Diagnosed at the beginning of my 20s - How do I survive?

[u/Odd_Tap_1794]

So... great. What the fuck do I do?

I'm somehow young enough to where people look at me pityingly, telling me that I'm still young enough to turn my life around. I hate that. I hate that optimism because I've tried. I've steamrolled through life with blind optimism, and it *didn't work*. I just made a fool of myself.

But I've done my research. I've met disabled older people, and how beaten down they are. I see how invisible they are and how everyone has given up on them. I will still be disabled and I will be old.

It's like I'm seeing my life play out before my eyes, and I feel helpless to stop it. I don't want to live long enough to see that fate for myself. I don't want to experience people slowly losing faith in me and distancing themselves from me. Everything I built disintegrating before my eyes. The meager support system I have just...vanishing.

I just dont know what I'm supposed to do. I was good at studies. I was working that part-time job. I was managing, but my body and brain just gave out on me. It didn't matter how hard I worked. I stopped thinking, I stopped speaking, remembering to clean myself, not listening, not being able to do customer service, online forms and systems were confusing and overwhelming to me....etc...and I couldn't perform to their expectations anymore. I worked really hard. I tried so hard. But it doesn't matter, does it? Masking is unsustainable. Working is unsustainable. Getting a degree is unsustainable. Saving for a house, for retirement is unsustainable.

I feel like a lolcow, like Chris chan. I feel like a basement dweller because now, I live like one. I feel the full breadth of pity and discomfort from others when I'm literally just existing out in public with my mom. When I'm literally opening my mouth to respond to the bits of conversation directed at me.

Nothing makes sense anymore. Everything triggers my cognitive dissonance.

And this shame...it keeps building as the expectations keep increasing. I don't know what to do. Even speaking to a therapist seems...pointless. They can't live my life for me. And the older I get, the less sympathy I get.

I didn't get help young. Apparently, it's too late for me all due to circumstances out of my control.

The grief over my past, the shame over my present, the dread over my future.

I just wish someone would tell me what to do....I wish someone would *look at me* and help me, not out of obligation, but just because they just want to. Not because they see me as just another destitute soul in the system, but because they see me as a human being... a person... who *was* that bright child with potential. Who *was* that child that could have been helped. And who is a person who needs to be helped *now*.

I haven't felt a genuine sense of connection in so long.

I keep latching on to the sprinkles of hope older adults keep dishing out, only to be shut out of it when I can't perform to expectations.

It feels like there are no real solutions. Just window dressing.

[u/tortoisewazouski]

Hey! I'm proud of you you're breathing, thinking, seeking guidance.

It sucks. I wouldn't sugarcoat it, it does suck when you get diagnosed out of the blue and the people around you still treat you like the same person with the mask.

They (some of them) approve of the diagnosis, but they are like, okay, now let's get bacm to work. Like this "diagnosis" is just there for a casual conversation, not that it has any meaning. That is BS. Anyways, you have to take care of yourself right now. You're in burnout. If people say they want you to work, you can say that you're resting. You DO NOT OWE THEM ANY EXPLANATION on why you are just laying down.

Take care of yourself. Tell your mother (if it's possible) how you would want to be supported. Tell the support group you've got what you need at the moment.

[u/Skullclownlol]

How do I survive?

I'll get the obvious joke out of the way: RIP OP, it's terminal.

Jokes aside: Years of therapy w/ an autism-specialized psychologist that you feel a good match with. You learn how to better live with yourself, how to find similar-minded people, how to build a support network even though you have autism, etc.

It's a different way of living and you can adapt to it. It's not easy, but you're also not dying (at least not any faster than usual) so you can still do things about it.

Stop trying to fit in with "most people" (or random people you meet on the street though), that'll just lead to burnout. Autism is 1%-3% of the population, so talking to strangers is a >97% chance that you'll significantly lack in shared experiences/understanding. General neurodivergence has a much higher rate (~15%) than just autism, so find your people and forget what you think you knew. Grieve what/when you need, don't fight that you're autistic. People that got diagnosed earlier typically have better odds of a higher quality of life than similar peers that got diagnosed later, because there's more opportunity to work with it.

But do it while doing therapy. This isn't something you push through, pushing through autism = burnout.

But it doesn't matter, does it? Masking is unsustainable. Working is unsustainable. Getting a degree is unsustainable.

Depending on your environment and abilities, some of these are not unsustainable. You'll need time to figure out what some of these look like in ways that work for you. Therapy helps a lot with this, because your own expectations are probably completely off on what autism needs (I know mine were, and sometimes still need adjusting), and failing your own (maladjusted) expectations = setting yourself up for failure = more burnout.