bottom dysphoria while in the process of bottom surgery

[u/Oki-Ducky1738]

i’m 2 stages (3 surgery’s) down into my bottom surgery transition. all i need is a fistula repair and to get implants. i just got out of a long 6 year relationship because we just started to grow from eachother. she has been through every surgery with me and i always envisioned myself to be her first once everything was up and running. we have agreed that we want to still be friends and after a long day of missing her i caved and told her so. she said she missed me too and that she’s here for me. in the middle of all of this, out of curiosity i made a humble profile and found her to be on there which was a little jarring. after telling her im not used to such strong emotions she called me and we chatted for 2 hours. i told her all about how i was feeling and she did the same. eventually she accidentally told me that she had hooked up with another guy and it absolutely crushed me. i know i shouldn’t really feel that way since we’re not together anymore but i just envisioned her always being my first and i being hers. i have been in such a rut because i currently don’t have insurance that goes out of state and therefore my surgery process is yet again put on a hold. nothing is going my way in life atm and now with hearing this i feel disgusted, disappointed, and honestly less of a man.