I need advice

[u/Mr-factorio]

One of our 8 year old child alters, Blue, keeps fronting and being really upset and scream crying while I'm concious (so i guess she's co-fronting? Hmm...) and I don't know how to stop it. She's calmed down now but our two cats who keep growling at eachother aggressively upset her because she thinks that they're mad at her. The obvious solution is staying away from the cats, but they're under my bed and our sisters bed, and Blue likes the warmth of our blankets as it helps keep her grounded. The first episode we've ever had happened yesterday for 4 hours straight and I couldn't move at all during it. Horrible. Our 11 year old sister had to comfort us (17M) while Blue was being violently sad.

What I've found to work is to focus on other things. Blue doesn't want much at all, but she REALLY loves Melanie Martinez so I've just made a playlist of our favourite songs by her that goes for a little bit and that's all we've been listening to in terms of music.

But I keep feeling her trying to front as I start crying heaps but then I get back control and I'm fine. I also have no idea how to let her front properly, or any of my alters for that matter, so maybe that's contributing to it. Just feeling really switchy.

Any advice is appreciated.

Cheers guys.

[u/Delicious-End-330]

I deal with this in a similar way with one of our 12 year old alters, what I have found to help a bit is setting specific time aside for her, typically at night when the day is over so there is nothing left to do. I just put on her favorite YouTube videos and if she is cocon or not, it seems to just help her feel a bit more included so she doesn’t feel the need to front unexpectedly because she knows she will have time later. She also has her own journal which she hasn’t used but it’s good that it’s there just in case. I would also recommend if blankets are comforting, see if you can find a stuffed animal that is just theirs, for nobody else in the system just them, it has soothed her immensely. I’m not too sure what to say about the cats as we are also very sensitive to that and it would be upsetting for her too. I’m wishing yall the best I know times like these can be very distressing. Just try to remember that it is your brain doing what it needs to do to process and work though things. 💖

[u/Mr-factorio → u/Delicious-End-330]

Thank you for the advice! I'll definitely try with a stuffed animal. We do have one that no other alters (including myself) use, so I'll try add that to our calm down toolkit. We've been in bed for 3 days straight now and haven't left, it's just not getting better really. And I have meetings to go to today. Ah man. I'm still gonna make the meetings, I just hope Blue doesn't try to get upset. The cats have been separated by our mum so that's good.... I'm wishing y'all the best as well, and thank you for the response 🥹

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[u/ashtxncxnt]

i understand you in a way. we have a few kid alters but the most frequent and been here the longest is kitty. she gets really attatched to our romantic partners and due to trauma views them as her parental figures. she gets triggered by us thinking we made our partner mad and will start freaking out and sobbing. she’s so incredibly emotional all the time. i’ve told my partner not to use sweet words with us to comfort us if we’re in public because his comfort makes her feel safe and then she wants to front, and we can’t be crying like a toddler in public anytime something goes wrong. your approach with the music is good, finding safe spaces for them is what works best in my experience. kitty likes roblox, watching my little pony or moriah elizabeth on youtube (one of the only kids youtubers that doesnt drive whatever older alter co fronting at the time insane), coloring. giving them things to do while they front can help distract them from whatever big emotions they’re struggling to process and sometimes can help them process those feelings too.

[u/Mr-factorio → u/ashtxncxnt]

Thank you for the reply! In relationships, all of my alters get really upset in general, so i just stay away from them for the betterment of everyone 🥲. The kids really like vapes and stuff just for the flavour so i keep one handy if they want some. I've tried gum and it just doesn't work with them and the flavour runs out too quickly.