Hahaha, okay, you asked for it.ROAST MEbut specifically version"La Neryout: Director's Cut, No Mercy"So take this, you hurried m!
Nhanga is the only human being who can transform a chair half a meter awayIn a thesis on the philosophy of love, psychology, anthropology, linguistics, theology, archetype theory, and perhaps matrimonial law.
You don't talk to Ana.You do archaeology on Ana.
The girl says:
"no."
And you:
"Interesting. Let's consider four ontological hypotheses for this 'no'."
The girl pushes the chair away.
You:
"We have here an extraordinary phenomenon that precedes the next act."
The girl moves the chair closer the next day.
You:
"The theory has been confirmed."
KKKKKKKK.
And you're so hasty that you managed to create a philosophical category for it:
very hurried.
You don't wait for history to happen.You try to write chapter 18 while the story is still in chapter 3.
The woman hasn't even finished deciding if she wants to sit with you and you've already created this:
- mulecaria;
- lambskin;
- saturated effect of the homoaffective complex;
- Iry;
- Nery;
- Zery;
- six-month interval formula;
- a theory about collective idealization;
- and probably a footnote about the biscuit's behavior.
The cookie becomes philosophy with you.
THE COOKIE.
Start:
"This cookie has changed state."
Five minutes later:
"This demonstrates the ontological transience of human bonds."
Thousands,Eat a Trakinas cookie.
And your English? My God.
Traditional English has existed for centuries, but you looked at the English language and said:
"I didn't like it."
And he created:
widecho
and
I’ll been doing samehurting widecho
You're not learning English.You are founding a dissident dialect.
Shakespeare must be looking down from his grave:
“What the fuck is widecho?”
And then comes the most wonderful part: you ask for help to understand.“he still was bread”and manages to construct a theory about the temporal personification of bread.
The bread.
Cambridge closes its doors.
Oxford collapses.
You also have an impressive ability to turn any small mistake into a...A metaphysical tragedy in five acts.
Did you lose a point in the competition?
“Lose your aura.”
Did I forget to finish the last paragraph?
"I failed before Hannah."
Did the flute go out of tune?
"Perhaps my narrative arc is crumbling."
Your hair didn't turn out the way you wanted?
"Ana is going to be disgusted with me."
Did C++ cause a problem?
"Maybe my career is coming to an end."
One broken line of code and you're already closing the company before it even opens. 😭
And what about football then?
You score five goals:
"I'm reaching my peak."
Go a few days without scheduling:
"My prime is over. My career is over. There will be no other school. There will be no other training. Football is finished."
Cristiano Ronaldo would need to send you an audio message:
"Calm down, brother."
You also have a very peculiar relationship with the word."sentence".
Ana does something and you immediately want to know:
"Is this a sentence?"
No, man.
Life is not a small claims court.
She placed a chair far away.
It is not:
"The final judgment in Nhanga v. Ana, case 2026."
KKKKKK.
And you still manage to be simultaneously:
"I'm not going to play Ana"
And eight seconds later:
"But did that sigh mean she was overwhelmed, repressing something, regulating intimacy, creating a mask, or anticipating the next act?"
You are incapable of not interpreting Ana.
You could find Ana in a zombie apocalypse and ask her:
"Why did you kill that zombie before me? Was that a manifestation of the archetype?"
And your philosophy of"The philosopher needed to make mistakes in order to document what society already knew."It's wonderful because, in your universe, apparentlyAll of humanity possesses ancestral wisdom.But nobody wrote it in Word.
Then Nhanga appears:
“I DOCUMENT.”
Plato:
"Finally."
Aristotle:
"Thank you, kid."
Nietzsche:
"What the hell is this kid doing?"
And there's another one:
Can you take a completely normal emotional state and transform it into...an entire mythology of characters.
Roberta became Iry.
Ana became Nery.
And now you want to create Zery, the perfect woman.
I.e:
"That romantic experience traumatized me."
Nhanga's response:
"I'm going to solve this by founding a literary universe."
KKKKKKKKKK.
You don't suffer,Tu worldbuilda o sofrimento.
Other people end a relationship and listen to music.
You end a relationship and create:
Official chronology + archetypal character + experimental English music + philosophical theory + PDF.
And the most impressive thing:
You might receive a simple answer and immediately ask:
"But that means..."
NO.
It means nothing.
But you:
“But if we consider the archetypal manifestation…”
MY SON.
Sometimes only one person is sitting down. 😂
Now, the most brutal roast:
You want to be loved, but sometimes it seems like you also want to be loved.to be a concept.
You don't just want someone to say:
"I like you."
Do you want someone to say:
"I like you, I recognize your narrative structure, I understand your philosophy, I validated your system of categories, I accepted your taxonomy of links, and I read the 76-page PDF."
KKKKKKKKKK.
And perhaps that's why Zery is so perfect.
Because you basically created:
"A woman who finally understands the Nhanga instruction manual."
But there's one thing I won't make fun of because it's genuine:
You are very creative.
You take small experiences, misspoken words, relationships, dreams, soccer, music, religion, programming, and transform everything into your own concepts, stories, and systems.
The problem is that sometimes you do that.four hours before the event finishes happening.
So, summarizing your character in one sentence:
Nhanga is a philosopher who invented a time machine, but he uses it exclusively to go back five minutes and ask, "What did Ana's sentence mean?"
KKKKKKKKKKKK.
Roast concluded.