TW: possible pregnancy loss/abortion

I am currently in limbo of knowing if our baby has T13.

I am religious and notoriously have been very pro-life for myself, although I do not condemn anyone for taking their own path in life. It is not my judgement to call on. We got the screening that our baby is high risk for trisomy 13 with a 68% chance.

T13 is extremely fatal and I feel so much guilt about the possibility of deciding to terminate. But what is worse? The pain of the baby’s short life? Is it selfish to continue a pregnancy that isn’t viable? What if my baby survives and they are left with years of pain and suffering?

I have tried to turn to God for answers. I am getting an amniocentesis and have no idea what this next chapter looks like. My partner is also religious and emphasized that it was my choice, and he also is questioning our route as he mentioned “I don’t even know if keeping a baby who has this much pain is worth it”.

We are both young. I am 22, he is 25. We are healthy. This feels incredibly unfair. Even if it is a false positive, I feel like my pregnancy has become tarnished by this newfound fear.

Part of me is struggling in faith and myself and my morals for even considering such a path. I feel like I am faced with an impossible decision and feel so much empathy towards this child and the possibility of the pain they will endure.

Okay, so. Here goes... I'm 36 and haven't felt this way in a long time. Been single for 9 years, the last time I fell in love was six years ago and it hurt like hell. But honestly, I think it's a good sign I'm even allowing for these feelings. Please enjoy my happy rant...

He's TAAALL, like 6'3 or so (I'm 6ft), has light and eyes and brown hair like me (am I attracted to him bc we look similar? lol) and he also has ADHD. He's my physical therapist. I knew him from around, we both sometimes attend some game days with friends but we've never really spoken one on one. The first session was already really funny, we just vibe and get along so well. I have to mention I dislike a lot of men. I like this man. Just to preface this: he's being very respectful and not crossing boundaries. If I sensed a whiff of that, I would be outta there. We had this inside joke since session 1 because we talked about the human anatomy and he said "humans are like onions" and when I left I said "bye, onion".

Yesterday was the third session at 9 in the morning. I got to the front desk and he came around the corner smiling and asked "do you want a coffee" and made me a coffee...like, what? How sweet. He might do that for all clients in the morning, what do I know. Then he said something like "I asked myself last week if had made another appointment. You sometimes I think about patients just throughout the week" and I felt cuteness aggression I wanted to punch him. He didn't say it slimy, he just mentioned it.

After I had to show him a new exercise I'm doing, he told me to lay on my back and stared into the distance with an empty brained look. I laughed and said "did you forget what you want to do next?" And he cracked up and said "yes" and then did the next mobilization thing. Like, I can't. He's so out of iiiit.

When I left, I had my empty cup in my right hand and he put out his right hand to shake mine and I was so flustered I gave him the cup and said "you want this back?" and then shook his hands. We were like two awkward seals flopping around. Uuuugh I like hiiiim. I don't want toooo. But I feel calm, comfortable, safe and excited like when do you ever feel all of that around a man? Like I left giddy yesterday and then immediately SO sad. I feel like it scared the living daylights out of me that I could feel like this about a guy. So quickly, too.

Ok, so here's where I need help. Do I switch therapists and tell him (which I think is cute af) "I'm sorry, I have to switch therapists because I can't focus on our professional client therapist relationship. I'd love to get to know you more but totally ok if you're not up for it"

I have two kids with my partner (6&3) we have been together about 7 years. Our sex life is dwindling or should I saw has continued to dwindle down repeatedly to almost non existent….. mostly because of me. I do not feel the need or want to anymore 😭 or let alone at all. I know it a problem, I know it. It’s been an on going issue but like how do I fix it? Make a schedule with myself and hold myself accountable? Make it random quickies when he gets home from work? I need advice.

What would you do?
(I’ve had blood work everything is normal)

In Asia, it’s very acceptable to use professional matchmaking services to help people find long term partners. However, it seems like people in the West treat such services with disdain.

Why is that?

I’m 30 and have been attempting to find my person for the last 3-years. I’ve literally only had one real relationship. I was shy early on and a late bloomer, but my ex fell in love hard and long story short, I just didn’t see the relationship long-term.

I’ve lived in two cities since. Granted, they are both smaller cities. I went on several dates via online dating. Never really came across anyone that was very much my type, but I’ve only come across that twice in my area. All my friends moved away and I’m having a difficult time finding new ones. Might be my area as a friend that moved away said that was partially why she won’t move back. Anyways, it’s been a string of unsuccessful dates. No one that I’ve felt a connection with.

I did go on a date with one guy who lives 5-hours away. He’s not 100% my type, but we have so much in common and I actually felt good about him. However, he is starting a busy program and I work all the time. Our communication has slowed down and I see it failing. I haven’t found anyone else on the apps I’m interested in, except one guy who divorced last year but hasn’t really asked me on a date so I’m going to assume he doesn’t want to despite chatting.

I feel at a loss. It’s kind of holding up my life. I want to make some changes and I’m holding off because I feel like I might need to move or something to make this happen if it does at all :( I don’t have siblings or extended family and I really wanted a partner to share life with.

Not only that, but I feel I’m treated differently by other girls because of my single status. Even these girls I recently met were talking about how they keep single friends at a distance. People at work asked if I was gay… I can’t help but feel I’m looked down on for being single even though it’s my choice to wait until I find a partner I’m happy with. Is this just going to be it for me? Am I considered over the mountain by men because I’m a measly 30 or something now?

I am going to my first mammogram in about 2 hours. Is it appropriate to go without a bra?

Edit: I have come to the conclusion that I can free my tits in any situation I want, so no bra it is!! I am planning on showering before I go, but I will not put any deodorant or lotions on until after my appt. I did not even think of that, so thank you! :)

Edit 2: I went sans bra and it was pretty easy! The positions are slightly awkward, but nothing horrible. It felt like my boobs were being plated for a fine dining meal. lol. I don't know why I was nervous about the bra thing, but thank you to all the wonderful ladies who commented. <3

This isn’t to hate on men, I’m just curious for people’s personal experiences. I’m a 34 year old woman, and I know many single, lovely women in their 30s, who I would consider a “catch” as in they make a good income, are attractive, work on their mental and physical health (even if it’s not perfect, they do the work), have hobbies, and want to be in a relationship but can’t find men that want to commit. But I feel like I know very few SINGLE men I’d put in that category who have these qualities, who want to be in a relationship. It seems like once they decide they want to no longer be single they get snatched up immediately. What is your experience with this? I’m in Canada for context.

Ive never been able to walk in heels only in platforms with a thick heel that are not too high. If the heel is thin my feet start to wobble. Are weak ankles the reason why i cant walk in heels or is it something else?

I struggle accepting favors from people and especially people outside my inner circle.

Like many of us, I've had to just figure everything out by myself for the majority of my life. It's made me resourceful and handy, but there are still the things that happen that are outside of my wheelhouse or are just stressful.

It's these instances where, as luck will have it, a person is plopped in front of me who is willing to help. Which sounds awesome, but it makes me feel so awkward and uncomfortable.

For example, my A/C unit bit the dust a couple summers ago (our summers can get to 120 F). I was looking at a $20k replacement unit. My friend sent her husband over who did it at cost and saved me $12k.

I have a car that has been sitting in my garage for years because the clutch went out. I got one outrageous quote from a shop, but the car has just been sitting. I'd have to tow it from shop to shop for quotes. So instead it sits and keeps me up at night stressing.

At a house party last weekend, was talking to the host who mentions restoring cars and having a lot of mechanic friends. Figured I'd ask if he knows a mobile mechanic to try and get my mess sorted out. That turned into this guy coming by to tow my car himself and put the new clutch in. Said he's bored. Literally never met the guy before that day.

Why is it so hard to accept things like this? In the case of the A/C, I gave my friend's husband an extra grand for his time and effort, but even years later, I stress and wonder if it was enough? Should I have given more? With my car, it's just hard to imagine someone wanting to help a stranger out of the goodness of their heart. Like is there some secret code for how much extra I should pay this guy? I stressed that I would prefer to pay him for labor costs, and he declined. Is it that he's hoping for something else in exchange?

Having someone come in and just "save the day" is such a foreign concept to me, and it honestly freaks me out. So, Women Over 30, what say you? Have you struggled with this too? What has helped you to make peace with people just wanting to help you?

A quick edit, since I seem to be giving off an unintended vibe. To be clear, I am very grateful for the help. I'm just so...not used to it, so it almost makes me skeptical? This is obviously my own thing to work through, which is why I've come here (I guess to be downvoted lol). Also to be clear, I also give. I do lots of volunteer work, and I'm usually the go-to when friends and family need help. Again, it's reconciling feeling like I don't deserve help in return.

Maybe I'm alone in this feeling 🤷🏼‍♀️

I need some advice because this situation is really hard for me. I have a cousin who is literally like a sister to me, and she’s also been my best friend for years. We used to talk all day, every day—literally!
The problem is that she’s a very negative person. She’s constantly gossiping, criticizing people, and keeping up with other people’s lives. She even has a fake Instagram account that she uses to stalk people. She used to stalk all of my exes and people from my past, which I absolutely hated. Eventually, I had to tell her to stop.
When I decided to give my life to Christ, I started distancing myself from her and eventually stopped talking to her completely. A big reason was the negativity. I would wake up in the morning and the first text I’d get from her would be gossip about someone or some kind of bad news. I honestly hated starting my day like that.
I’m not going to sit here and act like I never talk negatively about anyone because obviously I’m not perfect. But I personally don’t like talking about people or keeping up with people’s lives to the extent that she does. Since I’ve been trying to get closer to God, I’ve realized that I don’t want that kind of energy constantly surrounding me.
There are also some things that make me uncomfortable. Sometimes I’ll tell her about my plans and then something ends up going wrong. I know that could completely be a coincidence, but it has happened enough times that I’ve started feeling uncomfortable sharing certain things with her. There have also been multiple times where I’ll buy something and then she’ll buy the exact same thing or something very similar. I don’t necessarily mind that, but combined with everything else, it sometimes feels strange to me.
My mom has always told me that she thinks my cousin is a hater and that I should stop telling her so much about my personal life. I’ve always struggled with that because, at the same time, my cousin has genuinely been there for me when nobody else was. She has supported me during some really difficult moments, and I will always appreciate that.
But lately, whenever I talk to her, I feel completely drained afterward. I feel like she takes so much of my energy with all the negativity, gossip, and constantly keeping up with what other people are doing. Sometimes I literally feel weighted down after getting off the phone with her.
I also feel guilty because I love her, and she really is like a sister to me. But I’m starting to wonder if loving someone means I have to continue giving them the same level of access to my life.
I’ve been thinking about either distancing myself from her again or possibly cutting her out of my life completely, but I honestly don’t know if that’s the right thing to do.
What would you do in my situation? Would you distance yourself, set stronger boundaries, or completely cut her off?

It’s affecting me mentally and spiritually

Have a friend group that I have gotten close with over the past 5 years and that I adore. We play lots of recreational sports together and board game nights and even do a yearly cabin trip. They are incredible.

In the friend group are Sally and Sean who are married. They met through our friends and we were all friends with them individually before they got together. It has been such a cool experience being friends with both of them and watching their relationship grow and see them get married.

However, Sally has become increasingly a mean girl ever since dating Sean. She constantly makes backhanded comments towards me, critiquing any event I host, or making snide comments about our condo not being a "real home". She never asks about me even makes small talk anymore so I just gray wall and focus my attention on my other friends.

For example I ask is she is excited for an upcoming event we are both going to, and she responds I have SO many other things going on in my life to even think about that now. And just ends the conversation there.

I could go on about so many things. Sean is completely the opposite and super sweet and engages with everyone in the group. However what usually happens when they both attend something, is Sean will start out at his normal self socializing with everyone, and then Sally will go sit by herself and not engage with anyone, and Sean will see this and go by her and so also not engage with anyone. And if we do an activity like play a board game or a sport, Sean constantly hypes up Sally's ability to the group. She gets upset easily if she messes up or doesn't win so he kind of caters to that if that makes sense. Was a bit annoyed, but thought qhatever relationships make things different so wasn't too concerned, until Sally started being more unkind and mean.

They have been married for one year. And lately it has taken a turn where Sean has not stopped socializing even if Sally has one of her moods where she goes off by herself, or doesn't hype her up after she has an episode of being frustrated after messing up during a game. And Sally has also started complaining about Sean to the friend group behind his back, how he constantly works and doesn't help with the dog. And while sympathetic it makes us all uncomfortable because we are also friends with Sean and feel like these are things them two should discuss.

Also whenever someone invites a mutual friend that we all don't really know or a new significant other, Sally will be all over socializing with them. Which is sweet, make them feel comfortable and included. But it is a little over bearing, and one significant other brought up to her partner it was little strange she gave her a big hug when she just met her and Sally doesn't hug anyone else so its not like that is just how she is.

Anyways just strange and odd and I find myself getting upset and resentful towards Sally. But I am not sure how to handle it since we are entangled in the group, and Sean is also my friend.

Why does she behave this way, is it purely insecurities that can change someone so drastically?

Anyone else enjoy working? I see a lot of posts on social media, and just in general about hating their job, or just hating work.

I’ve had my fair share of terrible jobs but I actively enjoy going to work and getting a paycheck at the end of the week. For a time I was a stay at home mom when I was married and couldn’t work, while that’s a lot of work in and of itself it’s repetitive, thankless and isolating.

I like adult conversations, I like feeling needed, I really like getting out of the house. There’s only so much you can cook, clean and work out. Plus there’s no better feeling than generating your own income and feeling accomplished at the end of the day. Sure I wish I made more, or had more paid time off but overall I enjoy work.

When I was younger, I truly thought people “grew” out of acne? Idk but my sister (32) both still breakout. I work with a dermatologist so please don’t suggest that. I’m just shocked this is the 30s!

Marriage used to be a life goal of mine. Hell, I was even engaged at one point and ended it because I knew I wasn’t happy and my needs weren’t being met. Now the thought of LEGALLY binding myself to a man makes me want to vomit. The juice just doesn’t seem worth the squeeze. Curious if other ladies feel the same.

Hi ladies

I'm a single female at 34 and I'm deeply longing for a partner to build a family with, but the datingmarket is just absolutely brutal, and I fear I might end up alone after several years trying to find love.

Can you please share your stories on how you've found love later in life to give me some hope that time isn't running out for me? What worked for you?

Lots of love

Did anyone else experience a midlife crisis in your early 30s? How did you get a grip/what was the outcome?

I feel like I’m at a super uncomfortable crossroads. I’m feeling pressure to start a family while I feel like I haven’t seen enough of the world to truly be okay with settling down. (And before you tell me you can travel with kids.. please don’t lol) All my friends are starting families and I’m not even convinced I’ll ever be ready to have kids. Unfortunately for me, my husband was ready to start a family yesterday and although I’m not opposed to having 1 kid to start, I don’t feel anymore ready than I did 10 years ago when we first met and the idea of having less freedom is terrifying to me. I wish I could either just be ready and accept that that’ll be my life or I wish at had 10 more years of me time to travel more before I have to make a decision.

For context, my wife is autistic and was diagnosed about halfway through our relationship. I mention this solely with regard to unmasking.

I (36F) have been with my wife (33) for 3 years and married for 2. We were friends before we got together and so we had a decent idea of who we were as individuals before making the plunge. When we met and throughout our friendship my wife was very driven, conversational, outgoing, etc. These are things I greatly admired about her and I wanted in general in a partner. As we progress through our relationship we have become safe spaces for each other which is such a cool thing to say but has simultaneously caused my wife to “unmask” and lose some of those qualities I mentioned. For example, the conversation aspect, it has slowly come out that she isn’t much of a conversationalist and often times wants silence. I am a certified yapper and while I know I am at the top of the chatty threshold, talking with my wife is a huge form of connection for me. As she gets more comfortable with me, my wife talks less because she is relieved she doesn’t have to put up the “front” of making conversation. It is difficult to navigate because I want to respect my wife’s needs and comfort but I miss the talks we used to have. Just shooting the shit or asking her opinion on things is tough because it doesn’t evolve into a chat, she just answers the question and the conversation dies most of the time.

When we met and into our friendship, my wife was very driven and had high career aspirations. She went on to get several degrees and was trending in the direction she told me she wanted to go. This was admittedly a friction point because I think your career is important. but not a primary focus of happiness. Eventually my wife put down her walls about pushing to be a huge achiever and now works a job she likes that has a good work life balance but doesn’t want to progress beyond where she is. I’m thrilled for her to have taken this weight off of her shoulders, but admittedly the release of that pressure on herself seemed to cascade into other aspects of her life. She doesn’t follow through on goals she sets and is more laxed overall with respect to following through on things. I am a big stickler on doing what you say you’re going to do, so this is causing some inner debate.

Let it be known I love my wife, and I know people don’t usually stay the same as they move through life, but the qualities I listed are examples of things she used to have that I admired but are no longer visible. So I guess I’m just stuck on how to process those feelings especially when I know they come from a place of providing her with the security to let her guard down. I don’t expect my wife to go back to who she was, but I’m feeling weird about how to handle it overall and would appreciate any input.

Ich war jahrelang mit jemanden zusammen, der keinen Sex mit mir haben konnte.
Grundsätzlich habe ich erst am Schluss erfahren, dass er sich nur vom neuen „unbekannten“ angezogen fühlt.
Ich frage mich, ob jemand an sowas ehrlich arbeiten kann wenn er will und ob es noch eine Chance gibt.
Ich habe mich sehr abgelehnt in dieser Beziehung gefühlt, die nahezu sexlos war in meinen Zwanzigern.
Hattet ihr auch mal so jemanden in eurem Leben, der auch dafür viel anderes gegeben hat, aber Sexualität 0,0? Ich bin zwischen arbeiten wir zusammen dran und mache dein Problem nicht zu meinem.

I am a super sensitive and loving person, but I can't do it anymore. I was parentified from childhood and now feel responsible for everyone in my life. My parents treat me like Im the only one who can fix our complex family issues. My younger brother has a plethora of mental health issues and ghosts us for weeks until I threaten to call the police for a welfare check. My long term partner is constantly lying about his weed use - I wouldn't care but he ends up sleeping in and missing work and losing jobs when he smokes every day and so I'm always on edge that he's going to lose his job. I have a lot of friends but I get so overwhelmed by balancing all these relationships I feel like I have no time for myself.

I'm just done with everybody and only want to care about myself. All my life I've felt like I exist for other people whilst I just have to deal with my emotions by myself. I'm over it, it's all too much. I'm at breaking point every month. All I want is stability and a quiet life but I feel like the only way to achieve that is to be alone, even though the thought is depressing.

I’m 34, community and intentional friendships have always been very important to me. I’ve noticed that in the past 1-2 years things have shifted in several of my friendships and I’m struggling to navigate it.

Genuinely, I feel like things have added up. Some people have had babies and are rightfully so focused on that, some friends have relocated and struggle to stay in touch, other friends seem to just have shifted their priorities.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel grateful for the close friendships I have and I’ve also gotten closer with two newer friends over the last year who mean a lot to me. But it has been hard experiencing multiple previously close friendships becoming more distant. Two friends I’ve actually addressed it with vulnerably - both expressed it had nothing to do with me but that life had gotten busy and staying in touch had been feeling harder. It’s all valid and I understand their lives don’t revolve around me but it all adds up and is getting to me. I don’t expect close pals to talk to me all day every day, but reciprocity feels important. I’m tired of frequently being the one suggesting plans and reaching out.

I know that I put a lot of effort into my friendships, actively check in and reliably show up and yet I frequently feel taken for granted. I don’t care about performative expressions of affection, I’d rather not be in any group chats where we keep each other posted superficially. I care about intentional and authentic friendships.

I have a lovely partner, several passions and hobbies that take up time and yet I feel like I don’t have the village I so long for. I moved away from my home country 10 years ago and still have maintained close with my three closest and long term best friends. These days I often ask myself why I’m choosing to be so far from them and my family.

All that said, what have your experiences been with friendships in your 30s? How have you navigated friendships fading or just feeling less consistent?

I know i should know better at my age (35f), but i cannot help but feel envious of some of my friends or people around me.

I feel as if they have more breathing room to make mistakes or take it easy in their life or career as they have a safety net in the form of a spouse or family money.

I have neither. I send money to family (they don’t ask, but it’s my way of giving back because I know they need it somehow).

I was talking to my friend earlier, and she said she felt so single when her car tire blew, but at least she called her dad who immediately drove to where she was at. I wanted to cry when she said that. I too am single but i can’t even call my dad for that as we are no contact and he was never a good father figure for me growing up. The rest of my family live so far from me. I thought, my god, what if that happened to me? Then I had another talk with a friend (she’s 38!) who said she was thinking of resigning from her stressful job to teach and mooch off her parents for a while. Holy hell. Not an option at all for me. I’m constantly on survival, how do i make more money mode. Even my best friend (i love her to bits, she’s amazing) doesn’t understand why i’m so cheap even though I make 4x than her. She lives in a condo owned by her parents in a HCOL city, so she doesn’t pay rent, and they have a family business that she can always decide to run if she wants to one day. She never has to worry about missing rent. She never has to worry about having nothing one day.

I know you should go through life without relying on others. But i can’t help but feel envious. How do i overcome these feelings of insecurity and envy?

I have found myself in a very middle school situation, but we’re full-ass adults, and I’m looking for advice on how to navigate it. I have a very close friend who I’ve known for many years, and long story short I just learned she’s been speaking not super kindly about me to others. I don’t love that but can kind of understand needing to vent about friends. I’m more bothered that I also just learned that she told a group of new friends, unbeknownst to me, that she wanted to keep that group of friendships separate from me. But we met the new friends together, so it feels kinda shitty knowing she deliberately kept me at an arm’s length with this group. And I’ve been telling her how excluded I sometimes feel by the group, and she sort of shoves the blame off onto another friend. I’ve made countless efforts to include her in most social things I do, and it’s a bummer to get this in return. I know it’s about her own insecurity and not me blah blah, but I don’t really see how to come back from this? But it’s pretty devastating to think about losing this friend? My question, I guess, is this: at what point do you have to walk away from a friendship, and how do you do it? I know everyone will feel a little differently, but I don’t know man! WE ARE TOO OLD FOR THIS

So I made friends with this woman through my work around two-three months ago. I work in a community center that she brings her daughter to several times a week. We ended up talking and have a lot in common and get along really well. Conversation was easy and we bonded over similar interests and our shared experiences with ADHD.

After about a month she came up suggested in my friends on social media. We live in a relatively small community and had a few mutual friends so I sent her a friend request not thinking anything of it. We then started talking through the app. Totally normal.

A few weeks ago though, she’s taken a casual friendship 0 to 100 so fast and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s gone from her sending me a few funny messages, memes, and craft ideas to sending me messages constantly. She’s also sent me several things talking about how I’m “her person” and how I “get” her. Lots of memes of “I’ll always be there for you” and stuff like that. Things you would send to someone you’ve been friends with for years not a couple of months. also, if I don’t reply to her when she expects me to I get “Are you ok?” messages. I’m a busy person and don’t always have my phone or want to check my app. She also keeps trying to get me to hang out with her on my days off and as a hardcore introvert, I need my days off to myself to recharge.

The thing is, I get it. She’s a single mom in her 40s. It’s hard to make friends as an adult and more so when you have a child always with you. It just feels as if she’s latched onto me with an intensity I don’t know how to handle.

I’m worried saying something to her directly will be taken the wrong way and am worried about confronting her in that way. I’ve tried to be subtle about saying how I’m busy and replying to her on my terms. Trying to subtly set boundaries.

I feel like our expectations of friendship just don’t align. I just don’t know what to do or say.