r/Bumble • u/Medium_Stress_4293 • 8h ago
Profile review Profile review please
I've also included a bunch of other photos that I could use in my profile instead. I'm a 37 year old man living in England.
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u/Main-Regards-8626 7h ago
This would be a no from me, but only based on my personal preferences: a man who is ‘open to see where things go’ and constantly travelling and climbing mountains to me means he has avoidant tendencies, will not want to spend time with me and will be away most of the time climbing things instead of hanging out with me, friends, family, and will probably lead me on for a while claiming to be busy.
I obvs may be completely wrong - but that’s why I personally would swipe left.
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u/Adequately_good 7h ago
This was essentially what I was going to write.
My hobbies don’t perfectly align with his, (I’m active) so it seems like I wouldn’t see him at all. I’d say no, even though he seems like a nice and attractive guy.
If OP only wants someone who is into what he is then it could be a good approach but would exclude a lot of women who could introduce him to other hobbies or a slower pace of life.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
I can see where you're coming from. I suppose that if I were to find someone to build a committed relationship with, they'd need to be either equally as outdoorsy as me, or alternately happy for both of us to keep separate parts of our lives. I'm in a city full of outdoorsy people.
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u/hollowedhallowed 5h ago edited 4h ago
Yeah you're handsome and you seem great, just not for a relationship with another person. Maybe you don't need one - looks like you've already got your life pretty full and wouldn't want to make room for someone else anyway. Just keep on keeping on.
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u/Euphoric-Guess-9269 1h ago
I disagree. I like this type of person/profile. He's not sitting around at home every day after his typical 9-5 doing the exact same thing for months and years on end. I'd be quite happy spending 50% of my time with someone like this, while we also each enjoy our own hobbies (or join together for some/all, within reason).
If he doesn't want kids and there's no major obligations in the household, what's the need/requirement to be together 24/7?
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u/goblin_owner 5h ago
I completely agree with the above comments. I am the same age this guy and I’m not looking to start any new hobbies.
I have my own time consuming hobbies, so no matter how nice this guy may be, I know I am not going to want to deal with his difficulties in scheduling.
I would definitely recommend looking to meet someone through climbing or your other hobbies, that way you have someone who can keep up with you.
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u/TheScrote1 3h ago
If you have your own time consuming hobbies that are different wouldn’t this work. Go do your hobbies every other weekend and hang out every other weekend.
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u/AdEuphoric422 7h ago
Your intuition is spot on
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u/ShonWalksAtMidnight 1h ago
Maybe I'm just lazy as a 38 year old but all those hobbies sound exhausting and expensive, I'd much prefer a quiet walk through a nature park, cooking together, and cuddling up on the couch.
I did all those other things in my 20s/early 30's, I'm ready to settle down. Too high energy. Would be a big no from me.
Gimme a cozy couch and a blanket and making each other laugh and bad movies. Not climbing mountains or surfing or bouldering, those days are long gone.
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u/AdEuphoric422 7h ago
Yup he wants to pump and dump. It’s obvious
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u/The-Fold-Up 6h ago
You've left eight comments like this making wild assumptions about a stranger, that is genuinely insane, please seek help lmao
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
I've made some very good friends through bumble. I saved the life of one woman I met through bumble who had been abused and internationally abandoned, and ignored by the systems designed to protect her. Thanks to my friendship she has a second chance at life. Take your condescension elsewhere.
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u/OrizaRayne 6h ago
Lol that has nothing to do with women who don't want to make "very good friends" being uninterested in your profile.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
I'm reacting to the suggestion that "casual" means I treat people as disposable.
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6h ago
[deleted]
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u/OrizaRayne 6h ago
Casual doesn't mean treating people as disposable.
But, pretending to be open to a relationship when the goal is a one night stand is pretty gross.
And the whole trotting out "saving a woman's live blah blah" is pretty... Off-putting.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
I'm not looking for a one night stand.
The story is true.
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u/OrizaRayne 6h ago
You should probably clarify what you're looking for.
Bragging about the story is off-putting, especially over and over to try to make a point about what a great guy you are.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 5h ago
I felt attacked and unwisely responded defensively. I was stung by the accusation that I use women.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
Did you downvote my comment saying that I literally saved the life of a woman I met through bumble? How many people can claim that? Would you do that?
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u/AdEuphoric422 6h ago
Do you want a cookie? Also it’s a dating app not a friendship app. Not looking for a relationship while being on a dating app = looking for to pump and dump. Why are you offended by your own truth? Next.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
Why are you so obsessed with attacking me? And where is the rule that bumble is only for serious dating?
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u/Afterglow92 6h ago
34F. I really like that you have an adventurous spirit and seem to be well traveled. I do enjoy mild hiking sometimes but I’m not as outdoorsy as you so idk if I’d be able to keep up with your activities so I probably wouldn’t swipe right just for that. BUT assuming I was, I still probably wouldn’t swipe right due to you being open to seeing where things go. I like intentional dating and knowing where I stand as I’ve mostly had the opposite my whole life. HOWEVER, if you could find a woman who feels the same way I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to match with someone. Just be very upfront that you’re not looking for anything serious.
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u/AlpsHelpful1292 5h ago
Do you need whoever you date to be super outdoorsy as well? I’m 35F well-educated, well-traveled, leftist, and childfree but I would hesitate to swipe right on your profile since I’m not surfing or mountain climbing every weekend.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 5h ago
But your username suggests otherwise! 😉
I couldn't date anyone completely sedentry. But I don't think they'd necessarily need to be committed to the outdoors as I am - it's nice to be have parts of your life to your own, but also to introduce a partner to your interests.
I live somewhere where it's possible to easily do half-day trips to surf or climb, and still get home and chill for the rest of the day, so it's not like I'm away every weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening.
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u/Great_Tyrant5392 5h ago
You definitely come across as a busy fella. A lady reading your profile will probably wonder, where is the room for me? The only change I'd suggest is making it more inviting.
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u/emmarie1023 5h ago
There isn’t room. He has said in other comments he’s not looking for a relationship.
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u/Glittering-Lychee629 7h ago
It's a nice profile. I would assume you are only looking for casual encounters and nothing serious.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
Thank you. I'm going through a transitional period and learning a lot about myself. I'm not dating with the intention of finding a relationship but I'm open to it if it feels right with someone. In the meantime, dating is about enjoying meeting people without any specific expectation.
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u/AdEuphoric422 7h ago
Genuinely what is “open to seeing where things go”
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u/CycadelicSparkles 7h ago
I always took it as "comfortable with something casual but if we really like each other I'd be potentially open to something more serious".
It's where my husband and I started out, and obviously it worked out. It's nice if you don't want pressure to commit on date number three.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
You're spot on, and thank you for understanding. That more or less describes where I'm at, and thank you for understanding that it doesn't mean I treat people as disposable.
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u/Dear_Seesaw_1855 3h ago edited 3h ago
Well add that somewhere, because 80% of women will take that selection as you want casual only.
The line “casual but potentially open to something serious” isn’t helpful either for women. It sound like you’re shopping around at a car dealership and are announcing, “Well I’ll take her for a few spins, and if she ends up being a mint condition Porsche 911 I’ll consider buying. But otherwise I’m returning her for the next. “
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u/Accurate_Wasabi6768 6h ago
At what point does a person not become casual for you? I take this to mean you aren't looking to marry or settle down per sa but perhaps it would benefit you to emphasise (i appreciate there is no bumble prompt for this) open to seeing where things go but do want to find someone meaningful etc..
That's the trust gap which is why it appears to many that you might be toying with people who might see you in the intention that you want some form of deep connection only for you to turn round and say but when I meant open to seeing where things go, I meant as I saw fit and I've not developed any deep feelings in the x months/years we've been seeing each other etc.
Essentially some people are more sensitive and seek others who are loyal and commit (or at least want to do so if they meet "their person") (more sensitive)
Others have a nervous system which can handle lots and lots of uncertainty in a partner because they actively want new experiences without the pressure of commitment (more sensation seeking).
Many women have nervous systems orientated around the former especially those who want children and family etc. (As I did in my 20s).
Ironically I've switched to the latter in my 40s post divorce but thats the personality gap you're trying to bridge.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
It's a very fair question. I'm aware of the potential for people to get hurt in such a situation, myself included. So I would always bring this up before arranging to meet someone in real life, and discuss how we would maintain boundaries to avoid things escalating.
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u/Accurate_Wasabi6768 6h ago
As a sensitive person who doesn't want commitment per se, my belief is one cannot avoid escalation of feelings. It is not a dam holding a river which can be blocked.
You might be better suited for ENM....
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
You're not wrong and I have learnt that the hard way. But I don't think that feelings are inevitable with anyone and everyone.
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u/Accurate_Wasabi6768 5h ago edited 5h ago
No but this is where men largely compartmentalise sex as never having an emotional component (& simply want lots of new exploration eg no strings attached) (but it is not a monolith of my lived experience as a cis het woman etc).
I did go through a period in my late 30s post marriage when separated, living separately preparing for divorce (which took years as small children involved etc), where more casual connections felt safer for me both emotionally and as my ex husband was v abusive.
I certainly did not want to introduce anyone who was a FWB or lover to my children and In fact only done this v recently someone who was a FWB who has now become a dear friend (no more physical attraction on either side but we get on so well so are good friends now after years).
I don't have the rigidity that I once had in my 20s but the problem you face is that a great overwhelming majority of cis get women will become attached emotionally after consistent sex.
You may be able to compartmentalise who you develop feelings for, they, by and large, cannot.
However, women who are already partnered in ENM are actively seeking what you want so Feeld rather than Bumble might be your better option.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 5h ago
Thank you for sharing that, it's really insightful.
Actually, I think that my emotional response to sex is more like that of women. I thought I could compartmentalise sex and emotion but turned out I couldn't - hence learning the hard way. So it's taught me about the risks, but also about being aware of my feelings, and about careful communication of boundaries.
It's really wholesome to hear about your FWB who became a dear friend.
I am on feeld too, but I've had very few matches on there, presumably simply because it's a much smaller community.
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u/Euphoric-Guess-9269 1h ago
I think people are being way too critical in these comments and over-reading / assuming things about your comments/answers to the queries on the app. That being said, I don't spend time on the apps myself so I can't quite comment on how someone else might interpret them in "today's world".
That being said, I think you're a stellar/interesting guy. Too bad you're across the pond! "Seeing where things go" and building a friendship over time is just fine with me.
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u/ElectricPapaya9 1h ago
If you're in your 30's that phrase reads like a serious time waster and indication that the woman will end up more into you than you're into her, or end up in a long term non committal relationship. It reads as "yeah I'm here for a good time and if I get married eventually that's nice I guess." Like you're trying to cast your net too wide but you're going to turn off many serious matches with this.
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u/pinkrainbow5 5h ago
I think your profile makes you look great. I would worry about compatibility - I feel like I didn't grow up outdoorsy, and as much as I wish I was, it's hard to just start being outdoorsy in your 30s when you don't know how to do any of those things.
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u/imiss2007 6h ago
Don’t elaborate a profile like you want to find someone if you’re there only for “open to seeing where things go”
If it’s sex what you want, then be clear.
If it’s fwb, also be clear.
There’s no shame in that if that’s what you’re into.
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7h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AdEuphoric422 7h ago
What’s the point if he is not looking for a relationship
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
What is the point to any interaction with a fellow human being? Is anything other than a lifetime relationship a waste of time?
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u/Top-Ticket4648 6h ago
This honestly seems to be the case with most people I have spoken too. People chase this idea of a long term romantic relationship and ignore everything else. I've lost friends who just prioritize whoever will touch their genitals everyday.
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u/OrizaRayne 6h ago
To match up with women who are also not looking for a relationship.
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u/AdEuphoric422 6h ago
I mean why does it matter if he’s smiling with teeth or not. If he’s just looking to pump and dump his profile quality doesn’t matter
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u/OrizaRayne 6h ago
I'm confused as to why profile quality wouldn't matter in terms of matching with people?
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u/Accurate_Wasabi6768 6h ago edited 6h ago
Keep pics, 4,5, 7, 10 and make 11 your profile pic. Its clear you are the ultimate outdoorist. Attractive but doesn't say what you want out of a relationship (other than FWB - which echoes what the other commenters read from your profile)
You don't want kids or have kids, what exactly is it that you want a woman to fit into your life for unless its to accompany you on every outdoor adventure at the exact same skill and Endurance level you currently occupy etc.
Im not your target audience but if i was 10 years younger and didn't have children, i'd think, well if I'm not able to do all of his outdoor pursuits at the exact same skill level, he'd get irate and frustrated and it wouldn't work for that reason (let alone the soft fcuk boi fwb vibes being given....)
But possibly emphasise your er...empathetic side a bit (doesn't have to be a cringe pic with a dog but perhaps mention what your family or friends mean to you etc)
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u/Independent-Lead2462 48 | F 5h ago
Are you looking for a base camp woman (stays home while you adventure) or and adventure woman (goes with). Might be a good idea to clarify your thoughts on that topic.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 5h ago
Good question! I'm actually not sure what's ideal in a relationship in terms of sharing hobbies. I live in a city full of outdoorsy people so I'm hoping the pictures will stand out
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u/HibernatingRibs 6h ago
I feel like “quietly confident” sounds odd, like Chat-GPT coded ?
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
I think AI needs to be fired on a rocket into the sun. But I've realised that apparently I write a little bit like AI (mildly autistic).
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u/HibernatingRibs 6h ago
That’s valid!! I definitely agree, where’s that rocket at? But sadly feel some adverbs/phrases have been co-opted by AI like “and honestly” and “quietly”
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
I've seen people calling out these phrases in other threads and scratched my head over them because half of them could have been something I'd written! I didn't realise that "quietly" might be an amber flag, thanks for pointing that out.
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u/Leo55 3h ago
Nah I’ve seen many women say that. Which I guess could be LLM generated but I think he’s feeding into that particular ask that women have
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u/pepperpotsdecreme 2h ago
It's authentic the majority of the time - it'd a trait a lot of women like so it's part of our vocabulary!
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u/Leo55 53m ago
That may be but it’s a weird thing to front load onto anyone before they get to be their actual selves around you and it doesn’t do anything to filter out people who may not be “quietly confident”.
Like you may be the kind of person who’s self assured/possessed (probably a more traditional descriptor) but being on a date with someone you think holds promise as being the right person for you is going to make some of those folks nervous as hell. And that doesn’t mean they lack confidence they just don’t want to screw up and that’s totally normal
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u/Chance-Sign7381 6h ago
You have a good profile. Tall, good career, good looking, etc..
What I don't like is your defensiveness in the comments below. You come here asking for advice. For some, open to seeing how things go lands as low pressure. For others, it means casual. We didn't make the rules.
Your response below to that was weird and unnecessarily angry. Which tells me you have some humility work to do. I am wondering if you get matches, but they fizzle out, and if they do, it's due to your energy.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
There's one person who's attacking me very unfairly. I've reported them. Otherwise, I see where the comments are coming from.
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u/Chance-Sign7381 6h ago
Handle these things with grace my friend. Who cares what 1 stranger says to you on reddit.
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u/CycadelicSparkles 6h ago
I'd be down. I think you could be a little more clear about what you're looking for, but the right person would pronably find this a very interesting profile. You seem like you'd be fun to talk to.
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u/ray_theunready 6h ago
You have some really good photos- I think limit it to 1-2 activity shots though, even though that’s important to you. It’s just not that interesting to look at a stranger doing things.
You’re going to be limited by “open to seeing where things go,” no matter how cute you are. Especially at your age. That doesn’t mean you have to change it if it’s genuine. Make one of your prompt responses an expansion of what you’re looking for/able to offer. Not “kindness and honesty”. But literally- “I travel every weekend for adventure sports, but I’d love to find someone to spend meaningful time with in between” or “I’m newly single and looking for an adventure partner,” - whatever the reason is that you’re not in a place to be super intentional, share that. I’m way more inclined to chat with a wishy-washy guy if he’s aware and has a good reason.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
Thank you for the suggestions. I would be lying if I said I was looking for a relationship. I'd prefer to be honest and limit my options than lie.
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u/Meow-zelTov 6h ago
Yeah, speaking as someone in your age range who is also busy… dude, I don’t have time for “open to seeing how things go.” I’ve got stuff to do. You’re honest about not wanting kids, which is refreshing, but whether you want a fling or a permanent travel partner is still up in the air. Women in our age range want to get off the apps and out of the game. They don’t want a situationship.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
That's totally fair, and I wish you luck in finding your person.
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u/Meow-zelTov 6h ago
Thank you! I’m (thank christ) done with the apps and settled with my partner. My suggestion is to fit a short explanation of what you are looking for in one of the prompts. Best of luck :)
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u/Healthy-Chicken5570 5h ago
The way you say "come and join me" makes it seem like you expect your future partner to spend her weekends surfing/climbing with you. Tbh that's probably not something most girls envision themselves doing, so unless the girl's hobbies align very closely with yours, I think she would be intimidated by your "outdoorsiness" and desire to spend a large amount of your time doing it.
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u/PDXDeck26 6h ago
You're 37, don't want kids, don't want a relationship, apparently don't want to do anything on the weekend other than what you want to to, and - sorry - the gaydar is pinging a little bit.
what's there to swipe right for? like why are you even doing OLD?
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u/daydreaming_pony 5h ago
What is a “dog-botherer”?
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 5h ago
Someone who'll cross the road to pet a good boy/girl.
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u/daydreaming_pony 5h ago
I’d check out the definition of that term on Urban Dictionary… and maybe change it to “dog lover” instead 😬
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 5h ago
Noted. I hadn't considered the phrase like that, thanks for pointing it out!
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u/newmillenia 5h ago
I personally would want to know a little more precisely what it is you’re looking from (if I just saw the profile and not this post), but I think it’s obviously nothing serious. But damn, otherwise, I think you’re going to attract exactly your like-minded matches with similar interests with how you have it. I’m down with it, can we go on a date?!
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u/Fresh_Income_7411 3h ago
This is off topic and a compliment. If there were photos of 12 year old Ovichkin, I think these would be it.
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u/cherrycocktail20 24m ago
LOL I literally thought it was for a split-second when I was quick-scrolling my feed
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u/TheScrote1 3h ago
I’d ditch pic 5. You say you surf every weekend. People don’t want to see you sitting down in the trough. Get that thing on a rail and make it look like you surf every weekend.
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u/Educational_Way_8318 3h ago
When I see profiles like this- I always wonder- what if someone you were really otherwise compatible with didn’t like all these activities? Is it truly that important that your partner is game for all of this? I might be strange in this but I actively look for partners with different hobbies than mine to keep things interesting!
So I am a no on this- seems rigid. Something to consider.
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u/Dear_Seesaw_1855 3h ago
You’re the type of guy I’m looking for- active and out doing things. But I’m that way also so know it isn’t everyone’s thing.
Agree the “opening to seeing how things go” means you want casual. Or at least that is how I interpret it. So I wouldn’t match. Of you want an actual relationship- change that part.
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u/Unlikely_Reality_549 3h ago
It sounds like you’re looking to date someone casually who is into outdoor activities. I think that’s great! I would not swipe right because I am not a nature adventure person, but that is the point of specificity as a filter.
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u/paulllis 2h ago
Commit to either a beard or being clean shaven. The patchy facial hair isn’t helping what others have commented.
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u/Sensitive-Mango7155 2h ago
I love your pictures!! I love the outdoors though but if I saw “open to seeing where things go” I wouldn’t take the conversation that seriously
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u/multilevelmystery 2h ago
Looks like boyfriend material. Reads like immature almost 40 year old who's here to waste people's time.
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u/sofiapickles 1h ago
I think it’s a great profile. I’d swipe right if you were in my country haha.
Perhaps “Open to where things are going” would deter some women who are looking for long term commitment. That being said, you are being clear of what you want, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’d rather a guy be honest than mislead me.
I hope you find your match :)
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u/tiny_claw 1h ago
The first sentence of the bio is great but the rest is pretty generic and uninteresting. All your pics are active so your prompts should showcase a different side of your personality. The “fixing my mood” and “weekend” ones give absolutely no new information.
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u/turquoisestar 1h ago
This is like a very typical profile for a guy in san francsico, except you’re a scientist and not a software engineer. I mean it would be a swipe right for me, but I agree that open to seeing where things go is extremely noncommittal. I would still take a chance talking to this profile. You remind me of my friend who is constantly going off on adventures - very extroverted social butterfly. I have learned that she will always do her own thing and not to get attached to hanging out together if we go to the same event/festival. She found a partner recently. I am guessing both of you have avoidant attachment style, hence the non commitment label. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, but I think it does present challenges if you’re interacting with people seeking commitment. I think your best bet is someone similar to you like a doctor who is also very into being outdoorsy when not working, or a relationship where both people live separately.
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u/Flaky_Bookkeeper10 1h ago
There's something about your sentence structure and the look in your eyes that makes me deeply distrustful of your intentions, like I'm a homo sapiens and you're a neanderthal and I have a primal feeling in the back of my spine that if I sleep in the same cave as you you're going to cannibalize me. Idk what you should do about that
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u/misstermotivator 1h ago
wish you were smiling in the first pic, you have a great one! ghost shirt, tolkien nerd, into the outdoors — you’re a catch ☺️
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u/Slight-Concept2575 38m ago
Your hair cut is really bad. Please get a new one! But you seem attractive otherwise
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u/cherrycocktail20 33m ago edited 25m ago
I had left a more positive comment, but deleted it because I just saw the "open to seeing where things go." I swipe left on that. I think that's a turn-off for most people, and definitely for me -- I prefer to let things grow slowly, but I still need to date a person that knows they want a partner and relationship and isn't hesitant to state that.
If you are hesitant about a relationship right now, then it's still best to be upfront about that in this way (and additionally through communication), though it will likely significantly limit your number of matches.
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u/Silent_County5555 6h ago
He is not 6' tall.
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u/Medium_Stress_4293 6h ago
That was my measurement at a hospital pre-operation check up. It was a morning measurement though, so maybe I'm only 5'11" by the evening!
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u/MouldyAvocados 4h ago
I started off thinking that, if I were single, I’d probably swipe right. It went swiftly downhill.
“Open to seeing where things go” at 37 = big red flag for me, and probably for a lot of women. Many women at that age want some kind of commitment/security. You sound too wishy-washy and non-committal.
The weekends surfing and climbing are another big red flag. The way you’ve worded it, I read that as non-negotiable and a woman is expected to just slot into it in a, “if you want to see me at weekends, you have to pick up my hobbies”. There’s no mention of making an effort to indulge in her hobbies or even understand what a woman’s hobbies are. It’s, “this is what I do. Fit into it or sod off”. That’s not for me.
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u/ChiefChunkEm_ 6h ago
Get rid of 6, 11, 12 for unflattering patchy beard and 10 because it doesn’t help your profile. Need one photo with a group of friends to show people you have them. Otherwise excellent profile, piqué’s curiosity, some great photos, genuine smile, conveys enough info but not too much, humour lands, text content is well written. Seem like a great guy 🤙🏼
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u/Legitimate-Sky8335 7h ago
Good-looking person, questionable availability. Seeing where things go is non-committal. The weekends prompt is too directive and comes off as a non-negotiable. Weekends are the prime time to build the relationship; some concessions need to be made.