INTP & Anger Issues

[u/yah1r0]

Any INTPs out there who struggle/ have struggled with anger issues throughout their lives?

Honestly, I’m not sure if prolonged stress made anger somewhat a part of me. Even though it’s mostly internal, I can usually control it.

But could this be related to Fe grip?

[u/Lazy_Side_6830]

I struggle with anger issues only with my family, I try to control myself when im aware of it but I fail most of the time.

[u/Curious_Rule7396 → u/Lazy_Side_6830]

I have the same problem but I don't know if it's an anger issues or just repressed feelings

[u/Lazy_Side_6830 → u/Curious_Rule7396]

Thats what im thinking too, its mostly repressed feelings because of a lack of communication and dismissed thoughts and opinions especially through teenage years tbh.

[u/Blancandrin__ → u/Lazy_Side_6830]

I'm the same way. It's pretty rare for me to get angry at anyone, but family members are different.

[u/Lazy_Side_6830 → u/Blancandrin__]

Same, im always chill with everyone else lol, people reference the chill guy meme often when they talk about me.

[u/Certain-Home-9523]

Personally, one of the few emotions that I experience strongly is frustration/anger. I’m not even aware of stress, which I assume is where the frustration and anger come from, even though I’ve been told I carry it in my shoulders and jaw. Emotions are pretty nebulous to me in general, and I would suppose it’s somewhat related to how INTPs process the world.

Perhaps it’s something similar for you. Where it’s not necessarily that you’re angry inherently, but that you’re shouldering more stress than you realize because you’re not aware of stress in general. Maybe what you assume is your default state is actually your state under stress and there’s a more true you underneath it that is exhausted and you’re unaware of it.

Like if we visualize it as a scale from 0 to 100, we might be resting at 80 while everyone else is at 25. Externally it looks like we’ve only got 20 until we blow our tops while everyone else has 75. Giving the illusion of a short fuse when, in reality, more of our fuse is already occupied.

[u/prag513 → u/Certain-Home-9523]

I think for some of us INTPs. stress is our default condition, whether we are aware of it or not. It may be related to issues such as homelessness, poverty, abuse, domestic violence, or parental indoctrination that we experienced as children.

[u/RemarkableRepair1405]

Me too ! I really get frustrated whenever I can’t grasp the lessons that I’m trying to study, like “why can’t I comprehend this? This is stupid”

I also get frustrated, or annoyed to say the least; whenever ppl ignore, or disregard my logic, or perspective

[u/FancySavy]

I struggle with anger issues, I also struggle with isolation when someone (especially my family) makes me angry.
Because usually I attack people with my words, that cut deep like a knife.
I tend to not think about the things I say in the moment and I can definitely say hurtful things, and especially the Fi types I know get emotionally invested in the things I say.
I usually withdrawal myself before I get really angry.
My Fi family members aka my whole family all get heavily emotionally invested in me, that I get angry especially when they invade my personal space.
Or when they try and micromanage or dictate my life.
Those are the things that make me the most angry.

[u/SmarmyThatGuy]

In case you didn't know, anger issues are a symptom of depression

[u/DefenestratedChild → u/SmarmyThatGuy]

Anger can occur with depression, but not all anger is depression related. Plenty of angry people out there who aren't depressed.

And if you're going to link an article to support your claim, make sure to use one that's more relevant to your claim like this one. The article you linked is little more than a case study of CBT being used for anger management in one depressed individual. It's really not that relevant. I mention this in case you're in an academic environment where this will absolutely come back to bite you in the ass.

[u/maximes778]

As a kid I had bad anger issues due to factors out of my control. I had a teacher who would always point it out if I was even a little angry and ask me why as if it was one single thing but its always a compounding list of sometimes 100s of things which just made me more mad at how unfair life was. I got better after about 8 years old . Later in life I got a rescue dog who is very skittish and couldn't handle any anger or similar. Probably made it the easiest to have a logical reason to not be as mad like in videogames.

[u/Watching_Warthog]

I struggle a lot with anger and frustration. It gets worse when I'm burnt out from work and or other constant social interactions.

[u/The_Brilliant_Idiot]

I struggle with how to even get angry in the first place. I would love to be able to get angry bc it means at least I’m living life 😂

[u/ballsacc420 → u/The_Brilliant_Idiot]

Same I honestly have a hard time having strong emotional reactions at all. Like I will think about something that happened days ago and get angry about it, but in the moment it happens I just feel nothing.

[u/Elliptical_Tangent]

The problem isn't anger, it's bottling all our feelings so that a small spike in annoyance is what cracks a dam of emotion that's been building for years. And it's amplified because we're Fe users, so we see the surprising impact it has on the people around us, elevating it to the level of 'anger issues.'

Fortunately, it's very easily dealt with. I have a copypasta I keep around for occasions like this:

---

To get a handle on your feelings is relatively easy, it just requires a little diligence. Start a log. Every day, at the end of the day, you write down the 3 most significant feelings you had that day, their intensity on a 5-point scale, their context, and your best guess as to the trigger.

When I say most significant, I don't mean you were crying/raging/laughing, but they could be. Most of the time, the most significant emotions are going to be slight annoyance, passing amusement, or some other gentle, ephemeral emotion.

Do this every day. If you have to skip a day for some reason, make it up as soon as possible. Make your best effort to document every day in this way.

Not long after you start, you'll find you know what you're going to log before you sit to do it. Shortly after that, you'll find you're logging emotions as you have them. Congratulations, you've done it. You now have an emotional co-processor to make you aware of your feelings in the moment when you can deal with them in a healthy way, instead of sandbagging them until the next argument.

It works, all it takes is a little discipline and time. I know because it was assigned to me when I went to counseling back when I divorced my wife, and it worked.

Good luck.

[u/Front-Action1251]

Ive got a big cup for bs. But tell me how i feel or think im something im not and it on. However it only lasts seconds. But it happens.

[u/Nervous-Cockroach541]

Probably when I was younger I had anger issues. But it was never violent or anything and ultimately was the result of being emotionally and physically controlled and manipulated by others in my life. It was tied to my depression.

[u/Cog-nostic]

LOL, I get angry, but I don't know that it is an issue. I really don't bother anyone else with my anger. My least favorite thing in the world to do is drive. I hate traffic lights and idiots on the road. There are only two kinds of drivers: ME, and IDIOTS. lol. My perspective is so damn illogical that I regularly laugh at myself while driving. I expect everyone to move out of my way. Can't they fking see I am driving here! And why in the fk am I letting that red light control my life at 3:00 AM? There is not a fking car on the street, and I have to sit there for 10 minutes. I can fking see there are no cars. In this age of computers, why in the hell are we still using traffic lights from the 1920's. Yes, I am a sick puppy, but I also laugh at my own stupidity when I catch myself losing it. The rest of the time I am very stoic, polite, and generally non-confrontational. I will stand up for myself, but I prefer to reach a meeting of the minds. My Achilles ' heel is driving.

[u/flashgordian]

I put my fist through a glass door around the age of nine or ten, skin turned up over that bone that protrudes on the outside of the wrist, loads of bleeding. After that, I got a handle on my anger. Self-control is a gift you can give yourself, and it is more profitable than almost anything else you can acquire.

[u/blakwoods]

I am currently dealing with anger directed towards myself. I put myself in social isolation after high school. I’m a 31M, graduated in 2013. I’m lonely and I have not worked on my social skills at all. I kept pushing people away when I thought I was not needed or useless. I keep saying I should go to therapy but then there are people in my life that are like “you don’t need it, just do something” and they are right. I do nothing to make myself feel happy or wanted. I don’t make the effort to reach out to people. I understood this and was even more saddened than angry.

I understand where you’re coming from, OP. I hope I do.

[u/zazuge]

my fam complain about my anger burst, i think i feel frustarted when people doesn't think things through and accuse you without thinking.

[u/Thai_Lord]

I literally don't experience anger unless an innocent is being accosted. Frustrated by spatial whatever in my brain, I guess.

I don't understand anger. I think maybe I've "outgrown" frustration. Not inna "idc" typpa way.

I don't have time.

[u/Mustluvdogsandtravel]

Anger management is actually a skill that every personality type could benefit from. What triggers anger is different for everyone. As an INTP I get annoyed more often than other non INTPs. But in reality, they are annoying! So I sing I feel pretty in my head- not out loud).

[u/ExistentialYoshi]

Yeah. I'm an enneagram 9 also, which despite being a very peace-desiring type is also angry, we just don't lash out at people much with it. Honestly the things that get me more angry than anything is my tech (computer/games) not working right or something breaking or being fucked up in some arbitrary ass way that the universe seems to specifically set up for me to be miserable a bit too often.

[u/Significant_Band8935]

Only times I really get mad are: 1 when people make assumption which are far beyond anything they can actually know just to win some personal ego battle. And 2. When I'm trying to do something and someone is talking to me while seeing i'm trying to focus on what I'm doing.

Aside from that i'm pretty chill in almost any cirumstance

[u/WhiskedIgloo]

I think I've had something of an anger issue. Before I returned to the Catholic Church, there was an odd quirk about me that I've never told anyone which was that I would experience sadistic urges to harm animals and children (especially animals). I remember seeing a homeless man whilst I was on my way to the city library, and I looked at his dog, and the dog seemed unwell. I felt the dog's head was oversized and desired to crush its head via stomping. This tangentially came up in one of my conversations with Gemini, and I was told that that's actually a serious symptom of a deep problem. I didn't know it was so serious. But yeah, I... perhaps the sadism is merely better repressed now, but perhaps there's been some healing too. After all, it hasn't really sprung up in a while the way it would on occasion.

But yeah, outside of abuse of the defenseless, I did used to be of the opinion that thoughts were just thoughts, so if someone hurts me, and I feel an impulse to fantasise about harming them, I can do so, and it's no problem. I didn't know of this concept of "Mental Diet" until I started exploring Mindfulness Meditation, Eastern Occultism (Buddhism and Yoga mostly), and Occultism in general.

I think I've seen some schizotypal people mock the concept of Mental Diet, that by thinking better thoughts, you can improve your mood. Personally, I do have doubts that you can really make yourself happier by thinking better thoughts, but nonetheless, I definitely believe that you can manage the depth to which you sink by avoiding negative thoughts when you're in a low mood. So, I do partially believe in Mental Diet. I'm certain our thoughts are going deep down and moulding us, or at least moulding us on the level of neurological habits for those who, along with the modern psychologists, reject the notion of the soul.

Tangent finished. So yeah, in my youth, I would engage in violent thoughts freely whenever I felt like it, and I think it even affected my mien. People would tell me that I looked scary. I remember one time, I was posing for a passport photo and had to be facially neutral, but then something "came over" me, and my eyes and face shifted somewhat for that photo. A woman in my security class saw that photo, and she said, looking at me, I look like a friendly guy, but in that photo, I look scary.

In summary, yeah, I think I've had an underlying anger issue. On the plus, Fr. Chad Ripperger said once (paraphrasing) that people who struggle with anger tend to be smarter, because anger engages with the concept of justice, which is a higher level of thought than mere basal pleasure. That made me feel better! 😄