r/AutisticAdults • u/Quirky-Emphasis9584 • 17h ago
seeking advice “You cannot be autistic, come on” - quoted by my GP
GP told me “you can’t be autistic, come on” and I feel completely humiliated
I’m posting here because I really need to hear from other autistic women who might understand why this has affected me so much.
I’m 32 and I’ve been seeing the same psychologist for almost 10 years. She knows me incredibly well and has identified that I’m autistic and is very confident in that. I haven’t gone through the formal diagnostic assessment yet because of how expensive it is, and my psychologist has explained that having the formal diagnosis wouldn’t really change the treatment or support I receive from her. I am currently saving towards getting it formally done.
I’m also very high masking. I work full time and from the outside I think I probably come across as fairly capable and “normal”, but maintaining that takes an enormous amount out of me.
The last couple of weeks have been probably some of the hardest of my life. My mum has been very unwell and in hospital, there have been a lot of other things happening at the same time, and I’ve reached a point where I genuinely feel like I’ve completely run out of capacity. My psychologist has helped me understand autistic burnout before and I recognise what is happening to me now.
Unfortunately my psychologist is currently on leave, so today I called my GP because I’m struggling and needed some support.
I mentioned that I’m autistic and experiencing burnout and his immediate response was:
“You can’t be autistic, come on Tegan.”
I honestly didn’t even know what to say.
This GP doesn’t know this side of me. He sees me for short medical appointments where I walk in masking, communicate well, explain whatever physical issue I’m there for and leave. We have never had any meaningful conversations about my autism, my childhood, how I function outside of those appointments, how much effort goes into appearing okay, or what happens when I get home.
Yet he sounded so certain.
I came off the phone feeling absolutely humiliated, belittled and embarrassed. And now, despite everything I’ve worked through with a psychologist who has known me for almost a decade, part of my brain is going, What if I’m a fake? What if I’m not autistic? What if what I’m calling autistic burnout is actually just me failing to cope?
I know logically that one GP seeing the masked version of me in occasional medical appointments doesn’t know me better than my psychologist does. But emotionally his comment has really, really got to me.
I think I just need to hear from other autistic women right now.
Has anyone else had a doctor or other professional dismiss your autism because you don’t “look” autistic to them or because you mask well? Did it make you question yourself afterwards?
I feel ridiculous for being this upset by one sentence, but I can’t seem to shake it.
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u/TypicallyThomas 15h ago
Look into getting a different GP. Autism is linked and highly correlated to a lot of different medical issues, and if your GP is unwilling to believe you're autistic, that's dangerous. He doesn't know you and thinks that he does. He's ignorant and unwilling to admit that he doesn't know everything. That's a red flag in any physician
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u/Fit-Attention-7763 13h ago
Agree!! Maybe her psychologist can call the GP and tell him off (professionally) so he doesn’t beep making this mistake with other patients.
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u/TrixieHorror 17h ago
I had a therapist tell me she didn't think I was autistic. Unless they're a licensed psychologist specifically evaluating you for autism, their opinion on you being autistic doesn't matter whatsoever.
I find autism memes to be super affirming, and they were also my first clue that I should get evaluated.
Sorry this happened to you, friend.
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u/sqwrlydoom 16h ago
I also had a therapist tell me I wasn't autistic because I can talk. That was her sole reason for why I could not possibly be autistic. This was on my first visit. There was no second visit because what the actual fuck??
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u/Shadow_of_Redacted 5h ago
Therapists learn the craft when they're in school, but few of them update their education with the new science until they're forced to do the homework, which is usually never.
I dated a therapist who I now know is autistic, her children are autistic, her dad, her uncle, her sister, but not once did the word come up. ADD? All day long about that one, but ASD? Not once. She had no clue. She may still be oblivious for all I know.
And I'm not talking a little bit, but finger sucking, rocking, cheese quesadilla safe food, meltdown security blanket, hiding in the bathroom, uncle collects merkins and writes cat poetry, in cat. Her entire bloodline is firmly ASD positive. Not a single clue mentioned over 5 years.
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u/UglyTitties 4h ago
Cat poetry in cat?
Like this?
Meow meow purr hiss purr
Hiss meow purr hiss hiss purr meow
Purr hiss hiss meow meow
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u/cat_whisperer5000 4h ago
I love this! I have 4 cats and only 2 of them talk to me. Wonder if I have any poets.
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u/Shadow_of_Redacted 4h ago
More meow meow, meow-meow meow, than purr hiss, but yes. Exactly that. He's an attorney who's presented before the SCOTUS.
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u/help_pls_2112 1h ago
incredible. i feel ppl are glossing over the whole merkin collection thing too — man truly loves furry pussy.
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u/raisinghellwithtrees 10h ago
My child was denied a diagnosis because they made eye contact. They did this after talking her ear off about their special interest. I mean, come on!
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u/TypicallyThomas 9h ago
Good that you didn't go again. I hate when GPs think they know everything about the medical field and never bother to update their knowledge as the field evolves over time, and it's a real red flag that a doctor would believe that stereotype
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u/NoseyLurkerGirl 13h ago
I had a therapist tell me “everyone is on the spectrum” when I asked for resources for an assessment and he told me even if I did have autism, that because I’m not outwardly impaired by it labels shouldn’t matter…
Meanwhile I was constantly struggling with my interpersonal relationships, floundering in my job due to communication issues, and was constantly some sort of “sick” due to no apparent reason after social events and could only work 2 days a week before I hit a wall.
I was in burnout and suffering but it didn’t matter because most people only see you as your masked self and aren’t interested in you changing their perception of what autism could look like.
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u/AliceD2020 10h ago
I cant stand when people say stuff like that and just dismiss it immediately. We dont care about the fact that were autistic, i mean we do but we like the truth not pretty lies. We aren't like someone's girlfriend asking if they look fat in this dress hoping for a no, we want the truth.
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u/Foxynite 24m ago
I was diagnosed as an adult and my family still struggles with this. It doesn't help that I was a "gifted kid" when I was growing up. I only started burning out once I hit halfway through high school, somewhat due to my home life I'm sure, and I haven't been able to find my stride since.
They still don't understand it and kinda brush it aside as something I'm making up, or wondering why I can't just be as capable as I used to be when I was a young teen pre-burnout and skill regression.
I keep most of my struggles to myself, although admittedly there are plenty of things I need a more hands-on help with while I don't struggle with other different tasks.
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u/AliceD2020 3h ago
Yeah I feel like if you distill them down to memes and abstract it, it becomes so obvious
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u/akshunhiro 24m ago
Agreed, 100%. Even the psychologist who did my assessment was surprised at how high I rated on the spectrum after she compiled all her findings. People who have sophisticated masking skills often don’t appear to be autistic. Well, duh!!! That’s precisely what masking is!! But masking on the outside doesn’t mean it matches the inside. How do people not get that??
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u/sharlet- 14h ago
GPs are not qualified to make that assessment. The arrogance, gatekeeping and lack of professionalism is insane
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u/AliceD2020 11h ago
Yeah why is this common? Primary care doctors give you the stink eye unless you dart your eyes away from them and start flapping your hands and toe walking right in front of them if you suggest autism
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u/SeaGlassWindChime 7h ago
So true! I think it will take a couple of generations of doctors for us to see that they’ve finally GOTTEN it. Certainly the older doctors were in medical school when the understanding of autism was limited in scope… and they were also taught by doctors older than them. And even when you have younger doctors today, they’re being taught by folks like these.
I think that while the younger doctors may be influenced little by little by cultural shifts and broadening understandings of autism, their professors and textbooks don’t reflect that.
Yet.
My hope is that each generation of graduates will be progressively purged of the outdated understanding of autism… like a saturated rag being squeezed of its water.
In the meantime, it’s on us to find those special doctors who have kept current on the literature and research. They’re out there.
But OP… you are not alone. What you experienced was invalidating and dismissive. The cognitive dissonance hurts because you know you the best. And yet we, by default, tend to think doctors are the experts. And in some things, they are.
Specialists are experts in their particular speciality, certainly. But generalists? They can’t possibly be expert in everything medical. And when they present themselves as such and it contradicts your own experience (as well as the opinion of psych-trained doctors), it’s demoralizing.
I work in healthcare, so trust me when I tell you many doctors can be an insufferably myopic, ego-driven, closed-minded bunch.
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u/AliceD2020 3h ago
Fair enough. And yes, once they have an idea in their head there are a great deal that think that is the only answer
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u/crystalfruitpie 4h ago
My current doctor doubted I was autistic and adhd, saying I communicated fine and always made appointments on time. Then after my assessments acted like it was very obvious, mentioned I frequently don't make eye contact and she has to repeat things to me. They see what they want to see.
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u/AliceD2020 3h ago
Lol I dont know why this is funny to me but I have become so accustomed to brits saying GP that I've accidentally said it to my Primary care physician / pcp and they always look at me funny and ask if I was born there
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u/sharlet- 3h ago
Lol 😂❤️ Brits still colonising language and culture I see… (jk) I think Australia call them GPs too
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u/AliceD2020 3h ago
Probably many english speaking countries say it and honestly I prefer it, why say 3 syllables instead of 2? Its faster 😅
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u/DisgruntledEnby 15h ago
I get your frustration. I first got diagnosed 16 years ago and have encountered (too) many GPs in that time. Some supportive, some similarly dismissive. I've been told I couldn't be autistic as a female/AFAB, I couldn't be autistic as an adult, that "everyone" struggles with the things I do, and once had a big fat question mark placed next to my diagnosis. I also had my initial diagnostic report ridiculed.
I've now given up discussing autism with GPs. My current GP is kind, respectful, good with medical stuff etc., but doesn't seem to be able to comprehend the fact that I am indeed autistic. I now avoid talking about my mental health because it's so intertwined with my being autistic, and even after a letter from my psychologist he doesn't get it. It's not ideal, but sometimes compartmentalising your healthcare is all you can do.
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u/brevitycloud 14h ago
Hey it’s totally understandable this would upset you and trigger a spiral I’m sorry you’re going through it right now.
Just to balance the perspective cus this will probably happen a few times with different people. You’ve been processing being autistic for years and years and you and your psychologist see all sides of your coin the shiny masking side and the autistic side.
If you’ve only shown your shiny side to someone for years then of course they may initially reject a totally new concept. they may not be able to accept it instantly, just as I imagine you struggled to accept it instantly? It takes time. They may need to think on it, look back to subtle signs, or just come to terms with it the more it is mentioned. What your gp said wasn’t appropriate but also they are human and can fumble things if it came out of left field to them. Gp focus on a medical mindset and are best suited when patients come with something they can “fix”/ take action on. there’s no treatment for autism, no medical cure for autistic burnout. Really the main point of the consult (from what you’ve said) is that you’re struggling. I presume you wanted help a gp could provide - either sick note, sleep/food/mood? Or something like that. Gp aren’t going to be able to offer any level of generic psychological support other than “there there” or maybe guide you into different psychological services. I guess try not to let one persons reaction unravel you. You know yourself I hope you know some things that have been useful to look after yourself while your psychologist is away. Be kind to yourself!!
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u/Penguinatortron 16h ago
Hey, I'm a parent of a diagnosed autistic girl. I can tell you that masking comes very naturally to both of my girls. It took some extra appointments and observations to diagnose my oldest girl.
My youngest girl "passed" her autism assessment with little to no concerns as she always puts that mask on for daycare and appointments, the poor thing just falls apart as soon as we leave those environments.
We had a pretty uniformed gp for my oldest that commented unprompted that "her autism seems to be getting better". People can definitely say inappropriate things no matter their title.
Point is, if the doctors only perspective is 10 min chunks of time that are straight to the point, they can be missing a lot. I wouldn't let your doctor invalidate you, sounds like you and your psychologist have a pretty good grasp on yourself. Maybe seek out a backup provider to help you navigate things.
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u/Geminii27 15h ago
I honestly didn’t even know what to say.
"And that's why you're not a professional diagnostician."
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u/TeeLeighPee 16h ago
Uh, yeah. When I first walked into a psychiatrists office asking about asd specifically and left the same appointment with an incorrect dx of a personality disorder. Oh, yeah and I'm fat so obesity must have something to do with it
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u/SuperOrange19 11h ago
Oh gosh that sucks, I was recently diagnosed myself and it was the most invalidating experience ever.
Maybe we both just got unlucky with assessors but my goodness was she mean.
She didn’t give me any feedback and on the call to ‘chat’ with her she hadn’t read any of my previous answers and spent 42minutes of a 57minute phone call berating me for not having a nutritionist/dietician due to some of the medical issues I have and the fact that I’m fat as well.
Luckily though my psychologist is great and got me in contact with her colleague to go over my report and give me feedback to help. I hope your experiences with this get better
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u/disco_super_bi 13h ago
I had a clinical psychologist tell me that there was no way I could be autistic because autistic people have trouble holding down a job.
I was seeing her due to having a burnout at work and needing stress leave. I ended up quitting my job.
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u/Ok-Walk-8453 16h ago
I would just try to keep peace with what you know and your therapist know and find a new GP. I would not recommend the formal evaluation- not worth the money. 41F here, I had it done when I was 36. Results came back as autistic traits but "too well adapted to be diagnosed as an adult but probably would have been as a child". So I have an excellent mask. And they were definitely testing the gifted and talented girls in rural WI in the 90s. 🙄
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u/Dest-Fer 14h ago
Diagnosis granted me help at home. I was 34 when I was suggested to do it by the adhd specialist and no one ever thought of that while I really needed help.
It depends on countries, in mine you get accommodations and that’s well needed.
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u/bjbouwer 9h ago
(My mom was doing that testing in small WI towns. )
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u/Ok-Walk-8453 8h ago
Tested gifted and talented girls in the 90s? Doubt it. Aspergers wasn't even a US diagnosis until 94 and almost entirely male diagnosed. Unless you were so affected you were unable to speak and act somewhat interact normal with society, you were just the weird socially shunned kid. And if you were that affected they kept you in a room away from all the other kids your age and you just saw them at lunch in their own section. They still aren't really testing. My nephew is "just very sensitive" when he starts rocking and hitting himself when he is over stimulated and "just really really likes pokemon" when he taught himself to read at 3 because no one would spend 12 hours a day reading the Pokémon character traits book to him.
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u/hexaDogimal 16h ago
I'm not a woman, but I have had similar experience (and was presenting as a woman at the time). Years ago, when I was discussing with school psychologist about getting assessed for autism, I had an appointment with a new psychologist at the place where I intented to get the referal for the diagnosis. We talked for 15 minutes, this was our first meeting and then I gave him the text the previous psychologist had written me suggesting that I should get assessed. We had written reasoninh supporting that. He just said that he doesn't think I am and then asked me that how does it feel that the previous psychologist had suggested like it was a bad thing and I was supposed to feel upsed about it. It was never brought up again. I felt stupid and dismissed.
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u/Business-Insurance90 16h ago edited 16h ago
Don't feel ridiculous. I was diagnosed and struggle with impostor syndrome. I read the report and felt like "it wasn't enough" or that the things the clinician said they observed during our sessions were wrong (because I'm so used to thinking of myself as adept) and maybe they were mistaken. Then there was that article about that autism expert lady saying some famous dude wasn't autistic and people are being overdiagnosed and that had me spiralling a bit.
At the end of the day it's not your GP's specialty and they should not be undermining you or your psychologist, no matter what they think.
I told my family and they barely even reacted. So I don't know what that means but then I started wishing I hadn't told them because they didn't say "well that makes sense." Granted, they aren't exactly savvy about this topic anyway, their responses were weird (I suspect I'm not the only one in the family if you know what I mean).
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u/Samurai-Pipotchi 15h ago
Not autism, but bi-polar and ADHD.
I ended up leaving a complaint about how unprofessional they are. Doctors aren't meant to be dismissive. They're meant to be analytical and supportive.
Disagreeing with you after you've explained your symptomology in full would be different, but belittling you like that is disgraceful.
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u/TwoIllustrious2366 15h ago
General practitioner. Basically bottom of the doctor totem pole. A psychologist is a mental health specialist. I would trust them over a GP. You don't ask your foot doctor what shampoo is the best shampoo for thin hair. You ask a beautician because a beautician is a hair specialist. Take it with a grain of salt.
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u/aNiceHeart 12h ago edited 10h ago
I had a trusted therapist for over 5 years tell me I wasnt autistic and even if I was it didn’t matter because I couldn’t cure it.
I got the assessment anyway. Definitely 100% autistic, level 1. The neuropsych said it takes me something like 75% longer than the average person to focus.
Not long after that same therapist said she went to a seminar about autism and apologized to me. She said it was incredibly wrong of her. But the trust and bond was already broken.
Trust yourself. Doctors, psychs, therapists are just humans too and can be biased and absolutely wrong.
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u/CatsWearingTinyHats 11h ago
My therapist brought it up with me and arranged for a referral right after attending some webinar on autism! Apparently the slides of autistic burnout fit me to a T.
Before that, I was misdiagnosed with other stuff and really hopeless because nothing was helping. So that was really lucky for me.
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u/aNiceHeart 10h ago
That’s great for you!
My therapist wrote me off as anxious and said my entire problem was past trauma since that was her specialty. Before that I was always told everything I was experiencing was anxiety and hormones.
I was written off for most of my life. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 33 and had no referral. I had to seek this all out on my own because of a lack of support from 15+ years of therapists thinking they knew me better than I did.
And don’t get me wrong I am anxious. But if I knew I was autistic sooner and how to manage it I would have been a lot better off and likely would have learned much better methods of coping and set better boundaries.
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u/b00w00gal 6h ago
When my children were in middle school, they went through the autism assessment process; their primary psychologist suggested I get assessed as well, based on her interactions with me. So I took that recommendation to my psychiatrist, a man who had been trying to force me onto bipolar medication for several months, something I refused to consent to. He told me he would not be referring me for an assessment because he didn't think I acted autistic. So I asked him a few questions.
First, "How many patients do you currently have who were diagnosed autistic as adults?" He replied, "None, I've never worked with any autistic adults." I responded, "Oh, so you've had extensive education on how autism presents in adults? You attended classes in medical school, you regularly attend seminars, and you stay up-to-date on the current research coming out on how to diagnose and treat autistic adults?" He replied, "No, not really, that's not my specialty." I then responded, "In that case, can you explain what you're basing your professional opinion on? Go ahead and put it in writing in my chart, your reasons for denying me a referral for assessment for a condition you admit to having no experience or education in. Make it official."
He stared at me for about a minute, then said, "Fine. I'm referring you. But when this assessment comes back negative, I expect you to go on the medication I prescribe." My response to that? "We'll see." My assessment took six months, but I was told in my first session that I'm obviously autistic; they just had to complete the process to be official. The psychiatrist reassigned me to another doctor in the office and never met with me again.
Don't let unqualified blowhards tell you who you are. Most doctors have zero experience or education with autistic adults, but their pride won't allow them to admit they don't know everything. Don't let their ignorance define your existence.
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u/No_Category_9888 16h ago
Sadly you’ll need to shop around to find an open minded GP who understands autism and masking
There are completely useless doctors who are on ego trips thinking they know it all. You’ll have this CEOs repeatedly if you het an autoimmune illness. Or any illness or ailment really
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u/Accomplished-Mud8473 14h ago
My GP fave me right attitude when I called and said I thought I might be autistic, and asked for a referral. Fortunately I live in an area where you can self refer to the local autism service, so his opinion counted for nothing. Still hurts though, really humiliating experience. Just remember that gp's know very little more than the general public when it comes to autism, sometimes less.
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u/InkCosmos 14h ago
I once had a therapist tell me this after I’d already had my formal diagnosis, with a 30+ page report 🙃
The ‘professionals’ are good with certain things, unfortunately there are still those who just don’t believe things regarding autism has changed.
I don’t think I’m upset when people claim this anymore but I definitely was at one point. You’ve spent so much of your life trying to fit in and it’s just another thing on the list where you don’t. It’s demoralising. But your psychologist in this situation knows you the best, as best as you can, ignore your GP because regardless of anything else you don’t treat patients that way.
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u/NorwegianGlaswegian 12h ago edited 12h ago
I'm an autistic man, but had a somewhat similar experience from an old GP of mine.
In 2016 at the age of 28 I went to my GP to ask for a referral to get an autism assessment. My GP gave me a lot of pushback, and said they had serious doubts that I could be autistic based on superficialities like my being well-spoken, not having difficulty holding eye contact etc, and tried to convince me to drop my request for a referral.
It was very uncomfortable having to hold my ground, but she did end up sending off a referral and I got my assessment the next year not long before turning 30.
The clinical autism specialist who carried out the assessment said I was one of the most obvious adult cases he had had, especially after talking with my father and aunt about my earliest years, overall childhood, and learning what I was like behind the mask.
My GP ended up apologising after she'd read the diagnostic report. Sadly a lot of generalist medical professionals can end up seriously overestimating their understanding of various things requiring specialist input — sometimes carrying many of the same misconceptions as the general public — with some somehow not considering that they can't make firm determinations without going through a proper assessment that they are actually qualified to provide.
GPs can absolutely get this stuff wrong, and it seems highly unprofessional to me for your GP to outright declare that you aren't autistic, and especially with such a dismissive tone.
I was left slightly shaken by my GP having such strong doubts as to my possibly being autistic, but thankfully that feeling didn't last long as I felt more indignant over the fact that I came to the doctor after having considered and researched the possibility of my being autistic, with input from my family, for around six years and it wasn't some random idea I pulled out my backside.
I'm sorry you went through something which sounds even worse than the pushback I received. I hope you can soon emotionally come to terms with the fact that your GP can get things wrong, especially in not taking you seriously.
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u/CognitiveDissident79 12h ago
People in general, including medical professionals are uneducated about late diagnosed high masking women, which is why I went to a healthcare provider that specializes in high masking adults and I don’t disclose unless I know the person will be supportive.
People think of the stereotypical male and those of us who fell through the cracks of the system as children with zero support and in some cases bullying and neglect from our own parents suffered because of it.
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u/CatsWearingTinyHats 11h ago
I’ve been officially diagnosed autistic TWICE by qualified specialists and still get this.
A lot of people just don’t know what autism actually is and confuse it with other things. And they tend to think you need an intellectual disability or have to be level 3 needs to be autistic.
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u/Halifaxmouse 9h ago
I relate to this. I was experiencing a huge burnout after a life change and sought out a neuropsychologist who diagnosed me. I told my GP and she immediately said ‘there’s no way you have that’. I was stunned into silence in the moment. Later, after processing what happened I realized she is a GP and hasn’t had the training that my neuropsych did. That said, she was not only ignorant but insensitive. I see her for like 15 minutes twice a year. I’m currently seeking a new GP because I need someone with a better bed side manner.
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u/Shadow_of_Redacted 5h ago
A general practitioner has very little incentive to be current on ASD. It's not like anybody suddenly catches autism one day. It's not going to come up in their daily routine at all. They may not even know what ASD even is, only knowing the "autism" that they grew up hearing about.
Girls are forced into masking much harder than boys, which is why they tend to be harder to identify. Y'all are just too damn good at masking it.
I would ask the Psychologist to read in the GP on your condition and needs rather than try to start over with his own assessment. He's obviously not current on the topic. After that, I'm sure you'll be treated better.
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u/YaySupernatural 5h ago
The first therapist I tentatively brought up the possibility with actually laughed at me. Said I make eye contact so I couldn’t possibly be autistic. I was so mortified I didn’t think tell her it took me years of conscious effort to get eye contact right 😔
I didn’t really bring it up again to a professional, I just did enough research on my own that I was fully confident in my diagnosis. When I finally managed to get an ADHD diagnosis about ten years later (about two years ago now) I got a bonus autism dx to go with it lol
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u/Helenor AuDHD 4h ago
I've learned through experience that many physicians, including psychiatrists, are not up to date on the DSM 5 diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder. Many of them think there is overdiagnosis happening currently, but none of those people specialize in neurodevelopmental disorders and don't fully understand how it's a spectrum.
I'm so sorry that you've had to experience this. Your GP was out of line to talk about something they clearly don't know much about. I hope you'll have better luck with your psychologist.
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u/QueenOfMadness999 2h ago
That doctor is extremely unprofessional. I would look into changing doctors if you can. Absolutely not. It's terrible bedside manners over the phone or not to dismiss your patients at all and with the research out about neurodiversity that was very VERY ignorant of them. Doctors should not communicate with their patients in a belittling condescending way. You would expect family and friends and peers to talk like that. Not professionals.
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u/crua9 Hell is around every corner, it's your choice to go in it or not 17h ago
Not sure why you need the advice from an autistic female
Report them, and get a new GP. Maybe talk with the psychologist about this.
Basically it isn't the GP place to say if you are or aren't. And in most places this would be a major mark against them.
Also likely what you are feeling is the GP was meant to be a trusted figure. And likely you are feeling a mix of 2 things. The first is them breaking that trust. But the other is you questioning yourself because they are a trusted figure.
The fact is autism test is highly speculative and even people giving test to someone without seeing them before or after have a hard time. And this is why some places require the test to be done multiple days and they need to interview those around you. Some don't do this btw. But some do, and it seems like more places are doing this.
My point is, as you mention. The GP only spend short moments with you in a highly structure environment. This makes it impossible for them to know one way or the other. But as mention before, it's like a heart doctor giving you medical advice for your foot and it is unrelated to the heart. This can get them in massive trouble.
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u/CrystalOcean39 8h ago
Huge hugs.
My GP said 'autism forms? You want the autism forms? You don't seem autistic to me - can you kindly share with me the reasoning behind you thinking you have autism? You are aware that there is isnt medication for autism...'
Pfft. Arsehole. '
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u/Hamurai4 16h ago
I’m sorry. This is unfortunately pretty common. Most people don’t understand autism, especially in women. When I was in my mid 20s, my therapist said “I don’t think you’re autistic” but not in a dismissive way. I got diagnosed when I was 34 (I’m a man)
Your situation is worse because your GP was dismissive and rude. You probably haven’t even had extensive psychological sessions with them, so your GP definitely shouldn’t have said that. Especially in that tone. I’m sorry
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u/Dest-Fer 14h ago
I would say that it doesn’t really matter what GP thinks. Their job is to give you a referral or info on how to get tested by a specialist.
The issue is that if you tell them that you are autistic but don’t get the official diagnosis, you will face that issue again and again.
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u/NekoRabbit 14h ago
Yeah, I also have to repeatedly explain my communicative issues to professionals of any kind, because they always think I'm great at communication. But they only see me in professional 1on1 settings, away from groups or stressful situations. There is no "when is it my turn to speak?" gamble if there's only one person in front of me who actively waits for a response from me once they are done talking.
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u/InkJ3lood 13h ago
I had a similar experience. When I got diagnosed with ASD, I looked for a new psychiatrist. The first one I found told me after just 10 minutes in our first session that I'm not autistic. I was devastated and felt really insecure because of his words. I kept thinking things like "was the whole assessment for nothing?" and "what's actually wrong with me then, if not this?"
I kept looking though, and the second one I found was way better. She was professional, actually listened to me, and I still see her today. But that experience with the first one was really awful.
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u/Zaulk 11h ago
We have our own culture. I've never quite been able to fit in to any other culture, perpetually an outsider. This has led to being bullied. It takes so much energy to even attempt to think like an Allistic person. I'm constantly misunderstood.
If that feels relatable then yeah high possibility of being on the spectrum. It can be hard to drop the mask for an honest evaluation but you have to.
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u/kNottedivergence 10h ago
Meanwhile my autistic assessor said I was clearly autistic and didnt need to speak to my parents to see any markers from my childhood lol.
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u/koolandkrazy 10h ago
Mine said the same thing lol and then made me get a second opinion from a 60 yo white male psychiatrist who told me i couldn't be autistic because i looked him in the eyes. Its called masking king 🫶. Cause the 15h, 5000$ assessment i did means nothing, right? Lol
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u/DeadlySquirrelNinja5 5h ago
My husband (AuDHD) asked his psychiatrist for a letter to get a formal diagnosis. She told him, when he was already leaving: 'Not everything is an illness, Mr. Husbandsname.'
I was so pissed.
He didn't realize what she had said to him untill I pointed it out.
He never went back to her.
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u/TallSnatch 4h ago
Before my diagnosis (done by someone who specializes in diagnosing autism in adults), both my GP and my therapist insisted that I wasn't autistic. I even came to these appointments with my spreadsheet of symptoms and how they impacted me. A freaking spreadsheet 🤣🤣 Medical professionals seriously need to stay in their lane and not speak in areas like autism that require a speciality knowledge. PS.... I basically tested off the charts autistic when I was diagnosed.... i was shocked how "well" I tested 🤪
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u/doker0 13h ago edited 13h ago
You can't be a real doctor, come on... She closed a gap between being a doctor and your friend. You need to excuse her because you may have some leverage of friendship here and you will stsrt from scratch elsewhere.
Another thing is, why do people treat this kind of reaction as a personal attack while this is a complement that that you are a master in masking? Just respond with "thank you for the complement. Haha. Straight face. I'm serious about it".
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u/Quantum_Pasta-Goblin 12h ago
This reminds me of this appointment I had with a random "kinda rude" doctor lady and I really suck at social stuff and I tend to forget basically everything when I'm with people, especially when I'm asked questions. She asked me why I have depression and all I could think of to say was "idk, because I got bullied at school all my life and stuff" and she said "....that's it?" Like excuse me? What do you mean that's it? Like oh I'm sorry it's not more dramatic, and yeah I forgot to say a few other reasons in the moment but you can't just say that's it?! What kinda belittling not-caring answer is that.
I'm sorry. Your thing reminded me of that. I'm also not diagnosed autistic and some people say I am and some people say I'm not and honestly I can't tell anymore. I'm pretty sure I am autistic but maybe I'm just weird and i have other issues idk. I understand having someone say something and it making you feel like shit.
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u/_psykovsky_ ASD and ADHD 11h ago
In my experience, doctors know very little outside of their area of expertise. My GP tried to tell me that I shouldn’t have any ADHD symptoms if I take medication. So wrong and naive really.
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u/spoooky_mama 9h ago
It is such a punch in the gut to realize someone whose care you are supposed to be in does not understand or listen to you.
I hope you find a better clinician and I'm so sorry this happened to you. We see you!
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u/oh8oh8eighty8 8h ago
I’ve had this happen to me. So many people (even doctors) don’t understand the full spectrum of ASD and how well we can mask. Don’t let someone’s ignorance distort your understanding of yourself ♥️
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u/nd-nb- 8h ago
You don't have to feel humiliated when an ignorant person makes an incredibly ignorant statement. And believe me, he is ignorant. GPs don't study autism, they cannot diagnose autism. And if they can't say who DOES have autism, then they can't say who DOESN'T have it. But they are too ignorant to realize that.
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u/beingyourhat 8h ago edited 8h ago
Time for you to get a female GP. In fact, you should aim for most of your doctors to be women. Women doctors in general are less dismissive of women.
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u/Some_Pilot_7056 8h ago
Whether or not you are autistic, that's such an unprofessional response and it's fair to be upset. That is such a dismissive way to treat a patient and I'm sorry you experienced it.
Misunderstanding about Autism is everywhere. Doctors aren't immune to it unfortunately. And they aren't required to keep up with new information.
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking someone with medical authority always knows what they are talking about and should always be considered as the final word. That would be nice but it is just not how things work in reality. I've had to build trust with doctors over time before I will just take their word for things.
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u/AquaQuad 7h ago
Not only it's not his job to know much about autism, but also, like you've said, he only knows you from when you were masking.
Why not get a paper from your psychiatrist as a proof that you're going through what you're going, to show to your GP, so they don't have to second guess things, especially if they're not qualified to do so?
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u/Salty_Trust6353 7h ago
My fav quote from my (retired) family doc when I brought up autism: “you can’t be autistic, you’re so articulate!”
My brother in Christ what does that even MEAN?!
Wouldn’t being articulate be even more of a signifier of autism???
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u/Pictishquine 7h ago
The GP was ignorant and harmful - it happens I'm afraid. One of the best and most helpful pieces of advice I received when I had burnout was to get a private GP if you can afford it. I know this is heresy here in the UK and many cant afford it - but it can make a serious difference.
It means for me I see the same person everytime, they are neurodiversity accepting ( I looked for one who was), I dont have to worry about having to come out as autistic to random new people who the NHS has rostered, appointments are easy to make online and convenient, their receptionists are helpful and the reception is quiet and comfortable from a sensory point of view.
I would never for a moment have considered it, if I hadn't been strongly advised to do so and it made an enormous difference to my life leading to spotting a very serious health issue which would otherwise have gone untreated because I avoided my NHS practice like the plague as I found it scary to access.
That said, I would not look for autism support from any GP. They are not at all qualified for this and can be harmful. The best they can do is sign you off for stress - you dont have to tell them it's autistic burnout. For autistic burnout, when I had it, I got an actually autistic herself ( AuDHD) strategy coach paid for through Access to Work and she both helped me and counselled me on how to handle it (she was also a qualified therapist and psychologist).
Because of the double empathy problem:
https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/
help during burn out from a qualified professional who is autistic themselves is more than a 'nice to have', in my opinion, it's essential and helps keep us safe from out-of-date ignoramuses like your GP. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
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u/Kelamar13 6h ago
This is the reason why diagnosis is needed in many cases and it’s unfair that we can’t self identify and get help from the GP without them dismissing it.
In the UK the system for assessment is in a mess due to lots of people realising they’re autistic and requesting diagnosis all at the same time. Most GP’s knowledge on autism is from old literature focused on boys with other comorbid conditions such as intellectual disabilities.
If we could send every GP for updated training on autism in girls and women and separate intellectual disability from autism it would be quicker and cheaper to get diagnosed imo
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u/ArianMonster444 6h ago
I’ve had a psychiatrist say during the second session he thought I was autistic and sent a recommendation letter to a testing place, shortly after that the psychiatrist moved out of state so I was transferred to a different psychiatrist, she claimed I wasn’t autistic and my mom was beating me this was also after kicking my mom out of the room (I was the one who requested her to be in the sessions because of my communication issues that can lead to shutdowns plus I’m more comfortable with her in the room) and locking the door , she would continue to demand to admit my mom beats me (she’s never even spanked me) despite me having panic attacks during the session and any time I managed to start saying something before I’d even get a full word out they would interrupt with ‘so your mom beats you!’ A few months later I was officially diagnosed with autism, they even stated that I should have been diagnosed when I got the adhd diagnosis when I was little because the observation notes from back then showed obvious signs of autism
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u/No-Situation-4991 3h ago
I had a female PSYCHIATRIST tell me I wasn't autistic after working with her week in, week out.
Surprise, surprise, I masked the entirety of the work day and I actually was autistic all along.
Trust your gut.
I'm sorry they made you feel that way.
Big hugs x
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u/Beautiful_Proof_7952 2h ago
I want to say one thing. It is still very new idea that there are many people who are living functional and productive lives while quietly being on the high functioning end of the spectrum.
It is not you and it's not them. It's science catching up with reality.
Newly acquired sciencific research is being published at break neck speed online for everyone to consume and learn.
And it is spreading faster than the most clinicians can keep up with.
It's the same story in many fields, from quantum physics to gut health and genetics.
Some people, (unusually high functioning autistics with special interests) will weed through the details and accept the new information while others are still living with 2005 education.
It's not that they are evil, they are just not up to date.
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u/TikiBananiki 1h ago
FWIW you called a medical care provider looking for emotional support and that’s not what they’re prepared to offer you. Easy systems-level mistake to make.
His opinion is irrelevant. He has not tested you, he is probably not even qualified to test you for autism.
For emotional support with a psych lean i’d recommend calling a mental health crisis or warm line, not a general practitioner healthcare office. Crisis and warm line support staff are trained to take what you say at face value, not question your legitimacy. They’re there to listen, believe, affirm, and be a sounding board for problem solving.
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u/wolfcaroling 1h ago
The DSM V specifically says you cannot use adult abilities to diagnose because we LEARN.
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u/nobobthisisnotyours 56m ago
“You can’t possibly have enough experience with me in our short visits to make that determination, come on (doctors name)”
I’ve had medical professionals in charge of my care deny my experiences and dismiss my concerns consistently for years. It only made me more passionate and a better advocate for myself and others. I have fought like hell to be heard and given the exams/evaluations I needed. The more they pushed back the harder I fought for myself. I’m not saying I didn’t have periods where I felt completely defeated and ready to give up on life entirely. I took those emotions and converted them to rage, directed the rage where it belonged, and turned that into advocacy for myself. It was a process.
When I was in a similar situation to what you described I sat in defeat for a while, and then I angrily compiled a list of evidence to support my claim. I presented it to my provider just to prove I was not mistaken, incorrect, or exaggerating my claims. I completed every self evaluation I could find with notes for every bit that wasn’t cut and dry/black and white/a simple yes or no. Just because I “look normal” for the maximum 60 minute periods they spent with me doesn’t mean I could maintain that presentation consistently throughout the day.
When it comes to autism I can mask, go into customer service mode, and check all of the boxes for Outgoing Neurotypical Woman™️. It comes at the cost of hours of recovery to somewhat regulate my nervous system afterwards. When it came to hEDS symptoms I would plan out my entire week to be in the best condition possible to attend an appointment. I restricted my activity so I could be freshly showered, well rested, and without serious injury from tasks, or obvious brain fog so I could effectively communicate what was going on the other 99% of the time. (In hindsight I probably should have shown up in typical form. My attempts to be at my best were interpreted as my average and that misperception hindered my care.)
After my psychiatrist took my concerns seriously, paid more attention to the things I mentioned, and gave me the validation of an autism diagnosis 6 months later I started to intentionally unmask. That was a process too. Masking was never a conscious and voluntary choice to fit in, it was a subconscious set of behaviors I adapted for social protection. Learning to identify when I was going against my internal urges to present as “normal” took time and practice. I had ignored them for so long and accepted the dysregulation as a typical life experience for all humans. Once I identified the behaviors I had to start consciously avoiding them and intentionally lean into my natural state. Practice and time helped me let go of many masking behaviors and present as my authentic self. Now it’s pretty easy for others to clock me as autistic. I still have situations where the masking takes over and I leave frustrated that I couldn’t just be ME despite recognizing I was masking and wanting to stop. Phone calls are one of those situations. My voice changes to customer service voice, I annunciate my words differently, and I say things in ways I don’t when I’m speaking with people I’m comfortable with. It’s like internal me is watching masked me lead the interaction and unable to take control of the meat suit. I’m grateful my therapist has witnessed it and we’ve been able to discuss it.
Your GP made a biased judgement without adequate knowledge and experience. His comment was likely based on misinformation about autism, lack of education in the subject, and medical misogyny. I wouldn’t put much value in it. Feel your feelings, they are valid! A rude dismissal of your genuine issues will always hurt. Then pick yourself up and advocate for your care. If you aren’t confident in your GPs ability to treat you and listen to your concerns with curiosity and a desire for understanding I’d recommend finding a new one and firing him. Autism doesn’t always look like little boys obsessed with trains, stimming by rocking back and forth or flapping hands, repeating words/phrases, and having meltdowns over noises. If your GP is unwilling or unable to educate himself on recent medical research, and presentation of autism in girls and late diagnosed adult women, he’s not a good fit for you. You can dismiss him as your medical provider as quickly and flagrantly as he dismissed your concerns. Feel free to toss out his opinion along with him.
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u/SouthernAbrocoma9891 44m ago
If you are planning on having children then it’s crucial to receive a diagnosis, indicating whether you are or aren’t.
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u/AvocadoPizzaCat 42m ago
This is why I have a therapist. Also it keeps me from biting the other doctors.
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u/DB-DanCooper 32m ago
Does anybody have a GP surgery that lets you send messages back and forth over an app or a website? Tried both doctors, both have it disabled. Its all geared towards me reliably articulating myself despite this being my biggest weakness. It assumes the doctor is competent and everything goes fine. There is no way to have a tracked correspondence where I can express exactly what my concerns are and get help. What am I going to do, send a letter?
Nothing in this country works properly, everything is so staggering inefficient and I'm astonished the lights even turn on.
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u/akshunhiro 29m ago
The imposter syndrome is real, man. It comes from the part of us that doesn’t want to complain. I had one of my closest friends accuse me of conspiring with my psychologist to manipulate my diagnosis so I could receive government benefits. That hurt a lot, so I know what you’re feeling. Doctors are the worst sometimes because you expect them to be educated and empathetic. But a lot of them are ignorant, despite their education. And not just about neurodivergence either. They say a lot of stupid shit and they are completely oblivious to the impact.
You know you, my friend ❤️ better than anyone else. If it resonates, then there’s a strong possibility it’s true. If it’s not autism, then it’ll definitely be something else that has overlapping symptoms. But one thing you’re definitely* no*t is neurotypical, because if you were, you wouldn’t even be on the path to investigating.
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u/akshunhiro 4m ago
Sadly, I think there will be a lot of times when it feels like the only people who understand you are in here 😞
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u/paprikashaker 4m ago
Yes, I’m a similar age as you and also high masking. I was diagnosed in my late twenties, and this happened to me with the nurse practitioner I’d been seeing for about a decade for my primary care in the US. I handed her a copy of my evaluation report because she had previously diagnosed me with OCD without any proper assessment. Her response was almost like she was offended I sought an assessment from someone else and brushed it off by responding that I might have OCPD…That was the last time I saw her.
Then, I was disturbed when I downloaded my records from the patient portal and discovered that she entered multiple psychiatric diagnostic codes over the years for conditions she had never discussed with me. There were notes that she provided counseling on these conditions too. I suspected for a while she might be unethical because she was big on pushing whatever new pharmaceutical product or cosmetic injections she could, but I was genuinely shocked to see that she put all of that in there.
I now see a physician who is extremely supportive of me and the decisions of my other healthcare professionals. He’s also been fantastic with referrals and doing paperwork for accommodations.
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u/lm2227 14h ago
I've been lucky to mostly have had healthcare providers who understand and recognize my neurodivergence, but I did have had one therapist who hit me with the "this is over diagnosed, you probably aren't" line when I was starting to think I might be autistic. While she was overall helpful for me when I was working with her, she was wrong, and I'm now working with a therapist who sees me for who I am. But even if my old therapist didn't think I was autistic, she had the ability to express that opinion without being completely dismissive about it, and I still had a good working relationship with her.
All of this to say - you are 1000% right to be upset with your GP, and imo you should f ire his ass. The dismissiveness is a huge red flag, for all kinds of things beyond not recognizing your neurodivergence. God forbid you develop any kind of understudied chronic health condition that he doesn't believe in, or fail to show an expected or "appropriate" response to illness or injury. That kind of knee-jerk dismissal fucks up people's health in the long run, especially women's. You deserve a doctor who demonstrates the ability to have an open mind.
As someone who is also recovering from autistic burnout, you are not a fake and you are not "just failing to cope". You're struggling with genuine hardship that non-autistic folks simply do not experience in the same way. You are playing life on hard mode, and you are allowed to have grace, understanding, and rest--and a non-shitty GP. 💜
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u/Terrible_Discount693 12h ago
A therapist told me she thought I had BPD when I actually have a bipolar diagnosis. I told her I thought I was autistic and she asked how long I had thought about it and I said 15 years and she said oh.
People don’t know shit.
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u/intrepid_wind4 7h ago
Burnout minus autism does not equal failure to cope. Since you haven't been evaluated yet then you might have other things going on that are untreated and are causing you to burnout. Deciding you are autistic before the evaluation or having a therapist tell you that can be harmful. There is nothing that can be done about autism so you just need support. There are things that can be done about other psychological problems causing your burnout so you could get help. If you do get the official diagnosis your gp won't be able to think you are into the trendy autism is an identity that you choose movement.
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u/VisasHateMe 12h ago
Not diagnosed, got adhd diagnosis but I highly suspect a lil bit of the tism.
My adhd psych refused to do the autism test on me because "you don't behave like a robot" actual verbatim quote.
So understand this is a process, have patience, you'll sometimes find closed doors, as annoying as that is you cannot be bogged down by this. It can sometimes be borderline or invisible enough to others but if you're like me who constantly tests themselves thinking it's fake and finding it's not repeatedly, know you hold the truth and don't be dissuaded easily.
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u/PixiePinkPanda 13h ago
Similar thing happened to me, GP known me 20 years! However I mentioned it to a different GP , he told me to write a list of autistic traits are relevant to me. He referred me for assessment, I waited 30 weeks for an appointment though but felt much better after it.
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u/wellknowmeow 13h ago
That GP was out of line. Making a snap judgment based on 10 minute appointments is not clinical reasoning. It's bias.
You're not ridiculous for being upset, but you probably do need a different GP who can either respect your psychologists opinion or refer you for a proper assessment instead of gatekeeping.
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u/Searchingforhappy67 8h ago
I masked so well that my husband, (who is a psychiatrist!) didn’t think I had autism until I started having severe burnout which we confused for just depression
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u/Terrible_Pin_5067 8h ago
Not a woman, but a late diagnosed queer fella' that's had this happen way too many times. I am so sorry this happened!
I get extremely upset and direct that towards the doctor with their M.D.(eity) complex and have made more than one doctor cry. I even made at least one feel like the fraud, not me.
That being said, I still deal with double imposter syndrome from time to time. But I know me, as the operator of this meat sack with this brain every single day for going on 38 years. After being misdiagnosed and medicated to lobotomy, discovering autism felt like coming home.
You're not invisible, your life experience is valid and real, and you're home. I have found Reddit and the Neurospicy community online to be far more supportive and helpful than a GP, or even most psych doctors. I always make sure to ask my therapist when she will be away who she trusts & suggests I reach out to in her place.
I hope you find the support you absolutely deserve. And I will make sure I get out some extra venom just for you on the next stupid doctor that crosses me.
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u/Broccoli_Wolf_ 11h ago
Make a formal complaint and ask to be transferred to a different GP. You didn't ask for their personal opinion on the matter, you needed them to be professional and offer support, only a trained psychiatrist/psychologist can diagnose you as autistic.
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u/Refresh084 12h ago
I’m not even telling my GP. He won’t believe me. He still has depression in his records that I’m trying to get removed.
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u/VociferousCephalopod 16h ago
'you cannot be a fully qualified doctor, come on'