r/COCSA • u/Lastgirlonearth769 • 3d ago

Was I abused? Was it really COCSA?

When I was about 5 years old, I stayed at a friend‘s House overnight and she had an older brother who was about 10 years old. We spent the night together and then her brother wanted me to go to the bathroom with him. There, he undressed himself and wanted me to give him a blowjob. I said no for so many times until we finally left the bathroom. Now, I’m not sure if it was really COCSA, because nothing actually happened and idk what to think about it. (Also, excuse my English it’s not my first language)

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u/AutoModerator 3d ago

It sounds like you're wondering whether a particular incident was COCSA

Many survivors of abuse question whether their experience really qualifies. In the case of COCSA, professionals use three criteria to distinguish what they call "sex play" (i.e. normal childhood curiosity) from COCSA:

  1. Age proximity – usually no more than 2–3 years apart.
  2. No coercion – it must be free from force, pressure, fear, or manipulation.
  3. No pattern – it doesn't happen repeatedly or become secretive.

Break any one of those, and it's COCSA.

It's also important to note that many experiences can still be traumatic, even when they aren't abusive. Regardless of labels, only you can say how something affected you.

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