r/AskReddit • u/Savings_Bonus_6636 • 2h ago
Men who are married have you been loyal throughout your whole marriage? What makes you loyal and why?
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u/DogeBaby122 2h ago
My wife. She’s the one I fell in love with. Had my first child with. Makes me feel like a kid again every single day. I fall in love with her every single day even more than the last. No bullshit dude. I love her.
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u/Personal-Cloud5810 2h ago
I am a decent human being with morals. It is really that simple.
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u/Horror_Whereas1974 52m ago
I’m sure she feels the same way and would never consider it either no matter what because no one ever is tempted to
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u/Personal-Cloud5810 44m ago
I know she does, despite what people think about Grand Romantic Gestures we have found that the deepest expressions of our feelings for each other lie in the little things.
I never feel tempted because there is nothing that another person could offer me that I have not already found in her.
Our relationship is not perfect but we are both broken in a way that together we are whole.
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u/Rancherfer 2h ago
Married for 13 years. I'm just not wired for infidelity. I don't lie to my wife, I tell her everything. I just can't imagine losing that safe space of trust and understanding because of a few minutes of pleasure.
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u/Humble-Standard9637 2h ago
Put simply, my wife's been good to me and I'm just returning the favor.
Everybody experiences attraction but you don't have to act on it. If you got any sense about you then you can watch it be disastrous time and time again when other people cheat and there's just no sense in doing that to somebody.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
Yeah cheating destroys people and families and marriages it’s painful like physical
What do u mean when ur wife been good to u and ur returning ur favour7
u/Humble-Standard9637 2h ago
Well she's been a faithful woman and I'm going to do the same as a faithful man. Now, if she cheated on me, I would simply get divorced and move on but since she's holding her end of the deal, I'm doing the same.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a dude and I'm very much attracted to other women but I made a commitment to be faithful to her and that's what I've stuck by.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
I understand that well hope ur both happy
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u/Mindless_Tonight3519 2h ago
There isn’t a shag on this planet good enough to betray the woman who has chosen to share her life with me. Not even close.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
Niceee
How long u been married2
u/Mindless_Tonight3519 2h ago
Just over 15 years, together 20. I should have married her about 4 and a half years earlier.
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u/dennis3282 2h ago
I love my wife. I wouldn't want to betray her like that.
If I ever felt like I wanted to, it would be cleaner and fairer for both or us to end things.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
I get it
How long u been married1
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u/No_Reason8645 2h ago
I’m a woman and I hope “common human decency” is the top answer 🥲🥲
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u/Old_Mulberry_9461 2h ago
I know this is what I'm thinking, nobody should be praised for being faithful, you don't want to be faithful, don't fuckin getting married
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u/InannasPocket 1h ago
Or at least make it very very clear to the person you're marrying before you do. I know some people in non monogamous marriages, about 50/50 split it's a dramatic shitshow vs. functional though unconventional.
100% eventual divorce rate for the folks I know who decided on non monogamy after getting married.
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u/_Norfolk_Ingway_ 2h ago
Yes. She’s the one. Simple as that
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
How did u know and how long u been married
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u/_Norfolk_Ingway_ 1h ago
I knew from the first date this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I have never been more attracted to anyone in my life. We have a very similar intellect - we have different interests but we’re on the same wavelength in most things. We rarely disagree and we’ve never argued.
We were married in 6 months. It’s been 3 years and we’re still in the honeymoon phase. I can’t see us coming out of this phase tbh. It just works for us.
A lot of people say you need to work at a relationship to make it work. I tried working at it in past relationships. Since I met her I’ve found if you need to work at it, it’s the wrong relationship
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u/AConfederacyOfDunces 2h ago
She’s my best friend and she believes in me as much as I believe in her. I love her more now than I did when we met 18 years ago. You don’t fuck that up.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
Awwww
That’s so cute
Is it easy to remain faithful or is it hard1
u/AConfederacyOfDunces 1h ago
It’s the easiest thing in the world. What would being unfaithful gain me? A moment of physical pleasure doesn’t come close to what I get from a lifetime of love and connection.
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u/HPHambino 2h ago
I don’t want to be with anyone else. I like being married. People on the internet always act like marriage is a chore or a burden. It can be hard work, sure, but it’s worth it for the right person.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
Yes I see so many negatives which scare me for marriage this post makes me feel better how long u been married and what makes u faithful
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u/--Rick--Astley-- 2h ago
A full commitment is what I'm thinking of.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
Explain
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u/Blazanar 2h ago
Those are lyrics from a song.
Buddy's also never going to let her down, run around or desert her
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u/twodirtynerds 2h ago
First off, I love her and she makes me happy. Why would I leave?
Second, vows mean something to me. I am nothing of I don't stand by my word. If I break a promise to anyone, let alone my partner, I feel awful.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
It’s nice u said ur vows mean something to u
How long u been married1
u/twodirtynerds 2h ago
Current wife? Just a couple of months, but been together a few years. I also was in a previous marriage for nearly 7 years and was loyal even though she cheated on me.
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u/overthishereanyway 2h ago
Not a man sorry. But in my 25 year marriage I've had a couple of crushes. Not major ones but still. And ran into an old love once in a situation that I could have taken advantage of. The entire reason I didn't is that I can't imagine hurting my husband like that. Or disrespecting him. The old love attempted contact later and as much as I was curious about his life over the years I thought "I wouldn't do that to ______". so I didn't.
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u/twodirtynerds 2h ago
Funny you mention that about crushes. My current wife and I actually met through work years ago when we were both (fairly) happily married. We got along great and hit it off, but it was what I call an "inactionable crush." We both had spouses and no matter how well we clicked, we weren't looking to betray our partners.
Fast forward several years and we're both divorced and we reconnected as "actionable crushes" and are loving life together.
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u/IStanHam 2h ago
My wife is one of my favorite people in existence. The thought of hurting her or doing something that would bring pain and sadness to her is something i have absolutely 0 interest in. I love her in a way that im blessed to feel, and its not something i take for granted.
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u/-PM_Me_Your_Boobz 2h ago
I love my wife and not being faithful would end what we have in exchange for some temporary lust that would amount to nothing.
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u/Fishstixxx16 2h ago
It's not that difficult when you're not a piece of shit.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
Are u married
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u/Fishstixxx16 2h ago
No, but we've been together for 16+ years
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
That’s still long enough
What’s ur marriage like what makes u faithful to her1
u/Fishstixxx16 2h ago
Gotta have fun with her and love her. Gotta still want to be intimate and have sex
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u/Schneeflocke667 2h ago
It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home.
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u/Budget_Yesterday4907 2h ago
Yes, 28 years…we made a deal and a promise is a promise…end of story
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u/mwusa1 2h ago edited 2h ago
Yes. I’ve been through the heartbreak on the other side. I wouldn’t do that to anyone. We have been together for 37 years. My best friend and the best decision I ever made was to marry her.
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u/455carpenter 2h ago
Due unto others. Which seems to be a confusing concept currently. And we still have a blast together 31 years later.
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u/Navin__R__Johnson 2h ago
Yes. Nothing 'makes' me loyal, except by choice I suppose.
I ran around, and did all the fun stuff I ever wanted to, long before I was married. Thought that was kind of the point?
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u/Wayelder 2h ago
Why would I screw up my family for a '20 minute roll in the hay' with someone I cannot trust?
a) Nobody's that good a lay, and B) I like my life.
Have some self control.
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u/ProbablySlacking 2h ago
16 years now.
I dunno, I worked really hard to build it, why would I ever fuck it up?
Also, who has the time or energy for that? Seriously. Not that I want to, but even if I did, I don’t even know how that would work without it being glaringly obvious.
But maybe it’s the people who cheat’s relationships aren’t the same.
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u/Swimming_Kitchen_112 2h ago
What makes me loyal? I have self-respect. Once a person cheats, they are a cheater.
If my marriage was so screwed up that I would consider cheating, I would work at having a better marriage. Because of my self-respect, I would divorce before I would ever cheat.
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u/HobbyTalkOnly 2h ago
She's my best friend.
She *gets* me.
She's my ride or die.
Nobody else comes close to her in any way.
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u/TankHendricks 2h ago
32 years together. 30 married. No hints or acts of cheating. Equal amounts of love and respect. Why throw it all away for a fling?
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u/Informal_Stranger117 2h ago
Absolutely.
1) My wife chose me. She didn't have to. I will always choose the person who chose me.
2) I would never inflict that kind of pain on my wife. I love her and want to keep her happy. She will have moments of intolerable despair in her life. I don't want to be the reason for one of those moments.
3) My biggest fear is losing my family. Why do something that would certainly cause my worst fear to happen?
4) Every single day I have a moment where I realize how lucky I am to have her. Yesterday's occurred when I was on the couch with noise cancelling headphones on while reading a book and she was tasting various Mexican candies making very expressive faces with each taste.
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u/Icy-Candidate-6467 2h ago
22 years i was with my exwife and 22 years I was loyal.
Ages 14-36
I remember a conversation i had with my grandfather,
He told me to be an honorable man and to honor the vows my wife and I took.
I took his words to heart.
4/5 times I count the times I could of cheated and or had the chance too but I would say no.
Sadly the vows she took went through one ear and came out the other one.
Buts it's okay.
My grandfather would be proud of that man I am.
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u/Iheardyoubutsowhat 1h ago
What makes me loyal is I said Id be loyal, so I do. I do it because I respect my wife 1st and foremost, and I respect myself.
When a spouse cheats, its a display of weakness. Be strong and dont get married if you are not ready. Its a bitch move to hurt a unsuspecting person.
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u/College_Baseball_Fan 2h ago edited 2h ago
I love you, biiitch. I'm never gonna stop lovin you, biitch.
Also: Wtf is up with all these stupid ass questions in the r/AskReddit page lately?
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
No negativity around here thanks
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u/College_Baseball_Fan 2h ago
That's not negativity, that's a question, and as it's already been pointed out, this is r/AskReddit.
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u/No_Mission_8571 2h ago
I have solid values and take my oath seriously. We've always lead by example while raising our kids. My wife's love is not something i take for granted.
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u/KaiserFortinbras 2h ago
I took my vows in front of family and friends.
I keep my word.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
How long u been married for
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u/KaiserFortinbras 2h ago
Almost 30 years.
Awesome woman, but it ain't sunshine and chocolate every day.
We're a team and our kids rock.
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u/Captlard 2h ago
Values & love.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
Are u married
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u/Captlard 2h ago
Yes, but I am agnostic, but got dispensation to marry in the Catholic church. Together over 30 years.
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u/Educational_Law_7787 2h ago
part of it is that vow thing but it’s mostly because i love her and can’t imagine inflicting that kind of pain on her.
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u/madogvelkor 2h ago
Because I want to be. And it seems like it would be more difficult to not be loyal.
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u/CohibasAndScotch 2h ago
23+ years. I’m loyal and saw how cheating wrecked my parent’s marriage and to some extent, my childhood.
It’s really not that difficult
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u/MathematicianOne6902 2h ago
Because I love her, I committed to her and her family, and I love money (my money/our money)
Always blows my mind people still cheat. Just get a divorce and do what the hell you want to. Cheating (and getting caught) is one the fastest and easiest ways to separate yourself from your hard earned cash
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u/SabreOneCX_84 2h ago
I agree, it's normal to be attracted to others, the key is making sure not to act on it. I avoid situations like these. For me, I don't allow these situations to occur as much as possible. Obviously you can't always avoid every interaction. But clearly stating that you're taken/married is a great tool. There are people to whom that fact means little if nothing, but then politely excusing yourself to go elsewhere or leave altogether is always an option. Ultimately, I remember to whom I come home every night, how she is my rock, my everything and it's never led me astray.
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u/TunnelingVisions 2h ago
Who has the time to mess around? Besides thr infidelity and morality who has free time to start another relationship. It's weird time management is dont get.
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u/Ok_Veterinarian2715 2h ago
I did try fucking around before I met my wife. I saw how it could hurt other people. Either I love her too much to risk doing that to her, or I learned to think before acting. Or a bit of both. In any case - been together for more than 40 years without ever being unfaithful.
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u/Andreias36 2h ago
Even though it’s what I promised when I married her 20 years ago, don’t even need the promise. She’s given us two awesome daughters, she truly becomes more attractive to me every year, and she’s such a steady hand when mine are shaking. There is no one out there that could even begin to tempt me. I see attractive qualities in other people, but anything past that doesn’t even register in my brain.
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u/QuestionSign 2h ago
10 years. Why would I want anything else? My husband is amazing, he's what I want and who j want.
Ive gotten offers but it just doesn't interest me, I have this person who has seen me at my absolute worst and still loves me and knows me and what I like.
Can't be bothered with anyone else
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u/Emcee_nobody 2h ago
Because a fleeting moment of pleasure, no matter how great, will never be worth throwing away everything I've worked for.
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u/seanzorio 2h ago
Yes. Married 4 and together closer to 7. I love my wife and family. I put them first, above everything, and can not imagine throwing it all away, especially for infidelity. Coincidentally, I married someone who I have a great sex life with.
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u/Angled_Hairline57845 2h ago
In brief, I was always able to get girlfriends/women from when I first starting having an interest as a young teen. Through my later teenaged years and into my 20s I never had any trouble and ultimately was just born with the sort of luck that meant I fit the criteria that women wanted, so I never had to try at all to attract women. When I met I wife at 23 and we got together, I was fairly certain right away that she was the one for me. 35 now and I still am often made acutely aware that women find my physically attractive, yet I have absolutely no desire at all to be with anyone except for my wife. For me, its as straightforward as knowing that there's nothing at all for me in getting involved with a different women because I know I could have it if wanted, but I don't because my wife is the bomb.
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u/Tsu_Dho_Namh 2h ago
I whored around a bunch in my 20s so I don't feel like I missed out on anything.
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u/generatorland 2h ago
I don't know what makes me loyal specifically, but my dad cheated on my mom, which made me sensitive to it. I also think that if you're with someone and would be crushed or angry if they cheated on you then it doesn't make much sense to cheat on them.
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u/PsychoticMessiah 2h ago
Marriage number one, no. Marriage number two, yes.
Learned my lessons from my first marriage. I’m with a partner that makes me a better person. Idk wtf I did to deserve such a great wife but if I fuck this up I need to be shot. Seriously, she’s the best.
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u/ChemistryPerfect4534 2h ago
Twenty-nine years as of a few weeks ago. Loyalty is the default state. I've never considered anything else. I'd need something to actively push me away before I might even think about it.
I promised to love her until death, and I have no reason to go back on that, nor any desire to.
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u/min3rs13 2h ago
I have 4 children. Never cheated or even considered. I would be breaking my promise that I made to my soul mate and also my children. I would never willingly let any of them down. They are my heart.
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u/BrownpaperbaG830 2h ago
Let me join in. Not married but in a long term relationship of 14 years. Yes loyal throughout. Do I get tempted? Not at all. I still see girls around that are beautiful but there is zero attraction. And I no longer have to prove to myself that I can get or bed women. My focus is our family and business.
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u/galotalp 2h ago
i have not great morals and made no vows, i just don’t want to be physically or emotionally involved with anyone else
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u/Happee__ 2h ago
Almost 10 years married and she’s my best friend. My dad cheated a lot on my mom and her mom cheated on her dad a lot so we both hate the idea of infidelity. I think she’s super hot and I love how she loves me. I try and be a good husband because her being happy actually makes me really happy.
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u/The_Geralt_Of_Trivia 2h ago
20 years. It's easy. I don't want to be with anyone else. I can appreciate the beauty and attractiveness of other women, but none of them are my wife.
I'm married, that's it. I love her, more than just the way she looks.
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u/BizteckIRL 2h ago
Together 25 years married for 21.
Simple I don't want to loose what I have.
As some here point out sex is sex...well a wank is a wank same difference.
Marriage is more than cumming. hell sex isn't even 20% of a good Marriage.
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u/Entire_Importance232 2h ago
Married 10, together 19. Cheated before and after marriage but mostly behave these days
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u/Carbuncler 2h ago
One is enough. A second one would be too much work. That's the joke I usually tell. Real reason - I love my wife and only want her.
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u/LinkIsTheBoy 2h ago
I married my best friend and the love of my life over 20 years ago, and would not even consider destroying the trust she has in me to cheat on her. I respect her too much for that.
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u/leviathan65 2h ago
Been married for 10 years. Yeah I'm loyal. I love her and my kids to death. When I was a kid my parents divorced. My dad broke up our family by cheating with a woman that stayed with her husband. So he lost his family over a fling?! Yeah I'll never do that to my kids or wife.
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u/billbobb1 2h ago
Twenty years married, yes, I have been completely loyal.
Previous to marriage, not so much loyal.
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u/Bloodmind 2h ago
Together 25 years. Married 20. Always loyal. I said I would be and she makes me happy. Not worth the risk or the guilt.
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u/Solid_Efficiency639 2h ago
If your wife is truly your soulmate, why would you ever feel an inclination to stray? It would likely feel like cheating on yourself. Married 40 years, monogamous for 47. In all that time, my heart still skips a beat every time I look at her.
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u/finnhella01 2h ago
Yes, it’s easy to be loyal. A simple moral code is not hard to follow if you’re straight up and honest. I think the world is divided in to cheaters and non cheaters. Some people cheat at almost everything, golf, taxes, spouse ect…
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u/buriedego 2h ago
Yes I have been. I love my wife with all of my heart. I can’t imagine the pain and heartbreak of my soul mate finding out hers broke her trust and love. The thought of the person I love feeling that for even a millisecond repulses me. She makes me have a reason to smile. I never want to be the reason she doesn’t. My relationship with her is the most valuable thing in existence to me and I will protect is like it’s the last bottle of water on earth.
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u/Several-Doubt8352 2h ago
I have no desire to get with another woman, she is my one and only best friend and lover, it always feels like the first time when we have sex, even after 31 years, do I look at other works of art? Yes, but in no way do I desire it or lust after it. I respect our relationship too much, and of course she does the same. I am extremely happy where we are in our lives, peace, love, relaxation, life is good, you think I want to ruin that over some strange??
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u/humanhedgehog 2h ago
So, it's not hard not to cheat. I adore my husband, have him on my mind quite a lot, and so just am not interested in other people. I can aesthetically understand other people are attractive, but they aren't attractive to me in any kind of "I'd kiss them" way. It's attractiveness in the same way a beautiful necklace or sunset is beautiful.
Nothing "makes" me loyal in a coercive sense. I am just wired for monogamy, adore my husband, and I really don't know how cheating would be worth fucking up what I have. I'm happy, he's kind, intelligent and thoughtful. We are good for each other.
Decade in, hoping many more years to go.
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u/waggletons 2h ago
Not married. But it's pretty simple.
You make a commitment to someone, then you keep that commitment. Hope they value the commitment to at least the same degree you do.
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u/WisconsinHoosierZwei 2h ago
Just hit 20 years this year.
Loyal start to today. Why? Because not only do we love each other dearly, we also like each other.
Those are 2 different things. We each make each other happy, we’re each others best friend, we enjoy being around each other, etc.
We make a good team. And doing something like cheating to my partner who has made my life so much better seems like a dick thing to do.
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u/Butt_bird 2h ago
Yes, I have stayed loyal for many reasons.
I don’t want to hurt my wife. I don’t want to feel the guilt of it. I don’t want to look in the mirror and not see a person of integrity.
Also, cheating is a lot of work. With the technology we have it’s hard to cover your tracks. When I hear stories of people cheating and all the things they had to lie about I get anxiety.
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u/iceoscillator 1h ago
It takes a lot of work to be disloyal. Lol.
But seriously, I think it mostly comes down to the mutual respect we have for one another, our commitment to our vows, and, of course, our children. In spite of some bitter arguments, we both understand that our kids have the best shot at a good life when we’re together. And besides, at this point, I don’t think either of us knows what we’d do without the other. 😂
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u/GnarlesB1982 1h ago
Its too easy to cheat.
Being loyal, fixing problems when they come up, and being someone's rock for 25 years is much more work.
My grandpa once told me that being married is like owning a classic car.
If you neglect it, don't fix problems and treat it poorly it wont last long.
But if you maintain it. Take care of it and fix issues when they come up, you'll have something real nice to take around town and show off.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 19m ago
Nice and true saying of ur grandad
I’m guessing you imply that on ur marriage
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u/neosharkey00 48m ago
Well I decided to start being loyal because I wasn’t loyal to my first girlfriend, and apparently women stop throwing themselves at you when you graduate high school. So… still single going for 7 years. Even though now I’d love to be loyal to someone.
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u/Any_neighborhood546 2h ago
Porn....lotsa, lotsa porn.
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u/Tiny_Refrigerator105 2h ago
isn’t that technically a form of cheating
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u/Flat-Meeting-3610 2h ago
i was. mostly because i was a doormat with no agency or willingness to do anything to disrupt the marriage at the sacrifice of my personal sanity until we divorced
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u/Altruistic_Cap3472 2h ago
During the darkest days of my marriage, my wife accused me of cheating on her. I think it was because she was looking for ways to make everything my fault. I replied, “wait, you think I want to do this TWICE?” To her credit, she conceded the point
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u/cplforlife 2h ago
Id like to say its because im a great guy.
Im short and built like a fire hydrant. Weak chin, ill never be the best looking guy in the room as long as someone else is there.
So, id honestly say its because of no opportunity.
Happily married for 13 years.
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u/Savings_Bonus_6636 2h ago
What if there was opportunity
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u/cplforlife 2h ago
Ha! That'd be the day.
I'd be looking for the video camera. Might even call my wife so she could laugh too.
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u/PartyTraining5491 2h ago
It’s easy to be loyal when you have 0 options and attention.
Let’s hear from the people who are above average attractive.
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u/Additional-Spell6133 2h ago
what made you think these men are not attractive? Ugly people also cheat because of insecurities.
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u/PartyTraining5491 2h ago
I agree.
But when you constantly get attention all the time, if you are not mature enough and know yourself. You’ll fall
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u/nosrus77 2h ago
Yes. 28 years. I dunno, because I love her and vowed that I would?