In theory I understand the practice of allowing thoughts and feelings to pass without getting involved and then also the idea that “you are not your thoughts” such as Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul. But if you are not your thoughts or your feelings, what makes up you? How are you to decide certain life choices and experiences in the moment and what voice are you trusting for that? I think I tend to confuse my anxious thoughts with that of an inner voice

Today in meditation, I had the thought that I cannot choose what to focus on.

Yes, it was suggested I focus on my breath. But my eyes are open. So by its own accord, my attention sometimes drifts from my breath to what I see.

And then there’s my body. My stomach hurt today, so my attention often drifted to my pain.

Then there was a fly by my ear. My attention shifted to hear its buzzing.

And then thoughts. They arise seemingly out of nowhere. A Maroon 5 song I haven’t heard in years popped into my head and wouldn’t leave.

I know the point of mindfulness is to simply notice what arises, and in meditation we practice guiding our attention back to whatever we have chosen to focus on, in tonight’s case, my breath.

I think maybe we don’t have any control over what arises. My thoughts appear from something beyond my control, just like the fly, the pain, the whistle of a train.

Maybe what we can control is our reaction to what arises. I can choose to listen to fly to buzz, or I can shoo it away from my ear. I can even choose to swat it dead. Or I can choose to guide my attention back to my breath.

But what do I focus on in every day life? I know the point of mindfulness and meditation is to bring it into everyday life and be present in everything that we do. But how?

Do I focus on my breath even as I do the dishes? Or do I focus on the warmth of the water? The smooth feeling of the plate in my hand? The smell of the soap? The sound of the running water?

In any given moment, there are dozens, if not hundreds of potential stimuli. What often gets our attention is whatever is the most stimulating, maybe the water is very hot, so I focus on it, but then the oven timer beeps loudly and I focus on it.

I don’t understand how to be present when so many stimuli exist. I simply cannot pay attention to all of them at once.

As I write this, I realize that maybe the point is to simply notice whatever stimuli grabs my attention at the time. But where do I bring my attention back to when it drifts?

This line of thinking makes me question free will. I cannot control what stimuli enter my field of perception. I’m not sure I can control what stimuli grabs my attention. Can I control what I do once a stimulus grabs my attention?

Years ago, before I was taught mindfulness by a therapist, I had no little to no awareness of my thoughts and feelings. I would simply react to stimuli.

You might say that once I learned mindfulness, I gained the ability to control my responses instead of simply react. But how did I learn mindfulness?

Just like my thoughts, my feelings, or the fly that buzzes by my ear, it arose from nothingness. I just happened to decide to go to therapy, and the therapist just happened to teach me about mindfulness. I didn’t know it existed to seek it out. It just came to me by its own accord.

Hello!

Lately I've been catching myself get angry the the world so much, that I feel like it's affecting my mental health, and I can't do anything with it, and I don't know how to address it either. What should I do?

Recently (the past 1-2 weeks) I’ve been practicing mindfulness. During the first week I found a sense of bliss. My days felt better every moment of the day. For context I was having serve anxiety prior to this and having many issues with my mom. Since adopting mindfulness I’ve chose to allow myself to let got a lot of the issues I have with and allow myself to open up and present love to her. My anxiety has become a lot more manageable and I’m finding that I’m more productive.

With that being said I’ve recently only find that my day is good at the end when I’m journaling. During the day when I have moments of anxiety or anger or self doubt i am able to remind myself that these are not reflections of me and are only things that I am observing. It helps in the moment but that extreme happy feeling is not there anymore. With that my days feel less better until I reflect on how I put my knowledge into practice

I guess my question is, is this part of the journey or is there something I could be doing to remember that my day is good during the day? Hopefully this makes sense 😭

How do you define mindfulness? I always have stream of thoughts in the background. Like I am typing this post and around the same time some other related or unrelated thoughts come to my mind. It can be some song also that I might have listened in last few days. The point is I am not fully present in the moment most of the time.

I wouldn't call it anxiety. I do worry about things present and future every once in a while, but I guess that's normal. I don't lose sleep for that. But I do lose sleep due to continuous stream of thoughts.

Is mindfulness related to this and is there a remedy to this? Should I see a doctor? Or can meditation help? I have attempted meditation but because I can't focus on the present for more than a minute, I feel like I am not meditating and that's frustrating.

I was thinking about Interstellar recently.

There’s that part where time passes differently depending on where you are.

Obviously I've never experienced anything like that.

But after moving to a city for work, I started feeling something vaguely similar.

Not that time was actually different.

People were.

Everyone seemed to be in a hurry.

Walking fast. Talking fast. Eating fast. Working fast.

Even conversations felt rushed. Someone asks you something and you feel like you need to answer before you've finished thinking.

I started wondering why.

How did being fast become a sign that you're productive?

I don't think anyone decided this. We just absorbed it.

Look at how success gets packaged now.

90-day body transformation.

100 days to learn Japanese.

60 days from beginner to advanced.

Billionaire at 23.

Youngest world champion.

Forbes 30 Under 30.

We don't just celebrate what someone achieved. We celebrate how early they achieved it.

Time gets added to the achievement.

And I noticed I do the same thing to myself.

Instead of asking, “Am I moving toward what I want?”

I ask, “Can I get there in a year?”

A deadline can be useful. But somewhere along the way, motivation can turn into pressure.

You see someone doing something incredible at 23 and suddenly your own life feels late.

Every Five empty minutes feels like something I should fill.

But Darwin had his walking path at Down House. He used it regularly to think, while the work that became On the Origin of Species developed over many years.

Rowling has also talked about getting the initial Harry Potter idea during a delayed train journey.

I'm not saying boredom creates genius.

But maybe not every useful hour looks productive.

There’s a paradox.

Working more hours can actually reduce productivity. stanford research found that after around 48 hours of work per week, each extra hour produces less output.

And taking a break can help creativity. research shows that boredom and mind-wandering can sometimes help us think of new ideas.

Maybe doing nothing isn't always a waste of time.

Some things take years. Some ideas need space. Some progress is invisible.

I'm still trying to remember that.

I want to move toward my goals.

Just not because everyone around me is running.

Hey everyone,
I honestly need some perspective, and I don't really know where else to turn.

I made a few choices a while back that sent my life spinning in a direction I never saw coming. Now, I am stuck on a loop, constantly replaying the exact moments that brought me here.

I failed at something that mattered more than anything else. That single failure knocked the dominoes down, and everything spiraled out of control faster than I could catch it. I should have worked harder.

After that, I tried.I crammed so much information into my head, understood it, tried to apply it, and still failed again and again. Three years later, I thought I finally had a shot to fix it, to make it right. And it fell apart again. The worst part is knowing I didn't even give it my absolute best when it counted most.

You only get so many chances to keep things from falling apart, and I feel like I missed mine.

It is so hard to stop looking backward. The mental noise. I look at missed opportunities, failed relationships, moments of pure laziness, and all the time I wasted procrastinating. I compare myself to others, which i never did before.

I am twenty-seven. I don’t have much support rather other people need my support. I desperately want to build something new, but I don't know how. How do I stop looking at what could have been and actually live in the room I am standing in right now? I was so close to a different life, and some days, it feels like I am not even really here anymore.

I'm by no means experienced with mindfulness or Buddhism (I've only been reading about them for a relatively short time), so if I'm misunderstanding something fundamental, please correct me. That being said, I've recently noticed something about the way I approach life that I can't quite figure out.

I tend to approach a lot of things through logic rather than actually feeling or wanting them. For example, with work, I know I want to change careers because I could move into something I actually enjoy, improve my skills, earn better, and eventually have more time for projects I've put aside. In this case, I feel like thinking rationally is actually helping me.

But I notice that I can take the same way of thinking too far. I've been trying to let go of some of my ego and self-expectations because I want to be less hard on myself, be more comfortable learning, and work better without obsessing over details that nobody will notice. Sometimes I spend way too long on something simply because I feel like I need to satisfy myself with the result, even when it doesn't really matter.

I notice something similar with relationships. Sometimes I avoid them because I think about how much time they would take away from other things I could be doing. I don't really feel much pride in things either, because I worry that pride can prevent me from seeing other perspectives.

None of these thoughts seem completely unreasonable on their own, which is what makes this difficult for me. Sometimes logic seems to help me improve my life, while other times it seems to make me more detached from it.

Most of the time I feel somewhat indifferent or dissatisfied. But every once in a while, something very specific makes me genuinely excited, and those moments make me realize that I do want to care more. I want to enjoy the present, create relationships instead of avoiding them, get excited about things, miss people, and do things because I actually want to do them rather than because I've decided they're logically useful.

I don't want to stop thinking or become irresponsible. I just don't want logic to be the only thing guiding my life.

So I'm wondering: how do you tell the difference between using reason to improve your life and using it to avoid actually living it? And for those who practice mindfulness, is this something mindfulness can help with?

Hey everybody.

So I consider putting my money where my mouth is and pursuing enlightening practices not just in my free time.

One of the most accepted and studied methods is MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) as proposed by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Are any of you already familiar with the program or even pursue it as a "career path"?

To be honest I tried to just "chop wood and carry water" as always but it seems shallow.

As you might remember I also came up with my own method of moving meditation called Yopada (or Yoga Parkour Dance) among others.

I even created moving meditations for particular heavy emotions like fear, grief, anger, apathy etc.

Yet it seems that I could be more helpful by spreading already widely adopted methodology than reinventing the wheel myself.

Any advice, encouragement or suggestions?

Currently I'm reading Full Catastrophe Living (or Healthy Through Meditation as the German title translates literally) by Jon yet it's a hard read.

I am by all means new to mediation (I've been doing it less than a month), so if I say something revealing a profound misunderstanding, please correct me. That being said, one main benefit I have already noticed from mediation is refined decision making skills. When I throw on my nose canceling headphones and focus solely on my breath, my mind wanders (as I've been told it could/should), and I acknowledge these thoughts that enter, sometimes choosing to linger a little extra long on the important stuff. In between grounding myself, reattaching focus towards my breath, I feel as though I can make more informed, mature, and grounded decisions.

This, I feel might be both a benefit and a problem for me (the benefit is clear, I will instead outline the problem). I have issues with focus. Not ADHD severe, but still severe. I find myself attempting to "meditate" in certain every day tasks—this action itself is \*partially\* a choice I make when it occurs, and not necessary, so keep that in mind. When I do this (effectively replacing the breathing aspect of meditation practice with a simple, everyday task), I notice my mind wandering moreso than it normally would; I feel as though I am essentially conditioning myself to having my thoughts flow freely, drifting my attention and focus away from the task at hand. I find myself having to consciously center myself back towards the task as I do with breathing. It seems like I am regressing in one of the flagship purposes of meditation.

Answer as many/as little as you'd like, but my questions are as follows: is this counterintuitive? Should I amend this/how could I amend this? Do I just avoid meditation in my everyday life outside of the meditation cushion?

I used to journal a lot when I was younger. Now I make posts on Reddit. I’m writing about the same kinds of things, but now I just post them to some forum instead of writing a journal. I’ve been trying to better my life, and heal my nervous system, and everyone always recommends journaling. I’m assuming that these venting Reddit posts probably somehow cancel out whatever benefits there are of the journaling, but what I’m struggling with is exactly why/how. I never get bullied for what I post, it’s always either no replies at all, or sympathy/empathy. It feels like chronic Reddit posting is something decidedly unhealthy, and journaling is decidedly healthy, but the text I’m writing writing is the same either way, it’s just whether or not I hit post. I’m wondering if anyone has any insights into how these might be psychologically different and how it could impact the mental health benefits one way or the other. Hopefully this is an okay sub to ask this in.

Hi! I wonder how you manage to practice mindfulness exercises in public areas, such as transportation and restaurants. I'd love to get some tips from you. I try my best to do Headspace sessions every day but can't. When it comes to doing it without guidance and also in public, it can be tough for me.

I've always been a chubby girl. Now at 22, I’m genuinely fat. I know I can change that. My problem has always been that I start, stop, start again, and can never maintain consistency.

I've avoided things because I know my body will show. I've worried that when I meet someone new, one of the first things they'll notice is how fat I am. And even completely casual comments hurt me. Someone saying “take the stairs instead”, “maybe eat less”, “you should walk more” etc. might mean absolutely nothing to them, but I remember it.

Today my older brother said something that hurt me again... He was arguing with my parents about a marriage proposal. I wasn't even in the room. Then I heard him say that even though I'm smart n hv talents, people will reject me for marriage/relationship in the future because I'm fat.
He said it while angry. Later he felt guilty, apologized and said he wouldn't say it again. But I still completely lost it.

I couldn't even properly insult him back or explain why it hurt. My mum knows me well enough to realize immediately that I was about to break down. And this is the part I hate most. Why can't I fucking stand up for myself? Why do I always cry? Why does my voice shake? Why do my eyes immediately fill with tears? Why does my brain go completely blank when someone says something that hits an insecurity?

I've always been the “good girl”. Good grades, polite, trying to make my parents proud. I've always tried to make people like me. I don't point out people's physical flaws because I know how horrible it feels when someone does that to you. But I also feel like I've become a massive people pleaser. And now I'm unemployed too. I graduated a few months ago and I'm sitting at home while everyone my age seems to be moving forward. So I already feel like shit about myself.

Sometimes I genuinely think: what am I even worth? I got no body like those pretty girl, no social life...and no job. My mum told me today that I need to become stronger because real life is going to be much harsher. She said I can't cry every time someone says something hurtful. I need to learn to stand up for myself.

I KNOW she's right. But how the hell do I actually do that? I just want to be able to say “don't talk to me like that” without immediately crying. I want to be able to handle criticism without feeling like my entire identity has been attacked.

I want to stop being so fucking sensitive. I want to be able to meet people without constantly thinking about whether they're judging my body. I want to stop letting the things I'm most insecure about overpower everything I'm actually good at.

Why am I like this? What is this even called? And if you were this sensitive, emotional, insecure and unable to handle confrontation, how did you actually become stronger?

2 years ago I found out about NoFAP and since then I've kind of been practicing it and seeing changes. I used to do it every day, while watching porn as I was exposed to it at a very young age. I want to believe I've fully quit porn, as I have watched it once in the last 4 months and I remember how disgusted I felt. Last year I went on a 50day streak, then I relapsed and since then I have gone on multiple smaller streaks. There's so much progress I have done, but still... Even if I masturbate after abstaining for 15 days, there is this guilt feeling. I'm trying to let go of this idea about streaks, because I think it's very unnecessary. The thing that bothers me is how my brain is still trying to get me to watch porn some days and then trying to convince me to masturbate to get rid of the thoughts. It's not that I want to do it by myself, it comes as this pressure from my mind and I have no idea how to deal with it.

Every hobby brings stress. Gaming, movies, having friends. I want to be able to sit in bed watching videos and be happy but it gets boring. After a year I was able to adresssed the root cause of my anxiety with gaming and fixed it. Within a day it latched onto something else related. Its not fixable its always going to do it and its not something I can just acknowledge and accept, its preventing me from doing any hobby.

I want to know how do you find joy in just laying around?

For a long time, every difficult thought felt like something I had to solve immediately. If I couldn't sleep, I tried harder. If I felt anxious, I analyzed it. If my mind started racing, I argued with every thought. Looking back, I think I spent more energy fighting my mind than actually listening to it. I'm still figuring it out, but realizing that was a pretty big shift for me. Has anyone else had a moment where they noticed how exhausting that internal battle had become?

I feel like my life has just been declining every year and I try to stay positive but my environment is so toxic, and I'm not able to move or change the negative people around me because of some current situations. Like everyone is so rude and it genuinely pisses me off and sometimes even looking at someone having fun can rub me the wrong way. I know I'm not supposed to take it to heart and whatnot but its just so hard when it happens EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Thoughts?

I've recently deepened my skill of mindfulness by watching certain ASMR videos recently. I originally researched them for my mother, who has Alzheimer's. I'd been encouraged to seek out various stimuli for her, especially if it involves memories or familiar tasks.

I landed on a series of ASMR videos of people creating art, completing crafts, doing simple chores and tasks. There are so many, such as washing dishes, folding laundry, making a terrarium, creating a clay pot, etc. They were incredibly beautiful. I'm focusing on the ones with the description "no talking" because the ASMR whispering doesn't serve the purpose I'm seeking. Just the auditory/visual/tactile sensations of the tasks themselves.

These recordings are done with such lovely intention and reverence. The attention to details of stimuli that surrounds us each and every moment is incredible. I highly encourage you to seek these out. It has deepened my awareness to a whole other level.

You may want to avoid the ASMR videos that are not of people completing an actual task. Some are of someone creating sensation experiences using a seemingly random collection of objects. I'm confident they serve a purpose for some. But the videos of people doing real world tasks with everyday items or tools are what will most likely help develop a deeper awareness of the beauty that surrounds us each day.

I used to think growth meant rushing forward, ticking off goals as fast as possible. But today, while watching the sunlight slowly shift across my plants, I realized something else.

Plants don’t rush to grow. They just quietly soak in the light, stretch at their own pace, and let time do its work.

They don't force blooms before their season.

Sometimes, we just need to pause, stand in our own patch of sunlight, and let ourselves simply exist without the pressure of rushing.

How do you remind yourself to slow down and just breathe on heavy days?

Today i take a break and follow my routine cuz i need to give my self balance and it bring me more energy and creativity for handling things like swimming or any conflict that pop up, so who is on this spot, maybe you can sahre your experience how you manage it, so maybe we can lern something from it.

I try hard to do good healthy things for myself, like going on a walk every morning, eating healthy-ish foods, journaling, yoga, ect ect. And I jsut recently these past two weeks have been trying to go on runs. but I never feel like it’s enough. If I go on a run and it’s only for 10 minutes I’m like wow only ten minutes? I need to get it together. Ect. I just Dont know how to stop doing that because they aren’t thoughts I’m controlling they just happen. I know that any run at all is a good thing, because three weeks ago the amount of runs I went on was 0. So even if it’s 10 minutes at least I got up and did something right. But I can’t help but constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough and I suck. How do you guys handle this?

I used to think mindfulness meant becoming calm, especially when life felt difficult.

Lately, I’ve started seeing it differently. Sometimes mindfulness is simply noticing that I’m becoming frustrated, anxious, or overwhelmed without immediately reacting to it.

The situation may not change, but that small moment of awareness can change how I meet it.

I’m curious how others experience this. What does mindfulness look like for you when you’re having a genuinely difficult day?

I battled with clinical depression for 2 years. Since then, I’ve felt off, like a shell of the happy deeply empathetic person I used to be. I’m diagnosed with ADHD and OCD and I’m exhausted. I think my way of coping has been to fully detach from myself and my emotions. It’s like life is two dimensional and I’m watching it happen. And I feel completely disconnected from who I know I really am/those around me. I’m honestly incredibly lost.

I’m in therapy and putting in a lot of work to get better. I also know a lot of this will need to be dealt with in therapy/with a professional. But, I was wondering if there’s anything I can be doing myself?
I currently have no hobbies or passions, would this help? But I also don’t really know myself/what I like/enjoy anymore, so would this just be unhelpful and trying to be someone I’m not? Whatever it is, I’m willing to try. Whether it’s specific meditations/scientifically proven habits and so on. I would really appreciate any insight/help. Thank you 🫶🏻

Not a breathing exercise or a sit — just noticing one small, specific good thing each day and writing it down in a single line. Something like "the light through the window this morning" rather than a general "I'm grateful for today."

It's turned into a small attention practice more than a productivity habit, and it's the one thing that's actually held for two weeks straight. Curious if anyone else here does something like this as a lighter alternative to formal meditation, and how it's held up over time.