I (23 F) recently went on a 6-day school project trip to Italy from July 29 to August 4 with two girls I knew, one Korean (21 F) and one Italian (26 F). I was excited about Italy and actually had some really nice memories there, but the experience with these two girls was so exhausting that even weeks later, I still feel intense anger whenever I think about it.
First destination was Rome. The biggest problem was sleep. I have gastritis, and when I don’t sleep properly, I feel physically terrible. I explained this to them, but because we were sharing a hotel room, I had no choice but to wake up whenever they did. They would stay up talking, scrolling Instagram/TikTok, etc. until around 3 AM and then wake up around 6 AM because they wanted to go sightseeing early. When I complained, the Korean girl told me, “If you’re that sensitive, you should have booked your own hotel room.” I couldn’t afford to get another hotel, and I wasn’t asking them to change their whole schedule. I just wanted them to understand that I needed some sleep too. After that, there was constant tension between us, and I felt like she was very self-centered and would call me “sensitive” or “problematic” whenever I expressed that something was bothering me.
Then we took a bus to Florence, and once we arrived, she couldn’t find her suitcase in the baggage area. Apparently, someone had taken it. At the train station, she saw a random girl’s suitcase that looked similar to hers. She hit the girl first and then made her open the suitcase. The poor girl opened it, and there was nothing belonging to my friend inside. The poor girl then hit her back, and the situation became extremely violent. She ended up bleeding badly. Afterward, my friend was obviously devastated because her suitcase was actually gone, and I had to pay extra for a taxi to the hotel. At the hotel, she told me she felt terrible and asked me to stay with her because she couldn’t sleep. I was exhausted and my stomach was hurting, so I told her I needed to sleep. Despite everything, the next morning I still helped her. I gave her my shampoo and facial cleanser and even offered her some of my clothes because almost all of her things were gone. Even after all of that, there were constant misunderstandings between us and the tension never really went away.
When we arrived in Venice, I eventually told her I didn’t want to spend the day together because we’d had so much tension and I simply didn’t enjoy traveling with her anymore. The Italian girl then asked me to go with her, so I agreed. I thought it would be nice to spend some time with someone else. But when the Korean girl saw us together, she became upset and started saying things like,“What’s this? You two are together now and I’m alone?” She then started calling me problematic and saying I don’t get along with anyone, even bringing up an old conflict I had with someone else. At that point, I just felt completely done.
The final night was probably what made everything worse. They both knew I had a 9 AM flight the next morning, but they stayed awake talking random things until around 3 AM with the lights on while I was trying to sleep. I was completely exhausted and felt like they simply didn’t care.
The trip has been over for weeks, but I still get angry when I remember it. I don’t want to see them, and I honestly don’t feel like forgiving them. The problem is that this was a school project, so in about two weeks we have to work together again and give our final presentation. I’m still occasionally messaging the Italian girl, but I feel tension and annoyance even when talking to her. Before the trip, I actually liked her and appreciated her, but after this experience, my opinion of her completely changed.
I don’t want to keep carrying this anger around, especially because I actually loved seeing Italy and don’t want these people to become the main memory I have of the trip. So I’m wondering: how do you stop replaying an experience like this in your head? How do you let go of the anger without having to forgive the people involved? And what can I actually learn from an experience like this?
TL;DR: I went on a 6-day school trip to Italy with two girls, and the experience became extremely stressful because of constant sleep deprivation, conflicts, misunderstandings. One girl even got into a physical altercation after losing her suitcase. I tried to help her afterward despite our problems, but the tension continued, and by the end I no longer wanted to travel with either of them. Now I still feel angry weeks later, but I have to work with them again on our school project. How do I stop replaying the experience, let go of the anger without forgiving or reconnecting with them, and figure out what I should learn from the whole situation?