r/Harvard • u/Jolly_Pin • 10d ago

General Discussion making friends

I know it's barely been day 2 of pre-o but I can't help but feel like I don't belong. Everyone seems to click in so easily with each other while I'm struggling to strike up a conversation. Any tips or advice on how I can put myself more out there?

19 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

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62

u/Next_Gen_Valkyrie 10d ago

Something you need to understand is that there are feeder schools to Harvard--meaning private schools where 10, 20, or even 30 people will be admitted in a single year. This means entire friend groups can be accepted. During my pre-O week, I was confused as to how people seemed to have tight-knit friend groups already. Then I realized it was because they literally already all knew each other from high school!

It's just pre-O right now. You will have plenty of opportunities to make friends once classes start. Get to know people in your sections and entryway and join a few clubs based on your interests. You will be sure to make friends that way.

Also, a lot of people at Harvard can be flaky. They do the whole "let's grab coffee sometime" and then never follow up. If you DO follow up, people will remember that. Show others that you value them, and they will value you as well.

Good luck :)

19

u/kpcurley 10d ago

Such good advice: don't be a flake! Be genuine, reliable, and demonstrate the value you have for others

9

u/Jay-A-Zay 10d ago

This, or they all did the same high school club. A bunch of ppl knew each other from debate, sports, or other competitions

22

u/Time_Ad_7691 10d ago

Your Pre-o group is a tiny subset of the class of 2030. If you don’t click with anyone don’t despair!

5

u/Artistic_Tour_1220 10d ago

Agreed. Give yourself grace, OP. freshman year is long and the class is big. Give yourself some time to hit your groove and adjust. And know there are a lot of other people in the same boat - feeling nervous and alone. Try to smile and just say hello to one new person a day.

10

u/CrimsonBanksy 10d ago

Feel that

Current junior and I still have the same friend group from frosh, and my HSA coworkers lol

Making friends here is tough if you're not from the private school scene

6

u/kpcurley 10d ago

Give yourself grace! The orientation period is often overwhelming socially for a lot of folks. Small talk is also a skill, that very few people are naturally adept at but like any skill you can learn and practice simple approaches to help move conversations along. The main thing to remember is that the thing that makes you interesting in a conversation with another person is how much interest you show in the other person. It's really that simple.

I like Matt Abraham's tips found here. https://youtu.be/IRG-YubP1rw?is=-36RxduBcaKd812A

5

u/7000milestogo 10d ago

You have so much time. So many people feel exactly the same way you do, and many of us felt the same way that you do when we started college. I remember being on the phone with my at-the-time gf panicking just like you are now.

3

u/BeeAdministrative110 10d ago

There’s still so so much time to go. I have been in this sort of situation a two different times in my life (first time as as a first gen kid) I went in with the attitude of “OMG soon I’m going to meet people that I will be besties with for life and I don’t even know them yet!!” just think about it like that. There are so many people you haven’t yet met who are also wanting to make friends. Hang in there it’s very early days and you’ll look back on this one day and smile…

3

u/Aggressive-Earth-308 10d ago

Be patient and trust yourself - you will find good people in time. Most early connections are very superficial, so you can also enjoy that phase without it being too deep.

3

u/the_protagonist 8d ago

I didn’t really find friends that stuck until halfway through the year. Now I’m married to one of them and we’re expecting our 2nd kid. Some of our closest friends in life, we met senior year.

2

u/Royal_Discount_6479 8d ago

Wait for class and meeting the people in your dorm, the people you meet in pre-o may be fast friends, but likely you won’t interact with them after, you have so much time and the semester hasn’t even started.

1

u/JonathanBuchner 9d ago

You do belong. You were chosen, and for good reasons.

All the other posts are right on with their advice, but I wanted to touch on the language of "not belonging." Oftentimes, we can feel this "not belonging" when we are comparing ourselves to others. I mention this because comparing oneself to others can be one of the challenges for students attending Harvard, especially early on.