r/Funnymemes 1d ago

😭

Post image
4.1k Upvotes

86 comments sorted by

271

u/uprightsalmon 1d ago

I always say, if it doesn’t happen before we go out, it’s not happening

149

u/Chronza 1d ago

Facts. Fuck before going out then you can both get as full as you want and pass out watching a show when you get home lol.

48

u/AnyOldNameNotTaken 1d ago

Damn right. I don’t like drunk sex, I want it sober. Also, I want to eat as much as I please without physical exertion afterward. It’s just good planning really. Plus my gut will be way smaller lmao.

28

u/abracadammmbra 1d ago

It depends for me. I love drunk sloppy sex with my wife. But its definitely a gamble.

6

u/AnyOldNameNotTaken 1d ago

Usually only one of us is drunk and the other is sober, so, when she’s drunk I just can’t do it because it feels wrong and when I’m drunk, I’m banged up a can barely make it to bed. I don’t drink much but when I do I fully send it. So maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if we both had a few and went to town.

5

u/abracadammmbra 1d ago

Thats usually what me and my wife do. Its not often tho. Ubers are expensive as are bars.

8

u/Charizardd6 1d ago

Let me introduce you to a weird new thing that's pretty popular now... The fridge.

0

u/abracadammmbra 1d ago

Yes, but getting drunk at a bar is more fun.

10

u/this_one_wasnt_taken 1d ago

Y'all are drinking... for fun?

4

u/abracadammmbra 1d ago

Yeah? I have drank for work in years.

1

u/AnyOldNameNotTaken 1d ago

Not me, I only drink for work. It’s just not my thing.

1

u/Lord_of_Gooch_Milk 23h ago

It depends on what we were drinking. Wine drunk is guaranteed nasty sex but I’m not in that mode after drinking a lot of hard liquor or beer

6

u/DrMantisToboggan45 1d ago

Drunk sex was fun until around 25-26 and now the hot mouth kicks in for both of us. We try to fuck on empty stomachs lol

1

u/TaylorForge 1d ago

Omeprazole.

1

u/Savings_Reality1170 1d ago

Sober sex is like meditation, drunk sex is like a dream.

5

u/mordy5 1d ago

The only Portlandia episode I ever saw was about this, they tried after a huge meal what a disaster

0

u/roll-_-ller 1d ago

The best sex usually happens late at night either as the drunk sloppy kind or the more exciting sleep creep variation.

37

u/NefariousnessOk209 1d ago

When you know 9/10 times it’s mainly to get you to leave the party early but you can’t help but take those odds.

76

u/Yolohorst69 1d ago

The way my girlfriend chastises herself about "not eating to much" for reasons beyond my understanding I would love to see her drunk eating 30 pizza rolls in one go 😂

-57

u/Gandlerian 1d ago

Why would you want her to do something that makes her uncomfortable?

38

u/lxXTesterXxl 1d ago

"For reasons beyond my understanding"

21

u/OrangeHeart9 1d ago

Because he wishes she didnt worry about something she doesnt have to

8

u/veilosa 1d ago

usually the food restricting is what is uncomfortable. letting go and just eating what you want without any sense of shame or guilt would be by definition more comfortable.

11

u/Ameri0425 1d ago

Yeah, how dare he support his SO. Fucking abhorrent.

-21

u/Gandlerian 1d ago

Tricking somebody to do something while drunk that they otherwise would not, is not supporting.

15

u/Ameri0425 1d ago

Who mentioned tricking anybody into doing something they don't want? Because it was neither the OP nor the person you replied to.

9

u/SnooBananas216 1d ago

Are you triggered by this somehow? Did someone encourage YOU to eat as many pizza rolls as you wanted?

48

u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

2

u/BarleyWineIsTheBest 1d ago

Quite literally, fucking priorities.

2

u/Professional-Lock691 1d ago

This is the reason why you should keep up with the cleaning and cooking and caring so her mind only has the horny stuff left 😂

5

u/nobodywithanotepad 1d ago

Why jump through hoops for someone who doesn't care about your satisfaction

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

1

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

This guy doesn't get it

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

1

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

If you had a tool box that you had organized, clean, and prestige, would one tool out of place bother you?

2

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

1

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

There has to be something that would bother you in that way.

8 years in the army proved to me that men are like this too

2

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

1

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

Would you be too bothered to have sex right then and there if your pc just didn't boot up at the moment? Would you want to fix it instead of having sex?

→ More replies (0)

2

u/BarleyWineIsTheBest 1d ago

Yeah, I don't know if you're like 22 or something, but once you really grow up, there is always something else that can be done.

I mean, sure, don't be a lazy sack of shit and expect much, but on the other hand, I don't need to polish the floor boards every week. Sex is important, either act like it or don't ask questions when your relationship turns to shit.

1

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

I'm 38 and you totally misunderstood what I was saying

1

u/BarleyWineIsTheBest 1d ago

If I misunderstood something it's because you said it poorly. You are free to elaborate.

1

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

In the initial conversation about a woman stopping sex to clean up a water stain, I was probing for concepts that would affect a man from sex

→ More replies (0)

1

u/YoungAtFeet 1d ago

Sounds very transactional, not a relationship

1

u/Professional-Lock691 1d ago

It's more about if your mind relaxed and not busy with all the domestic duties then you have more time to think about sex.

1

u/YoungAtFeet 1d ago

Fair point, I think I have different perspective on this and perhaps inexperience, but if only i had to do domestic duties I would straight up leave, cause it's one way relationship otherwise. I would also accept if partner left if it was vice versa. Everything is a team job, you are together, you do things together, you help each other with whatever comes (unless you explicitly divide things who will do and be okay with that and not become miserable after time)

1

u/thecheater35 1d ago

Is that a jojo refrence

0

u/Specific_Box4483 1d ago

Oh just wait till you get older

15

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

3

u/HowDidIGetHere72 1d ago

I was cackling at your first comment but this reply fucking killed me

1

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

It's because that water stain bothered her and she can't enjoy herself because she would be thinking about it.

Just accept it and move on... we are way different than you. Neither is right or wrong. The more you ease her mind, the better she will ease yours.

Why do you think women find men cleaning so sexy? Hint... it's not even the action, it's feeling like you actually care.

You deep cleaning the place while she watches is the best way to get her in the mood... oh, and cooking

5

u/Perfect_Valuable_938 1d ago

As a late 30s guy who has spent close to twenty years being the primary domestic and childcare person, I'm starting to think this take is just PR bullshit.

2

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

There are a few things that my boyfriend has done that has made me feel like sucking a golf ball through a garden hose...

One, on our first date, he braided my hair back while we were out to eat

Two, he became best friends with my dog and would play with him

Three, watching him cook for me

Simple things... that's all that's needed

1

u/Perfect_Valuable_938 1d ago

Massively different life experiences then.  Four long term relationships.  Sex dropped off a cliff in three of the four when I took over domestic duties.  The fourth one was borderline sex crazed so that one is an outlier.

2

u/AggroThroatGoat 1d ago

I mean... I can see that.

But look at it for a different perspective. Initially, you would find it hot for a woman to work on cars, right? But, after a while, that would drop off.

1

u/Perfect_Valuable_938 1d ago

Nah, can't say I relate to that.  I don't find my general sex drive and attraction has fluctuated much in my relationships.  Much of my relationship issues have stemmed from their sex drive dropping off while mine doesn't.

2

u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

3

u/Perfect_Valuable_938 1d ago

Floating a bit off topic now but I agree.  I'm a stay at home dad two months a year, and even with two kids under 8 it's way easier than going to work.  I can cook 3 meals, make the whole house sparkling clean, put together that garden she never got time to do, play and read to kids, and still be able to log some PS5 time before the wife gets home.

1

u/BloodInternational31 1d ago

Question: are your kids tied up?

3

u/Perfect_Valuable_938 1d ago

No, they just have shit to do.  Usually with me.

0

u/Oceanman72 1d ago

Yea it’s less that we change our mind and more about the vibe. Even if I’m taking care of myself, if I lose the mood or get distracted it’s gone

20

u/snusaddict98 1d ago

27 of MY PIZZA ROLLS!?!?!? I feel fucked alright.

16

u/bagpussnz9 1d ago

What a horrible picture

1

u/TheRebelSith 17h ago

This is my only thought too

14

u/D_Sharpp 1d ago

Going out, and fuggin? {gasp} A girlfriend, In THIS economy??

6

u/LadyAdeptaSororitas 1d ago

wait is she at home by herself getting drunk?

7

u/rakklle 1d ago

Passing out is better than having to clean up her barf.

11

u/PaleProgrammer6476 1d ago

🫪damn!!

3

u/Mellow-Fell0w 1d ago

Hangover sex the next day is something else tho

8

u/Classic-Tell214 1d ago

Worst sex ever. New Year’s Day morning 2012. She threw up will doing it. Never again.

5

u/alleged_misconduct 1d ago

That's what we call pre-consent.

2

u/DaRealBSleazy 1d ago

Both soubd like a good time tbh

2

u/SouthernCharm-86 1d ago

ru in my house??!! 😩🫣

2

u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

2

u/2slowforanewname 1d ago

Wtf lmao

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

1

u/2slowforanewname 1d ago

Its the sub your in right now that makes it funny

1

u/No_Ideal1718 1d ago

Yeah just saw that and so confused how my reply to a comment in wow hard-core got put here lol. My bad I guess lmao

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Hi u/Puzzleheaded-Low4810,

Thank you for your submissions to r/Funnymemes. Please make sure your submission follows all our rules.

IF YOU LIKE THE SUBREDDIT MAKE SURE TO JOIN HERE

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/No_Celebration_3737 1d ago

inner screaming cowboy

1

u/ptapobane 1d ago

I've yet to know anyone who eats 27 pizza rolls and not pass out

1

u/Purple-Comment-3040 1d ago

I'm in this photo and I don't like it.

1

u/Future-Notice-4489 1d ago

fyp thinks i have a girl

1

u/archtopfanatic123 1d ago

I wouldn't complain, I'd be probably still happy to have a girl in the first place xD

1

u/Lucemontagnaxo 19h ago

It's all done specifically for evil

1

u/SilentMasterpiece 13h ago

As fast as the door opens, the door slams shut.

1

u/ErwinSchrodinger64 13h ago

I want to send this to the lady friend but I'm afraid something worse is going to happen.

0

u/IgnatiusR 1d ago

When women want to 'fuck' they want to escape the shackles of responsibility and people pleasing tendencies. There is nothing more eros killing than a reminder that they are depended on, needed, domesticated, or encumbered by to-dos.

So. Help them escape - for even a moment. Clean up. Put the kids to bed. Fold the laundry. Be a good partner AND allow yourself to be attracted to the wild woman you fell in love with. Do these things and you may just access that primal being

1

u/VinylHighway 1d ago

She sort of did

1

u/Gullible_Analyst_348 Dad Jokes Are Epic 1d ago

Honestly I'd rather have some pizza rolls

1

u/-Tw3ak- 1d ago

Why you talking about my wife man?

0

u/Dveralazo 1d ago

well,she already gave consent 

0

u/Substantial-Use95 1d ago

Naw. On those nights you just split the rolls and giggle. Carry her to bed and tuck her in. There will be more opportunities to come. 😉

-1

u/unknown_b31ng 1d ago

I mean she may have fell asleep but I doubt she'd complain if you did it anyway 🤣