Needing sleep support

[u/New-Put-5028]

Hello, I’m seeking advice to help support my 10.5 month old and myself to get some decent sleep. I have always been responsive to her crying overnight, despite my partner wanting her to CIO. I had successfully used gentle sleep training to teach her to sleep relatively independently until she was 7 months old. She would fall asleep with my hand on her, then wake once over night for a feed and easily go back to sleep. At 7 months we went traveling for 5 weeks where we co-slept. Upon our return we continued to co—sleep until about 8.5 months, where we decided to try the gentle sleep training again because she is too active in bed and im still not sleeping well with her next to me.

This time around the gentle sleep training did not go well, she was still waking multiple times overnight and had developed a sleep association to holding my hand to fall asleep. So I moved a bed next to her cot so I could easily support her overnight and get more sleep myself. After 2 weeks of illness she was still having nights where she would scream until co sleeping, but also some nights where she slept great in the cot and only 1-2 wakeups where she was easily comforted back to sleep.

After too much sleep deprivation my mental heath has been struggling and recurrent fatigue headaches I gave in to my partner to try CIO. I’ve been so tired I even completely passed out the other morning. Nights 1 & 2 were tolerable as she only woke once each night. But night 3 she woke 4 times distressed over 3 hours. I brought her into bed with me after this as her nervous system seemed way too disregulated.

Her naps yesterday and today have not allowed me to put her down for sleep like normal as she awakes with screams when I put her down. I feel the CIO is disregulating her nervous system and making her separation anxiety worse.

I am juts looking for suggestions on how to help my baby and myself sleep. I’m not opposed to safe co-sleeping but I don’t know how to remedy not sleeping due to her active sleep. Also, what does this look like in 1-2 years will she always expect to sleep with me and refuse to sleep in her own bed? Thanks for the help.

[u/burned_feather]

Try posting in r/bninfantsleep. They will be able to help with ideas that don't involve CIO.