In order to get higher rankings, the presenter must be gasping, holding their face, or pointing into space with a look that I associate with someone who is on the way to a small, packed room and has just realised that their fart contained rather more solid content and whiff than originally thought.

I sometimes think that some executive came up with the idea of getting perfectly reasonable people to behave like imbeciles as a wager — and then everyone forgot to remove the requirement.

I was watching a video of a factory billowing a massive cloud of white smoke, and my brain immediately went:

“Thou hath selected a new pope.”

And now I can't fucking unsee it.

Every time I see white smoke coming from a chimney, I’m going to assume the Vatican has made an announcement.

Black smoke? Pope still loading.

Gray smoke? Pope installation failed. Please reboot Vatican.

No smoke? The cardinals forgot to submit the form.

I don't know why my brain did this to me, but apparently this is how I live now.

ABSOLOUTE GEM. IM LAUGHJNG SO MUCH I PROLLY LOST 69 POUNDS😭😭😭😭😭

The full subject was "No Kids, Just Cocktails and Sunshine". I swear. 😂

How did I do? @thisischrisoakes on all platforms

On my couch, chilling 3 meters away from this stranger. Then I loved it even more when there were three of them for 20 minutes. I didn't feel watched at all. Life is good.