r/HonestHotTakes • u/riceandbeansonly • 23h ago
NUCLEAR hot take Women have more power to not allow bums to impregnated them
I'm excluding abuse, power imbalance, and surprise changes later in the relationship that wasn't expected or notable from the jump.
Im talking about the women who knew the guy was a bum, loser, and had no signs of providing or living for himself only.
I will never understand or empathize with women who actively allow guys who they know are losers, impregnate them, then decide to stay and have MORE kids then to then decide the guy is a loser!
You literally hold the key to life, and you decide years later to pop up and say hey this guy sucks. But at that point, it's 100% your fault for allowing this loser access to your body. So yes, your body is your choice but bear the consequence by not screaming dead beat like he wasn't a loser from the start.
It's worse when the girl has confidence to know she has options and still settles for a loser and expects the world to empathize with her.
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u/Life-Food5188 22h ago
hey. birth control is the responsibility of all parties. pass it on.
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u/Comfortable-Rub-9403 22h ago
It SHOULD take two to say yes, and only one to say no.
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u/Gromitlikescheese 21h ago
If both are responsible, which I agree with, that doesn’t make it NOT her responsibility. It means both his and hers.
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u/SeimaDensetsu 22h ago
Losers are irresponsible and so are those who fuck losers, I think is the point.
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u/throw20190820202020 20h ago
Good thing men never lie about shit to get into women’s pants! Not like there are whole books, YouTube channels, and subreddits devoted to “pickup artists”!
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u/Turbulent-Oven981 15h ago
If you’re having sex with someone, despite knowing so little about them that they can make shit up and have you believe them. That’s just as much as on them as it is the guy for being a POS.
Good rule of thumb not to have unprotected sex with borderline strangers.
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u/Key-Month6651 14h ago
Its not as much on them. The main burden of responsibility and fault is on people that are being shitty. Because they could just not do that.
Women need to be careful but i wouldn't say shit like they are equally at fault. That is genuinely bs.
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u/Life-Food5188 22h ago
so blame both parties and don’t just put 100% of the onus on the woman?
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u/SeimaDensetsu 22h ago edited 22h ago
Yes, all parties are at fault. Unfortunately women are left with the burden of it while the loser man slinks off to nut in the next girl so fair or not she needs to be more responsible because she has more to lose.
Is it an unbalanced exchange? Yes, but that doesn’t change the outcome.
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Editing to add clarity from a later comment in the thread because I think what I'm trying to express wasn't entirely clear.
Both parties are equally responsible for the impregnation.
Because the woman is going to carry and raise the child she is in the unfortunate position where she is forced to act more responsibly.
Both parties equally fucked up. One party bears all the repercussions.
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u/bloodgout 16h ago
Still sounds like you’re putting all the responsibility on the woman. Maybe we could hold men accountable with just a teeny bit of rigor. 🙄
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u/shwifty123 14h ago
The problem is, bums and losers does not care, it's not their problems and they are planning to participate in raising the kid. Yes, it takes two to make a baby, but one does give a cra*p.
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u/bloodgout 14h ago
Hence the need for accountability
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u/Key-Month6651 14h ago
The only accountability that would work on those bums and losers needs to be carried out by women. Basically denying them the main thing they want. Which is sex.
Anytime a woman doesn't sleep with them because of their shit behavior that's them being held accountable. Every woman that does sleep with them is them not being held accountable.
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u/Connect-Peach2337 10h ago
Sexuality is not currency for good behaviour.
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u/Prism_Riot42 7h ago
Pretending psychology doesn’t exist doesn’t just magically make it true by the way, I don’t know why I have to be the one to tell you this. All YOU are doing is making it easier for shitty men to get with women. Your views on sex don’t matter when the entire point is operating off of THEIR view of sex, not yours.
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u/DelightfulandDarling 6h ago
Men. Men do not care. You do not get to No True Scotsman this issue as if “bums and losers” are a separate category. Men stealth. Men rape. Men lie. Men, like the ones blaming women for men’s choices in this comment section have no empathy for women.
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u/Life-Food5188 22h ago
this excuses poor behavior by men. no thanks!
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u/SeimaDensetsu 22h ago
I’m not excusing shit. Execute the fuck for all I care and keep him from doing it again.
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u/Weird-Box-1094 20h ago
No, it doesn’t. Here is another analogy.
If you call an UBER and the driver shows up drunk, don’t get into that car. Being a drunk driver is entirely the driver’s fault, but you’re a special kind of idiot, if you get into a drunk driver’s car voluntarily, if you have other safe options available.
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u/Life-Food5188 20h ago
what if said uber driver lies about being drunk and doesn’t show visible signs of intoxication?
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u/Weird-Box-1094 20h ago
That’s definitely not the passenger’s fault. No argument there whatsoever.
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u/Life-Food5188 20h ago
so if a shitty man lies about committing and caring for a future child, for example, the woman is not at fault?
i think many of the men here would disagree.
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u/Weird-Box-1094 20h ago
No woman is at fault if she believes that she’s starting a family with a respectable man, and he turns out to be a deadbeat.
The case that I had in mind involved a woman who had two children with a man that was battling schizophrenia, addiction and homelessness with a history of going off his meds that she was aware of. In my mind, this is the equivalent of your UBER driver screeching into your driveway, over the speed limit, and holding a bottle of vodka in one hand.
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u/happilyimpossible 20h ago
How can you possibly not blame the woman when it’s an active choice to let a man inside you in the first place?!
How the fuck do we talk this BS about how strong and powerful we are, but somehow some of you become dumbasses for dick?
How the hell do y’all not understand that once women raise their standards and require more, men will either have no choice but to get their shit together or they just get left behind. I really wish Darwinism were active in the romance world. So many of you, especially men who aren’t worth a damn, would be in deep trouble.
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u/1245789630 17h ago
WTF? Plenty of men lie and mislead women into believing that they are loving and committed to building a family with them. Once the struggles of everyday family life start, they run for the hills. You'd have to be brain dead to blame a woman for being in this situation.
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u/Ok-Ad-9820 19h ago
You still don't get it.
You are the chooser who gets to decide whos genes pass and who's wont.
When women have kids with the bum dude, they effectively remove themselves from that pool (Less men are willing to commit to a single mom) which puts good men who would have made good father's and husbands in a tight spot.
We feel hurt, rejected, frustrated, inadequate, angry and sad all at the same time when we see this happen over and over and over again. Worse yet, when women start getting to my age group and they're done with losers and want the white picket life they then turn around and complain that we don't want them!
It's frustrating because they already had their chance!
Stealing this comment from dating over 40 sub "when I was young, girls got mad at me for trying to date them but now they're mad at me for not dating them"
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u/1245789630 17h ago
Simply untrue. Many dudes will marry a single mother. It happens all the time.
It's usually the dudes that couldn't get a date in their youth that create these bizarre, elaborate revenge fantasy about single mothers because they're still butt hurt about feeling left out in their youth.
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u/Electrical-Today-258 17h ago
This is the most selfish inceliest take here. Cudos on scuzzing it up
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u/Life-Food5188 18h ago
this sounds like a personal problem.
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u/Ok-Ad-9820 18h ago
It's not a personal problem, a lot of men feel this way.
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u/Life-Food5188 18h ago
i’m saying it sounds like your personal experience may be coloring your perception.
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u/bloodgout 16h ago
So a woman having a child with someone she wants to be with, a woman with whom you have never had a conversation, puts “good men” in a tight spot and makes you feel hurt, rejected, frustrated, inadequate, angry and sad and somehow she should know this so she doesn’t hurt your feefees and miss her chance at a prize pig like you?
Is that what you’re going with?
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u/gottagetanonymous 7h ago
Do you expect the loser to say “no we shouldn’t, I can’t provide” HES A LOSER💀this is the most mild take ever
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u/Adept-One-819 22h ago
You're maybe missing the point, which is that a woman has the choice to have sex with a loser. It's not about who's responsible for birth control, it's about making a choice and then bitching about it.
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u/Few_Palpitation3889 8h ago
Ideally yes.
What I agree with OP on is women have hormonal BC, carry the child, and can get an abortion. Or you know not fuck losers.
So when a woman tries to pull the victim card being a single mother I'm immediately suspicious.
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u/throwwwaway43488 7h ago
How is that true when only one person bears all the responsibility? Make it make sense. If the women doesnt want a baby it has to be on her lol
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u/Superb-Tomato8185 20h ago
One of my best friends is highly educated, successful and just an amazing person. She grew up with a crap tom of abuse - emotion and physical in the home. She didn’t even recognize her husband was a narcissist. She has been told a billion times over her life that she’s over reacting. She learned to doubt herself. Her freaking couples therapist she saw for 8 years heavily promoted this as well. She’s now finally divorcing the parasitic loser and really stating to learn herself and what really happened. Abuse really changes the mind, choice isn’t always as simple.
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u/bigfanofbeets 1h ago
The first time I grocery shopped after leaving my abuser, I didn't know what to buy for myself. I was so used to considering what he wanted, what he would yell at me for if he didn't get, I couldn't get used to just... buying what I needed.
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u/TedsGloriousPants 22h ago
If you exclude abuse, power imbalance, and surprises you're left with.... what exactly?
Who exactly do you think is having kids they don't want with zero of those factors present?
This kinda just sounds like you want to throw women under the bus for unwanted pregnancies as if those don't require two active participants.
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u/fishonthemoon 20h ago
OP hates women. Even the last bit about a woman with options still dating “losers” sounds bitter AF.
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u/TedsGloriousPants 20h ago
There's honestly a lot of hate for women (and more generally awful gender-wars nonsense) all over this sub.
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u/Slight_Present7796 8h ago
Ask him if he thinks women should only date men with money. Please, I'm dying to see what he says to that.
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u/Suitable_Beautiful29 8h ago
Yep, if it wasn't already obvious with the post itself - he already commented below basically confirming your point.
Just another one who failed at dating and instead of asking himself how he could be a better human being, needs to blame someone. Nothing new, they're crawling all over Reddit 🥱
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u/SleepCinema 8h ago edited 5h ago
A lot of dudes on Reddit have never met any significant amount of single mothers. They get their ideas from YouTube videos and podcasts. They sound absolutely batshit insane, but are convinced it’s “the truth”. And no, I’m not a single mom, but my mom was. I grew up around plenty kids with single moms. Plenty dads who didn’t live with their kids. Most are normal people making it work. There are people who should have never have kids, and believe me if you know anything about child abuse/neglect, those people don’t need to be “single”. There are terrible parents who just so happen to be single parents. And of course there are conflicts. Raising kids is hard. It’s harder when you’re split up.
It’s always funny when dudes claim they want 5 kids, or they’re just so desperate to be a dad, but then look down on the problems and struggles that come with raising children. “Single moms will prioritize their child.” Yeah, and when you have a child, the child will be prioritized over you too. “Single moms get into arguments with the dad of the child.” Yeah, and the mother of your child will get into arguments with you. “I don’t feel like I have the authority to discipline a stepchild.” Well, that’s something that’s individual amongst couples, but wait until you actually have the face the challenges of disciplining your own kid. Just stuff like that.
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u/TedsGloriousPants 8h ago
I mean, it's clear that OP (and the supporting comments) are just thinly-veiled anti-abortion posts.
That's what they mean by bear responsibility. They mean have the kid. They're positioning single-motherhood as a punishment for acting as though abortion is viable as birth control - which is not a thing anyone is doing - but it's easier to make their point that way than just admit out loud that they carry disdain for women and reproductive freedoms.
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u/normal_hombre 9h ago
left with.... what exactly
Settling with a guy who you know isn't right for you.
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u/Medium-Violinist-903 22h ago
Men also hold power to not impregnate a woman they don't want to be associated with. Kind of strange to even phrase this as a gender thing, as opposed to just a general responsibility as a human being kind of thing.
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u/Instant-Noods 22h ago
Yep, if a man doesn't want to be a father and would be a deadbeat dad if the woman he was sleeping with got pregnant tomorrow, then he needs to figure out how to wear condoms or embrace celibacy.
Men who (purposely or by negligence) impregnate women with no intention on being a father are trash. Likewise women who consentually let trash impregnate them are equally trashy. Everyone is responsible for their own birth control, and that's one thing it's not ok to be irresponsible with. The idea of an "oopsie" is genuinely insane to me. Never in my life.
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u/officialdiscoking 14h ago
Yes these men are 100% trash, but they also do not care. They will impregnate multiple women and dip, it's women who end up physically stuck with with a pregnancy and then child. These men are not gonna wear condoms or be celibate
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u/fruity_pirate_arrr 8h ago
Exactly, I don’t know why these conversations are always geared towards women cause it’s the women who end up paying the price for these mistakes. Women are much more cautious of who they sleep with than men are because they physically cannot run away from the responsibility (unless you take abortion into account, and even then that’s not always an option). Men can impregnate multiple women at the same time and then ghost them and never think about it again. Sure some women need to be told “hey, maybe stop settling for every guy that gives you attention”, but that’s not the big issue here. The bigger issue is the amount of men who treat pregnancy as an afterthought and don’t take it seriously like most women do. Many women have told me that they’ve had dates where the man didn’t put on a condom until she specifically asked him to, and some of them even try talking out of it too. That’s insane.
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u/Key-Month6651 13h ago
They aren't equally trashy. Not even close. The men who are trashy people are the primary trash and frequently the women who got pregnant by them aren't trash at all.
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u/Wolfeatingupshadows 20h ago
Lol my friend in college had this outlook until she actually had sex… and found out how oopsies happen. :/
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u/StarStuffSister 21h ago
Birth control fails-- good luck getting sympathy from me if you didn't do it.
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u/cdazzo1 22h ago
Yeah, but we're specifically talking about "bums" and "losers". It's already baked into the premise of the question that they have blame.
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u/Medium-Violinist-903 22h ago
Can women not be bums and losers?
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u/wastedfate 22h ago
Men cannot be impregnated by loser or bum women, at least not any men that aren't trans men I guess, not an expert on the topic.
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u/Key-Month6651 13h ago
Yep. Life is unfair. Some people have to deal with the burden of pregnancy and others don't. Don't know why this is a difficult concept for people to wrap their heads around.
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u/TotalACast 22h ago
Who says the man doesn't want to be associated with her? Plenty of loser guys stick around just for the free meal ticket and convenient sex.
It's still a bad idea to have kids with him even though it happens all the time.
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u/Willing-Atmosphere-2 22h ago
You are missing the point. There is a reason why these people are called losers. They do not think and are incapable of thinking about the future or even the future of their kids. That is not something you can just fix, you stay away from these people. And getting willingly fucked by them is probably the worst decision you can have.
We are saying that as an adult you are responsible for choosing people you hang out with and get into a relationship with. So if you deliberately chose to have a kid with a loser bum don't act as a victim later and expect free handouts. The world is not as nice place as people sometimes think it is. You learn to recognise patterns and red flags and its on you to avoid them, because dumb people will always exist.
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u/Silent-Literature-64 20h ago
What do you mean by free handouts?
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u/MidorriMeltdown 16h ago
They mean they don't care about children, and are ok with them being raised without the basics.
At least, that's how their comment reads.
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u/bloodgout 13h ago
The losers and bums don’t advertise their status. And I hate to break it to you but women aren’t mind readers. We don’t always know someone is a loser or bum (or god forbid a loser-bum) until it’s too late.
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u/Medium-Violinist-903 22h ago
What part of what you said is gender specific? Are there not women incapable of thinking about the future or even the future of their kids? Are men not able to stay away from those types of people and not willingly fuck them and have a kid with them?
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u/Willing-Atmosphere-2 22h ago
Sorry I'm not native eng so its a bit harder for me to express my opinion. TLDR I'm trying to make a point that bad and dumb people will always exist, you cannot rely on them to make correct decision, so if you are smart you will avoid them (and definitely not have a kid with them) and is not meant gender specific but for both genders equally.
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u/Medium-Violinist-903 22h ago
and is not meant gender specific but for both genders equally.
Ok, then you are not the type of person my comment was directed towards. OP made this a gender specific thing for some reason.
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u/WaffleConeDX 21h ago
Yea because single parenthood, pregnancy and child rearing affects us women more than men. The point is to be more strict with who you let in between your legs. And if theyre a loser after pregnancy don't have more kids. Theres nothing wrong with this advice AT ALL. The only person who has responsibility of your life is YOU. Too many women dont empower themselves
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u/DontBuyTheThing 20h ago
It always was a head scratcher for me growing up knowing men are the ones who choose who receives their sperm and know that if the birth control fails, they'll end up being fathers yet they still complain it's 'unfair'.
And yet all the responsibility was always placed on the woman.
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u/Straamannen 22h ago
Women get pregnant. That's a
gendersex thing.Men also hold power to not impregnate a woman they don't want to be associated with
Are you a bot?
OP said "knew the guy was a bum, loser, and had no signs of providing or living for himself only."
Men like that don't think I'm terms of consequences. If they did they wouldn't fit that description.
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u/Medium-Violinist-903 22h ago
And I'm saying men shouldn't have sex with a women when they know she's a bum, loser, and has no signs of providing or living for herself only. See how that advice can work in both directions?
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u/Crazy_Banshee_333 22h ago
A lot of times, you can't tell the guy is a bum until later in the relationship. Everyone puts their best foot forward, at first.
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u/sagew0lf 22h ago
yeah I feel like OP has one specific guy in mind and thinks every man shows red flags from the beginning. I know PLENTY of guys who didn't show their true colors until kids.
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u/MidorriMeltdown 16h ago
I know of a guy who didn't show his true colours until there were 7 kids. He told his wife, "I only married you for the sex." and walked out.
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u/Slight_Present7796 8h ago
Also, all men are losers at 18/25 unless they were born with money, and that's when most accidental pregnancies happen. Who are young women supposed to date, exactly, the hordes of 22 year old men with high paying white collar jobs?
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u/leon-di 22h ago
you got it all figured out. there’s no way woman have complex and detailed lives that lead to them making decisions that may seem contradictory to others but made sense to them at the time. when they make decisions you personally don’t agree with it’s ONLY for vapid and stupid reasons.
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u/moonopalite 22h ago
Remember this goes both ways everytime you see a guy complaining about a terrible ex wife/baby mama. If you knew what she was like beforehand, you should have never slept with her. It takes two to tango. We don't get to pick our parents but we do get to pick our child's parents.
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u/oopisfrugas 21h ago
Sure, but we can't say stuff like this and then clutch our pearls when the marriage and birthrates drop. Women are dating and marrying at record lows almost everywhere precisely because it is no longer the norm to put up with anything just to avoid being single. Many of the dudes who say things like "women need to take accountability for choosing bums" don't realize that they are the bums in question and that there's a good reason why they're not getting picked.
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u/No_Appearance9953 22h ago
Hate to put it this way but my mum actively tried not to have a kid with the loser, had an undetected pregnancy while on birth control and ended up with me. She did everything in her control to not have kids with the man she loved, who might I add was a college romance. She was on the pill, he used condoms, got checked once a year and it still happened. It can't always be helped.
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u/Specialist_Cow_7092 22h ago
I don't understand? Yes it's a stupid thing to do? People constantly give these women shit and make them pay for there mistakes for the rest of their lives. What is your point here exactly just to further shit on them publicly for fun?
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u/iMightBeAManatee 17h ago
Like fuck I'm sure women in these situations do in fact regret their decisions, what do you expect from them? They don't deal with enough shit so now we need to make them feel even worse for daring to be upset about the person who was a BIG part of getting to this point? You don't think they would have done things differently if they knew then what they knew now?
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u/Elegant_Source900 22h ago
Yes and condoms exist but an alarming number of men refuse to use them. This issue is not just on women. Blame women for yet one more thing but birth control is also a man’s responsibility. End of story.
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u/Shot_Cartographer241 22h ago edited 22h ago
Agree, but my issue is when people say this but then turn around and complain about plummeting birth rates or mock cat ladies. When most men are trash and we’re not supposed to let them impregnate us that is the natural conclusion because finding one is isn’t a loser and amenable to marriage is damn near impossible.
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u/tell_tale13 22h ago
This is the dumbest misogynist rage bait ever. Literally "she should have known better" behavior. Till we accept that there are just some bad humans out there regardless of gender, we're doomed to just continue chasing our tails.
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u/Fluffy-Leg7546 22h ago
Ah yes. Our fault for dating bums, our fault for being gold diggers. Sluts if we have sex with you, prude bitches if we don’t. There’s no right way for women to exist, and so everything is our fault.
Obviously I’m using hyperbole to make a point, but this is a ridiculous take.
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u/Positive-Soil-4759 22h ago
How about just mind your own fucking business, I'm am beyond exhausted with the "conservatives" and "party of personal freedom" trying to insert themselves into absolutely every party of my life. Get a job losers and stay the fuck outta my business.
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u/Weekend_Donuts 20h ago
This is a really long was to say you’re upset a girl chose someone else.
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u/International_Dig475 22h ago
Why do men do the same thing and go after bum women?
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u/woofwoofbarkarf 22h ago
So many men don’t show their true colors until you’re pregnant
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u/smilingplankton 22h ago edited 21h ago
Exactly. If a woman is completely aware that her partner is terrible, and she has every ability to leave but chooses not to, then that is her mistake at that time, sure. (Though it doesn’t actually make her responsible for her partner’s actions, thats still on them.)
The problem is, that’s not the majority of cases. In the vast majority of cases, either the man doesn’t show his true colors until after pregnancy, or the woman knows her partner sucks but lacks the practical or financial means to leave the relationship. These situations are way more complicated than just “don’t be with a bad partner, you should know better”.
For OP to state that it is “100% your fault for allowing this loser access to your body” completely lacks nuance and is extremely un-empathetic.
Domestic violence and homicide are leading causes of death in pregnant and postpartum women in the U.S., outranking pregnancy-related medical complications. Take a moment to absorb that, and then tell us again how women “should know better” and “are 100% responsible”.
I’m sure all those women know exactly what they’re signing up for, right? I’m sure they would have willingly chosen to stay in that relationship knowing it would kill them.
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u/Emergency-Ocelot-104 22h ago
It seems like you're giving woman shit for falling into human relationships with bad men instead of giving the bad men shit. Have more empathy dude.
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u/cdazzo1 22h ago
Was calling them "bums" and "losers" not assigning them enough blame?
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u/Emergency-Ocelot-104 22h ago
Notice at the end instead of giving sympathy or empathy it's blame and malice that they should have known better, especially coming from a dude, it's like he's mad people empathize at all with people dealing with these bad men.
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u/Kwerby 22h ago
Not OP so who knows what their actual intention is with that phrasing BUT there is something to say that if bums and losers are always going to exist then we might as well make an appeal to the other side of this equation lol
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u/ThyNynax 22h ago
This is just the usual “who do you blame for getting robbed while walking alone in a high crime neighborhood after dark?” conversation.
Some people will say that everyone has the right to walk where they please and only the criminals have any responsibility for robbing people.
Other people will say that you’re an idiot for going where you already know is dangerous and choosing to ignore the warnings. We can’t shame people who have already chosen crime, and we can’t control them until after a crime has happened, so it’s your responsibility to protect yourself.
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u/ocexaneyes 22h ago
There is constant attacks on single women raising their children often on their own or with help from families even though it's the man whose choice it was to be a deadbeat and step out on the relationship.
I'm not going to assume who was the bad one, who was the deadbeat and who chose to get with who i'm going to judge it based upon the one stepping out on the consequences of that.
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u/Alone_Somewhere_9358 22h ago
Exactly. If someone (of any gender) has come to accept someone who is unhealthy for them (for any particular reason - but I guess not being ‘loser’ could encompass some aspects of that - whatever loser really means) that’s usually a sign that this sort of person is what they know, what they grew up seeing, or what they feel is culturally the norm. This person isn’t a red flag for a reason.
So what does it say that we live in a society where this is a trope we see? Unhealthy men who aren’t good matches for their more competent partners? Oh yeah, it probably means we aren’t raising boys and men very well. With emotional maturity. And a society of women, who in turn, are socially conditioned to accept whatever unhealthy behavior because that’s the example they’ve seen. Usually people who tolerate unhealthy behavior tend to internalize blame…Which is EXACTLY the sort of thing that Op perpetuates with this take.
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u/Straamannen 22h ago
He gave the bad men plenty of shit.
He called them bums, losers, with no signs of providing for themselves or others.
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u/Melodic_Push3087 15h ago
Dude the post is literally about “women having more power to not let bums impregnate them it’s straight up disingenuous to try and argue that he’s assigning equal blame. The entire point is of the post is to single out women. calling men bums and losers, is just another way to bypass their own accountability, like they didn’t too make a choice to create children with women they abuse.
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u/bloodgout 12h ago
But the entire thread is about women. Focused on blaming women and not holding men accountable for getting someone pregnant.
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u/Dasseem 22h ago
I mean it's all about context wouldn't you say? Sure, a woman falling in love with a loser can happen to even the brightest woman alive but if it happens three or more times?
There comes a point where a woman must take responsibility for their choices. One is bad luck and more than that, it's a pattern.
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u/Key-Simple1774 22h ago edited 22h ago
Mfs will say this and then complain about child support.
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u/Educational_Panda485 10h ago
Idk, this sounds like a young/inexperienced opinion.
I’ve never met a single woman who intentionally goes for bums. Sure, they might be out there, but blaming women for men’s mistakes is a pretty crazy take.
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u/cherryflannel 19h ago
I don’t really get the point of bashing women like this. Why would a woman choose a horrible man? Occam’s razor. She probably lacks self esteem and hasn’t been treated well enough to have reasonable standards. Redirect your anger to the bummy men.
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u/AuraTickler 22h ago
I dont know why other men put women on such a pedestal.
They are not all the same. Just like we arent.
Theres an awful lot of trashy people that happen to be women too.
You cant control these people. Just ignore them like you do with the other guys. That includes making stupid life choices.
Always remember that the average person is pretty stupid and then remember 50% are dumber than that. Explains so so much and makes life a lot less stressful, not trying to understand or wanting to fix them.
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u/xdrezx 21h ago
Religion. They’re forced to have the baby with the loser they slept with and are stuck with them for life.
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u/socratesstanjohnson 20h ago
Mostly this happens to uneducated women who are in the same social class as these men. Unfortunately we have a very undereducated society. I used 2 forms of birth control even when I was married and open to a kid although I wasn't planning on one right away. Because sometimes it can fail. To not take those precautions and have it happen multiple times...it's just a problem of having people who just don't think through consequences.
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u/DarkMagickan 20h ago
Oh, sure, and if you don't take into account gravity and the laws of physics, people can fly.
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u/bayou8635 20h ago
Raise your standards, ladies. We dont want no scrubs. A scrub is a guy that cant get no love from me.
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u/Pikachu_Blue 19h ago edited 19h ago
Yeah I learned from only having one that he was a loser. Still took 6 years and financial suffering to learn, but I DID learn 😅 the whiplash from meeting someone financially responsible and emotionally intelligent has been a lot to take in since the divorce lol
Edit: I see OP getting steam-rolled for implying it is soley a woman's responsibility to figure this out, but I think they are talking about when we know in our gut and stay/try anyways. I think a lot of us have been there where we stick something out in hopes it will improve, but never does.
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u/redditburner00000 16h ago
Or as my wife would say “don’t let losers cum in you”.
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u/Ancient-Tap-3592 7h ago
Like 70% of the manosphere and 100% incels have a huge issue with what you said... Mainly that they disagree with that even being possible
Also, who is asking you to empathize with women who decided to form a family? What you consider a "bum loser" doesn't have to be somethi that she considers that. In fact it may be something she doesn't see any negative side to it
I'm really struggling to see the issue here. Sounds like you are upset consenting adults are forming families out of their own free will
What would be messed up is if someone felt the need to form a family with someone they dislike because that person has money
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u/twinpeaks86 22h ago
Yes it’s always the woman’s fault. Never the loser men.
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u/bloodgout 11h ago
It’s true. Only women can bear responsibility for something two people did together. I think these incels would explode if they held a man responsible for anything.
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u/Had_to_ask__ 22h ago
You need to educate yourself on human psychology and better understand what people are against
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u/riceandbeansonly 22h ago
I have it typically impulsively is the answer
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u/Had_to_ask__ 22h ago
Yes, you’re right, you will never understand or empathize. And that is by choice
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u/WyomingWeirdo 21h ago
The vast majority of teenagers that get pregnant are impregnated by adult men.
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u/Old-Corgi-155 22h ago
You exclude power imbalance, but that would be a factor in literally every heterosexual relationship because no matter if the guy is a "bum" or not, there is a power imbalance because we live in a patriarchal society. One of the best ways forward is for everyone to de-center men. Most women are raised to believe that men should be a primary part of their life so even if it's a shitty guy women are raised with the idea that a shitty guy is better than no guy. That's what women are finally starting to reject. That's one of the main goals of feminism. This is why we need feminism and this is why everyone needs to decenter men.
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u/Dddddd92 22h ago
Birth control is the responsibility of both parties. But say you did the mistake of sleeping with a loser once and fell pregnant. I'd rather that they go the route of abortion. But if you sleep with that loser more than once, thats 100% your fault!
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u/riceandbeansonly 22h ago
It is both responsibility. But you're actively raw dogging a guy who "pulls out" should've been the red flag from the get
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u/Dddddd92 22h ago
I mean say it happens once when you are drunk, we can chalk it up to a mistake. But you learn from it and grow. The problem is, most people don't
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u/jbfitnessthrowaway 22h ago
One of the best pieces of advice that I’ve ever received is “don’t let losers cum in you”
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u/bloodgout 12h ago
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received is don’t take the side of misogynistic incels
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u/hecky-888 22h ago
Blaming single moms for deadbeat dads is such a low IQ L take. Incel gets thrown around so much bc so many of you sweaty lil pimple boys are incels.
This is You: You know what pisses me off? Women having sex with men who aren’t me!
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u/riceandbeansonly 22h ago
1st off I wouldn't stick my dick in stupid. 2nd off is incel the new word you women use when a guy disagree with you? Cause it's a weak insult. 3rd off it's proven now women are become more incel than men now. 4th "Women having sec with men who aren't me" is pretty insecure comment that is definitely projecting
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u/SeptemberSoup 22h ago edited 21h ago
If you're thinking "maybe I/this can change them", don't have their child.
E: typo
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u/BriscoCounty-Sr 21h ago
They’ll give you excuses about how men can hide who they are and blah blah blah but they’ll conveniently leave out their magic female intuition which allows them to see all possible futures.
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u/Willing-Cook7268 20h ago
pookie and Ray Ray get them feeling a primordial breeding urge that override all common sense. they physically cannot stay away from. pookie and ray ray
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u/OtagoEcho 19h ago
I can’t imagine a scenario where the woman knows she’s worth more, she has confidence to get it, yet stays with a drop kick not due to abuse, power imbalance or surprise changes in him or the relationship (your parameters).
Maybe the girl doesn’t have as much confidence or agency as you might think?
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u/Significant_Dare_204 18h ago
The problem is some of them aren’t bums until about 13 years and two kids later.
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u/FrogPastor 17h ago
Why do you hate women? It's every woman's right to let losers creampie them.
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u/iMightBeAManatee 17h ago
Incredible nuanced topic to try and simplify and attack one gender, when often this kind of situation happens because of a power imbalance that wasn't obvious, or someone made a mistake (as we all generally do???) and put their eggs in the wrong basket without realizing. I don't know if you know how many seemingly competent and kind men are actually vile losers, but it's easy to hide when men still have all the privileges they have in our society right now.
I hope you supplement this attitude by supporting your local domestic violence and women's shelters, since they're the only ones you're seemingly fine with if they ended up getting pregnant and fucked over by a man. Or will you interview them and ask them if there were signs that the man sucked and then determine whether or not they're worthy of empathy and support first?
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u/darkhuntresssyn45 9h ago
You've apparently met my sister. Got married to a loser, left multiple times with a whole city of support, actually divorced him then WENT BACK and had another kid! At some point it gets exhausting helping someone over and over and over with no change that you just stop helping. My sister FINALLY after more than a decade realized this guy was a loser, who never held a job longer than like 6 months and was never gonna change. Finally has a good guy who I honestly think my mom likes more than her lol.
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u/pluto9399 8h ago
Or letting a man impregnate you BEFORE you take the time to suss out his character. I have no sympathy for people who end up pregnant after hookups. I just feel terrible for the child. Women have 100% control over who fathers their children.
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u/Peanutbutterenstroop 7h ago
This angle assumes many things.
We're talking about "women" and "loser bums" resulting in single mothers, right?
And women are wrong for wanting "empathy" because they had the power to "not allow loser bums to impregnate them".
Especially the ones who know they can do better, yet still go for the "loser bums".
Now we are discussing women needing to take accountability for their choices in male partners and are wrong for asking empathy for the situation they have landed themselves in.
Women being the ones raising the children they have made and being shamed for being single mothers while men are let off scott free because all the deadbeat fathers were loser bums to begin with and didn't just bail when things got real, so they don't count because women shouldn't have chosen them to have sex with in the first place, because they should know better how to distinguish between the deadbeats and the good men because they have been shown good examples of what to look for growing up and/or deadbeats have "L"s for "loser" on their foreheads and they chose to procreate with the "L"s.
Meanwhile, "women" are the ones taking responsibility for the children they created, whether from making a mistake or not, and the internet is filled with posts like these telling them to take accountability for the men we never seem to blame because they are in a separate category from the good guys, ie. "Loser bums".
So we have "women", "men" and "loser bums". Men are absolved because they are "good men", "loser bums" are absolved because women chose them like that, and the "women" who are raising the children they created all by themselves are chastised for wanting a little empathy (which is entirely free and giving it has no impact on men either way).
This is why women are moving toward celibacy in droves. "Men" vastly overestimate their numbers and vastly underestimate their chances of bailing when things get tough and becoming "loser bums" themselves.
Maybe women aren't choosing you because you told them to choose better and you didn't make the cut. Probably because you will tell them to take accountability when they end up single moms who take on the responsibility of the children they birthed and don't deserve empathy because they chose a loser bum.
Women don't like sex that much.
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u/Most-Individual8794 5h ago
Sadly there are a lot of toxic mindsets that some women have...basically that it's better to be with someone (anyone) than to be alone. Years ago, I was running with a group of women who were in a mix of long-term, short-term, and situationship-relationships. With the exception of one, I didn't see many of these things lasting. When they started ganging up on me to "start dating" (I really like being single) and suggesting people, I was very honest about what I was looking for (which wasn't anything at the time) and then told them I wasn't willing to settle for some of the guys they were suggesting because I wasn't afraid to be alone. They were all floored. "But everyone settles! That's the whole point of a relationship!" It was really unfortunate, because all of these women were smart, attractive, and had careers and life ahead of them. Don't get me wrong -- men settle, too (my brother certainly did, which is a shame) but it's extra cringey when you see these people having kids with folks you know can't provide/won't provide for them. I'm not friends with any of those people anymore, btw -- it's hard to sit back and watch someone set their life on fire.
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u/ActiveJuggernaut3729 22h ago
Because women love men more than people like to pretend and some of them will settle with the lousiest of men.
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u/lastzergling 22h ago
This is the most sexist misogynistic take I've ever seen. Just because a woman allows something to happen doesn't mean she should be responsible for the consequences.
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u/Painwheel99 13h ago
Except the “consequences” is a child. She has to be the one carrying and feeding the “consequences” while the bum doesn’t. It’s a lose situation if she doesn’t want this predicament to happen, she needs to be careful who she lets in. It’s the reality even if it’s controversial or misogynistic to say it out loud. At the end of the day, the only victim here is the child.
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u/riceandbeansonly 22h ago
That's the dumbest shit I ever read.
Because X ALLOWS something to happen does mean X should be responsible for the consequences?
I can see why there's no self accountability
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u/Inevitable-Box-4751 21h ago
People will make a million excuses instead of just not having sex
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u/NewspaperOk140 16h ago
Hey I had a kid with a loser because I really believed with all my heart that if I moved 2000 miles away he would leave me alone and I would get to raise my kid all by myself, like I wanted. He followed me 😭😭
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u/Slight_Present7796 8h ago
Love how women suck if they decide to have a relationship with a "loser", "bum" or whatever euphemism for poor we are using, and also suck if they want to date men with money, then they are golddiggers or whores.
It's almost like people just hate women or something, crazy.
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u/TwoOk6084 22h ago
Pretty much named most of the reasons that happens in your first sentence but yeah.. women
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u/Sun_Blossoms 20h ago
Hot take! And it’s just misogyny and blaming women. Why is it always “women should stop being with losers!!” And never “men should stop acting like losers” 🤔 funny how we always hold women accountable for the actions of men.
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u/Mystery89067 20h ago
I mean it goes both ways but in this case woman can clearly see the guy they're with us a looser so why get pregnant by them? They have full ability to walk away and choose a better guy. Woman aren't children, they're smart enough the choose better for themselves
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u/GlassApprehensive620 18h ago
this ain’t a hot take this is the realest reddit post of all time.
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u/throwaway587241 16h ago
Women in the comments be dodging responsibility like it's a boss in Dark Souls
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u/doesnotmatter286 9h ago
Is OP the loser in question? Because it sounds quite personal, like "you can't call me a loser after we've had all these kids together! Also, none of it is my responsibility, shouldn't have given me access to your body if I'm such a loser!"...
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u/Flagellent 19h ago
Hey now, dont hold women accountable, they dont like that.
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u/Sea-me-later7039 17h ago
The amount of "missed the point" that is rampant amongst the comments.
The fair and equivalent opposite to this scenario. Is a man who regrets offloading inside a tramp because she makes for a poor parent. Saying stuff like "it takes two to tango". Would never be an excuse for his mistakes.
But somehow when women are presented with this regret. They'll express that the responsibility should have been shared or someone elses entirely.
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u/bloodgout 12h ago
Your reading comprehension is questionable.
Men are saying it takes two to tango to women. Not to the dreaded loser-bums.
The responsibility for offspring falls on both parents. OP and friends are putting all the responsibility on the woman.
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u/dirtyllama720 22h ago
I’ve seen it so many times man
I’ve seen women who will shack up with dudes who have two felonies and are actively members of a gang, and have a blow and go in their car.
And then when they get nutted in and then abandoned, they pretend to like he was some gem of a human being and there were literally no red flags
Some women legitimately lose all their brain cells when they fall for some guy.
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u/cheesyshop 22h ago
And it’s the same with men.
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u/dirtyllama720 22h ago
Never said it wasn’t
That’s how I was with my first wife.
But this post wasn’t about men
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u/Suspicious_Winter103 22h ago
I think you underestimate how many people will do almost anything to not be ALONE.
This is why otherwise intelligent people fall for obviously online romance scams.
I do not have this toxic human trait myself. I will gladly be alone than be with a bum. But so many otherwise normal men and women will get into and stay in atrocious relationships for years just to avoid being single.