturbate in front of anyone. (He recently tried in his shared room with his twin while his twin was present, but the twin told me and I put a stop to that real quick).

I’m looking for advice on how to handle this or to see if this is normal and I’m just overreacting. Any help is appreciated. Thanks dads.

i always thought my dad would change, even after all he did to me i never ever hated him, i knew alcohol and drugs can change a person alot and i was scared of him but deep down i still felt pity. But now hes gone forever, i have no good memories with him, i dont even get to remember him like a daughter should. And now i will never get to have a father like i wanted, atleast when he was alive i could have hoped he'd change. I'm almost 20 and i feel like i should have atleast had him for a while, its completely ruined me as a person.

Hello! Sorry I dont really know how to start this. Im going through a tough time with my son and dont really know if im doing the right things with my son. Okay so its been about a week maybe about two weeks my 12 almost 13 year old son told a girl through Snapchat that he was gonna kill himself when I left. Her mother contacted me and let me know.I was at the hospital with my older daughter 19 almost 20 because she tried to overdose and kill herself... I talked with him and he told me it was just something stupid he said. He didnt know about his sister my older daughter being suicidal. I told him that he should not say that to people unless he really feels like it and that he should come to me or his father or any adult he trusts. Well a few days go by and he left the day that I got that message to go with his dad for his week with his dad. He left Sunday and by Tuesday his dad calls me and says he catches him with his pants down masterbaiting to porn in a computer chair with his three younger siblings playing behind his back. His dad took his phone from him and I guess he slapped him upside the head hard. I was not there. I was just told this. I dont approve of anyone putting hands on him. But I stood by him taking the phone. The phone i pay for for him. When his week is over with his dad he comes home to me. I tell him no phone, no computer, no Snapchat. I end up agreeing to letting him play robolx on the computer while im in the room or someone is with him. He ends up sneaking while im sleeping and my younger son is sleeping and gets on my younger son's computer in the living room and going on Snapchat. I do not find out right away. The next day all the neighborhood kids and my two sons are all playing outside. Im im the house cleaning up and getting stuff ready for dinner. I go outside and start looking for my 12 year old because it had been over a hour since he had checked in. All the kids in the neighborhood start looking for him everywhere I allow him to go which is only a couple blocks away in the neighborhoods maybe 5 or 6 blocks. Looked for 45 mins and called the police and called his dad. We looked everywhere. Close by park, skate park, corner store. All his friends. He was no where. 9:40 rolls around and the police find him walking home. He tells us all that he went for a walk and got lost. His dad screamed at him. I hugged him so tight and cried telling him all the bad things that could've happened and how much he scared everyone. I was so mad but I was more scared. His dad took him back to his house and talked with him there. Im not exact on the whole conversation. But basically his dad and his fiance and his mother blamed me and said I let my son walk all over me.

His dad and I got into a argument the following day. His dad said he was gonna take my son from me and we would go to court. I told him that we could go back to how the court order is. Every other weekend and every Wednesday after school. Because I have full physical custody and I allow week on week off because I feel its beneficial for my son having us both in equal amounts. He ended up backing off the threats after that. But anyways the night he took off for a few hours I went through his phone completely. He talks about being severely depressed and that he gets no enjoyment out of anything anymore. On top of lots of sexual talk with random Snapchat girls. A girl that stalks him and tells him to kill himself and that shes gonna kill herself. Tells him she is gonna beat on him. He had a ai app that you can talk to sexual. He lies about his age. He had a app for abstaining from self-harm. It had been six months since it said was the last time. And as im reading through snaps I can see i figure out where he went and I figure out he snuck on Snapchat while we were sleeping. So the next day I go to the school to see him in the morning to see if he had taken his adhd medicine at his dad's that morning and give him a hug. Let him know I love him.

After we get home from school I talk to him about everything I found and I tell him I already know the truth about where he went and that I know alit of things. I tell him to tell me the truth and we can start over. He tells me he went to this girls house for a half hour and then left and went back for a little bit then got lost coming home. I explain to him about the dangers of going to a strangers home. I ask him if he did anything with the girl. I ask him what hes all done with a girl because of all the sexual things he had been saying to people. Never seen him say anything sexual to the girl I found out he seen but i just might not know. He said they just talked about mental health.

He was very upset while talking and after he wad just saying hes so embarrassed of the way he talks he said. He said im just a kid. Why do I talk like that.

Since everything has happened I dont let him outside without a adult, changed locks on computers. Tomorrow hes supposed yo go with his dad. I dont know how his dad is gonna act towards him. I cant save him from the repercussions he caused by leaving and sneaking on the computer. My boyfriend is not supportive on how im handling things. He says that my son is still running the show and that hes having fun because my brother took him got him some new slides and took him to the car show and my brother and I took neighborhood kids,him and my younger son to go skating. I dont feel like im not punishing him. I feel like im trying to spend more time with him. I am also contacting therapy for him and we are gonna talk to his doctor about him being depressed on September 3rd. He also said he would like for his dad and i both to take him to our churches when we have him. Im trying my best but i feel like im failing. I dont know what I should be doing to help him with out enabling him. Like my boyfriend said. Im reaching out because nobody is helping me or telling me im not doing nothing wrong. Im just so worried im failing my son. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

You have to choose one and give a reason for your choice:
Would you rather be a good son or a good husband?

Hi,
I’m a 20 year old girl who turns 21 next month. I’ve only ever had two boyfriends my whole life so far. I wasn’t allowed to date till I was 18 and graduated from highschool. Since me and my first boyfriend broke up and I got a new boyfriend about a year later after that my dad has been very distant with me. With my first boyfriend when my dad found out about him my dad wanted to meet him and take him out to dinner. my dad has always been very christian which i am too. With my new boyfriend my dad has kinda expressed a lot of negativity mainly because i’m never home anymore because with my first boyfriend he went to the military so i never was with him 24/7 and i wasn’t even able to spend the night at his house. it’s because my father doesn’t want me having sex. Since i got older as an adult and pay rent at my parents house i do what i want and barely go to my house nowadays, which he said was fine originally only if i pay rent . a lot of the time when i go home now he’s very distant when me and him used to be very close. he acts like im a whore because i didn’t end up with my first boyfriend. one time i went back home like two months ago and he was telling me that i’m called “in house pussy” since i’m always with my boyfriend. he said that im just gonna continue to get ran thru. i haven’t had my new boyfriend meet my dad still and we been dating almost six months because my dad has been so negative about him. he even said “i know u were drunk when u met him because look at him”. i have a good amount of tattoos myself and piercings but because my new boyfriend has tattoos too my family thinks he’s not my type. recently my dad asked me passive aggressively when was he was gonna meet my boyfriend and i said i thought u didn’t want to meet him. i said that because of how negative he’s been talking about me and my new boyfriend. my sister said my dad is like this mainly because my dad is christian and believes to keep ur purity and he immediately thinks im fucking every guy. i feel like that’s not his business anymore since im a adult and pay rent. the way he’s so distant to me and rude pushes me away and i don’t think he realizes that. i just wished he could be a “normal” dad when it comes to being in my 20s and dating instead of pushing this negativity. What should i do to rebuild our relationship or just leave it alone. i just want to understand from a fathers perspective what is going on in his head. i feel myself pushing so far away from him nowadays when me and him always been close. he’s even said i don’t love him anymore just because im always with my boyfriend now. i do love him i just dislike how he’s approaching this whole situation.

So I (18F) started dating my boyfriend (22M) almost a month ago and I really need to tell my dad about the relationship. My dad for the majority of my life isn't there (not in a "bad dad" way, he just works outside of my country) and he shivers up at the thought/ say of a male FRIEND, let alone boyfriend. He's overall a really irritated guy (except when he's drunk) and not someone who would take that info very well lol. Beacuse of all of this, he doesn't know about any of my past relationships (they didn't last very long, but still), and i'm just not really close with him to talk about any of the stuff related to this. With my past relationships, I felt like I needed to *assure* myself that the guy in question is *worthy* of mentioning to my dad. I don't know how to explain the relationship i have with my dad. He's a good dad (overall), never done me any harm or similiar, it's just really awkward/weird. I'm just really scared of his reaction beacuse I think It might lead to a fight 🥲 I also don't know how he'll react to our age gap. How do I tell him? Do i wait till he's gone again, do i tell him now when he's still here, via text, in person? Please help, this will make my life so much easier