One thing that worries me more than anything else is the possibility of being forcibly recruited by the military.
The situation in Myanmar keeps getting worse, and as an 17-year-old male, I can't stop thinking about what could happen when I become eligible for conscription. I've heard about drafting letters being sent to young men, and the thought of being taken away from my family against my will genuinely terrifies me.
What scares me most isn't even just being recruited. It's what could happen afterward. Being sent away from my family, given a weapon, and forced to fight in a war I never chose. I've heard countless stories about conscripts being sent to the front lines and being put in extremely dangerous situations. There is no guarantee that I'd even survive.
Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about it.
What am I supposed to do if they actually come for me? If I run, they have guns and could kill me on the spot. If I don't run, I could be taken away and potentially sent to the battlefield. Neither choice feels safe. And knowing that I might eventually have to make that choice is terrifying.
I also can't help feeling angry when I see the children of Myanmar's generals living normal lives.
We're the same age. While I'm worrying about whether I could be kidnapped by their elders and forced into a war where I could die, they can worry about what they're having for dinner tonight or what they're doing this weekend.
I know their children aren't necessarily responsible for what their parents do, but it's incredibly difficult not to feel bitter about it. They get to live the normal teenage lives that people like me are afraid we might lose.
I don't want to fight. I don't want to kill anyone. I don't want to be part of a war.
I just want to be a normal teenager. I want to finish my education, work hard in my twenties, build a future, stay with my family, and live my own life.
Instead, I'm scared that when I turn 18, someone with a gun could decide that my future belongs to them.
I don't really talk about this with anyone because I'm scared. I don't know what is going to happen to me, and that uncertainty is what keeps me up at night.
If I had one wish, it would honestly be that I had never been born into a country where a teenager has to worry about something like this. I don't have anything against generals' children. This is just a vent post.
Note: I used Ai for the clarity of the message and AGAIN I DON'T have anything against generals' children.