Hi friends, please be careful seeing a chiro. I know we’re all desperate for relief, but I wish I never went. I’ve had chronic pain my entire life, found out at 19 it stems from EDS. My back fluctuates from a 3-9 on the pain scale, but my neck was mostly okay.

Until I went to a chiropractor

I know this may not resonate with everyone, but please be careful seeing them. I went to have my hips adjusted because they were not sitting right and hurt more than normal. I told the chiro my neck was fine and to leave it alone, but he convinced me to adjust it. I’ve had debilitating pain in my neck for 4 years since. I went back, telling him I had new pain (hips felt normal again), and nothing he did helped.

I’ve been in PT now, and things are slowly improving bit by bit, but I still have such significant pain, random ear ringing, and other issues I never had.

Please please be careful friends. I know we’re all just trying to get by and reduce the pain, but the injury I got was not worth any of it. It’s just more on top of what i already dealt with.

Just a quick vent. A good day finally comes. You debate the value of doing something you know will cause you pain but decide to do it anyway to get something out of life. And then you have your Mom bring it up for the next year “but you did mini golf, what do you mean you’re having trouble walking?” Yeah, I did it with pain to try to have joy. Why does it have to get held over my head forevermore?

The hardest thing for people to understand seems to be that people with chronic pain’s entire life is weighing the pros and cons of doing anything, even on a very small scale.

I'm gonna go home and cry from relief. The first time a controlled med other than lyrica been given to me for this shit severe pain.

Please give me success stories or experiences from diazepam for fibromyalgia. I'm so excited to not be in pain

I don’t know if I am the only one but the amount of physical therapy I have done seems endless and there’s no end in sight. I am grateful I am able to leave my house and do activities outside of the house I know that’s not the case for everyone its just frustrating that most people do not need to do physical therapy to move through life. On top of physical therapy I have to do injections to calm down inflammation I have. I’m grateful that the injections work but it’s also frustrating to have to take so many needles to function in a way most people do without even thinking.

I have been doing physical therapy on and off for the last 8 years. I’m trying to be more consistent to get my life back but it’s so annoying having to do physical therapy on top of regular appointments and other things I have going on. I’m trying to get my life back and maintain my gains. Can anyone else relate or get where I am coming from?

It was based on the one in the second pic. I liked having the descriptions since I'm not great at rating my pain accurately but it didn't quite fit how I experience things. Anyway posting this in hopes that it might help someone else that struggles with rating their pain

So I am no stranger to injections, in fact I loathe them but I needed a diagnostic facet block to see if my PCDF would be a good path for me having not fused at all.

- I arrive on Valium already, then randomly at some point they say they’ll be back to do my IV. This is my first injection with this new practice - so I’m like why are we doing an IV? Apparently they require all patients to have versed and fentanyl.

- I need a C4-C6 medial branch block (I have order from neurosurgeon) pain doctor says well I can only inject one level today that’s too much steroid.

- I get to the OR, he’s sitting at a computer saying good news we are doing a C6C7 epidural instead that will be better for you - lots of arguing later like the whole OR staff is witnessing this he settles all he can do is a C5C6 nerve block (still not what I need) - I am half sedated at this point agree to it. He says come back next week and I can do what you need (are we all okay here wtf??)

- never had twilight only full sedation. Him or another male has me in a football hold I can only remember screaming loud thrashing around from severe pain of it never had that before only light ‘motherfucker’ during past injections. He struggles a lot to get left and right side but the versed has me present but I can’t advocate for myself at all. I also have PTSD from the navy so none of this helped. I never had a doctor hold my head and around my neck like that during an injection.

-it’s all done but X-ray tech tells me I’m bleeding a lot so it will be a extra min

All I needed was a block and now I’m in the flare up of nightmares. I did talk to my therapist about this I just am stuck in this failed back surgery syndrome shit and I want to get out but I’m being suffocated by bad providers.

hello all! i (19f) have been feeling really hopeless lately. ive been diagnosed with thoracic outlet syndrome and im being tested for more nerve or orthopedic related problems in my back and right hip. im in a lot of pain and its genuinely debilitating and so miserable. i want to be a private investigator or forensics detective after i graduate college but in order to do that, i have to be a LEO for at least 2 years. and in order to do THAT i have to pass physical exams. i cant really be disabled and pursue my dream career. its making me wonder if i should give up while im ahead and change my major. along the same lines, i used to be super active in yoga, ballet, and track in middle and early high school. i was so good at what i did and then when i started having pain my junior year, i slowly lost it. and now that my pain is at where it is now, i can hardly even walk some days. i just started college and my campus offers free ballet and yoga classes. i went to ONE ballet class and had the worst flare up afterwards. i just want to do what i love and not have to choose between it or my pain. i kinda just needed to rant because im down in the dumps and feeling like my pain is going to ruin my life, but any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.

p.s. pictured is my handy dandy rolling cart that i use to carry my bag and such around campus! it helps me prevent pain sometimes and its super cute :)

This is a bit hard for me to post but i need advice on cleaning my home.. jan 2026 i was diagnosed with multiple severe mechanical conditions in my gi causing my organs to be starved of blood & oxygen. This was severely disabling starting more frequently in oct of 2025, and everything that was bad the last years got miles and miles worse. I have supplemental oxygen for when i need it because my oxygen will frequently drop to low 80s just from a minute of walking around (my diaphragm is being squashed currently) & my mechanical issues & oxygen issues are worsened tenfold by being upright, sitting, standing, walking. Its nearly impossible to be mobile anymore, even climbing up my stairs to get into my home then up to my bed leaves me with a HR spinning out in the 180s & unable to breathe for a few minutes of laying down. Even standing in the pharmacy line, i cant. Going to the store for a quick snack run, i am frequently squatting down around the store so i dont pass out, to lessen some pain, and to get some breath back (& is why i no longer go to the store). And in the middle of this all i unexpectedly lost my soul kitty at the beginning ish of the year & just flat out stopped going downstairs, holed myself and my other cat off upstairs & thats where weve been.. i still havent even broached that grief.

My house. Is a fucking mess. My surgery is in less than a month with my mom flying out to help with my recovery. I need it cleaned beforehand. I need my house to be clean at least enough. But i have no fucking idea how to do so. I was waiting to get on a new pain med that will help my QOL more but that was shut down pretty quick after the 2nd trial & determining the severity of my mechanical conditions is causing inability to tolerate any new oral meds & losing toleration on current safe meds. So i have to work with what i got. I will take any tips at all on how to get this shit done. My house is disgusting. And i think its starting to get to my MH a bit. Thank you.

So some of you may know me, hello guys 🥹

So I try Really hard to be positive 🥹
I just can’t today, I thought today, maybe would disappoint me and make me wait a few weeks for help, but nope, I just wasn’t that lucky.

This rant will go back to the full on rant of it all :

So I moved to the Cleveland area 13 years ago
I started seeing Cleveland clinic, my doctors in Washington state, literally told me to move here for help. Ok no referrals. I REALLY didn’t think any of this would be so hard. I had a non displaced fracture of my s5. I had been offered removal in Washington, but I wanted the better surgeons of CC. I had also broke a toe and it was dislocated for 7 years I wore a boot. A year before I moved here it was relocated and I was diagnosed with hEDS. Great it was what, I thought the start of getting myself healthy.

My pain was out of control, I was weak and weighed maybe 110lbs 4 years ago (I still hadn’t received any real help or MRIs nothing, finally I got an MRI’s, awesome. They said you need neck surgery, but the wasting in your lower back could use a reactive8 stimulator. So I visited a surgeon about my neck. He didn’t seem concerned with waiting. Come to find out I had a pseudo subluxation of my c4-c5. I didn’t find out till after the implant, but too late by then ok. I ended up with a triple prolapse as well. So 3 months after the implant, ya my hEDS said haha when I sneezed and ripped out of the pocket, migrating 8 1/2 inches to my hip and spine.

Great they would not remove it till my prolapse’s were fixed. So they of course wanted me to have it fixed laparoscopy. It took 2 years to do the prolapse surgeries, 4 more months to remove the reactive8, but in the meantime I ended up with sepsis 3 times and staphylococcus aureus. Then still before removal, I had a heart attack and had 2 stents placed. I woke up during placement, it took forever for them to notice. I was in cardiac ICU for 5 days.

Later that year 2 years ago, I had a few strokes and seizures, they finally removed my stimulator. Then I was in terrible pain, I thought was from my intercystal cystitis, I was just reading a report, I couldn’t see before, I had a surgery for what they said was a bladder stretch for pain. Turns out, they did that too, but they removed several tumors and lesions, 2 months later, still between more sepsis, I had a few more strokes and seizures and sepsis, blah blah, but they called the event PRES my hematomas, they almost drilled into my brain, they thought it was tumors, I did have that PRES, but also cerebral vasculitis and wasn’t told that either. Ya so I NEVER received pain care through ANY of this.

I woke up 2 weeks ago with extreme neck and left shoulder pain, my left arm to my elbow is/was 2-3x the size it should have be, now my right is about a third down to my elbow, my upper thighs also about a third down to my knees swollen. I have cervical root disorder and type 1 pain syndrome on my entire left side.

So days before this happened, I met my new awesome primary. He’s listening and believing me. Giving me referrals, so the hospital hates me, I fought to finally get a CT scan on Saturday, so a new orthopedic specialist I saw again yesterday, could finally refer me for ketamine IV treatment new patient consultation, I was lucky and saw them today.

Luck huh? Nope!!
ya so I’m approved to start.
So in about 2 months they say, they should have an opening for me, then it’ll be 2-8 weeks to start my appointments. That’s like January guys!!!

So I’m looking at my after visit summary, it goes through in MyChart and I look at it. 3 years ago I was test for fibromyalgia and told I was negative. It turns out Surprise, ya I have had a positive test result, hidden for 3 freaking years now, I mean seriously WTF at this point. Of course my primary, who did give me roxicodone when the hospitals wouldn’t, the hospital doctor/staff just literally called me a gomer again. 2 weeks ago so, I take my last pill at 11:30pm tonight. I see my primary Thursday, but of course he’s out today.

I did manage to get an appointment with an old rheumatologist from 5 years ago. So maybe she can help on Friday.
Palliative new patient appointment March 11th
My medical is sending me a home care nurse, they just want my doctor to sign off on it all.

I mean seriously I was in a wheelchair, didn’t know my name, this is All just so much right now, just how, why, I’m in so much pain it was about an hour drive there and and hour home.

Nothing is helping 🥹

So ya, welcome to my life of horror and pain guys, the ketamine doctor is great unlocking and officially getting fibromyalgia on my file now maybe will help me get treatment?

I swear I’d give up if I didn’t love 💕 my boyfriend and cat Champ 🐈‍⬛ so much, please cross your fingers for me.

I literally have No quality of life
🍀🦓👩🏻‍💻🌈💜

I'm just here to vent. I just woke up for work after being awake for over an hour in the middle of the night from pain. I mentioned I was glad I took a pain med since I didn't fall asleep until after it had had a chance to kick in. I made the mistake of saying I feel like I sometimes "waste" a med because I do manage to fall asleep before it kicks in. His response? "I feel like that's just anxiety." I'm sorry, ex-fucking-scuse me? So because 1 in 10 times I'm able to find a comfortable enough position (or I'm just exhausted enough) to fall asleep before it kicks in the answer must be that it was anxiety. He said he thinks it means because I think there will be pain relief I'm able to sleep and therefore it was anxiety that I wouldn't be able to sleep all along. I think the answer is to just keep my mouth shut all the times and not share anything about it but then he'll probably say he doesn't see that I'm affected that much so why go to the doctors. It's not like I want him in pain but I swear if he knew what it was like even a little he would understand a little more. (I'm late to work and exhausted so am not proof reading. Apologies for spelling/grammar.)

for example, when they chart things like "denies abdominal pain, denies fever, denies diarrhea" etc. they chart an entire assessment as "denies" when they never even did an assessment in the first place. why even do this report if you're not actually assessing the pt? it's especially annoying when they write "denies" on symptoms that are the reasons i'm coming in for evaluation.

or, "lung sounds clear, no wheezing" when they didn't even listen to your lungs. "normal bowel sounds" when they didn't even listen to your stomach.

another thing, i'll preface this by saying my new PCP (i've seen her 3 times) is very kind, compassionate, prompt with my referrals, and eager to help. however it just seems as if she's confused or doesn't know what's going on sometimes - maybe she's not reviewing my information before meeting with me and she hasn't had much experience with me yet.

i notice that on my referral she included a diagnostic code for mixed ibs & constipation. i have Crohns disease & have diarrhea every day of my life almost, with partial obstructions and strictures. completely different from IBS and constipation. now i'm aware these referral codes don't really matter, but i don't want anything to do with IBS anywhere on my chart because i have IBD and i don't want any providers getting confused.

but during my appointment she asked if i take a medication for my IBS. like why are you randomly saying i have IBS when i have a disease that is completely wrecking my intestines and beyond, when you definitely are aware of what disease i have...? it made me a bit nervous that my own primary doctor is confusing IBD with IBS.

i also asked for a referral for a pain doctor and she said i should stay with my current pain doctor.... i don't have a pain doctor yet, that's why i'm asking for a referral... and even if i did have one already & wanted to switch, who would you be to tell me to stay with my current without asking any questions or receiving any context?

the medical system is just so strange sometimes and i'm finding the minute details bother me more and more as i'm going through this flare, just some pet peeves i guess 😅

september is chronic pain awareness month. thank you to this group for the support and comfort you have provided during the most difficult time of my adult life. while i have an outstanding support system with my loved ones, i don't have anyone in person who can relate. this group has positively impacted my mental health, as i would feel crazy without people who understand what i'm going through from experience. i strive to be of service and support to anyone who needs me.

please reach out when you're struggling - whether it's to a family member, friend, spouse, mental health professional, or a support group - whoever helps you the most. no one should suffer alone or in silence.

pain management and support is suicide prevention. i know it's exhausting and draining, quite literally sucks the life out of us, but please don't give up on advocating for yourself. i have struggled for several years with chronic pain and fearing i wouldn't get the help i needed with my pain management. i'm finally with the right team who is helping to manage my illness and pain, because i didn't give up. i hope the same for all of you.

all love 💜💜💜

Hey, awesome community. After inspiration from a local Reddit buddy, I created a Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain and disability sub located in Portland, Oregon PDX Metro.

Finally had the time to start working on it today, got motivated especially since in r/askportland there was a post earlier today asking for online communities in our area just like this.

Would love to have you join us if you are interested. All are welcome: r/ChronicIllnessPDX

🖤

Hi- I, F26, have been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and osteoarthritis in L4/5 & L5/S1. I have been seeing an ortho for 5 months, put on multiple medications like: tramadol, meloxicam, 3 different muscle relaxers, toradol shots & prednisone pills / shots. The only one that has been able to get my pain from 8/9 to a 2/3 is tramadol. I just saw a pain specialist referred to me by my ortho and I felt it didn’t go how I wanted it to. First of all- she looked me straight in my face and told me that she will not ever prescribe me Tramadol in any case because I am self pay and have no insurance. I explained to her that I have been on this medicine for 5 months, twice a day at 50mg in the morning to get out of bed and 75mg at night to be able to sleep. She then said she does injections only and offered me 2 nerve block testers to see if that works and if so she’d give me an RFA under sedation (ablation to burn nerves?) which isn’t until a month out. She told me to taper my remaining 7 Tramadol. I immediately went into fear mode because what do you mean I have to get off the one thing that helps me currently, to self pay thousands of dollars for injections that might not even work & have no pain relief in the time being. The test blockers only give 3-6 hours of relief and they’re spaced 2 weeks apart from eachother. I feel like i was labelled a drug seeker before I even walked through the door. The tone of voice in which she said “I will not be prescribing tramadol to you in any circumstance” felt disheartening and condescending to me. Has anyone been through this? I don’t want to be on Tramadol for life but I also don’t want to be in severe pain waiting to be able to afford this RFA? Has this happened to anyone else in pain management? Does anyone with DDD or osteoarthritis take opioids for their pain? I feel like i’ve hit my limit and i don’t know what to do.

I felt it all before today was even day- starting with the auto 1am rejection email from my interview yesterday.

I only saw it in tossing because my need to use the bathroom broke my usual drug spell at night. My fists clenched so tightly, so quickly that I had small cuts along my palm by morning.

Everyone and thing is working to push me out of this world and life and it’s working.
September is suicid3 prevention month and the fact that I’m here today is amazing because I’ve tried more than once this year.

The chronic pain after multiple surgeries, the second layoff- this time wildly illegal and documented and no one cared or could penalize it, the overwhelming depression, the continued dehumanization at being both Black and a Woman in America, the crushing cost of living, non existent healthcare, the abandonment by superficial friends, the family who doesn’t have the skills or desire to see or understand me, and my decreasing savings.

That’s what’s knocking the wind out of me right now.

My Mom wants so badly to call a flag in the play and say- look at this apartment you’ve secured while unemployed! Yes, while still fighting with management over half a dozen things that they were supposed to make easier for me, and trying not to convey how much the constant air traffic hits my autistic system and compresses and grips me almost to the point of complete suffocation- before letting me go just before a complete end.

I still have all these ideas and thoughts in my head of who I would be too, that’s the worst part- I don’t have hope or feel hopeful, just….broken. And debilitated.

Like life started something with me and forgot what it was doing and just moved on elsewhere regardless….

Happy September…

Just got diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia.

I don't know what to feel. As if all the abuse and trauma, no job no money no house, having ideation, and now this.

Since it appeared it wreaked havoc in the few things that still survived.

Please, is someone also going through all the trauma plus this disease?

Just a little rant/vent

I’m SO sick of doctors not respecting a patients time, I was meant to have my appointment at 2pm and its 5pm now. All the doctors in my area dont do their phone appointments until after all their in person (but even the in person appointments you’re waiting up to 3 hours after you were meant to have your appointment!). If someones appointment is at a certain time, shouldnt you do it at that time? I understand delays in time but this is absolutely ridiculous.

I've been experiencing chronic pain since I was at least 10 years old, and I'm 19 now. It started at a young enough age that I didn't realize daily pain isn't normal, so I lived in pain not questioning it until I was 16. I had previous medical complaints but was medically neglected by my parents, so I didn't start pursuing a diagnosis of anything until I was 17 turning 18, and could take myself to my doctor's appointments.

Anyway, I'm in the process of getting diagnosed with suspected MS (confirmed transverse myelitis) and last night got the word that my insurance will not approve another MRI until next year (I've been fighting them for 5 months now)

Out of frustration and curiosity I looked up what the pain management for MS/transverse myelitis even looks like, IDK why I didn't look it up sooner or ask my neurologist, I guess it didn't bother me enough until now? Again IDK. But of course I find that the most common treatments are anti-seizure medications and antidepressants. You'll never guess who's been on numerous combinations of both for most of my life. And who still had pain the whole time.

This just feels so messed up to me, and I've been so focused on my other medical stuff that it feels like this just came out of nowhere. I know my transverse myelitis isn't gonna go away but I thought there would be something else they could do for the pain? But now I just have to accept that I'll be in pain for the rest of my life?? Not to mention all my joint issues that cause pain

How the hell do you deal with knowing that??

I have adhd and take Vyvanse for it and I've noticed that when I'm on my meds, I hurt worse.

My jaw js always tired and ache-y, my muscles get tired easier, my joints crackle and pop worse, the pain gets doubled and is just all around more annoying.

Is this a thing for anyone else?

Hi everyone,

I’m posting here to share our family’s long, exhausting journey over the last few months and hopefully connect with anyone who has gone through something similar, or who has experience with a Somatic Pain / Somatic Symptom Disorder diagnosis.

The Context & Timeline:

• Mid-January: It started with weakness and mild pain at bedtime after doing daily household chores. Initial blood tests (CBC, LFT, KFT, urine) were mostly normal aside from a mild UTI. Vitamin D, B12, and uric acid treatments didn't bring any relief.
• Early February: She suffered a severe, widespread pain episode from head to toe (screaming in pain) and was admitted to the hospital for 5 days. Full workup (CRP, ESR, Thyroid, Lipid, Vits, LFT/KFT) all came back completely normal. Discharged on basic pain and digestive meds, but the restlessness, constant pain, and inability to rest at home continued.
• Late February: Switched to a general physician as the pain became dominant in her legs. She had severe discomfort daily where even Ultracet and leg massages gave no relief. Blood tests remained normal.
• March (The Hospital Emergency Phase & NCV Scare): We were visiting the ER on alternate days just for symptomatic pain relief. An LS Spine MRI was done (which was extremely hard for her to endure due to the discomfort of lying still). MRI showed no clear signs of sciatica explaining the bilateral leg/thigh/calf pain. She was admitted to a hospital in another city for 10–12 days where an NCV test suggested "probable demyelinating polyneuropathy with painful quadriparesis." This caused immense trauma and panic for our family, thinking her nerves were permanently damaged.
• April (Second Opinions in Delhi): Hopeless, we took her to a neurologist in Delhi who did a thorough 2-hour examination. He consulted a neurosurgeon to review the LS Spine MRI (confirmed normal/not causing the pain) and concluded her nerves were actually fine, ruling out CIDP. He referred us to a rheumatologist.
• Meerut Consultation & Diagnosis: While waiting on autoimmune panels (ANA, Anti-CCP, HLA-B27—all eventually came back negative/normal), her pain was so severe that a rheumatologist temporarily put her on a short course of steroids (Methylprednisolone 16mg, which has since been tapered off). Recognizing that all physical/radiological tests were normal despite severe physical symptoms, the rheumatologist directed us to a Neuropsychiatrist.

Current Situation & Prescription:

The neuropsychiatrist evaluated her and explained that having completely clean reports is actually a good foundation for treatment. They diagnosed her with Depression / Anxiety / Insomnia / Somatic Symptoms (? Somatic Pain Syndrome) and started her on a targeted medication regimen (including medications for nerve-pain/somatic signaling like Gabapentin/Nortriptyline, SNRIs/SSRIs, Aripiprazole, and sleep/digestive support).

From the rheumatologist, she is currently only keeping HCQS 200 and Telmikind, while her primary treatment is now under the neuropsychiatrist.

Questions for the Community:

1. For those who recovered from somatic pain via neuropsychiatric treatment, how long did you remain on full medication after your symptoms normalized?
2. At what point do doctors typically start tapering off these medications, and how gradual is the process?
3. Did anyone experience a return of physical symptoms while tapering down, and how did you manage it?

Hello!

My name is Jacob. Last year, my sister Aubrey was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 26. Her and I are big fans of Love on the Spectrum and we thought “why doesn’t this exist for chronic illnesses?” So we made it exist!

We just completed our film festival circuit where we picked up several awards and today we’ve released the doc to the public. It’s 22 minutes and our ultimate goal is to make more episodes that feature other chronic illnesses.

Please enjoy, please feel free to offer feedback, especially if you are part of a community represented on screen, and please share with someone you feel should watch it.

XOXO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBdXc0y09eU&t=1s

Hi fellow chronic pain friends! 👋🏻 I have posted my horror stories before about my experience with my pharmacy (CVS). I am moving - not too far - but far enough that I will need to switch pharmacies. Unfortunately there are no mom & pop shops locally that I can use (since that seemed to be the #1 recommendation the last time I posted). Do I stick with CVS or do you think Walgreens is better? I’m on 2 controlled substances - if that makes a difference. Let me know what you think…I value your feedback! ❤️

I called suicide prevention, I called local crisis service, I called the hospital, and nothing came of it.

A little back story: got compartment syndrome, but doc thought I did it myself. Was sent home. Normally 1 or 2 operations, 2 to 4 weeks recovery. I had it way too late, part of the muscle died. 5 surgeries, open wound, failed skin graft, wound 6 inches long, 2 inches wide. Also had it in hand, but that healed okay.

I got CRPS off it, and my pain level is around a 9 to 10 at any time. I wear 3 to 4 100ug patches. I asked help, was said it's not urgent, you're a biter, not a barker. Went home, took 30 mg confirmed fentanyl, nothing happened. Found out I have rapid liver excretion, and the receptors don't want to bind.

Still no help.

Before, at 14, I had shingles behind my ear, gave me meningitis, BPM 25, below. Then till 19, I had kidney stones multiple times, pancreatitis, and at 19, a cardiac arrest without cause.

And for a few years, I've had an unknown severe sleeping disorder, awake 4 to 6 days, tried every med, benzo, etc., did nothing. Now I take a high dose antipsychotic, and I sleep 1 hour, 2 to 3 times a week.

I can save enough to go to a festival every 6 months, and the doc and my mom don't care if I use ketamine nasal spray. It takes away a lot of the pain in a low dose, so no tripping or anything.

But I can't live on 2 days a year. I can't live with the idea there is something that can help, but because fentanyl is on script, that's okay.

I'm 23 and have a DNR, looking for euthanasia.

In my country, you can call crisis, and they give you a place, and for GHB addicts, they even give you the dose.

But if you can't handle the pain.

All I asked was if I could use it 1 extra day, and I was screamed at.

I have no friends and no family. My mom is hard to live with, and I mean like terrible.

I'm 23, I get kicked out if she can't control meds, and when we fight, she just not gives them.

She spread lies and just screamed, nothing what I do is good.

I left home to end it, came back crying, and said I can't do this anymore and I was planning to end it, but used ketamine.

No "glad you're here" or hug, just screaming for hours.

I have no door in my room, but never did anything. I keep hearing I get one, it never happens.

I tried everything. I asked 1 thing: tell me why keep living if it's just endless suffering. No answer, just screaming that I only do it for drugs.

I called every service I could. I screamed I can't live like this. My mom didn't come, she stayed in her room. After hours, I went to my bedroom, and I'm worth just enough to not even get checked on if I'm alive since 20 hours.

I can't and won't keep suffering for nothing, I have no reason to do.

It's better to be dead than nasal spray one time a month.

That's okay for me. I have my will written. As soon as I'm dead, my body is taken away, and my family won't be able to see me, can't attend my service, or get my ashes. As soon as my heart stops, I'm gone.

Because when I was alive, they didn't care, they won't get to when I'm dead. It gets spread on a festival they don't get the name of, in a year they don't know, on a place of the festival that's also not known.

And I made sure they know that.

If I'm not worth to help when alive, that's okay, but then I won't give them a closure they want.

Maybe they feel a bit of the pain I've had, but they probably will just say it proves I'm a bad person.

I can't live 24/7 suffering for nothing, without money to do anything, no future, no family that gives support.

No hospital that will give me urgent mental care, but place me on a multi-year waiting list.

When I was young, my mom was having many meltdowns, screaming if I stay, I make it worse, and if I leave, it would be my fault she is dead, to a point I was afraid every day going home from school, ending with a breakdown when she placed a knife on her throat, sat down for hours, saying she will cut if I call anyone.

Me contacting my grandma that she is screaming about nothing gets to hear leave it be, she is stressed.

The same grandma that's an alcoholic for years, talking on a birthday about alcohol is the only thing she needs in life, and saying I'm problematic because I tried to relieve pain once a month.

But me screaming I can't take it, after trying to get help from any service I could find, saying I'm going to kill myself in mental abuse of my mom.

I can't think of a single thing why to keep up with the pain another day, if it's for nothing, if it isn't worth anything for anyone, what's there to live for.

I know this will probably get deleted, but I hope for the people that get to read this to enjoy life more, try to not take everything granted, take a breath, and think of the things you can do, like use your arms, or look up to the sky, and be glad you can see it, and if that's not enough, then be happy you could take that breath.

I'm sorry for the dump, but if I scream it out loud, nobody cares or listens, so could just as well write it to a bunch of people that don't know me, and care just as much.

​Hearing everything you are carrying, from relentless physical pain to an environment that leaves you feeling completely unseen and unsupported, sounds overwhelmingly heavy. Please know that even in the darkest moments, you do not have to carry this alone.