r/AutismInWomen Sep 09 '24

Mod Post How Reddit Works: Sitewide Rules, Mods vs Admins, and other Important Info & Links

25 Upvotes

Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.

Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.

Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.


It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.

Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.

Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.

Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.

Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.

We are bound by the Reddit Mod Code of Conduct to nip any activity that breaks, or could be interpreted as breaking, Reddit’s site-wide rules in the bud. Due to this subreddit having been previously in trouble with admins because of the founder not doing these things and getting booted and admin putting us 3 in place as new mods over a year ago with the express statement of “we will be watching you closely”, we really don’t take any chances when it comes to people breaking Content Policy. We just can’t risk it because that means we could be actioned and the subreddit could be sanctioned or shut down. We prioritize the community as a whole over any personal feelings we or others might have; that’s just how it has to work for this community to thrive and survive.

The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.

Moreover, do not create or use an alt account to participate in a subreddit you have been banned in on another account. Reddit tracks this and views it as ban evasion which is prohibited as it is community interference (you were banned which means they don’t want you participating there for whatever reason is outlined in your ban message). You should contact the mods on the account you were banned on to see if you can get unbanned by demonstrating accountability and understanding of how you broke the rules and a willingness to follow the rules.

---- Relevant Links ----

Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules

What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct

Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center

--- Note ---

This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.

If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.


r/AutismInWomen Sep 09 '24

Mod Post Internet Safety: Reporting Creepy DMs and Changing your User Settings to prevent unsolicited messages

68 Upvotes

It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.

Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.

To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.

Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.

Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.

That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

Media (Books, Music, Art, Etc) "Because I said so" - Getting off my chest a book I read as a kid that still lives in my head making me mad, lol

272 Upvotes

When I was a kid, I read this book about a girl who was raised by her grandparents, and then when she was around 10 or so, her dad suddenly showed up in her life and started making all these new rules (like banning butter from her diet for no apparent reason), and she was expected to be happy about it.

In the book, there was one scene where the girl is playing in some tall grass and her dad yells out to her, "Get away from the tall grass!" The girl yells back, "Why?" The dad yells, "Because I said so!" And the girl doesn't listen because she didn't receive a reason.

Then the girl gets bit by a snake, I think. And the dad is like, "See, you need to obey me without question because I knew about the snakes and you didn't." And the girl like supposedly learned this beautiful lesson about obedience and trust.

But I was LIVID. To me, trust and obedience were NOT THE LESSON of that moment. I went to my parents and gave a long rant about how best case scenario, the dad yells, "Snake!" instead of "Get away from the tall grass," second best case scenario, he yells, "Snake!" instead of "Because I said so," but nooooo.

This man shows up out of nowhere into his daughter's life, CHOOSES to let her get bit by a snake just to prove a point, and expects her to APPRECIATE him for it?! And worse, the author expected me to learn a lesson about trusting my parents from it? Nuh-uh.

My daughter is about the age of the girl in the story, and I cannot imagine putting my foot down on my authority with a, "Because I said so," if I thought my daughter was in danger of being bit by a snake or in any other kind of danger. Sure, we have talked about what my danger voice sounds like and to respond quickly when I sound very serious. But if my kid asks "why" in a dangerous situation, I will absolutely yell, "Danger!" to get her to safety and not, "Because I said so!" and choose to let her get injured to prove a point.

Ugh, that book makes me so mad decades later.

Anyway, share your stories about books or movies that still make you mad when they pop into your head.


r/AutismInWomen 2h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) I can’t watch final seasons of shows. is that bad?

74 Upvotes

I’ve recently binged lots of shows, from Friends to Seinfeld, Big Bang Theory, Sopranos, Mom & others.

I always go back to the start and I refuse to watch the finale. One of the comforting things in my head is all the people I enjoy watching, in my head they continue their life and their shenanigans.

I have trouble with endings, and here for once I feel like I have some sort of control about endings on the shows I hyper focus on.


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

Seeking Advice Human Kibble?

123 Upvotes

Hello,

I am after some sort of human kibble that i can DIY.

Every couple of weeks, i go off food in general and really struggle to feed myself. of course, i have my safefoods (eg. cereal and instant noodles) but i cant live off those and I start feeling quite awful quite quickly.

when i search for 'human kibble', i get recommended complete meal replacement shakes like huel, but i cant afford those, and i don't expect that they would taste good.

Ive previously tried roasting veg, blending and dehydrating into penny-shaped pellets with a texture similar to fruit leather, but they take up alot of time to make and don't last very long.

I need something that is ideally dry, with a long shelf life, and can be made in batches when i have the energy. Something that is not similar to a normal meal because that wont agree with me.

I think my next attempt will involve savoury smoothies and protein powder and oats, dehydrated into a silicone mould.

Please do recommend any products or ideas, or if you have experience with something similar let me know.

Thank you!


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Discussion Welcome) Anyone else turn to crutches to feel ‘normal’?

85 Upvotes

When I smoke weed i feel normal, like the stresses of life as an autistic woman falls away.
I find it easier to enjoy books and shows, just find it extremely enjoyable to just…. Dial my brain down to 50%.

It helps with my emotions, i get wildly emotional when i try and stop using weed-and i have only ever been able to stop using for 10 days at most due to all the tasks I use it for.

I smoke heavily to fall asleep each night too-and when i go sober for a few days i always inevitably breaking so i can fucking sleep.

It is legal in my state and there are 5 dispensaries within 20 minutes of my house so the temptation never leaves, and why would i want to resist if i enjoy it so much anyway?
Except i know it might be killing me. It could really hurt me.

I can’t stop. I don’t know if i really even want to stop.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

Seeking Advice Talking with NT women

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66 Upvotes

I feel like I tend to miscommunicate or have many neurotypical women misunderstand my intention or what I meant. My roommate was looking for big boxes last week, so I left a box from yesterday on my chair, and asked if she wanted it before I tossed it. I got this text in response. Can you give me any pointers on how I could communicate more clearly? I am not sure what I should’ve said or maybe I am misinterpreting her message? I feel like this happens at work too. I tend to be a very literal person and mean exactly what I say but I often have people do the opposite or think I’m being manipulative or defensive. How can I communicate better with neurotypicals so there’s less follow-up or confusion on my end? Thanks!!


r/AutismInWomen 10h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) I didn’t get the internal promotion I applied for bc my interview wasn’t as strong (I was second, apparently), but my husband bought me a butter and I found a button. It’s been a DAY.

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235 Upvotes

r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

Memes/Humor Based on a true story 😭

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83 Upvotes

Anyway, in general, even now I hate appearing in videos 🫠

And I keep wondering WHY a photo wasn't enough for them instead of a full video.


r/AutismInWomen 8h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Found out a coworker resents me for not giving him gas money

127 Upvotes

A coworker asked another coworker why he gives me and another coworker rides home all the time, he said “why wouldn’t I?” and the first coworker said “well they never pay for gas money and they act entitled to the rides” I have said I can pay you gas money over and over and over again, you just have to ask for it. I’m not going to play this cat and mouse game where I offer, you decline and then I…. Give it to you anyway?? sneak it into your pocket?? And I have never once begged, I’ve ALWAYS said “no pressure or anything though I can always pay for a Lyft don’t feel obligated” I hate these fucking games, to think you could hate someone for shit that you made up in your own damn head when I’m SO clear with my communication.

ALSO, ofc this guy is a judgy Christian, the track record continues where I am literally a better Christian than Christians I meet and I’m an atheist, I don’t judge people, I’ll go out of my way to be kind and help people no matter what and not feel negatively about it, I have strong morals that I stick to, maybe this guy should stop being Christian if he’s so bad at it….


r/AutismInWomen 11h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Kind Advice Welcome) I’m so fed up with living, stress, dealing with BS from people, the world, all of it. Spoiler

195 Upvotes

I’m tired. I’m so tired. I don’t see the point, I’m tired of people letting me down over the most basic things. I’m tired of being promised one thing and not getting delivered the same promises. I am so sick of dealing with realtors who keep promising things and then not delivering them especially when they reassured me things they said they could do that ended up being a lie. I’m fucking tired of things breaking in our home and spending so much time, energy, and money fixing it when we are trying to sell it. Besides that I’m exhausted trying to people with people and there seems to be some kind of conflict every single week. Sometimes I don’t see the point of living… I’m so fed up. All I exist to do is be miserable.


r/AutismInWomen 1h ago

General Discussion/Question Sensory seeking food

Upvotes

Does anyone else struggle with maintaining their weight due to overeating because of sensory seeking habits? I see a lot of posts about people who just can't make themselves eat. And I just can't relate because the only time that happens to me is if I am violently anxious or depressed. All I know is that I love food. I'm not obese, and I do exercise, mainly lifting, but I do have some extra fat on me. I have just learned to accept that this is me. Food is too good to let go of, and none of the "tricks" work long term anyways.


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Kind Advice Welcome) I got diagnosed with autism yesterday and I feel devastated (hope I can write here)

63 Upvotes

To make things clear. I’m not a woman. I was born as a feminine gay boy but ended up living as a woman for the past 7 years. I hope I can write here. I’m devastated after receiving my diagnosis yesterday. I’m high masking and keep getting burnt out and exhausted all the time.


r/AutismInWomen 11h ago

Special Interest The signs of Autism were all there...

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164 Upvotes

It's frustrating that it took me almost 41 years to realize it. This is why more research into the female body is needed, although I'm glad that it's now somewhat recognized that Autism presents differently in women. "That's just a man with boobs ...right"


r/AutismInWomen 7h ago

General Discussion/Question UPDATE: Tell me I can handle getting a dog

74 Upvotes

Hi!!! I'm so sorry it has been ages since I posted. You all were so immensely helpful, and I'm so grateful to you. I've been meaning to update since forever, but life went wild, and I had an episode of severe burnout...etc. BUT. I did it!!! I handled getting a dog!

Updates below.

First, Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutismInWomen/s/DR5HdPiXuH

Essentially, everything everyone said was correct. I'm going to address some of the big things people said:

- You can do it! You'll grow into it.

I did it!!! She's a year and a half old now, and although it was really hard, and I did reach burnout (but major other life factors triggered the burnout), I'm so proud of myself. Thank you for encouraging me to take on what has been a lifelong dream.

- Dogs need routines, and your dog's routine may actually help you.

I hadn't thought about this, and it's so true. She helps me regulate more, remember to get up from my desk (monotropic focus!), and our daily walk is so good for me and even led me to making a neighborhood friend after shyly passing her by many, many times.

- Get a breed you are familiar with.

This was honestly such helpful advice. I got a Cavalier which is the kind of dog I grew up with, and she is exactly what I expected - fairly calm, lovebug, fairly quiet, love snuggles! (Meets my sensory needs, which you folks pointed out is really important with animals.) I've known six other Cavaliers in my life, so I'm familiar with the range of personalities and breed traits, and although I had really complicated feelings about getting a dog from a breeder, I had been thinking about it for years and realized it was just best for me. So I did as much research as I could to get an ethical-as-possible breeder and waited on a waiting list for over a year!

- Don't get a puppy.

Alas, because I was dead set on getting a Cavalier and rescues have very strict requirements and low availability, I ended up getting a puppy. Which was SO MUCH. I mean, SO MUCH MORE than I ever could have imagined. I knew the first 4 months would be intense. I knew about the puppy blues. But it was a full year before things felt...calm. On the other hand, I was able to do so much training with her; for example, I taught her that we like to watch things calmly instead of bark at them, ha. And now she is my perfect pal, since she grew up with me. I RAISED MY GIRL!

- Don't do it. (Only few people said this, and although I really wanted to achieve my dream, I appreciated the honesty.)

There were moments when things were so rough I imagined taking her back, I'll be honest. But my love of her overcame those moments. I will say, though, I'm so glad I waited until I'm at the place in my life I am now. I've been wanting this for over a decade. But it was essential for me to have a supportive partner who helped, that we both work from home, and that I was able to call my family for advice.


r/AutismInWomen 23h ago

Media (Books, Music, Art, Etc) They removed the ability to turn off the lights in the breakroom at my job and I was so mad I painted about it

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1.3k Upvotes

One without text, another with a lyric from Siberian Breaks by MGMT, and the original image. apologies if it's eyestrain inducing. Just wanted to share it


r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Kind Advice Welcome) Apparently my dental hygienist is now a qualified psychologist

79 Upvotes

I was in for my regular cleaning and she seemed like a safe person to talk to since she brought up having adhd. I mentioned I had it too and told her I was in the process of being tested for autism.

She told me point blank that: “you don’t have autism. You’re too social.”

Even though the only way I can get through appointments is by masking and I get incredibly anxious anytime I run out of the script I prepared.

I felt like I had to agree with her because I was so uncomfortable. It makes me second guess my life experiences. Some of the darkest points of my life were and still are due to me trying to fit into a world that requires me to mask so hard that I go into deep burnout.


r/AutismInWomen 3h ago

General Discussion/Question Anyone else constantly pressured to learn to drive when they don’t actually want to?

22 Upvotes

I’m 30, have two kids (4 and 4 months), and I’ve never even sat in the driver’s seat. I also genuinely don’t want to drive, but people have always pushed me to learn, and that pressure has definitely increased since having kids.

A lot of my reasons for not wanting to drive are related to being autistic and the things I personally find most challenging due to autism. I don’t think I’d cope well at all with the unpredictability of other drivers, and I’m really bad at following maps. I know that if I took a wrong turn I’d struggle to adapt in real time and would probably panic. I’m much better when I can plan things in advance, whereas driving requires you to constantly make decisions and react to things as they happen. There’s also the sensory side. Road noise, bright sunlight, traffic, my kids being loud in the back etc. could all contribute to sensory overload, and I don’t think being an anxious, overloaded driver is particularly safe.

People say I wouldn’t be anxious once I learned, but I honestly don’t know why they’re so certain about that. I’m not convinced that putting myself in that situation is automatically better or safer for my kids just because I have a driving licence.

I’ve got to 30 without driving and I’ve managed to hold down a job, have two kids and get around perfectly well. I’m not a hermit who doesn’t leave the house. We get the bus everywhere, and actually I like buses. They can also be challenging sensory wise sometimes, but overall they’re much more predictable for me. Even the fact that they’re sometimes late is predictable enough that I just get an earlier one if I need to be somewhere at a certain time. I know the routine, I don’t have to navigate or make constant decisions, I don’t have to worry about parking, and most importantly, someone else is driving. I can get on, sit down and wait until my stop. Don’t get me wrong it is physically exhausting. I have my also autistic 4 year old walking with reigns since she’s a runner, my 4 month old in a carrier on my front, a backpack full of the kids’ stuff, waters, coats etc. and a side bag. I’m absolutely exhausted by the time I get home, but it works. And my eldest loves the bus too.

I do worry about emergencies, but I live with my husband and he drives. Tbh he IS a bit of a hermit so he’s rarely away from home anyway lol.

I just don’t understand why people are so insistent that I need to drive. Has anyone else experienced this, particularly as an autistic person? I feel like people just don’t understand why anyone would choose not to drive, and they don’t accept that public transport could be a valid alternative for some people too.


r/AutismInWomen 4h ago

General Discussion/Question Does autism affect the effects of caffeine?

25 Upvotes

Just like a lot of people, I like having my coffee in the morning. I drink it because I like the taste, out of habit and also because it helps me have a bowel movement…(yeah TMI maybe).

However I think that caffeine has virtually no little to no effect on me. The only time it did was when I had a coffee and a monster energy and zero food. I thought I was going to die out of heart palpitation. But it didn’t make me more awake or jittery like some other people…is it the same for you ?


r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Kind Advice Welcome) What do you do when you’ve had mental health problems all your life and you just don’t want to continue to exist anymore?

29 Upvotes

I’ve already tried to get rid of my depression. I can tell it won’t go away because no antidepressants have made it go away.

I already was depressed and suicidal before I had physical health problems but now the physical health issues have made my mental state even worse.

I don’t enjoy life at all. I haven’t since I was a child. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I feel like no one can help me, like I’m unfixable. Nothing has ever changed my life. I have no friends and I’m stuck living somewhere I hate. I have no escape from my unhappy life.

What are you supposed to do when you can’t live a happy life, and you’re blocked from being able to change your life?


r/AutismInWomen 15h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Discussion Welcome) Friend said I am using autism and trauma as an excuse

197 Upvotes

Honestly I am just in shock. Because I am still doing my damn best to succeed, I am not stalling. But yes, autism is damn disabling BECAUSE IT IS A DISABILITY. I opened up to her about my burnout too and her reply was "since you got into this autism thing you're acting more crippled". I WOULD BE FEELING THE SAME WAY EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE A WORD FOR IT. OH MY GOD.

I feel close to crying or yelling tbh, maybe both. Why are people so fucking unsopportive. And she literally acknowledged that I improved since I started accomodating myself, but she still thinks this.


r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

Diagnosis Journey "I Just Imagine if a Man did the Same Thing..."

44 Upvotes

I have had a suspicion of my own autism ever since i learned a few of the specific signs of it in women well into adulthood, my late 20's in fact. I won't get a formal diagnosis because I am without health insurance and in America, so RFK might genuinely send me to a farm.

I'm 32 now and have a man who loves me crazy style.

He said something the other day that literally made my jaw drop.

I said something about like "blah blah i can't tell what's autism and what's just my personality lol"

and he said "well, with women, I just imagine what I would think if a man did that, and then I go, oh yeah, she's probably autistic."

SIR.

EXCUSE ME.

It was wild to just hear it so plainly. "oh, autism is different in women" "it presents differently so we can never tell" and whatever else I've been fed about why nobody decided to check if i had autism just melts away.

I was struck with a thought: If i were a boy, would I have been seen????

Is it that male physicians treat women like weird other creatures and not just part of greater "Man," as a species? Is it that young boys are excused and young girls are expected to adjust their behavior and mask more effectively? Does the physicality of a strong man with autism acting out feel more real to the general public than a woman's meltdowns? Women be shopping and crying, so collecting objects and being emotional is "just girlie things" so surely THAT can't be autism...

So insane.

Now every time i catch myself doing an autistic behavior, or remember doing one as a child, i imagine a parallel me that knew she was autistic from a younger age, and what her life might look like if the proper information reached her parents? Or what if she was just a he?

Do any of you later in life autists feel something similar? I don't know if its just gender dysphoria or something, but if i had been born in a world where I had been taken as 'seriously' as a little boy, would my life be better?? Would I have gotten more help?? I am so strange and different and a black sheep in the most serious way... would I still feel that way? Would I feel it even more???


r/AutismInWomen 6h ago

Seeking Advice I’ve been losing weight for the past 3 years and i’m still obese and want to give up.

27 Upvotes

I’m trying to see how great it is that i’ve lost 60lbs in the past 3 years but I also feel so defeated and stuck. I think social media may have a hand in this but i was 240 at my heaviest and im now teetering between 179-180 and today it just hit me that i’ve been in the 180s since last October and I want to cry.

I see posts of people losing that same amount of weight, if not, more in a shorter time than me and im starting to feel like a failure. I’m the weight I was when I was a junior in high school and I keep thinking about how I was able to lose the weight at the time (through unhealthy eating habits) and it’s making me want to regress so badly.

When I see progress i’m like great but then when I weigh myself i’m still considered medically obese and it’s just not good enough for me. I have a very on/off gym routine and I wish I could be more consistent but it’s so hard considering the circumstances of having to go to the gym, the gym always being packed, having to wait for someone else, etc etc but I know those are just minor excuses. I do make sure to get my cardio in at work throughout the week even if i’m not hitting the gym so i’m proud of being consistent with that, walking is easy and mindless for me.

I feel like I should be at least 130 by now. I was in a toxic relationship last year which I feel like also hindered my progress despite us going to the gym 5-6x times a week I would sabotage whenever I was at his place since he had so much junk food. We broke up and I lost another 15lbs but i’m still obese. Being skinny again feels so unattainable and far away.

I keep looking at myself in the mirror and objectively I know i’m attractive… people tell me all the time but there’s a voice in the back of my head saying that I have so much more potential if I was thinner. The weird thing is, yes I do see progress only when i’m in the gym and eating high calories. If i’m just doing cardio and eating 1500-1600 calories I don’t see much progress. I feel broken.


r/AutismInWomen 9h ago

Relationships The best way to find a potential partner is through shared interests

40 Upvotes

Meeting someone who is as passionate about something as you feels amazing, eventually your special interests are not just weird or quirky, but meaningful. It is the best icebreaker. Sating apps are shit, they make you look at potential partners like they are meat. Appearance and short info, curated to lure you. Shared passion makes you relate to each other, spending time together is less likely to be awkward and the flirting etc. isn't as difficult as normal. I highly recommend.


r/AutismInWomen 8h ago

General Discussion/Question How do you tell which kind of "tired" you are?

30 Upvotes

Am I "tired" right now (now = whatever "now" that I am tired) because?

- I stayed up too late

- Need more movement

- Didn't eat right today

- Didn't eat right yesterday

- Upset with my husband

- Ovulating

- My period is starting

- Overwhelmed with future actions I need to take

- Existential Dread

- I need to drink more water

- I slept poorly

- Perimenopause.

- Not enough interesting things in my life

- ADHD Meds need adjustment

- or?!?

Each of these situations requires different "first aid" and "long term care."

But sometimes, like right now, I can't tell which it is.

Thoughts?

Thank you!!!