r/Manipulation • u/Ok-Jicama8553 • 4d ago
Relationships MANIPULATION
• is it subjective?
• a matter of perspective?
• is there an objective standard?
• can two people reasonably disagree on whether something is manipulative?
Seeing somebody new — we disagree on what is considered “manipulative”
I’m seeing somebody new, and we’ve been having disagreements about what is considered “manipulative.”
I’m really trying not to become resentful or hold on to any contempt, but I’ve started to feel like he only considers me manipulative when I blatantly call out or vocalize that I feel like he is being manipulative.
I’m not a perfect human, and I, nearly daily, consider that I am surely inconsiderate in many ways, overly sensitive, or contributing to the situation in ways I don’t recognize. But I’ve never felt so disconnected from my own perception of myself and my actions, and it’s been making me question whether I’m seeing the situation clearly?
I’d genuinely like some outside perspectives of what objectively constitutes manipulation versus normal conflict, communication, boundaries, or expressing hurt.
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u/gh0st7496 3d ago
Manipulation is using tactics to override someone else’s autonomy and influence them to get what you want.
For example, I was seeing a guy, told him I wanted a casual situationship because I wasn’t emotionally capable of a relationship. he told me wanted more. Knowing this, I decided to leave to give us both what we wanted. He begged me to stay and said that he was willing to try a situationship. Then he got clingy and started behaving like a boyfriend, wanting exclusivity, sending daily morning texts and just long personal and emotionally intimate interactions. When I had that talk with him again, he changed tactics and used a guilt trip this time. He “accepted” not having a relationship but demanded we stay friends except he would no longer give me all the things he would for a partner, which is absolutely fine, but he was lying and doing these things for virtually everybody, it was clear he was withholding from me and only me as punishment for not giving him what he wanted.
If he was not manipulative and it was just a natural conflict, he had only one option and that was to accept we both wanted different things and accepted a “breakup”. Instead, he decided he was gonna push for an exclusive relationship anyway because that was what he wanted, through whatever ways he deemed necessary even if it meant guilt tripping me to say yes.
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u/but-first-chaos 3d ago
It rarely ever helps to call someone manipulative. They will never admit it because it’s rarely a conscious behavior.
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u/Ok_Sandwich_7869 2d ago
What constitutes manipulation is to desire control. It sounds like he wants to control the narrative of WHO is manipulative. To then call you the manipulative one for bringing up your feelings is gaslighting. Manipulation and control is not a matter of perspective or subjective. Cults brainwash people. Propaganda brainwashes people. Manipulators brainwash people. To gain control. He wants to control you. Your voice, feelings, and concerns should be met with respect, consideration, and accountability.
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u/Next-Crazy-9674 3d ago
Honestly, it sounds like you are being gaslit.