r/ESTJ • u/ShadowlightLady INFP • 28d ago
Discussion/Poll ESTJs, what would make someone considered incompatible with you?
Hello darling ESTJs, I hope you are well. When I mean about compatibility I clearly don’t mean things like golden pairs and whatnot. In a romantic relationship what are things about a person that would not make them compatible with you?
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u/AndyGeeMusic ESTJ 28d ago
Sometimes I meet people who don't seem interested in learning or growing or developing themselves and I don't think I can really connect to such people.
People who are wilfully dishonest or mean are quite off-putting to me (as opposed to those who are unintentionally offensive, which is a different story because they simply lack awareness rather than kindness).
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u/Kindly_Ticket428 ESTJ 27d ago
Someone that thinks they know everything. I find those type of people really difficult to talk to because they are not willing to learn new things, they are not open minded, they never question anything.
Someone that talks only about themself and the conversation always seems to go back to them. It makes it clear to me they are not iterested in building a relationship, they only want to boast about themself.
Someone unorganised : lives in chaos and never cleans. Also people that say that they know where everything is in their mess (no they don't, they are just too lazy to organize their things).
Someone that contradicts themself or hypocrits. I really dislike people that judge me for things they don't do themself (ex my fiancees mom's criticied me for not ironing clothes, but she hasnt picked up an iron in years).
I like people that are curious, self aware, organised and consistent.
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u/Environmental_Tell11 21d ago
Estj Guy. I can tolerate anything else in moderation, as long as the person is empathetic and compassionate
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u/emersonlitt 23d ago
Someone who is willing to counter or argue with me, but also is respectful of time and organized like I am. I like people who aren’t afraid to have opinions of their own, but I consider lateness or procrastination truly bad features.
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u/BookBig8155 ESTJ 6w5 22d ago
Someone who does not have a solid future for themselves. I cannot be with someone who doesn't want to go to school. I'm 22, and I believe that if you are my age or older, you should have already started school or have plans to go to school in the future.
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u/No_Cry_3500 ISTJ 16d ago edited 16d ago
Likely -STJ here.
- The person can't be too agreeable. Partners need the capacity to speak their mind. I have a pretty high tolerance for aggressive behavior as long as issues can be resolved, but dislike or even condemn whiny/grumpy behavior. Frankly speaking, if a person can't speak their mind to let me know something is wrong, why are they even there? One of my first managers was both conflict-averse and grumpy, and I looked down on her for it.
- Even more important: The person has to make logical sense or at least be aware of their logical contradictions. I need to confront people as soon as their statements contradict their previously established thoughts.
- The person has to allow me to be the driving force behind changes, as well as a participant when I need them for non-routine tasks. Some tasks, such as sorting through wardrobes/cupboards have to be done together.
- Some level of impulsivity is fine with me as long as they respect my expectations and let me "have a talk" as soon as things are out of hand.
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u/sowhat59 28d ago edited 28d ago
Someone impulsive. I'm okay with doing some unplanned things while we are already hanging out. But if you want to see me next weekend, tell me what time and where. If you don't know right then, at least give me an estimate "I'm not sure when I'll be free but it'll be around 3pm and I think Main st. will be good." something like that. I once dated INTP and it was killing me how this guy (middle aged) lived his life like an improv show.
And someone who texts me like "I felt so terrible for XYZ I coudln't sleep. My eyes hurt now and blah blah." Ok. So you got some issues, like we all do. Maybe it's just me. But what am I supposed to do with your emotional vent? I gave you a tip. -- when you can't sleep, try this. When you feel overwhelmed, do this. I'm solution oriented. I'm not wired to send you a hug emoji. I rarely use emojis anyway. And if you find that uncaring, that's on you.