Been on my mind since yesterday, just wanted to vent for a bit. Might delete it after sometime...

So something happened this week. For context, I'm a trans woman who hasn't had any ffs as of now. I went to shop for a formal outfit, and I selected an outfit, and I went to the trial room. Outside the trial room there was a security guard. She stopped and told me, "Sir, you go to that trial room" . I thought I misheard her, so she started pointing me towards another trial room, which was apparently the kids' trial room. Idk, I might have totally misread the situation, maybe that lady refers to everyone as sir, or whatever, my brain had stopped working and I was suddenly so conscious of my body, my clothes, my voice and everything in between. And when I went to the trial room, there was another lady there, and she was also confused that why have I been sent this way. The lady, the second lady, asked the first one that what was the matter, and they mumbled something amongst themselves and gestured me to go in. Anyway I went in and tried the fit. Mind you I've been to this shop many times and no one has misgendered me or stopped me before. But my mood was spoiled because I don't know, I felt very odd, and I tried the fit, and I came out. It was a pant and top set. The top fit nicely, but the pant was a bit tight. So I asked the saleswoman to get me a bigger size. The saleswoman gave the pants to that earlier security guard, and she gave it to another salesman who went to check. So when that second salesman came back, he told me, "Ma'am, we don't have a larger size in this". I asked him to check if it is available online, but he checked and it was not there. I didn't want to ask but I just wanted to speak something, make someone hear my voice and know that I'm not a man. Anyway, I wasn't in a good mood after that, so I came out, and I was feeling very conscious about my face and body. I was wearing a simple T-shirt, jeans and sneakers today, and I had done very basic makeup, and I was wearing a mask as well. My mind was running so much: maybe I should have dressed more femme, maybe I should have done my brows, maybe I should have emphasized my eye makeup, maybe tshirt-jeans was a mistake, maybe my hands and arms are too masc and gave me off... I don't know, I was and maybe still am, bummed out.

This picture kind of shows how I was looking. I just wrote stuff as it was coming into my mind, so sorry if its a bit incoherent :/

How do you guys deal with crushing on people who won't like you back cuz they're not queer? I be finding people cute and then turns out they already have a gf💀💀💀(I'm 19m gay... Mostly💀). Like I'll be living my best closeted life and all of a sudden I'll like someone and that's why my life starts getting shitty cuz I'm a hopeless romantic 😭... Is there something I can do to not get attached to my crushes?

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, aap sabko ek frooti (utna hi budget hai) 🤧

IT IS GOING TO BE PRETTY LONG 😭

ALSO USED TO CHAT GPT TO ORGANISE STUFFS.

I WANTED TO SHARE IT WITH SOMEONE. AND ik some people will resonate with me fs.

I'm currently in my 2nd year of BTech, and I've been thinking a lot about something from my childhood that still affects me.

I wasn't an introvert as a child. I was actually pretty social.

I grew up mostly with my mother and brother because my dad worked abroad, and my mom's job sometimes meant we had to live in different districts. Because of that, I wasn't around my extended family all the time. I'd see them during holidays and festivals, maybe talk to them on the phone sometimes, but that's about it.

I think I was around 4th or 5th grade when one of my uncles told my mother that I was feminine and asked why I walked like that. I don't even remember how I walked. Maybe I actually had some feminine mannerisms, maybe I just looked like my mother. I genuinely don't know.

But I remember the feeling. That uncle was scary to me when I was a child, so being singled out like that stayed with me.

There was another incident around the same age.

During a festival, I was standing beside my mother while she was making Pongal as an offering to the temple. It's traditionally something the women make. One of my uncles called me over and scolded me for just standing there with her.

Maybe they thought they were doing it out of love or trying to teach me something. But as a child, I didn't understand it that way. I just knew that an adult was angry with me for something I didn't think was wrong.

Then, when I was in 9th grade, I moved back to my hometown and started studying there. That's when I became much more conscious of how people perceived me.

Most of my male cousins were abroad or lived far away. The cousins who were actually around me were mostly girls, so naturally I talked to them. I had two first cousins who were girls and another girl cousin who lived near my house.

But during 9th and 10th grade, I got stereotyped as someone who only interacted with girls. People still make fun of me about it sometimes.

Ironically, now I'm probably the most masculine-looking person in my entire family. 😭

Recently, the same uncle who used to scold me when I was little saw me and proudly said something like, "I thought he would just be sitting at home and all, but no..."

Everyone else might hear that as a compliment.

But it didn't make me happy at all.

I was actually so angry inside. I genuinely wanted to throw hot tea at his face. Obviously I didn't 😭, but that's honestly how intense the feeling was.

Because part of me was thinking: You don't know what your words did to me when I was a kid.

Last week, I went to one of my cousin's weddings. I couldn't comfortably stand in the family crowd. I was even scared to eat with my cousins because I kept thinking, "What if they judge me? What if they make fun of me?"

And that's when I realized this probably isn't just introversion.

I'm not naturally antisocial. I think I'm anxious about being perceived.

I still catch myself trying not to appear feminine, even though now I'm not but STILL BI THO hehe. My appearance changed, but the fear didn't.

I don't know if "childhood trauma" is the right term for what happened to me, but it feels like something from childhood that I never really got over.

And one more thing treat children with patience and respect, not shame or harsh criticism. They may forget your exact words, but they can carry the way you made them feel for years...hope every adult learns this..

HOPE I WILL GET OVER THIS ONE DAY ❤️

Uhm just a rant ig, I have been thinking of writing here for a while, I'm 26 frm meerut and I m doin wfh currently has been abt 1 year, I don't really have school friends here coz duh I don't wanna stay freinds with my straight school friends that only talk abt girls and stuff, then I occasionally think of having a hookup, but ig just it's not for me 😭,I have met guys before and I have liked it, not saying I'm asexual but I only crave the intimacy part, I wanna date someone but pretty much everyone here wants a hookup only, also at my age all my friends are either dating someone or abt to get married and my best friend, he lives in Mumbai he is also dating a girl right now, so I m feeling pretty lonely and kinda stuck in life as I can't really marry anyone so what's the next chapter in my life. Also I feel in small cities it's pretty hard to date someone becoz guys don't wanna come out and most of them are eventually planning to get married to a girl only.

So i'm a CSE student, and my placement season is going on rn, and there's a campus drive for a UAE company, CTC: 12-13.5 LPA.

Now, it's a great package since we're struggling to get even a 5-6 LPA job but the downside of it is since it's a UAE based company, their owner is most likely homophobic. I know that all the major companies have owners/CEOs who are either in the epstein files, pro isreal, homophobic or maga so if you want a high paying job in an ethical company, you're cooked.

Since I'm a final year student and want experience so that I can get the f outta India, I need a job really bad.

So would you apply for a non ethical company if it pays well? or would you never do that since they don't respect us

I want to find a low pressure aka non serious relationship to just chat.

[TW: Self Harm/ Sexual Assault]

So I am 16 MtF living in closet in Northern India (Bundelkhand), very Conservative region. Can't come out to anyone honestly. I fear getting discovered maybe that'd mean getting homeless. Last night I had a dream, should I say nightmare? in which they found out I'm a girl and everyone mocked me and did not accept me. Also my parents are very unsupportive, I mean I don't really have any real relationship with them atleast since I was 12.

Even before that life was not too great, My mom is too religious and suffered from hallucinations and stuff, was disfunctional for many months, I feared her dyin. Still is too religious and forces things on me, I don't want to : ( Too bad they don't care about my mental health.

They yell at me all the time like about how I keep wasting time, don't do anything, keep coming online(but where else do I be a girl? life offline is so dysphoric aaahh), once they tried to check my laptop and I was soo scared that they will find me out. They don't care about my mental health really, I feel ill all the time. I think there is some issue, like I'm allergic to sunlight in someway, it causes me headache within like 5 seconds and some other scars on skin? Very nice trait if one lives in India huh? Also I don't like bright lights or loud sounds they just cause me distress, I some days don't feel like eating, or doing anything honestly. It was even worse before I realised I'm a girl because I knew that I wanted to care about myself but felt too lazy(??) to actually do anything, just tired. I want to get checked but how do I? what do I do?

All this and then dysphoria, although I began to question like 18 days ago but then my dysphoria became intense like real intense, it got soo bad that I was unable to think anything, my mind just revolved around my identity, also was unable to really respond to anyone because of misgendering. idk this might sound too dramatic, but I'm jus tellin my experiences. I began to have restless nights, and I got really desperate to do something about it, I searched around and figured out that I'll have to do HRT on my own, so one day I took some money from home and bought Estradiol Valerate 2mg and I felt soo calm that day, I never experienced that level of silence and comfort in my life, somedays later I got some 50 mg spironolactone, I do know its kinda unsafe and I should get my blood tested and things are soo expensive for me, how do I manage to collect 990 + 140 rs every month, I feel so worried about that, but atleast not as dysphoric. I shaved all my body few days after that, although I ran the razor dry on my body for some reason, am such a jerk and somehow managed to avoid a haircut. Anyways, 12 days on Estrogen now. Yesterday I forgot to take Spironolactone and couldn't sleep.

Also I never realised it prior but now when I look back I felt dysphoria since I was like 12, I didn't have words to define things back then. I never really had good experience with school, I was sexually assaulted and humiliated by some kids in my class in front of my whole class and no one did anything, some laughed, It took me 4 years to accept that was a SA, also when I went to camp, I didn't like how things were there(I figured out that this was undiagnosed dysphoria, how was being forced to behave), the constant verbal abuses by army people there, I felt so bad and then the People there bullied me, once I just lost my senses, felt like crying and attacked the throat of that person and broke down into tears, I just remember being dizzy and doing something, It did create them a wound on their throat,

I have to prepare for JEE and it causes me soo much stress on top of all that, last year I was doing so much but I feel so wasted, days pass infront of me and I just sit being unable to really do anything, sometimes I feel like ending it, and I once did use glass shard on my wrist but it didn't go too deep thankfully, I want to live as a girl, doing girly things whatever that means, but that means I'll have to wait. How do I study, so much syllabus exam's in January, I feel like crying, wtf is this life?? I want to do something? How else will I transition if I don't move out to go to college, I feel so trapped. I want to study but how do I????????? Please help mee someone

Hey yall
so im 18M, ik im young to be thinking this, but I don’t see a good future in this country, partially because of the people and legality of queer relationships.

I just wanna know how you guys are planning to move abroad, or if not, the pros and cons(except racism and all that)

I have researched a lot abt the US since my sister’s there, but getting employment there, and then getting a green card as an indian is virtually impossible now due to the backlog, and bad market

I don’t know much about other countries like the UK/EU/CAN since they don’t look as appealing career wise, since opportunities in the US are hella more. I was also planning to do masters in the US after a few yrs of work expin India, but the uncertainty of h1b is scary, and leaving a good indian job(which I hope since im from a tier 1 engg college), idk if i’ll be stalling my career.

Drop your plans and opinions

Will be doing first solo trip would like to meetup queer or atleast friendly peeps
Into smoking greens
Share you experience please

I have strong emotions for a guy I met on Grindr who was discreet at that time. We are involved for around 8 months now . Recently I saw him on Tinder with his face pics openly looking for short-term fun and I got palpitations and severe anxiety seeing him there. To forget him I got physically involved with a lot of other people but it just made me feel more empty and insecure. Now the thought of him sleeping with someone else gives me icks, and I also found out he had talked to my friend on Grindr before and found my friend hot, which makes me feel even more insecure and gross. I keep avoiding places that remind me of him and I keep thinking it's my fault, that I'm not enough. I want to move on and focus on my studies/gym but I can't stop thinking about him and feel very stuck.

Should I see a psychiatrist now ? Used AI to phrase above paragraph.

Hi 21F here from Lucknow, I think I am bisexual, and I have felt that way since I was 18. But I don’t know how to confirm it. I feel bad going out with girls just to explore cause I feel that’s not right for them. I am very confused as to what to do.

Hi everyone, I’m reaching out because I really need some advice and support from LGBTQ+ interfaith couples who have been through something similar.

My boyfriend and I are currently going through a very difficult phase, and we’re almost at the point of considering a breakup. A major part of our struggle is that our beliefs have become very tangled with our relationship. I’m Hindu, while my boyfriend is an atheist, and lately I’ve been struggling to understand how we can respect and live with those differences without them coming between us.

I’ve also recently stepped away from ISKCON, and honestly, I’m going through a pretty intense existential crisis because of it. I spent a significant amount of time involved with ISKCON, and I genuinely felt happy there, especially when I was serving and being part of the community. There are still aspects of that experience that I value and feel emotionally attached to. At the same time, I don’t want to involve myself in ISKCON fully again or go back to the same level of commitment I had before.

Since leaving, I’ve been questioning so many things—God, religion, spirituality, science, morality, sexuality, and what I actually believe for myself. I’m trying to separate my own thoughts and values from things I was taught, but I find myself getting easily influenced and confused. Sometimes I don’t even know whether a belief is genuinely mine or something I have internalized from my previous environment.

This has also started affecting my relationship. My boyfriend is an atheist, and I’m still figuring out what I believe. Sometimes I worry that our differences are simply too big to overcome. At the same time, I love him deeply and I really don’t want to lose our relationship just because we haven’t figured out how to navigate these differences yet.

So I’m specifically hoping to hear from LGBTQ+ interfaith couples—or couples where one person is religious/spiritual and the other is atheist—who have managed to make their relationship work.

How did you handle differences in beliefs? Did you set boundaries around religion and spirituality? How did you deal with marriage, family, children, festivals, religious practices, and values? How did you make sure neither person felt pressured to change the other?

And if one partner was going through a major change in their beliefs or leaving a religious community, how did you support each other through that?

I would really appreciate honest experiences, including things that didn’t work. I’m not looking for someone to tell me that one of us is right and the other is wrong. I’m trying to understand whether it is possible to build a healthy relationship when two people have very different beliefs.

I really want to save this relationship, but I also want to do it in a healthy way rather than holding onto it out of fear. If anyone has been through something similar, I would genuinely be grateful if you could share your experience or message me privately.

I really need some perspective right now.

Soo I am trans women but very much closeted from my family, long story short I came out to my family but they were against everything, so I lied and told them I am no longer trans.

So I plan to get on HRT while staying with them till I have enough funds to permanently move out.

Is that possible? Or should I just get on diy?

I’ll be visiting Goa next week and would love some recommendations for good gay clubs. Thanks!

I’m 21M and confused about myself. I’ve always felt feminine and liked things like sarees, makeup, and feminine behavior. But I’m still a man and mostly attracted to women.

I’ve also felt a little attracted to men. Does that make me bisexual? Or can I just be a feminine straight man? I’m really confused.

How are y’all managing work in such a non welcoming space

As a gay guy, I've noticed something that I’m curious whether other people in the community have experienced too.

I've had guys flirt with me, show clear interest in me, or try to have something casual with me, while at the same time making it very clear that socially they consider themselves straight.

And honestly, I don't have a problem with someone being confused about their sexuality, being bisexual, being closeted, or simply not wanting to put a label on themselves. Sexuality and identity can be complicated.

What bothers me is when someone essentially treats gay men as a temporary outlet for sexual/romantic curiosity, while keeping their "straight life" completely separate.

It can feel like:

“I'll have my fun with a guy for now, but if I find a girl I like, I'll immediately go back to being straight and forget about this.”

And that's where it becomes frustrating.

Because for the other guy, it might not be “just fun.”

Some gay men genuinely want a relationship. They might become emotionally attached, develop feelings, or think that the other person's interest actually means something.

Then suddenly the guy disappears because he's decided he wants a girlfriend or because he's worried about what other people might think.

So what are these guys?

Are they actually straight?

Are they bisexual but don't identify as bisexual?

Are they heteroflexible?

Are some of them simply curious and experimenting?

Or is sexual behavior completely separate from sexual orientation and identity, meaning we shouldn't try to label them at all?

I don't think there's one answer.

And obviously, a man having an experience with another man doesn't automatically make him bisexual. Identity, attraction and behavior aren't always identical.

But I do think there's a bigger issue here:

Honesty.

If you know you're only interested in something temporary, don't give someone the impression that you're looking for a relationship.

If you're questioning your sexuality, that's okay.

If you're bisexual but aren't ready to come out, that's understandable.

If you're only interested in something casual, that's okay too.

Just be honest about what you can actually offer.

Because I think this is one reason dating can be so difficult for gay men. It's already a smaller dating pool, and then you have people who may genuinely be attracted to men but don't want to acknowledge that publicly, don't want a relationship with a man, or only want something secret and temporary.

I don't find men who are 30+ engaging in these subs. Did they all achieve gay nirvana already ? How do I find them and connect with them.

​

Being gay in India itself is pretty hard, people are extremely conservative and the few that are open just desire nothing more than sex, and once I add the layer of my diagnosis it is just lot more worse, stigma around hiv is pretty high, I feel extremely isolated and lonely most the time, honestly reached a point where a part of me is dead and I dont feel joyous anymore.

I keep trying to reach out to people, support groups and even ngos but more often than not they end in disappointment, kind of mental taxing to managing everything at just 22, and the lonliness makes it worse, I genuinely wish I was better looking at least, i am sure then people would care, but sadly I am not even good looking, so that doesnt help, and due to all the stress I am under, I lost a lot of weight, i am just 47 kgs now. I genuinely am so exhausted.

Hello, I’m from the Northeast and I’m 24. I just want to ask something because I’m honestly so confused about what to do with my life.
I’ve always wanted to date only one person. I’ve never been interested in hookups or dating apps. I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt like my body and mind are just not made for that kind of thing. I want something genuine and meaningful with one person.
I recently came out of a really abusive relationship. My ex used to emotionally abuse and blackmail me, and it became so bad that I eventually opened up to my parents about everything. Thankfully, they were really supportive and helped me get through it.
During that whole period, there was this guy who supported me through everything. We were talking throughout one of the hardest phases of my life, and somewhere along the way, after my previous relationship ended, I decided to get into a relationship with him.
And honestly, this guy is a fucking green flag. I’m not even kidding. He worships the ground I walk on. He showers me with love, gifts, trips, attention—everything. On paper, he’s literally everything you could ask for.
But somehow, that has become the problem.
He didn’t receive much love or affection from his family, so I feel like he has made me the centre of his entire universe. He constantly expects love, attention and reassurance from me. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming and suffocating that I feel like I can’t breathe. I have my own life, my own interests and my own space, and sometimes I just feel completely burdened by the amount of emotional dependence he has on me.
He’s also extremely insecure. When I went to Japan in January, I met Kento Yamazaki at a pub. We talked for a while, and I told him I was from India and everything. He complimented me and said I looked really good. That meant a lot to me because he’s someone I’ve seen on screen, and I’ve spent most of my life being told by people around me that I look like a Korean celebrity. Hearing something like that from him obviously felt special.
I casually told my boyfriend about it, and he became so insecure that he stopped talking to me for almost a week.
Then something similar happened recently at my gym in Delhi. There’s this guy who recently participated in one of the biggest reality shows in India. He told me that I looked like a Korean actor from a series he was watching and even asked me if I wanted to collaborate on a video with him. I didn’t say yes. I just told him I’d think about it because, honestly, the first thing that came to my mind was, “This might upset my boyfriend.”
I eventually told my boyfriend about it anyway, and he got angry again.
And that’s when I started questioning everything. Why am I constantly making decisions based on whether something will upset him? Why do I feel like I have to limit myself or avoid certain situations just to keep him from becoming insecure?
Maybe part of his insecurity comes from the fact that, throughout my life, I’ve generally been attracted to mainland Indian guys rather than Northeast guys. And if I’m being completely honest, I’ve always wanted to date someone from mainland India. Maybe Bollywood played a huge role in shaping what I find attractive because I grew up watching so many Bollywood movies and developed this attraction towards certain features.
I’m not saying I’m perfect either. I have anger issues, I have my own flaws, and I know I have things to work on. But I’m genuinely exhausted right now.
Today we had another fight because he keeps calling me every single day, even when I’ve clearly told him that sometimes I need space. It feels like he doesn’t respect my boundaries, and I’m getting to a point where even the love he gives me is starting to feel suffocating.
The weirdest part is that this guy is objectively amazing. He treats me incredibly well, and I know how lucky I am to have someone who loves me this much. But I don’t know if being loved this intensely is enough when I don’t feel free.
All my life, I’ve been the person people chased. And for once, I think I want a relationship where I actually chase the other person too—where I feel that excitement, attraction and desire, instead of constantly feeling like someone is chasing me and I’m trying to keep up.
I don’t know if I’m being ungrateful, if I’m emotionally overwhelmed from my previous relationship, or if I simply don’t feel the same way about him anymore. I genuinely don’t know.
I just know that right now, I feel suffocated, confused and completely lost about what I actually want.