r/Custody • u/youreachiteach3 • 11h ago
[US]
My daughter is 3 and mainly stays with me. She starts school next week, and I bought all her school clothes, shoes, and supplies. Her mom wants me to bring everything to her house, even though I'll be the one taking our daughter to school. I'm confused about why, and she called me bitter but won't even tell me what school our daughter is going to. I'm not trying to argue or keep anything from her. I just want to understand why she wants everything there.
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u/Nonbelieverjenn 10h ago
Get a lawyer and make a custody agreement. Don’t count on your ex’s moods to determine your time with your child. Make it fair for the child so they have stability and not this fighting back and forth power struggle.
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u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 10h ago
I wouldn’t even engage in this conversation with BM. Let her know you’d be happy to have the conversation about shared items between homes and how you’ll handle that to minimize the impact on your daughter but first you are focused on getting a court order for your parental rights, then will move to a parenting time agreement, and as part of such, you can determine the cost responsibility for each item as part of of your agreement.
Essentially, punt this conversation on costs until legal rights have been established and school location has been determined. Hard to even say what school supplies are suppose to be without knowing the school.
At best, I’d reiterate that she has the items she needs for your home and BM should continue to provide those items at hers. Any future split of financial responsibility will be determined by the court.
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u/JayPlenty24 10h ago
If you are the primary parent just register her at the school appropriate for your address.
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u/youreachiteach3 10h ago
i don’t have legal custody yet i’m in the process
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u/JayPlenty24 10h ago
Okay but the child primary lives with you. That means they need to be registered in your district.
As the person who has the child the majority of the time you should have already registered them.
Do you not have a copy of their birth certificate?
When is your first case conference where you can get a temporary order?
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u/Majestic_Yak6994 10h ago
No, if OP doesn’t have legal custody he can’t enroll her in his home school district.
However this whole post doesn’t make much sense
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u/JayPlenty24 10h ago
Whether or not custody or paternity has been established the child is supposed to be registered where they actually live. Even if they are living with a grandparent or whoever else. The caveat is yes, you are relying on whoever has custody or guardianship to register them correctly.
It's unfortunate the mother has chosen not to abide by the rules, because they are just making things unnecessarily difficult on the child.
That said, from this post it sounds like mom is planning on unilaterally deciding to become primary parent once school starts.
It's unfortunate OP hasn't submitted any paperwork thus far because if the status quo changes before court it will make things more difficult.
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u/Majestic_Yak6994 10h ago
No, not if the individual doesn’t have legal custody? You can’t make decisions in regards to healthcare/schooling while you’re not a legal guardian. Like for example my kids spend a lot of time at their nanny’s, doesn’t mean they get enrolled in her school district?
Also the child is only 3, which means if they’re going to school it would be pre k, legally you don’t have to send your kids to pre k.
Sounds like if this is a true post the mom is doing some sort of test run by having the kid spend so much time with op. He has no legal rights to the child.
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u/JayPlenty24 10h ago
"A lot of time" isn't the same as literally living at her house.
For example, my neighbour had guardianship of her 3 grandkids. She has some health issues, and their bio mom is in a much better place now, so they decided the kids would move back in with mom and see how it goes before changing things legally. They kept the kids registered at the same school and didn't notify them.
A month into school they found out the kids are now living in a different district and they were made to change schools.
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u/Majestic_Yak6994 10h ago
Yes your neighbor had GUARDIANSHIP. What are you not getting? You can’t make decisions for schooling or healthcare if you’re not a legal guardian or guardian or parent. Op is not legally either?
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u/JayPlenty24 10h ago
Right. And the kids DON'T LIVE WITH MY NEIGHBOUR. THEY LIVE WITH THEIR MOM.
My neighbour had to go and register them where they are actually living now, which is with their mom in a completely separate district.
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u/Majestic_Yak6994 10h ago
Re read what you just wrote.
My guy I’m sorry but you’re really not grasping anything. You can’t make legal decisions for a child while you’re not a legal parent or guardian. Quite frankly I don’t really give af about your neighbor. I’m literally stating blanket facts.
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u/youreachiteach3 10h ago
i have a copy of the birth certificate but until i get my 50% custody legally i can’t do anything with moms say so even though she primarily stays with me im in the process of trying to get custody now i gotta take some classes and finish the paperwork then go to court
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u/JayPlenty24 10h ago
This is going to be very hard on your child switching schools once you have a temporary order so try to get that done asap to minimize the damage.
Did you send the mom a request in writing to register at the appropriate school?
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u/Appropriate-Joke385 10h ago
But she’s mostly with you?
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u/Acrobatic-Care1236 6h ago
It’s been 3 years go get some form a custody. This is a problem of your own making.
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u/Majestic_Yak6994 10h ago
How can your daughter mainly stay with you but yet you don’t even know where your daughter is going to school??