Am I sick enough?
Are my boobs still as sore as they were yesterday/last week?
Am I sleeping too well?
Are my symptoms ramping up like they should at this stage?
I feel good today…did I lose this one, too?

Today is the due date for the baby I lost in February. I feel so alone. I felt like I needed to put their existence out into the world somewhere, so I guess that lead me here. I waited so long for that baby, and here I am waiting again. I’m scared. Even still…I want the baby I was suppose to have in my arms today.

I know pockets of peace are hard to come by, but I hope you’re all able to find some in your days.

Besides my anger at God, which is a whole other post, there are at least three pregnant moms in my church right now, one due right around my due date.

They also all recovered from their previous pregnancies remarkably quickly. Meanwhile I’m still 40lbs heavier, exhausted, ugly. And on top of a gross body, it’s a body that lost two babies.

Not to mention the families of 3, 4, 5 children. No issues.

On top of that, there’s a strongggg crunchy culture in our community, and our church is no exception. Bullshit about all natural products, superiority around food, clothing, and traditional medicine, etc… I am nauseated by it. YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT ALIVE AND HEALTHY BECAUSE YOU WERE PERFECT IN YOUR CRUNCHY RITUALS. I DID NOT MISCARRY BECAUSE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. No one says this stuff outright, but their conversations ooze with it. And their cliques that I’m literally kept out of (like, backs physically turned to me and not allowing me into the conversation) tell me they believe it.

I told my husband I’m going to start attending a different church by myself, or just stay home. I don’t want to lose my faith, however much it may already be lost. But I’m so angry being among these women. My hatred for what they believe about themselves and disgust that they have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about or what loss feels like makes every Sunday a huge emotional drain. They gross me out. They’re a physical manifestation of my internal shame. It’s not worth the toll each week.

End of my vent.

We just found out this morning that our identical twin baby boys are no longer viable. It’s been a rough 20 hours. Yesterday at our regular OB appointment the OB was using a handheld ultrasound, and saw one twin but couldn’t see the other. Ofc the ultrasound techs were gone by time this was happening, so we had to go home and come back today. Last night was hard enough to not spiral but we thought we just had one baby in question. Then this morning we had our scan, I saw the tech measure two babies but she was quiet and her demeanor definitely changed. I knew something was wrong. We then had to wait an hour and a half, which seemed like eternity, to meet with the dr. She came in and told us both babies were no longer viable.

I am heartbroken and sad and frustrated. This was a pgta tested embryo, I know things can still happen but it was a lower risk twin pregnancy.
We found out at 7w3d that both babies had strong heart beats and growing perfectly. We were in absolute shock! We have a 15m old and never imagined our life with 3 boys, we are almost 40. But we were so excited and I was dreaming about a life with 3 boys. Ive said forever, when I thought i would have kids younger in life, that I dreamed of 3 boys. I told our ultrasound tech the day we found and she said you manifested this! It all seemed too perfect.
I feel like its a double hit, the family of 5 life we started to get so excited for will no longer happen (we don’t have enough embryos left, and I’d be early 40s if not mid 40s by then). Twins are so rare, I’m grieving the actual babies and the life we imagined. Why give us twins to have them both taken away?
I also feel like I’m grieving more than my husband? I guess that’s normal? It’s also hard to tell, bc he has been great and taking care of our 15month old all day since I’ve been in bed crying. But it’s hard to hear them downstairs laughing, but I guess he’s just being a great dad? Idk, idk how to process all of this.

A bit of context:

My first ever pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 7w and 5 days. I never got a first scan with a heartbeat to listen to, or even had a doctor’s appointment to discuss a pregnancy plan.

I ended up miscarrying back in October 2024, even though it has almost been two years I’m still struggling to this day.

I have my ups and downs where I think I’ve finally moved past the worst of it but no matter what I always end up having episodes where I just breakdown and feel like I’m drowning.

It seems like since the miscarriage everyone I have known is getting pregnant and having babies left and right. Sometimes I feel fine knowing other people are pregnant but other times I just feel so envious and angry at the fact that mine failed. I’m still happy for them but I just can’t seem to push past feeling alone.

It feels like a part of me died that day but it was a part of me I hadn’t even known had existed. Children weren’t something I had ever wanted. I was known as the person who was going to grow old with cats and dogs, but now I don’t know who I am anymore.

I feel like I’m failing as a partner and a person. I just feel lost.

Has anyone else felt like this? What’s helped you move past it or at least what has helped you feel better?

i’ve muted this subreddit, and i have been working hard to recover mentally. it’s been 9 weeks since my surgery and it’s been very hard. but the last few weeks have been easier. i’ve been happier. but i got my second period this week, and now im crying again. this time the pain feels temporary. i know ill be better by tomorrow. but right now, im gonna cry for my baby. i just needed to tell someone they would’ve been 19 weeks and that i cared about them.

Hi guys,

Just wanted to vent and ask how you all coped with this. I’ve had a complicated and short first pregnancy- I kind of dreaded from the start that it would end in loss as I bled on and off since 4 weeks and just felt something was wrong.

At 6 weeks the miscarriage finally happened, it’s still ongoing and I honestly thought I was ok- it felt like I’d already grieved, I never really expected this pregnancy to result in a healthy baby because of all the problems. But then I saw my Flo app and saw all the days I was pregnant it was like it hit me all at once. I just feel really sick and sad- I just want to do something to fix it but I can’t.

I’m so scared of this happening again, any advice on how to cope would be appreciated. I’ve taken time off work but I’m torn with wanting to move on and try again as soon as possible and letting myself feel the grief. I’m just scared I won’t get through it for some reason.

When did you start trying? How long did it take to become successful if you were?
I had a miscarriage in 2018, a successful pregnancy in 2022 and just had a missed miscarriage with a d&c yesterday. 😕

Not bleeding today but the cramping is there. We are wanting to try again as soon as possible. A lot of people say to wait a cycle, two weeks etc and I understand the risk of infection. But just wanted to ask other people’s experiences. Thank you.

I miscarried a baby girl a few weeks ago. I was 8 weeks pregnant. I told her over text about it and this is what she said to me. Mind you she has nowhere to live so I’ve been letting her stay in my basement for the past few months.

Grandma: “Everything ok?”

Me: “not really I had a miscarriage. found out it was a girl then lost the baby a day later. But I’ll be alright”

Grandma: “When?”

Me: “3 weeks ago”

Grandma: “Well you best think about it before it happens again. You sure you want to be attached to him forever?”

I didn’t respond I was so mad. She keeps texting and calling me and I’m not answering. Am I overreacting? She was wrong for what she said right??

I posted in here before about my fall semester starting. Im on day 2, but I don’t think I’m gonna be able to power through it. On day 1- I cry on the bus before class, I get to class and a dude with the same name I picked out for my baby, sits right next to me. My body just feels so heavy and tired. I don’t want to talk to others.

All last night I kept waking up and having crying fits.

Day 2- I wasn’t going to go but my husband convinced me and gave me a ride to school, I cried on the way there. The class wasn’t bad, the professor seems very nice. But my body still feels heavy.

I called my healthcare provider to set up a therapy appointment because I don’t know what to do with myself. Part of the routine questions they ask is “Are you pregnant? When was your last period?” That immediately made me start crying, and the poor lady on the phone immediately connected me with one of the mental health social workers.

I’ve had a headache for the past 4 days. I don’t want to keep going to class. I want my baby back.

I feel weird returning to some of the same medical providers and stuff and having to detail that I had a second loss, like my pcp, acupuncturist, endocrinologist, professionals you don’t see a lot.

I just feel embarrassed and ashamed and don’t want to have to keep seeing all of the same providers saying I am still not pregnant and miscarried again. Did anyone start over elsewhere?

This is my first pregnancy. Every scan since week 5 has been *slightly* behind. And now the baby's heartbeat has slowed and fetal growth is not as expected. Doctor thinks it is an impending MC, but since the HB is holding on, we can't call it. No one has answers, it's just wait and see. I don't want to wait, I want it to be over if it's going to be over. I keep getting pulled towards hope since there's still a little growth and a little HB, but it seems like the writing is on the wall. I don't want to be tricked into thinking everything is ok only to be blindsided. I feel nauseated and tired and emotionally exhausted. I resent that my body still feels pregnant while I have to process the end of the embryo's development and prepare myself for all the discomfort I have to endure to pass its tissue.

I don't know what to do with this sadness.

I had a positive result July 16th, my partner and I were so scared but excited. I was thinking about everything after pregnancy, this was my first and I’ve never been good with kids, I’m just awkward. We told close friends and his parents, booked an appointment and I was 6 weeks 3 days at my first ultrasound.

Everything looked perfect that first appointment, baby was there, 117bpm, took home our first ultrasound pictures that are now safely stored away. We scheduled our next appointment 3 weeks out.

I thought baby was still with me the whole time I was waiting for this appointment, I was singing to them, rubbing my “non existent” bump and my partner and I were realizing, this is happening! for real!

I was bleeding for about a week before the appointment and I was convinced it was due to my partner and I celebrating our 6 year anniversary but I kept telling myself a little spotting is nothing to worry about- I have an upcoming appointment.

We go to the appointment and I’m somewhat filled with dread, I have a feeling somethings not right- I haven’t been feeling right the last week. It takes us 30 minutes to get back to our appointment, they check and no heartbeat or growth, my OB wasn’t there yet so she called any available and it took even longer waiting for them to come and tell us it was going to be an unsuccessful pregnancy. Baby stopped growing at 6 weeks 6 days- 3 days after that first appointment. I just couldn’t believe it, my partner was in tears- the ultrasound tech, she was so unbelievably compassionate during the entire process.

We talk to the doctor and he explains everything, the reasoning behind it and next options- I chose the pills but ended up needing my blood drawn to find out I’m O- and got the Rhogam shot. I took my pills after that next appointment and my sister was there supporting me.

8/28 I was in so much pain; I was cramping, sweating, shaking- I was scared I’d get sick and then baby finally passed and there was instant relief but not in my heart I couldn’t even look I was so out of it. I keep thinking of that moment and regret it, I don’t even know what I should have done to preserve them, but I wish I did.

Now a couple days later, I’ve been cramping non stop in my abdomen and back- it’s hard to sleep, still bleeding and I feel like a part of me is missing, I cried so hard the last few nights and finally wrote in my journal what I’ve been thinking since the event.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I think my entire world has changed and I need to recenter myself in the coming months of healing.

This is my 4th mc this year. 7th in total. First one this year I needed medical intervention because the first 3 happened in their own and were only roughly 5 weeks. This one I went for an US at what should have been 6+6. No FP. Went back 12 days later no growth. Decided D&C would be the easiest emotionally. Scheduled it then found out our out of pocket was $4500 and that wanted half before the procedure or wouldn’t do it. Decided to try miso. Did FIVE rounds of miso. Finally passed what I thought to be the pregnancy tissue. Go back for a follow up scan today.. still have a ton of retained tissue and need a D&C anyways. I feel so stupid. My husband and mom already took off for what he thought was going to be the D&C but then I changed to try to miso. Now they both have to take off again (need my mom to watch our other children) and I just feel like such a burden physically, emotionally and financially. I feel so defeated

I had my first pregnancy in June. I found out about my missed miscarriage in the beginning of August.

I took a couple days off when I found out and had a pre-booked week off a week after that… otherwise I have been working since, but the quality of my work is suffering. I’m still bursting into tears throughout my days.

Has anyone ever taken a leave from work weeks after finding out? Is this even a reasonable response? I have a counsellor and my husband is supportive, but I just can’t seem to get over this.

I feel like I’ve tried- but just can’t manage life right now.

I’m not sure what to do and if anyone has experienced this before. I’d love some advice on steps to take forward..

Last month we conceived, but it ended in a chemical pregnancy. HCG was 19, Progesterone was 11.5.

This month, we conceived, but it’s also ending in a chemical. HCG is 19, progesterone 17.5 on 200mg of oral progesterone. Continuing to decline.

Where do I start?? I can clearly get pregnant, but it’s not sticking. I’m meeting with my OB tomorrow, but I have a feeling they’ll just refer me to a fertility specialist.

Im supposed to be 5 weeks by LMP but I’ve had vaginal bleeding since the day I got a positive pregnancy test (<1wk ago) and I went to the ED and was told it’s a possible chemical pregnancy or ectopic and I should see my HCG decreasing, I went to the ED again 2 days later to follow up and my HCG went up from 8 —> 10. I was told possible threatened miscarriage or ectopic and that I’m too early to see anything on a US. Has anyone had a similar experience ?? This is my first pregnancy and just want some answers ): feeling very hopeless and sad, nonstop crying for a few days now

Anyone else just jaded at this point??

This is my fifth loss and I just knew it when I went in for a scan. I was actually expecting it two scans ago but low and behold there were strong heartbeats, good betas, everything was progressing as it should. Yet I couldn’t get myself to believe everything was ok and yesterday confirmed it. Despite us seeing a strong heartbeat last week and growth, it’s another loss. All my losses haven’t made it past the 7 week mark so this was the 7 week scan, so I mentally played out how it would go.

The doctor even proposed options but said I didn’t have to decide right then. And I immediately said yes D&C book me asap with zero emotion. I felt like a robot meanwhile my husband was very emotional in the room.

I just kept thinking why would this one work out? Of course it’s going to be another miscarriage.

I didn’t even cry until much later. I feel terrible and just so jaded. My family reached out to check in and I laughed when they asked and just responded another loss, no heartbeat. What’s new. I cope with some dark humor and hard to find real hope in the midst of losses.

What helps you move forward after so many losses?

I’m just tired.

I went through a MMC three weeks ago. Our baby unfortunately stopped growing at 6 weeks. We've talked about it with our parents and I told some people at work for practical reasons. And now I don't know. Part of me wants to talk about it with a close friend, another part of me doesn't see the point of it. I'm pretty sure these friends have not experienced this themselves, so then I tell them and then what? I am not looking for pity and I also don't feel like reliving it more times. But still a part of me whispers "but wouldn't it be nice if they knew what you are going through?". And my last argument against telling people: then they would know that we are trying, and I don't need people asking about that, especially in case it will take a while to conceive again... I know this sounds like there are many more arguments against than in favour, but a certain feeling keeps lingering if I shouldn't just trust one person and it might be really nice.

TLDR; who did you tell about your MC, how did you decide and how did that work out for you?